Being A Child of Divorce

As many of us are already aware, divorce really isn't anything new or groundbreaking. Many people say children are often the victims of the conflicts that arise when their parents get divorced.

So, I want to take a stand on this issue and say that as a "victim" of divorce, I feel anything but victimized.

Being A Child of Divorce

My parents got divorced when I was about 3 almost to 4 years old. Thirteen years later, I will never say that their divorce defines me as an individual. But rather, I'd say that it is one of the many circumstances of my life that has shaped me into who I am today.

Of course, there's tough times growing up with my parents arguing and their divorce looming in the background of my life and everything else. I was too young to formulate any authentic memories of my childhood, but I could clearly remember that they were constantly arguing and one day my mum just packed our stuffs - without dad's, and we moved to another house. I never saw him since. I was also obviously too young to understand what was actually going on.

Looking back, I realized that there were quite a few lessons learned. They are invaluable, I could say, for they moulded me into the person I am today.

In one aspect, I'd say that my parents divorce was for the best. I love my parents, both of them. They're wonderful people, but yet, they still possess their own flaws, as we all do as human beings. It was sort of clear that they were just trying to pull it together because of me, for my sake.

When I was younger, I used to wonder if my future marriage would be fated for the same outcome as my parents'. But then again, just because we come from our parents it doesn't make us an exact copies of them. We have every capability to form our own identities.

It took me quite a long period of time to get to this point, but I finally learned not to be a victim. Life is rough in school, and being a child of divorce doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully, it finally occurred to me that being a "victim" wasn't that cool, and "enjoying" my misery as my company totally wasn't cool either. What's cooler than all that is to rise above your struggles you've encountered.

Being a child of divorce definitely has its hardships, but it certainly doesn't solidify your label as a victim. Eventually, it is vital for you to move on. Peel of the "victim" label, burn it to ashes and go live your life.


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mskay is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say that children of divorce have to be tougher and more self reliant. Ideally
    two parents will raise a child until adulthood. But in 50%+ of marriages divorce
    does happen. However, kids have the custodial parent to themselves of the time
    and whenever to parent starts dating or remarries the child will feel shut out and
    resentful. Which is understandable. But I'm seem some kids just be absolute
    jerks about it. Mommy you can't marry Charlie, I don't want to lose you. My ass !
    It's because kids are by nature selfish little twerps who don't want to believe that mommy and daddy aren't getting back together. So they take it out on the new boyfriend or girlfriend and in many cases run them off. That's so selfish ! Kiddies realize this, you're going to leave nest and start your own life and find your own happiness. Don't begrude your mother or father potential happiness. Is it right for you to have someone and not your parents? Which is what I hear a lot. Get over it and move on. It's none of your business who mommy or daddy date or marry. As long as they are treated with dignity, kindness and respect.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It possibly has a bigger impact on children who were 10 or older. Those are the years you really remember and the years in which puberty takes place, a period that forms who you are as a person. Having a parent torn away from you and being subjected to constant fighting could be damaging.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Well, your condition is different. My parents are about to divorce and it'd change my life socially, economically and mentally of course.

    It's way too easier to adjust when you are a small child.

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  • This would have held some sort of water had you not been a toddler when it happened. My parents split when I was 8 and it was nothing but bollocks. The worst is that none of my friends were going through it, so I had literally no support during the first 5 years (after which I was just so used to it that I didn't need anyone anymore). I have a messed up view of relationships because of it and will never date or get married; I'm was not as well off as I would have been had I had both parents.

    That Lisa whatever quote was probably the stupidest thing I've ever read in my life.

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    • why weren't both parents there? you didn't Skype at least? I can't resist asking people about their stories.

    • Youtube didn't even exist let alone Skype, @VampireEmpress.

      My parents split, that's why they weren't both there.

    • ah. I didn't see your age. I'm so used to the online things myself.

  • Divorce completely destroyed my life.
    I went into drugs and my mother went crazy, she never found another man and probably never will. She divorced my father because she was "bored" and didn't feel love, well now she never will. Love my mother to death, but i have to be honest.
    I never knew how much my father held my crazy ass mother back from me.
    I had to grow up myself and teach my self about responsibility and all those other things that made me a man, I skipped out on my teenager years just trying to make it through school with my drug addiction
    Children with single parents are WAY more likely to be in crime, do drugs, and basically become failures.
    I'm glad i made it out, and divorce IS a tragedy. It ruins children.

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    • how did your dad hold your mom back? I know it's nosy, but your story is interesting.

    • my mother has problems with self control, at times she acts like a 12 year old child.
      i don't know exactly how he did it, but all i know is that when it was just me and my mom after the divorce she would try and attack me. sometimes she would wake me up at 3am and scream at me because i forgot to clean the table up before going to bed.
      she would call the cops and lie about me, having them arrest me. only to have my dad call them to explain that my mother is not a good person.
      I don't know what he did, but he did warn me about this and how he couldn't protect me anymore.. i din't know what he meant at the time, but i sure do now.

    • wow. at least you survived her.

  • Of course, divorce is GREAT. We all know that marriage is only a repressive remnant of patriarchy, a pit of oppression... which is why homosexuals must be allowed to marry.

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    • When my parents were married they used to fight ALL the time. Once they divorced, that completely stopped. I was happy that the fighting ended, but unhappy because I only see my dad on the weekends. :) it's both good and bad to say.

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    • Well maybe too many people are spoiled, self-centered fools who have way too much time on their hands to argue and come up with petty grievances.

    • @angelofshadows131 you can see him any time /day you want when you turn 18, right?

  • "Nobody ever died of divorce" very true... nice take @mskay

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  • Awesome take 😊

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What Girls Said 8

  • This has been exactly my experience. My parents divorced when I was at the same age, and now live on totally different continents.

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    • My parents live in different continents as well and I've never met my dad before..

  • This was really sweet and true. I read it bc one of my best friends has divorced parents, she used to have a happy family, 2 brothers, her mom and her dad, now both her brothers are in college and her parents are divorced so now its just her and one of her parents. On top of that she has type 1 diabetes and gets depressed bc of it, but she's still usually super happy and funny and weird, and the same friend i've known for 4 years! You're right how if they don't love each other, it would be sad to see them spending that long together and teaching their child the wrong idea about true love.
    But, I think you should marry and have kids with a person who you STRONGLY believe you will spend the rest of your life with, and divorce really can affect a kid, but kids can thrive through some struggles just like you said :-)

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  • The divorce isn't a tragedy pic really got to me because my mom only stays with my dad for us and he doesn't even like us but she can't get a job because she's a felon. It makes me upset to know that she's miserable most so we don't end up in the ghetto again. Awesome take by the way

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    • a felon? from what? and it's not your fault she can't find work! that was her choice, so isn't she staying for herself? even when you guys get older, she still won't be able to work right? unless the story is complicated? I know it's nosy... but a female felon?

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    • I think felonies for drugs are stupid. I think you should only be charged with a felony when you really try to hurt people, like murder.

    • @VampireEmpress yeah me too

  • I tend to disagree but I suppose I had some unusual circumstances so I guess it's different for everyome

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    • Yeahh I supppsed it can't be the same for everyone as well :)

  • As always.. Awesome myTake! :)

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  • My dad hated my mom cause she was lazy. Plus she cheated on him when I was 10. When I was 11 years old they got divorced. I don't really care my mom was an abusive bitch. I'm happy it's just me and my dad. I never cared about the divorce.

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  • I can relate to what you said.. It's tough

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    • Yeah but it'd heal over time 😊 Thank you 😊

  • Nice take! 😊

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