Is it normal to be annoyed by your boyfriend 80% of the time?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend 3 years and engaged for 1. Generally he's a good guy and has never hurt or mmistreated treated me. We have the same morals and beliefs as well which has always been a plus. The thing is, he annoys the crap out of me! It's not that we spend to much time together either. We actually both live in Texas but 3 hours away so it's long distance. We see each other once or twice a month. What annoys me:

Simply the way he walks! It's in a way that looks feminine to me, The way he eats he gets really messy and kind of stares off & looks cross eyed, the way he holds his extremeties look feminine sometimes as well, he is very loud and doesn't care how he portrays himself in public, he's a real jokester and 80% of what he talks about links back to "something funny" instead of everyday convos and deep convos it's always about funny things he's saw or happened. when the phone rings and i see it's him i feel annoyed and i don't even know why! he makes jokes in serious convos and i have to remind him this is serious. most of the time he staggers with his words like it's not stuttering but it takes a couple seconds longer for him to say something compared to the average person and i get impatient sometimes. i feel terrible for all these things annoying me but i can't seem to make it go away! i haven't been feeling too much of a spark with him either. is it wrong to break up with a good person because they are annoying to you? There's a lot more of annoying things as well. Would it be right to marry someone who always irritates you. i don't want to be mean to him some day because he's annoying to me. I can't ask him to be less annoying either. If i ever ended things how do i tell someone that what makes them who they are, annoys me? Is this normal?

[ak666]

That's called a long-term relationship.

You're going to see some qualities over and over and over repeated in your partner, and some of them will annoy you, some of them you'll love, and some will be kind of lovingly annoying. You're also going to get to a point where you'll be able to predict exactly what your SO is going to do in a situation, and be right practically every time.

That said, I've been with my wife for about a decade (in the 8th year of marriage) and your list is way, way bigger than mine. It seems like you're kind of actively searching for things to get annoyed about at this point.

Anyway, it's unlikely to change. He's only going to become more and more predictable.

The way I look at it with my wife, there are more qualities I love about her than annoy me about her. And if she weren't with me, I would miss even her annoying qualities. That kind of sexual spark also doesn't last forever (I thought it would when I married her). You have to fall in love with the endearing qualities too, and unfortunately it seems a whole lot of them annoy you.

[dumnerdroid]

I just came off a relationship that was very similar to that. I always felt in the back of my head that i didn't have any REAL future with a woman who is annoyed by me most of the time.

its not that you won't find certain things about him annoying... but if you are bothered by him so much... i can't say that you actually love him... maybe you need to rethink this whole marriage thing, either take a break or just do some soul searching...

he deserves more respect than what you're giving him, if he annoys you by being himself... DONT RUIN BOTH YOUR LIVES

[Boredandconfused]

That's not normal to feel annoyed by your partner 80% of the time, especially when it has to do with things that he can't necessarily change because it's part of who he is. I have to be honest, I don't think I can even count on one hand how many times my boyfriend has annoyed me. He just simply doesn't. Not to say he never has but I definitely have way more positive and happy feelings toward him then annoyed. id be concerned if I felt the way you are.

[Kookie00]

Hmmmm... I would say rethink this whole marriage idea. Of course in a relationship you're goong to get annoyed with your partner at some point, but you should be able to live with it. I think you guys need a break. With some soul searching, you may grow to find that you actually love and miss some of those things about him...

[justbanANNAz]

80% is too much, and i dont c why either of u is troubling yourselves with this relationship if that's how it is.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I think this more has to do with you than him. That being said i find it highly disrespectful when situations cannot be taken seriously, obvious you are not out to control his behavior but perhaps talk to him about it and try to keep him focused... i have to wonder though... perhaps he is simply not happy or something.

[Intraluminal]

For the love of God, do both of you a favor, and do NOT marry him.

[Asker]

Lol I guess what makes it tough is that's he's a good guy in other areas & it would take quite some time to come across a similar man but he's just an annoying person to me.

[Intraluminal]

If he annoys you, you will end up disrespecting him. That will end the relationship anyway. A lack of respect for ones partner is the primary cause of divorce.

[Intraluminal]

I have to say that your discomfort due to his perceived failure to be macho enough is a major problem too.

[scooogy]

Better quit that