Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates

Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates

Why do women expect men to pay for dates?

Obviously not all women expect it, but there are a lot of women who do. Even if they don't most men will pay for it regardless. I personally think it's more of a traditional ritual than anything, passed on from generation to generation. Before the age of feminism and women's liberation, women weren't really allowed to work outside of their homes, at least not for a wage and therefore did not have any money to spend of their own - men were expected to be the providers. So when it came to courting women, men were obligated to pay for everything since he had a job and means to money that she didn't. As time passed on and more women started joining the workforce, paying for dates became some sort of a "manly" thing to do, not manly as in macho or obligated to do so but more in the sense that it is only something men are supposed to do like peeing standing up (best example I could come up with since I couldn't think of anything else considering women can do pretty much everything men can nowadays.) So in a sense it showed weakness and lack of economic sense if the man didn't pay for the date.

Of course there are other reasons as well like culture and chivalry. Some women come from cultures where the traditional roles are still in play. Many men still hold 'traditional values' and if they are not capable of 'providing', they might believe they are less of a man.
Many people also feel they have a sense of responsibility to pay if they're the ones who did the asking.


Then there is the thing about nurture and nature.
Suppose you just found a dollar on the ground, would you just ignore it and walk away? Most people wouldn't. Similarly, if you had the choice between paying or not paying, which would you choose? (If you insist on paying, good for you. If not, that's okay it's normal. The sad truth is that all human beings are influenced by greed otherwise the concept of money wouldn't exist.)
Women are given these choices way too often and being raised in this kind of environment results in many of them being spoiled. Though we fight for equal opportunities and most of them are beginning to get it, but when given the opportunity for them to haggle for more it's only human nature for them to do so.

So basically, taking in all these factors

  • Pride compels men to 'show' they can support. (And they bring themselves into an endless cycle of trying to impress women with their ability to support.)
  • The more support women receive, the less they value the support. (Women are spoiled by these gestures.)
  • Eventually, women get the idea that these supports should be taken for granted.
  • When men suggest women should also contribute, different opinion leads to dispute.

Ultimately it all comes down to tradition, it's hard to resist it when it has rooted itself so deep into society's clutches. Although I think nowadays there just as many couples that either split the bill or one pays for this date and the next time the other picks up the tab.


1|3
26|71
IamNuts is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 71

  • 'Ultimately it all comes down to tradition. It's hard to resist it when it has rooted itself so deep into society's clutches.'

    Sorry but this just makes women sound like too much like they are helpless victims of their circumstance, when realistically they just like the pampering and the male validation.

    Let's be real! Anything else merely serves to justify their behaviour.

    0|1
    3|0
    • a lot of idiots on here. What about the fact that whoever is asked shouldn't have to pay? Some like pampering indeed, but thats not the reason for many.

      a lot of guys on here devalue the true worth of men. Sad.

    • Show All
    • Not necessarily. Some women give men chances.

      Basic reading comprehension is sorely needed. Its not about her expecting freebies. Some will want that. But if you are asking somene out romantically, it is very selfish and rude to ask them to pay half. YOU sought that person out. YOU pay.

    • @RationalLioness

      basic reading comprehension, indeed...

      My, girl, you are down right condescending, I seriously recommend a thorough reading of Dale Carnegie.

      '[S]elfish and rude' sounds more like something that would apply to somebody that wants everything paid for them.

      Please, we don't live in the 1950s anymore. Women demand equality, in this day and age, and it's something that comes with a little thing called responsibility.

      If you want to go on a date with me, the value of going out must exceed the price of one mochaccino or caramel latte.

      If it does not, you can't want to date me that badly, so there's not really any point in agreeing to go on a date when you can't escape your own obnoxious traditionalist dating mindset.

  • Back then, women didn't have their own earned income.

    Now that we do, I see no problem going dutch initially.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think whoever takes the other person out should pay or they should go dutch. We don't live in a time where women don't make money anymore lol

    EQUALITY! :D

    1|0
    0|0
  • Going Dutch (50/50) is the best solution.

    3|3
    2|0
  • *shrugs* I prefer tradition, though not for any of the reasons you stated, personally I think you are over analyzing a simple gesture.

    2|0
    1|0
  • It all comes to tradition and sense of entitlement. Some women are more traditional and will want the guy to pay, but she will still act more in a traditional way during the relationship.
    Others are simply entitled women who believe because they have a vagina they are entitled to get men approaching and paying for them.

    I can understand why years ago it was seen as positive for a man to pay, or he had to because she didn't work therefore had no money, but with all that women have gone through to gain equality, you'd expect them to also want equality when it comes to dating, but obviously they don't.
    They're cherry picking, or like they're in a buffet. "Equal pay... I'll take some of that. Paying for dinner... fuck no, I don't want that..."

    Traditional or entitled, that's all there is. Sadly, with most of young women, it's entitlement, cause they sure are loud when it comes to fighting for equality.

    1|5
    1|0
  • I never pay for a date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I find it interesting when women expect men to be chivalrous or be "traditional." However, these same women excuse themselves from doing the traditional things. If a woman wants a man to be traditional, she should be willing to do the laundry, cook, and clean and maintain the household. Yet, there's been a shift where men must maintain this type of correct "behavior," but they need to contribute to the household. This is not about tradition; this is about men needing to do everything and be supportive. Because of the "oppression" of women from the past, present men need to suffer and sacrifice even more. This is about vengeance. We should take a look at this issue from a perspective of a human standpoint regardless of sex. Everyone needs to earn a person's respect. Respect should not be granted because of the person's sex. Additionally, women cannot do everything that men can do. There are still certain things like strength tests where many women cannot complete that men are expected to complete.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Women often *are* traditional, for example by putting far more effort into their appearance than men do.

  • http://memecrunch.com/meme/2OYJ/no-shit/image.png

    Nut or fruit based substance sandwiched between two pastries. (filler)

    0|0
    0|1
  • Women are evil and greedy. This is just another feminist lie.

    0|0
    1|0
  • The reason is cultural.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You know one time some female co-workers were going out for lunch one day, and I said I would go and one of the girls said you are? Like surprised I would even hang with them, then I said yeah and jokingly said you buying my lunch? She got kinda snappy and said what I ain't buying you lunch you supposed to do that you the man. I ain't buying for no man. Then said to the others cann you believe that? I kinda got put off by the comment, I'm awkward and shy to begin with and making a lighthearted joke isn't something I'd normally do. Hurt my feelings a little

    0|0
    0|0
    • Wow... she seems old fashioned. She takes things too seriously. Lol

    • On a different note, i feel if a man takes his woman out, I'd say get anything on the menu, you only live once, keep the data happy and lighthearted and damn the costs! If you wanna filet mignon, get it. Dont settle for a salad, I like a woman who's not afraid to eat😛

  • It's especially compelling considering women in their 20s make more then their male counterpart.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'am a old fashion guy and grew up with those values. I'm always willing to pay for movies or dinner. If she really wants to one time then sure she can pay.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's just me. If I go to the bar with a friend. First rounds on me. If I invite a colleague in business for a coffee, i buy the coffee. So if I go on a date and it's iniated by me, it's just me to pay for it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Before the age of feminism and women's liberation, women weren't really allowed to work outside of their homes"
    Before the age of feminism, there WASN'T any work outside the homes. Everyone generally worked on the home farm or very nearby. Also, women generally didn't want to work outside the home. Men were responsible, as you mentioned. Most women didn't want to change that. However, women were not barred from working outside the home, and many did -- especially unmarried women.

    "but when given the opportunity for them to haggle for more it's only human nature for them to do so."
    To this point I think this goes way further than paying for dates. I think there's asymmetry in sex drives between men and women, and women capitalize on it to a staggering degree, and this is embedded in human behavior even more than any culture. In my life, I feel like men really need to modify themselves a lot to attract a woman. Women aren't attracted to what most men really want to be. And I think it's the basis for all of the transfer of wealth from men to women that goes beyond accounting for a reasonably secure family situation.

    1|2
    1|0
    • Otherwise, really good take! I'm glad to see a woman make mention of women getting spoiled, and the concept of too much support lowering the value of the support.

      This was rather well-rounded.

    • Thank you

  • It bewilders me when women get upset when guys are old fashioned in terms of politeness. I was walking into a gas station once, and I noticed a woman walking close behind. I held the door for her, something I would have done regardless of whether it was a man or woman, and she looked at me with this face of disgust, and said in a very matter-of-fact voice, "I can do that myself, pig." She then opened the other door, and walked in, leaving me in a state of shock and bewilderment.
    A word to the wise: if someone is being nice to you for seemingly no reason, don't bite their head off. It is unbecoming of you, and you come off as mean and arrogant.

    4|1
    0|0
    • Wow that woman you held the door for is simply acting like a bitch and nothing else. She has a screwed up brain and screwed up thoughts. She was very rude! She should have thanked you for it, not be a bitch about it. Don't worry that is her problem not yours.

    • Show All
    • It's polite to hold doors open so they don't hit the people behind you in the face that lady is rude and a pig herself.

    • Damn, that woman sure was acting bitchy.

  • Men always have to bring more to the table than women do, in one form or the other.

    In this case, the form is in finances, though it could also be in the form of better genetics, more power, more social desirability, etc.

    This is because women invest much more energy into one reproductive event than men do. For a woman to have a baby, she has to sacrifice one of only 4000 eggs, 9 months of her life, and provide milk for the infant for about 6 months. Her body is never the same after this.

    For a man to have a baby, he has to sacrifice one of the 10,000,000,000,000 sperm he will make over his lifetime. It takes about 2 minutes, and then life carries on as usual.

    When a man and woman have sex, the woman is bringing (or giving the illusion of bringing, if contraception is used) exponentially more resources to the table in the form of reproductive currency. So the man has to have many objectively desirable qualities to be her equal, while she simply needs to exist.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For the first date, when I ask her, I expect to pay, and arrange everything for that date. When I get a second, I want to make it all about her, and what she likes, but I still expect to pay.
    When we decide we are a 'couple' it comes down to who wants to go where, and eat wherever, and should be give and take. She pays when she chooses, I pay when I choose.

    6|0
    0|0
  • This is because men have went along with it for so long. They have suckered themselves into believing that they won't get a woman if he doesn't pay.

    0|1
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    51

What Girls Said 26

  • I want my dates paid for. That's the only reason I go on 90% of them and that's a fact.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm all about the whoever asks pays but all offer life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly the reason why this is even a debate is due to the feminists movement. I'm not a feminists and I couldn't care less about what they are fighting for so that being said I expect my dates to be paid for. Now if the woman is some whore or is vying for all her 'rights' then me as a man I would not pay. You're not going to argue me down about how women need this and that and how the system needs to change and then turn around and expect me to pay. You don't like the way it used to be then you are not allowed to like this tradition either period. That's how i feel about it like you're not going to hit me with some chivalry needs to be done away with or that it's dead and expect me to pay. If I was on a date with a girl like that I wouldn't pay either. On the other hand I probably wouldn't have taken a girl like that out in the first place as I'm sure it wouldn't be fun. All I'm saying is I agree with the old ways I'm traditional and i don't mind being underneath a man and letting him be head of the household. What feminists seem to forget when people say what I said though is this it's my decision! Feminists love to call people a slave or delusional when we want to be under our husband or partner. That's my choice the people who actually need feminists are the ones in other countries who are not free to make their own decisions instead it is forced upon them. They are killed, raped, and beaten we in the U. S choose this life because we want it if you want to fight so bad go fight for the rights as well. Those women are the ones who need it. Anyways I want to serve my man so it's only fair for him to pay for me. I expect my man to be a provider and a head to my household if I'm dating you I see potential and if you'e not paying I'm going to assume you can't be the head of my household. I'm waiting until marriage so my future husband better be ready to pay for my dates considering the fact that he's getting a prize. I also will not be working once we get married so a stable job is necessary as well. P. S this is not a bash to women who lost their virginity unwillingly although for the others who did it willingly before marriage *side eye* Also let me also state that I have a job now and I'm also in college courses although I'm getting ready to travel the world :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think it should be 50/50 on the firsts couple of dates that because you don't know where things are going. At a time i've went on a date where I paid for the guy food and a movie to see what the guy thinks in that case but the guy felt bad bc he didn't like when a women paid for them.

    1|0
    0|0
  • See here is my simple rule
    If a guy asks you on a date, he pays.
    If a girl asks you on a date, she pays.
    Not so hard folks!

    1|0
    0|0
  • I like the guy to pay for the first couple of dates. I am fine to alternate after that. It is a sign of interest for me. There is no dollar value for the "paying." We can go have ice cream. Or coffee. Or pizza slices. Basically for me paying is like showing me you care about my well-being when we are together. And it is the same reason I want my dates to open doors for me.

    2|0
    0|5
    • ah that good 'ol dollar worship

    • @TheSavageTruth not at all. I make good money on my own. It is not the amount but the gesture.

      You can "pay" for cheap stuff - coffee, ice cream whatever. I am not judging. I find when the guy doesn't pay he wasn't that interested.

      I let you pay but bring my own money just in case.

    • This weekend I went on a pricey first date. It was somewhat a special occasion and I thought we were "hanging out" so I assumed I would share in some of the costs.

      When we were on the way he preemptively cleared up any potential confusion by saying "just want to make it clear, this date is my treat!"

      And I kept my wallet in my purse at his request.

  • I fully expect to be paid for. The guy ALWAYS pays. Why? Because he's lucky I agreed to go out with him. I know I sound pretentious but it's the truth.
    There have only bee a couple of instances where I paid for myself and of course there was no second date

    1|0
    1|13
    • You know what you do is wrong and that's why you went anonymous... -_-

    • Show All
    • That's a good logic, if it happens often it must be right, poor future husband.

  • If a guy asks the girl to go out, then he pays. If she asks him, she pays. Simple as that. I wouldn't ask my friend to go have ice-cream with me and then make her pay.

    2|3
    0|3
  • I think this is a good MyTake.

    A lot of women do expect a guy to pay for them. They see it as a show of his manners, values, and means.

    And a lot of guys are forced into paying for things they really shouldn't be paying for, ex) a bill of $50 when $25 was in his realistic budget.

    Things are getting better though. I like going 50/50 unless for a birthday surprise or something.

    A story on this, when my sister went to visit her male friend he took her credit card and insisted he would pay for everything the entire weekend. I think that's kinda crazy, and we both think it's very old fashioned. But for him it was being a good love interest.

    1|0
    1|0
  • Women pee standing up too they have urinals for women.

    0|0
    2|2
  • I don't want man to pay me, it makes me feel awkward, as if I can't do it myself. So I think before going out we should deal that we pay our own. I like to feel that I am independent, self-sufficient and I do not need others to pay for me. Though if he really wants to do it, if he longs for it (as some men asked me to let them to pay) that's no problem. Just if I have money at the moment I prefer to pay for myself.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I've been the one who always pay except the first date. I don't mjnd paying for the dates.

    1|0
    0|1
  • On a first date I always insist on paying for myself, it's lovely when they offer to pay for me which they do every time and most absolutely insist or will pay while we are still eating. If we are doing two things I'll always pay for something. Eg. I went to coffee and a movie with a guy, he paid for the movie and I paid for the coffee. I am very happy to do that and if things progress then I would be happy to continue or pay in turns. From where I'm from (Australia) guys just automatically assume they are paying on the first date and it's very flattering that they even offer and most girls I know will insist back or shove money in their pocket or offer to pay for something else. It's just polite I guess :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • So I don't really have any dating experience so this is all hypothetical, but I guess it would also depend on how the date went. If the date went well than the guy offering to pay would seem nice, since you would want to see him again and pay him back later (by paying for the next date or something else). If the date didn't go well, than I wouldn't want the guy to pay for me, because it would seem like a favor which I would have no intention in returning.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I make more money then my husband so not only do I usually pay for our dates but car parts on his Camaro too. So to make it fair then make men be asked not to piss outside cuz women can't.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I go against tradition, not because I am trying to be a rebel lol. But I feel really uncomfortable with anyone else (man or woman) paying for me. So when I go on a date, I prefer to pay for myself, and let him pay for himself. No pressure, let's just have fun!

    2|1
    0|0
  • I've always been told that a man should pay for a date if he was the one who did the asking. Also one thing I've realized is if a man will spend a little bit on you and not expect you to pay for anything then he's more serious. After all who would blow $20+ on you if he's just looking for a lay. A stupid one that's who. Until my husband most guys I called my boyfriend we didn't have money to go out anywhere and I was fine with that. One boyfriend I did all the buying because I had a job and his was a seasonal job. So personally if the guy has a job and asked me to dinner I would expect him to pay. If we made it to the second or third date I'd start offering to take the bill or at the least pay for myself.
    I did date one guy a couple times. I asked him out and I tried to pay but he refused to let me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you are inviting someone out, then the host or inviter should pay the bill. Expecting your guest to pay the bill will tell your guest or invitee you cannot afford to spend the evening with them.

    That's my two-cents. It has nothing to do with gender.

    If you cannot afford to take someone out, then eating out is just not an option. There are other ways to have fun, like inviting your special someone to meet your parents or an older, more authoritative relative. You can cook up a grand family feast and serve at the dining table; your date will be the only guest and will get the chance to observe your relationship with your family members.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Where I live, most of the men pay for the dates. And they have no issues doing so. I do not always assume that they will when they ask me out, so I make sure I have money to go on the date and pay my way. When the bill comes and he says he will pay, then I am fine with that. If he doesn't , then I pay my share. Out of all the dates I have been on in the last year, I have only ever had to pay once. As for some of the people on here saying women wait for the guy to ask them out because they don't have to pay?
    Meh. I don't ask guys out simply because I just don't chase them. If they want my attention, they can come to me. I lead a busy life and can't be bothered to chase a man down.

    0|0
    0|0
    • "And can't be bothered to chase a man down" lol someone has been around...

    • @CaptainMurica yep did the chasing after boys thing when I was a teenager. Like all girls do. I myself as an older woman now , don't give really give a fuck. They all come to me. I don't need to go to them.

    • @CapitainMurica

  • Just because many women do not want to pay does not mean that women have become spoiled nor does that mean that it is an unequal right. Many women are asked out and why should the askee have to pay when THEY were asked out?

    Gaining equal rights in law has nothing to do with the preferences that people have. I dont know what is so hard to grasp about this.

    2|0
    0|9
    • If a girl you just met asked you to get luch later, would you expect her to pay simply because she asked?

    • Show All
    • HAH! so the point is basically as long as you have something to gain from it, a sexist principle is fine. Amusing that you don't mind if a man assumes you can't make your own money... to keep your own money. Also implying that the person who is asked out (and is free to say yes or know) should have no investment in the affair is laughable, they agreed to take part in the courting, unless you think women have no say in the courting process? ;)

    • I don't think it is ridiculous to expect the other person to pay for what they got. That just seems obvious that they should at least pay for what they got and if the other person chooses to pay for them then good for them.

  • More from Girls
    6
Loading...