In this myTake I will focus specifically on getting rejected by romantic interests. Rejection concerning friends, family and the like will not be included.
I started studying at a new school last fall. Everything has been going great and the people in my classes are awesome. There's one guy in particular who has caught my interest the most, ever since we worked on a project together. Since that first project, we have worked on a couple of other projects and we've chatted randomly during class too. He's very sweet and friendly. So now that summer is finally here and we don't have any school anymore, I was thinking about making a move and getting to know him better. Although we've gotten to know each other a little during the past year, we aren't exactly super close. So I figured, why not get to know each other better over a cup of coffee. See where things go, if there's a spark.
So, since we don't see each other face to face anymore due to not having any classes, I had no other choice but to text him. I just said "Hi! Would you like to grab a coffee with me some time? :)". Cute, straightforward, not super date-y since it would just be coffee. Basically letting him know that I'd just like to get to know him better.
He texts me back, saying that he'd love to, but also wanted to let me know that he has a girlfriend, so that there would be no misunderstandings. The facepalm I gave myself when I read that made my face sore, lol.
It was an honest mistake. I would never hit on or ask a guy out who, to my knowledge, has a girlfriend. He has never talked about having a girlfriend, or even implied it. His facebook is completely empty of any girlfriend evidence (yes, I had to stalk him a little after getting rejected because I wanted to make sure that I really wasn't THAT stupid). No pictures, no statuses, and no actual relationship status that would even remotely imply that he is already taken. So yeah, honest mistake.
Yes, I felt embarrassed. Yes, I felt stupid, even though there was no way I could have known about his girlfriend. Yes, I'm also a bit sad since he's a great guy and I would've loved to see where things could have gone with him. But at the same time, I'm happy for him. I'm happy that some lucky girl already managed to get a guy like him, haha. I'm not really surprised at all.
But? There's no "but". I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I just went with it and did it. I could've sat there and speculated for months, before possibly hearing from someone that he already has a girlfriend. I could have invested myself emotionally a lot more in him, by building him up in my mind and spending more time getting to know him in the hopes of it leading to something (while being completely clueless about his real girlfriend).
I'm still seeing him sometime soon. But now that I know that nothing is going to happen, I will totally be able to appreciate a possible friendship with him instead. He's a great guy and I'd be happy being just his friend.
The thing with rejection is that it doesn't have to hurt. It doesn't have to be devastating. It doesn't have to be super embarrassing. Yes, I was embarrassed about it and also saddened, but I got over it pretty quickly. It's like ripping off a band-aid. The sooner you strike, the less it'll hurt. If you turn it into a big deal in your head, then of course it's going to feel like an even bigger deal when you get rejected. If you keep waiting, fantasizing, building up expectations, while simultaneously putting this person on a massive pedestal in your mind, then of course it's going to hurt like hell. Of course you're going to feel like shit. But you don't have to. In order to avoid feeling like that, stop being a chicken and just do it as soon as possible. Don't let your feelings grow into this massive ball that's just going to crush you if they say no.
Always focus on the positives. Be proud over yourself because you managed to be openly vulnerable. Be proud over yourself for being honest. Be happy for the person if they are already in a relationship. Respect the other person if they don't want to. The only person who's going to make you feel less shitty is you. If you keep a happy outlook on life, then handling rejection is going to be like a walk in the park. The key is to simply not care as much. You can't impress everyone, not everyone is going to like you or want to date you. That's just a fact of life. Learn how to simply roll with the punches, instead of letting them completely K.O. you.
If you keep getting rejected by potential love interests left and right, take a break. Focus on yourself. Reflect a little, is there something you're doing wrong? Are you choosing the wrong people? Would approaching them in a different way or setting give you different results? Is there something that's off-putting about your personality and looks? Try to look at yourself objectively without starting to loathe yourself and your lack of success with people. Again, try to look at the positives, and see if there is anything you can change about your approach.
Rejection is a part of everyone's life. If it's not by a romantic interest, like this take was about, you might get rejected by a friend or family member. Or even a school, or a job. Everyone knows how hurtful it can be, since it's someone everyone goes through. And since it's something you have to go through, then you might as well just accept it and be ok with it, instead of becoming hateful and bitter.
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