Rejection shouldn't be a big deal, and here's why

Rejection shouldn't be a big deal, and here's why

In this myTake I will focus specifically on getting rejected by romantic interests. Rejection concerning friends, family and the like will not be included.

I started studying at a new school last fall. Everything has been going great and the people in my classes are awesome. There's one guy in particular who has caught my interest the most, ever since we worked on a project together. Since that first project, we have worked on a couple of other projects and we've chatted randomly during class too. He's very sweet and friendly. So now that summer is finally here and we don't have any school anymore, I was thinking about making a move and getting to know him better. Although we've gotten to know each other a little during the past year, we aren't exactly super close. So I figured, why not get to know each other better over a cup of coffee. See where things go, if there's a spark.
So, since we don't see each other face to face anymore due to not having any classes, I had no other choice but to text him. I just said "Hi! Would you like to grab a coffee with me some time? :)". Cute, straightforward, not super date-y since it would just be coffee. Basically letting him know that I'd just like to get to know him better.

He texts me back, saying that he'd love to, but also wanted to let me know that he has a girlfriend, so that there would be no misunderstandings. The facepalm I gave myself when I read that made my face sore, lol.

It was an honest mistake. I would never hit on or ask a guy out who, to my knowledge, has a girlfriend. He has never talked about having a girlfriend, or even implied it. His facebook is completely empty of any girlfriend evidence (yes, I had to stalk him a little after getting rejected because I wanted to make sure that I really wasn't THAT stupid). No pictures, no statuses, and no actual relationship status that would even remotely imply that he is already taken. So yeah, honest mistake.

Yes, I felt embarrassed. Yes, I felt stupid, even though there was no way I could have known about his girlfriend. Yes, I'm also a bit sad since he's a great guy and I would've loved to see where things could have gone with him. But at the same time, I'm happy for him. I'm happy that some lucky girl already managed to get a guy like him, haha. I'm not really surprised at all.

But? There's no "but". I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I just went with it and did it. I could've sat there and speculated for months, before possibly hearing from someone that he already has a girlfriend. I could have invested myself emotionally a lot more in him, by building him up in my mind and spending more time getting to know him in the hopes of it leading to something (while being completely clueless about his real girlfriend).
I'm still seeing him sometime soon. But now that I know that nothing is going to happen, I will totally be able to appreciate a possible friendship with him instead. He's a great guy and I'd be happy being just his friend.

The thing with rejection is that it doesn't have to hurt. It doesn't have to be devastating. It doesn't have to be super embarrassing. Yes, I was embarrassed about it and also saddened, but I got over it pretty quickly. It's like ripping off a band-aid. The sooner you strike, the less it'll hurt. If you turn it into a big deal in your head, then of course it's going to feel like an even bigger deal when you get rejected. If you keep waiting, fantasizing, building up expectations, while simultaneously putting this person on a massive pedestal in your mind, then of course it's going to hurt like hell. Of course you're going to feel like shit. But you don't have to. In order to avoid feeling like that, stop being a chicken and just do it as soon as possible. Don't let your feelings grow into this massive ball that's just going to crush you if they say no.

Always focus on the positives. Be proud over yourself because you managed to be openly vulnerable. Be proud over yourself for being honest. Be happy for the person if they are already in a relationship. Respect the other person if they don't want to. The only person who's going to make you feel less shitty is you. If you keep a happy outlook on life, then handling rejection is going to be like a walk in the park. The key is to simply not care as much. You can't impress everyone, not everyone is going to like you or want to date you. That's just a fact of life. Learn how to simply roll with the punches, instead of letting them completely K.O. you.

If you keep getting rejected by potential love interests left and right, take a break. Focus on yourself. Reflect a little, is there something you're doing wrong? Are you choosing the wrong people? Would approaching them in a different way or setting give you different results? Is there something that's off-putting about your personality and looks? Try to look at yourself objectively without starting to loathe yourself and your lack of success with people. Again, try to look at the positives, and see if there is anything you can change about your approach.

Rejection is a part of everyone's life. If it's not by a romantic interest, like this take was about, you might get rejected by a friend or family member. Or even a school, or a job. Everyone knows how hurtful it can be, since it's someone everyone goes through. And since it's something you have to go through, then you might as well just accept it and be ok with it, instead of becoming hateful and bitter.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Its easy when your a woman doing most of the rejection.

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    • I have rejected a guy once. I have been rejected about 4 or 5 times. I fail to see how I'm doing most of the rejecting.

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    • no go ahead day woman up:) saying san up top a woman is sex. saying woman up is just logical if she's being a coward.

      and numbers dont matter if a particulars woman got rejected it doesn't matter if other people cumulatively got rejected more. the post was about rejection not about the amount.

    • I have literally never heard a woman tell a man to "man up" after a rejection. Maybe if he's acting like a baby about it and makes it seem like it's the end of the world? Regardless, I think it's wrong to tell someone to "man up" or "woman up" since it supports stereotypical gender roles, which I do not support myself. Either way, I have so far not heard or seen anyone tell a guy to "man up" after a rejection. More often than not, I have seen more men tell each other to man up.

  • Ok, so you got rejected once, actually the guy was simply super cool.

    He stated that he does not want to date you and has zero romantic interest in you. Usually most girls are not that sincere, what I observed is that often they send mixed signals, they build up your expectation and they just flake. This is much harder to accept, having your expectations built up and them "boom". You say, don't built them up, but actually the girls is encouraging. Of course I am talking about girls who are still dating...

    Why the girls do that? I don't know, they act as a hot commodity ( apologies for being so materialistic, I don't' want to objectify anyone ), they choose, we just present ourselves and they settle for the best they can.

    However this guys knows that he has what it wants so it doesn't sample the other offers, as I said, super cool guy in my opinion.

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    • He only said that he has a girlfriend, not that he doesn't want to date me or has zero interest in me. That's just something we can assume, since he's already taken. But he didn't specifically tell me those things, only that he has a girlfriend.
      From what I can tell, most girls are just being friendly to guys, and the guys take that as them being attracted and interested, when in fact, they're just friendly and don't mean anything serious. Very rarely have I actually heard of a girl that legitimately tried to lead a guy on just to crush him. Most of the time, the guy is just misinterpreting her friendliness as true attraction, which is why he might feel like she lead him on afterwards. This has always been the case when my friends have told me about them rejecting some guy. They have often felt confused since they couldn't understand how on earth this guy would assume they want something more when they have just been friendly. Not flirty, affectionate, touchy or anything like that.

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    • If the girl doesn't outright say YES, don't assume that she's interested and especially don't mistaken it for romantic interest. If someone is romantically interested in you, and you let them know that you're interested in them too, it shouldn't be THAT hard to get them to date you. Even the most shy girls would say yes, when they're 100% sure that the guy likes them back. If someone acts flaky, they're not interested in you. Or at the very least, not interested enough. If you don't get a clear cut yes or no answer, then just assume it means no regardless.

    • Agree with you, we don't have to accept flaky behavior. This is what I am doing now, however is not easy because people sometime foul themselves and don't want to see the flaky behavior, in that sense, yes that is the guys fault.

  • No problem when it just happens once. When it happens over and over for years than yes it gets pretty painful.

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    • This wasn't the first time I've gotten rejected. And like I said in the myTake, if you keep getting rejected, then you need to take a break and reflect. Not just to protect yourself, but also to figure out if you're doing something wrong. For instance, if you keep approaching every woman the same way, it will end up looking rehearsed and emotionless.

    • Trust me- after years you try anything. The only conclusion that GIRLfriends have that know me, is that I make girls nervous because of my looks and that I don't make enough money. Poor as fuck. Not for lack of effort or ambition. Rather really bad luck.
      I'm told I'm friendly, engaging, funny, caring, fun and good looking.
      Yesterday I tried to talk to a girl at the bus stop. I made a friendly comment to which she replied with little more than a dismissive one word responce and whipped out her phone to busy herself. Last week I started talking to a girl and it went ok. She gave me her number and we texted a little. The next day she ignores me. Any particular rejection is no problem. But for it to happen over and over again for years really makes you feel that you aren't what girls want. I'm willing to improve myself any way I can, but nobody has a definitive idea what is so wrong with me so that I can work on it.

What Girls Said 4

  • Oh, I agree...
    I don't think rejection should be a big deal. There are people who reject others in an immature and hurtful manner - those rejections are humiliating and unnecessary if you're over the age of 8.
    However, they still happen. Even when you have no romantic attachments towards that person (but would obviously want to) it still hurts - not the rejection, the humiliation of the manner in which you got rejected.

    Some rejection just sticks with you.

    [Ad least that's what I've learned from this site...]

    BUT - all that aside - the way someone rejects you says more about them then it EVER will about you. That guy was cool. He didn't humiliate you. He just stated a fact and let you move on normally. He's a good person and you don't feel any worse for being rejected. =) In time anyways.
    Just remember - all you's guys (xD) - if someone can't reject you without humiliating you - you're not missing out on ANYTHING!

    ^-^

    -basically they did you a favor ;)

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  • i agree. go after it get over it asap:) feel proud you tried and move on as soon as you're sure its to bon avail

    rejection really is not a big deal;l its when people are shitty and insult you and yell or whatever. my impression was people fear the rejection styler more than possibility of rejection itself. but you know if someone rejects you badly or kindly at least you tried and they are honest-if rude0- which means you're free to move on battle scars and all :)

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  • Rejection is a part of life. We gotta learn to deal with it and not let it hurt our pride. When you know the other person isn't interested it allows to you move on. And girls get rejected too even if their pretty, smart, or cool (like me) everybody won't like you. If you let it hurt you too much your only adding to the humiliation by not taking it in stride. I 100% agree that rejection doesn't have to be a punch in the face.

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  • That makes sense to me. I think everyone should realize that rejection is common and it happens to everyone... so why get upset over it? It hurts, but let it roll off your shoulders.

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    • Yes. I really hate it when some people, especially guys, think that nobody else has to face rejection (especially girls). What they seem to forget is that girls approach too, even if it doesn't happen as often. And even if a girl doesn't approach a guy, she'll most likely face rejection in other ways. Like getting rejected by friends, family, or a school/job that she applied to. I think it's stupid to assume that you have to face rejection alone, when in fact, like 99% of adults have faced rejection somehow.

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