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Am I Wrong?

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Anonymous User (Age:25 to 29)     When: More than a year ago
Views: 39     Category: Relationships

I been having problems with my son's father. I can't stand to have a conversation with him because I cannot get his point of view. I think we have become two different people over the years. My cousin's
birthday is coming up and she wants everyone to go out clubbing. I don't want my boyfriend to go because he gets clingy and insecure if another guy talks to me or tries to dance with me. Am I wrong for not wanting him to go?


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drstms
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drstms      When: More than a year ago
It is never wrong to enjoy yourself. However, it is wrong for him to get clingy, etc. Whenever he feels insecure because someone else is looking at you, so you have to choose whether you want to enjoy yourself, or be miserable. The fact is, there is a lot more to this question than you have stated. It is apparent that you do not have a healthy, long term relationship. That would require a better understanding of what one is. A healthy long term relationship is more than 20% physical (appearance, affection, sex, etc.). It also includes around 25% emotional risk, trust, intimacy and investment and around 25% mental risk, trust, intimacy, investment and commitment. However, the most important aspect of a long term relationship, making up more than 30%, is spiritual. Spiritual risk means allowing someone else to reach that level of you where your identity is no longer protecting the real you. It requires trust at levels that leave you absolutely vulnerable to another person, or God Himself, with no protective mechanisms or barriers in the way. It requires intimacy between your spirit and the spirit, or Spirit, you seek intimacy with. It requires the investment of everything you have decided, developed, and learned to utilize to protect, and identify, yourself, in a relationship that will redefine you into the person you were meant to be.

I would talk to your boyfriend and let him know that love does not force itself on anyone. It pursues you until you recognize its desire is not to hurt, but to heal, affirm and develop the real you. It allows pain at times in order to peel away the layers of identity that don't belong, which keep us from becoming who, and what, we were made to be. It is patient, kind, long suffering and quiet. It does not get upset when you scream at it. It does not dismiss your pain, but seeks to lead you through the pain to the freedom on the other side. It does not ask you to cope, or protect, but to trust and allow it to protect the real you. It never forces its opinion on anyone, speaking in a soft, affirming voice, differentiating between you and your behaviors, affirming you, even while confronting your behavior.
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