My girlfriend of 3 months cheated on me with a guy she used to date from her past, should I forgive her?

Question

Me and my girlfriend are in college we have been together for 3 months, the 6 degrees of separation brought us together, we look good together , the sex is great, I met her family and she recently met mine. Even though me and my girlfriend were great for each other we did fall on rough times about 2 months in, she felt as if I didn't appreciate her she felt as if I didn't listen to what she was trying to say she felt as if I was being arrogant and non caring of her feelings. I found out that a guy she use to date a couple months before me has constantly been in her ear since we've been together, egging her to leave me and come back to him because he misses her and loves her and wants her back, (bullsh*t). Now she would always tell him no and keep it moving and not even think twice about what he was saying until this 1 particular night. The dude called her up from her friends house (who stays across the street) and asked her to come over because he had some issues going on in his life, being they were somewhat friends she went over, now remember it was about 12 at night and his roommates were gone. They start talking and conversation turns into jokes and catching up on old times etc. Then the guy ask her about our relationship, she tells him that we are on bad terms, one minute everything is fine and the next she doesn't know what's going to happen. (She later told me at the time she felt our relationship was on the brinks.) So the guy says to her you know I told myself that even if you did come back I wouldn't want you and she replies all I want is your friendship, someone to be an ear to talk to. Time goes by as they watch t.v. and the guy takes his pants off and ask her to give him head. She says no about 5 times, as more time goes by the guy tries to grab her and to touch it, she slowly pulls away, he pulls her hip to bring her closer and she pulls away. It becomes a battle of will at that point. Finally she gives in, she tells the guy regardless of what happens were not going to have sex without a condom. The guy pulls 1 out and she lays there as he takes of her sweats and proceeds to move behind her. She lays there and lets it happen and it goes on for about 15 minutes as he strokes her from behind and pulls out b4 he orgasms. She lays there for about 5 minutes gets her stuff and then leaves, when I found out 3 weeks later because apparently the guy was telling his friends, I was mad I confronted the both of them and they admitted it after they tried to lie, she said she had planned on telling me because I'm such a great boyfriend better than any of her past that I deserved to know, she would do anything to get me back at this point, her family and friends have all tried to contact me telling me how sorry she is and how much she cares about us, how much she needs me in her life even though she admits I deserve better than what she's done. She said she is going to be better and she will be the women of my dreams, should I forgive her & give her a chance in the future?

RugbyGuy · Accepted Answer

Hey man, I put it up on your other post but I'm going to put it hear again to reiterate my point. Just looking out for you bro. I hope you take my advice even though I know it's probably the hardest thing to do.

I've been in a situation similar to this man, and you need to forget her sorry ass. Straight up bud, you cannot trust this girl and whatever she says, katem33 is right, she flat out cheated on you. However you may feel about her, you've gotta cut her out of your life because that's the best thing for you, to just move on. I know how much it hurts, and that's not going to change any time soon, but trust me when I tell you that, for your own emotional and mental well being, you need to get as far away from her as possible. And yea, the guy's a f*cking *ssh*le, for doing what he did, but once again, talking from experience, the satisfaction you would get from stomping his smug little face in is no where near worth the possible legal ramifications. It could f*ck you over for life. So even though I know what you're going through and I know how much it crushes you to not do anything about it, it's best for you if you can just cut these two out of your life and chalk it up to a very nasty learning experience. And that's who you need to be thinking about now, yourself. Take care bud, try not to let it get ya down, it's happened to the best of us.

palek · Accepted Answer

So many excuses, so little time. Bottom line: She disrespected and dishonored you in favor of her ex. She shouldn't have him in her life anymore (unless they have children together) in any way, shape, or form. If she loves you, she would do everything in her power to protect you and make you feel absolutely secure, as "love always protects". Find someone that puts you FIRST in her life, and if she's someone you want to do the same for, you'll have it made. You'll know when it's right as she'll bring pure joy and a sense of security to your life, not anxiety and distrust.

cassie_merryman · Accepted Answer

Ok. Here's the deal, coming from a girl who just recently cheated on her boyfriend and feels like a huge piece of sh*t for it. I believe with all my heart that good people just make bad decisions sometimes and there is no rhyme or reason for it and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or wanted to hurt you at all. If she is going through the motions of changing her lifestyle for you then that should show you she is truly remorsful and has learned from her mistake. And I know you may be telling yourself  "but she wasent even thinking about me when she did it" and you are right. Temptation is an evil entity that does infact cloud our thoughts until it has had its way with us, it isn't until then that we are like "OMG! what the f*ck did I just do?" and unfortunately it may take hitting rock bottom for some people before they learn how to handle themselves when temptation comes their way. It happend to me exactly a week ago today, and I can say that I have learned from this and it has changed me for the better and I believe her experience has changed her for the better as well.  So don't go believing all this "once a cheater always a cheater" bullsh*t because it's not true. I am living proof it's not true. Take her back, you won't regret it.

rolfen · Accepted Answer

some girls like rough sex. Don't get too exited with the counselor hype.

Who are these people to say what is right and what is wrong for her. If its her true nature it might come back. Come on if she went to the guys place at midnight she wasn't stupid. Maybe everything is great for you, but obviously maybe not for her.

So step down your cloud. The guy is obviously an asshole, but I bet she has some type of connection with him.

I think she should stay away from him though.

All what I'm saying is, its not as simple as you think.

Be very gentle to her, never force her to do anything. And seriouly, LET IT GO...

She just cheated on you once, for less then an hour, with an asshole, and its even kinda close to rape... (although it is NOT!) so let it go!

the-love-guru · Accepted Answer

Nobody just "lets" someone have sex with them... especially girls. Unless forced, a girl always has the option of saying no and leaving. She may not have had it in mind, but perhaps she was curious, or wanted to do something daring. I think she's holding out on telling you the whole truth.

Of course she'd say he forced it. It takes 2 to tango. And the fact that she didn't leave when he ASKED her to give him head, I'm sorry... but it sounds too suspicious to me. I would've slapped the a$$hole and walked out the front door. I respect myself too much to be treated like that. Great sex can't hold a relationship together. Find a new girlfriend buddy.

heartgirl · Accepted Answer

Okay, be adult, do not fight over someone who wouldn't do the same for you. It is apparent she would not fight for you, or the relationship . Keep in mind their are three sides to every story, hers, his, the TRUTH! At 2-3 mos in a flourishing relationship, problems of this nature should not arise. I learned years ago, people show you who they are, you have to be smart enough to recognize it, in addition we teach people how to treat you by what we will, or WILL NOT tolerate. If you accept her apology you are teaching her you will tolerate unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Munki · Answer

Ok, dude... Here we go...

First of all, I didn't even read the post, I just read the title and the updates.

Second of all, with all due respect, are you retarded?

I'm going to quote something here that you said:

"finally he got her 2 come over to talk about issues in his life & he manipulated her & got her to have sex"

Seriously? He MANIPULATED her and got her to have sex? Do you think he hypnotized her or something to where she had no control over what she was doing? I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything, but unless he just straight up raped her, then she had a choice in it, and her choice was to have sex with this guy.

Honestly, man, if I were you I wouldn't forgive her for that. That is just blatant disrespect towards you, on her part. It's not even like she was drunk or under the influence of drugs. She just straight up made a choice to cheat on you.

Even if you did forgive her and you both tried to move on from it, neither one of you will ever forget this. I can guarantee that this will come up in the future and that it will cause drama. There are some cases where couples forgive and forget, but it is very rare.

All in all, I would say that you can try your luck and see how it goes, but I think you're just wasting your time and that you two will end up breaking up, because of that one incident. I wouldn't give her another chance.

Good luck.

morrgoth · Answer

Hell no bro, f*** that sh*t, if she really cared about your ass first of all she would ve just left right of the bat when that other p**** ass guy took his pants off, she would of though of you but she didn't, she wanted it and she knows it, there's obviously still some type of sexual attraction/chemistry between them and ur girl knows it, I would have kicked that guys ass serious beat down, changed my number, changed my locks told my family about the situation and just move on, trust me if you keep on listening to her friends and families bs then ue gonna give in to it, women search for wats missing in their lives that's why they cheat, and urs obviously went to here ex cause she was feeling bad about you not listening, wats to say she gets into another of those depressions and f***s him again or worse some random dude with an std who was nice at first by listening to her but then throws some game and she cracks all over, I'm sorry if this is harsh man, cause trust me I've felt close to these emotions before and lets just say I had to get to get some carpenters to fix my walls because of the Punch marks I redecorated my walls with, I don't have any anger problems lol but those types of emotions are a bitch, you should just move on and give each other some space, and if by some chance in the long run you find that your still thinking about her and she of you then that's true love man and you should follow ur heart, you need her to realize what she lost first and I mean really realize for you to even consider getting back together so she knows not to do that dumb sh*t again unless ur dumb enough to do it yourself, then ull she'll really have an excuse to do it, but goodluck with your situation man

hope this helped out and brought a smile to ur face bro

Littletad · Answer

Despite all her work efforts, I sill would have left her. She put herself in that position and stayed there. I have no idea what was going through her mind, when she knew from the start what his intentions were.

Not only that, but you seem far too soft. You should have told her to block her ex's number. There is almost no reason to remain friends with an ex when your dating someone new. Otherwise, there never really was any closure and your just dragging along a third party.

Go ahead and stay with her, but she has much more of a mental issue than anything else. I'm happy she's seeking help about it, but I still wouldn't trust her at all. It would take a long time. So as for you, just keep at it and let's see what happens.

boi818 · Answer

ok..I didn't have to read your whole novel here you've writen about your gf.

All I had to read was that she cheated on you after only 3 months.. that's a done deal.. I don't care what the circumstances were..cheating is cheating.. and should not be tolerated..if you have any respect for yourself... obviously she didn't..

and apparently from all the excuses or explanations of why you think it happened or won't happen again.. shows your denial that your relationship is not meant to be..

If you want to continue to be deceived and disrespected...stay with her..

if not.. DUMP HER.. leave her.. move ON..

breakingstyles91 · Answer

I wouldn't, man. For all you know the girl wanted to make you jealous of her and had the guy tell that story, you never really don't know what happen until you ask her. But once you find out the truth, it is really not worth it unless you love her. But then I would question how much you value character, she unintentionally cheated on you and who's to say she is not strong enough to punch the next guy who tries to rape her and run like hell. She does not seem that strong willed and you certainly don't need to be her blanket 24/7 when things happen like this, don't give in.

sumina7 · Answer

More than the fact that she cheated on you, it shows a few possible things about her character:

1. She has weak will power

2. Her value system is screwed up

3. She did not respect you

4. She is gullible

5. She can not resist temptation

Not a great list of characteristics for a life partner.

However, one thing fascinates me about your answer. You described the act with a great deal of detail. Were you watching or did she (or they) tell you the story with such detail. Did you ask?

Also, you don't seem to be too upset about it. You are also believing her explanation. So, may be you are the gullible one.

Neubauten · Answer

forgive her, but also break up with her.

forgiveness is for you, so you don't drown in anger and resentment. you can forgive and say "bye bye" all at the same time.

and she cheated. never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, trust a cheater.

never.

marwuzcraze · Answer

Personally, I don't like any of the answers you're getting.

No, once a cheater is not always a cheater... And no, if she's honest, why not forgive her?

What she did was really wrong, but

what needs to happen is she has to prove to you that she loves you, she has to prove to you that she's faithful to you.

She has to regain the trust.

And once you forgive her, forget it! Forget it happened, and never bring it up again.She'll always remember it, though. And she'll feel like she owes you one.

Gorce · Answer

Sorry bro, your lady is a dumb ass and if you tolerate this you are the bigger dumbass. You do not tolerate any cheating whatsoever.

The moment you take her back is the moment she loses respect for you. Honestly, have some respect for yourself and move on. Do not make excuses for her, she f***ed up..you found out..now leave.

dasouthernicon · Answer

you need to let this chick go... she obviously wanted to bone her ex, so you should do this- set up something so he (her ex) knows that you don't want her, and he can have her. That way, I guarantee he won't want her. He is all about screwing you, ur relationship, and messing her head up. You don't need a loser like that in ur life, Like the old adage goes, there's too amny fish in the sea to be putting up with chickensh*t like this, bra... think on it and do what you need to do.

noregret11 · Answer

ok, I didn't read all you have to say, just the first few sentences, and the last update. I don't need to read more. She cheated, sure she may hae been pressured, but she caved. In my opinion, any chick that cheats or lies... she is done with me, even if I love her. I just won't tolerate it.

ap1100 · Answer

I'm not reading that entire piece, but from the beginning, it's bad.  She can't even go three months without banging someone else?  How is she going to last an entire lifetime?  The fact that you're having great sex is a bad sign.  It is blinding you.  Get out as soon as you can.

StrykerJ · Answer

I'm gonna have to say a cheater is always a cheater. Cheating means "Oh I'm sorry, I'm not willing to talk things out, and I'm no longer interested". Cheating is just the most dis-respectful thing you can do...But that's just my opinion. And yes you need to kick that guy's ass for prodding her on...

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

if she's told you all this stuff that his guy, he sounds like he's a bad guy, then she should stay away from him.

have a discussion with her about it, but it's really hard to forgive her. she'll have to work for it.

everyone has their own standards or set rules. for me, I could not forgive and others can forgive. I respect other people's decision, but have you thought about maybe she may be manipulating you? just make sure she isn't still seeing him. that's all.

Luvfool · Answer

This is a tough thing to go through.

I'm currently going through the same exact thing.

3 months of being with someone you really care about and she went back to her ex and slept with him.

My word is play it out and see what happens. If you strongly feel that you can give her another chance and that you're not going to regret it. I admire your determination to stay with her, but like most of us have said don't let your heart win over your head. Let her know she did something absolutely wrong and kind of unforgivable. That she should not take for granted how understanding and kind you are. Don't let this girl walk over you.

I'd really like to hear what's happening, so keep us updated.

In the meantime I'm going to be posting my own problem shortly and would like everyone's incite on that as well. Thanks

Sexy-Senior-09 · Answer

My ex girlfriend went off and banged her ex, she later came back to me asking for forgiveness. Did I take her back? hell no. Dude forget her seriously its right there in front of your face. She cheated on you after being together for 3 months, you guys were having problems and when your having problems in a relationship you work things out you don't go to your ex and have sex with him. think about it man that image in gonna be in your head every time you see her ex.

wally · Answer

you'r trying to find an excuse for her been cheating on you.

my advise is think out side the box always.

cheater will cheat again esp if they could get away with it or there's someone like you will justify there actions. good luck

emzy-89 · Answer

i persoanlly wouldn't get back together with someone that's cheated on me. it sounds as though to me that you're trying to make excuses for her and if someone can do something wrong and get away with it, then chances are that they'll  do it again. so yeah, I'd think really hard beofre getting back with her...if you decide to get back with her at all

Chrystilicit · Answer

Hell yeah...but make sure that he keeps quiet about you beating his ass...embarrass him so that he can't use it against you to manipulate your girl...

I would have beat his ass right after finding out...but it might be too late now..so maybe move on

tyrantfuryre · Answer

Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I read the title of your question and ONLY the time. Based on that alone I'd say get rid of her. You've only been together for 3 months and she's ALREADY cheated?!?! Are you serious? Dump her fast. It's that simple. There's no excuse for that kind of trash. You're better off with out. I don't care if she "realizes she messed up" or no. She made her bed, now she has to sleep in it.

jenn_a_adams · Answer

So many details! Did she tell you all of this? Having a picture in your head of what actually happened is not going to be helpful if you choose to forgive her.

sweetsparks95 · Answer

seriously I'm going to try to be understanding in my comment.i believe if you have someone who supposedly your significant other, they should not cheat on you. they don't even have to be your s.o., if they're dating you, then all their "goodies" should be kept in a jar for only you and her knows the combination. once someone cheats on you, you should break up with them instantly. but if you really feel like she is sorry and will never do it again, try the new relationship out.

Lunchboxraider · Answer

No just because she hates him doesn't change that when times were tough she cheated on you. Nothing justfys it. she has to make it up to you, which has to feel equal to what she did to you.

XxSunshinexX · Answer

YOU CAN FORGIVE BUT NOT FORGET.. THAT WILL ALWAYS WILL BE AN ISSUE, I DNT THINK YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO TRUST HER THE SAME WAY YOU DID, AND THAT WILL END UP DESTROYING THE RELATIONSHIP.

jacquesvol · Answer

If you love her, you'll have to chose between pride and love  (I'd forgive in that case) If you were just fooling around with her, you'll have to chose between pride and lust. (I might choose lust;-))

Standingpretty · Answer

NO. Once a cheater, always a cheater in that relationship. You BOTH need someone new.

funky909 · Answer

i wouldn't forgive her if she don't care about your feelings then she don't deserve you

Anonymous · Answer

ok I had this same issues except it with a girl I went out with for a 6 months and she cheated for me for some fat lard who think he is Mr. hulk. trust me dump the girl and forget her altogether it helps trust me.

bkyoungin85 · Answer

No..Fighting over a girl is pointless.  The best thing to do would be to give her another chance. I believe EVERYONE deserves a second chance. (only one tho)

Anonymous · Answer

At least she used a condom.   Give her a second chance!

teadybear2008 · Answer

no don't do it. by heating him you are lowering yourself to his sizes,what he did was wrong and yet you won you have the girl and he doesn't have sh*t

mpalmer7 · Answer

Let her go. If it is this complicate, then you are not in love. If you can't decide if it's worth it, I promise that it isn't. End it. You're only in it for the sex anyway.

obligations · Answer

Obviously not. she cheated. Dur.

Fabiana222 · Answer

no I would not go out with her

Anonymous · Answer

no. once a cheater, always a cheater.

Whoknows87 · Answer

NO!

Anonymous · Answer

Dump the bitch

My girlfriend of 3 months cheated on me with a guy she used to date from her past, should I forgive her?

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