I have been dating a Vietnamese woman; we are both in our 30s .I don't know a lot about Vietnamese customs; there are not so many of them living in this area.
Last week when I was talking with her I patted her rear in front of her mother. This may not seem like such an awful thing but her mother got very angry and slapped her for being 'bad'.Talking with other people I understand now that in their culture that would not be unexpected! They slap their kids even at her age in front of their siblings and even in front of this woman's 3 year old daughter.
So as you can guess she's pretty mad at me.
OK now I know.
She is familiar with GirlsAskGuys and asked me to write in to you for your opinion.
I know this is hard for a non-Vietnamese to answer but she asked me to ask you and the least I can do is go through with that given the trouble I have caused her in her family.
Update: She hopes for answers from Guys and Girls.
5 months ago
Update: This morning in front of her family she slapped me exactly 24 times after I apologized. They were not hard slaps, they were just like what she got from her mom.
Fasinating story. I think you should have gotten more slaps than that. It was an awful thing to do. I spanked a guy really hard for that just a couple of months ago. I mean REALLY spanked him, no fooling around. It must have hurt for days.
You sound very angry, but I suppose you're right...whatever she decides to do.....I probably deserve all that actually. But she's so nice, I won't get THAT many slaps I hope! - 5 months ago
Question Asker
As it turned out she was serious about the slaps!!! - 5 months ago
I think you should give her some options and leave it up to her. I recently was spanked by a woman for similar behavior and it has improved our friendship, actually! Maybe you should offer that as one option! Certainly the previous answer was correct in terms of how this is viewed in many Asian cultures.
Good luck and I hope you don't wind up in the same position I was in. Over her knees.
I've heard that some Vietnamese women, small and mild mannered as they are, are inclined to just that sort of thing. But I don't think I'll mention it to her, all the same, she might think I was trying to make a joke of the situation. - 5 months ago
Question Asker
You know, she brought this up herself and is still considering possibly taking me over her knees.
Thanks for the warning on that. It looks like she won't after all but it could have happened. - 5 months ago
Well truth be told, that's not something you should be doing in front of anyone's mother. I view a trip to the parents as a PDA situation. For me, public display's of affection is minimized to hand holding for the most part.
Now, from the view point of Asian culture, that's very unbecoming of a lady. Those sorts of things are viewed as signs that people are having sex, and in her culture she shouldn't be until she is married. Any Asian culture is going to have this issue.
You should apologize profusely to your girlfriend and offer to apologize to her parents. She'll be able to tell you if that's necessary.
Well I think this will work out. I will have to write an apology and probably be slapped. But it could have been worse.
Never too old to learn.
Thank you for your time and input - 5 months ago
Answerer
Well, even though I have an understanding of Asian culture, what I'd like to know is why is physical abuse necessary here?
Other than defending yourself from attack, I don't believe any relationship needs to be predicated on abuse no matter the reasoning. - 5 months ago
Question Asker
I'm Italian, what do I really know about Asian culture? Actually she says the slaps are more ritualized, not designed to actually hurt someone, just as one her mother slapped her..it was not trying to hurt her, just embarrass her in front of her family. At least that's what I seem to understand, I could be wrong. Obviously I have a lot to learn in general.
Thanks, your comments help me to clarify my thinking - 5 months ago
Answerer
I still don't get the significance of slaps. And since I have many friends who are of Asian heritage, I find it difficult to believe this is culture specific. - 5 months ago
My understanding, and I'm not an expert, is that ritual slapping in front of the family is a fairly common punishment among traditional people inChina and also in Vietnam. Probably in more 'modern' families this doesn't happen as much...Certainly you can get slapped in ANY culture but as a ritual it's Asian. - 5 months ago
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