Why rejection has nothing to do with you most of the time


In a day and age where finding people to date on apps or on social media such as instagram is the norm, it has become incredibly easy and normal for people to be flaky, unreliable, to text or say the wrong thing during a date which completely turns the other person off and to feel shit as a result of someone you thought would value your time disappearing forever while ignoring you and making you wonder where you failed to spark attraction and interest.

Why rejection has nothing to do with you most of the time

For people with low self-esteem, it is incredibly easy to always blame this on themselves tho and to take this stuff personally. They might start overanalyzing the situation and give it more time and energy than it deserves rather than just moving on.

However, the truth is that sometimes, people are simply unreliable, have flawed thinking, are insecure or guard themselves from getting hurt to the point where it is not possible for them to ever have a relationship since they are never vulnerable and always assume the worst from people/always assume the role of the victim.

Those people are the ones who seem to be extremely hard to satisfy on the surface and who believe that nobody is good enough for them because all they pay attention to is what other people are lacking rather than focusing on what positive qualities people have. The scientific term for this is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. This is a cognitive bias. A cognitive bias is a systematic error in thinking that affects the decisions and judgments that people make. Some of these biases are related to memory. The way you remember an event may be biased for a number of reasons and that in turn can lead to biased thinking and decision-making (source: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-cognitive-bias-2794963 & https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/baader-meinhof-phenomenon.htm ).

So in short, judgements people make about other people are clouded and inaccurate as long as they are not based on facts and only on their experience.

The reason a girl with biased thinking rejects you can be because she associates your charming and seductive nature with the belief that all charming and seductive men are cheaters, liars and abusive because all her exes who were just as charming and seductive were the same (which makes her feel uncomfortable and thus want to avoid you).

The reason a man with biased thinking rejects you can be because he associates your caring, loose and easy-going nature with women who want to take advantage of him because all women who were caring, loose and easy-going in the beginning ended up taking advantage of him and thus he avoids and rejects you, even if you are not the same in reality.

So the next time you take rejection personally, keep in mind that most people have flawed thinking and reject you because of their own issues, not because of you.

Why rejection has nothing to do with you most of the time
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Most Helpful Guys

  • sebbydee
    Somones rejection reveals more about them as it does you:

    When someone rejects you, their reason for doing so reveals something undeniable about who they are, their preferences, prejudices, insecurities, abilities, dreams, and desires. In this light, rejection is not so much a verdict on your lovability as it is a demonstration of their inability to love you in the way you deserve to be loved.
    Is this still revelant?
  • genericname85
    yeah i aggree and somewhat i think everyone knows that but it still crushes your self worth anyway xD
    Is this still revelant?
    • Only because you allow it to.
      The size of the pain you feel after rejection is only as big as you allow it to become. And if you are a person who is truly confident in themselves and who has high self-esteem, you never make rejection a big deal and above all, never ever tie your self-worth to the opinions other people have of you because self-worth is untouchable by the external.

    • naw it's not as easy dude. the size of the pain is mostly due to how serious you were about her. like if i talk to a chick in a bar and get rejected, i'm like whatever but if i get friendzoned by a girl i admire, that's crushing. and it's really kind of a question of how hard your face gets hit. you know you'll stand up again but some hits hurt more than others. no matter if you already know you can stand up from this or not, you know what i mean?

Most Helpful Girl

  • BrittBratt2416
    mmm don't agree. 95 percent of the time the reason for rejection is simply cause they just don't find the person attractive enough, and if that person doesn't find you attractive then you won't even get to the first date. The other 5 percent is because they're either not interested in dating at the moment, busy with work/school, already in a relationship, didn't connect with you after the date.
    Is this still revelant?
    • im really unattractive

    • @Lonewolf1994 Well are you sure? I mean one can think they are unattractive but someone else might think you're smashing.

    • What?

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • btbc92
    Not always true. I've learned that people are so selfish that they don't want anything platonic with you, but get straight into things that shouldn't be sexual. I reject guys because one, I do not want sex before marriage, and I rather not date somebody I was not friends with for a long time. Your asking out strangers. They're not wrong to reject you. One is wrong to approach with unrealistic expectations. If a guy rejects me because I'm caring, its okay. It's not always him and its not me. Its lack of proper communication. And I will gladly show that i am trustworthy. Not through a hissy fit. I have every right to assume every guy that approaches me do so because they want sex and find me sexually attractive. And every guy that did admitted it and shamed me for disagreeing on such approaches. Saying how no man is going to want me because I refuse sex or sexual contact before marriage. Sorry, but when it comes to sex, everything is a fight or battle. People tend to have the right judgments when rejecting unless they already had a messed up way of thinking. It is personal because it affects you. When I got rejected, it affected me for over 12 years of my young life. This is why I am now celibate. Treat others how you want to be treated. You cannot expect strangers to owe you a date and its not always because your not physically attractive for them. Not for me at least.

    "However, the truth is that sometimes, people are simply unreliable, have flawed thinking, are insecure or guard themselves from getting hurt to the point where it is not possible for them to ever have a relationship since they are never vulnerable and always assume the worst from people/always assume the role of the victim." This is true victim-shaming right here. Today you cannot be vulnerable because people are far too selfish to literally hurt or kill you. Many are getting abused in relationships because they trust the wrong kind of people. It is nobody's right to judge how the other desires to seek appropriate mates. Not everybody is right for you. I learned that greatly.
  • MotionlessStorm
    The most difficult part is that we never know what the other person's intentions are or what they are truly feeling/thinking. They can be "open" with you in theory, but they're only revealing the parts of themselves they're comfortable with you seeing and typically they never share their flaws or things that paint them in a bad light.
    With digital dating it always gives the illusion there are better options, so even if there's a spark, a connection, chemistry, people nowadays I've found will lost interest based on the silliest of things because they think they can find better. They're looking for perfection and they believe it's right at their fingertips, just a swipe away.
    The digital age also makes it incredibly easy for those who reject us or "ghost" us to resurface with a "hey" "Hi" "how's it going?" when they realise that the grass was not greener on the other side and you're just a text or snap away.
    Rejection comes in far too many forms these days and social media has made us question the reality of other people's lives. We only share the good and that seems to go hand in hand with online dating as well. People only show the good to those they've just begun dating and bail when that person begins to see and call out their inevitable flaws.
  • vvaleria
    I left my ex-bf because I felt insecure and feared for the future. I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to be happy and be free from the busyness that every day life imposed on us and, consequently, distance us. Then, am I the one to blame?
    • bigcuband

      You suck as a girlfriend, I hope he found someone not insecure with the world. You held him accountable for YOUR problems and anxieties and that's pretty fucked up, @vvaleria

  • ClubRockerArun
    It's always the mindset of people... Just stay honest, & stay real. Cuz rare are real & real are rare. So, Right things come at the right time. Just believe that if you're real & Honest, someone's who's trustworthy & reliable is out there too.. Just be who you are & don't give yourself up. You'll find the one
  • Unit1
    Great. Now i have 2 problems.

    1) women reject me because of their own issues like they are their own enemy;
    2) women hate me anyway and reject me already.🤷 not, that i actually believe that.

    Well... Thanks for the message nevertheless. It's still good to know, that sometimes it's not us but them.
  • cth96190
    Rejection used to upset me.
    Mainly after I saw the retarded socioathic POS who came after me, who was not rejected.
    Thirty years ago I stopped trying.
    The few times that I have tried since then, I have been rejected.
    I felt almost nothing
  • Rangers
    I have huge unresolvable issues due to a chronic illness, which certainly hasn't gotten me any dates and never will. So it's not true in my case
  • Daniel3035
    So basically women who do this are really shallow and we have every right to hate them for prejudging us when they don't even know us.
  • SpearsAndStones
    Depends what your rejection ratio is. If it's more than 10:1, you can assume it's you.
  • brbopinions
    Can i get MHO for nothing, please?
  • Lynx122
    Good take.
  • Aphrodite801
    This is what losers tell themselves
  • ChiPaPa
    It has everything to do with my uggo.
  • Shellyworld
    Wow just wow
  • thesoilder
    Good insight.
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    Most of the times guys reject girls is because they're ugly or not ready to sleep with them and most of the times girls reject guys is because they are hideous or poor.
    • sebbydee

      This is SO inaccurate, I LITERALLY laughed, no joke 😂

    • Anonymous

      It isn't

    • sebbydee

      Ignorance is bliss
      Pick up a psychology book maybe to change that.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    Yea and/or you're ugly. honestly mostly its cuz people ugly. I have a set of rules too to keep up my image but like ugliness and bad experience is logically the main reason for rejection.
    • retlaw0311

      Lmfao! We were all thinkin it... eyes shuffling left and right...

    • Nadim171

      The fact that you're sharing this in anonymous says something.

    • Maybe this person prefers to be anonymous cause they are under the age of 18 and don't want be harassed by pedophiles... ever think that lol

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    Rejection is rarely personal. You can't choose whom you're attracted to or have chemistry with and sometimes you think someone is a lovely human being but you're simply not into them romantically.
    Unless someone is a jerk of course, then rejection is their fault.
    • Im really ugly

    • Anonymous

      @Lonewolf1994 Confidence shines through a lot. If you go around being sulky about the fact that you're "ugly" you will only look uglier. Do the best you can with what you got and find confidence through something else instead. If you haven't noticed a lot of "ugly" people have relationships because they're confident and positive and that shines through more. It all starts with attitude. Plus beauty is subjective.

    • I honestly think Im ugly to all if not most women

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    shut up you dumb simp lol
    • The irony of this comment

    • Anonymous


      she thinks im an incel lol