Over the past few years I have come to the conclusion that no teenage boy in the history of adolescence has ever had the slightest clue as to what in the f*ck he is doing.
Now most of you can never seem to tell the difference between a young woman having interest in you or not.
So without further introduction, I give to you, young men of modern society, a guidebook of all the ways to know that I am NOT in ANY WAY interested in you.
Let’s start with the internet.
If I ignore you through text, Facebook message, Twitter, Snapchat, or any other form of social media, firstly, STOP sending me messages, and secondly, I do not like you. If I’m having a nice conversation with you and you suddenly send and/or ask me for inappropriate pictures, I do not like you. If you make inappropriate jokes about the female anatomy, I do not like you. If you upload overly friendly pictures with scantily clad girls to make me jealous, you don’t care about my feelings, and I don’t like you. If I upload a photo of myself and you write something along the lines of “smexy” or “I’d get on that”, you’re an ass, and I don’t like you. If you only ever “like” my selfies and OOTD’s (Outfit’s of The Day) and have never “liked” a single picture of my dog or post about my little brother’s soccer game, I don’t like you. If you text me that I’m cute and I respond with something like “Aw! You’re so nice!” or “You’re such a sweet friend!”, don’t get any idea’s, I’m just being nice, and I don’t like you. If I never start the conversation, I’m not playing hard to get, I simply do not like you. Just because I “liked” something you posted doesn’t mean I want to get with you, and your thinking my “like” meant something more than it did, makes me not like you. If you regularly update your Twitter feed with how many “bitchez” your hanging “wit” and how many clubs you and “the bros” hit tonight, I don’t like you. And if you have a Facebook album entitled “My Car”, I don’t like you.
Moving on. You.
If you are over sixteen and dress like a twelve year old (I.E. Underwear showing, sideways snapback, bright red Nike’s, AXE Cologne, Etc Etc), I do not like you. Now let me push this up a year. If you are over eighteen and still play video games for six hours a day, I do not like you. If you get wasted every. single. weekend. I do not like you. If you have dated all of my friends, and especially if you have dated all of them within the last year, I do not like you. If you have a “reputation” (whether it be partying, girls, or anything juvenile), I do not like you. If you stay up until six in the morning every night, with unreasonable reasons to do so, (I.E. To play Call of Duty or watch two seasons of Supernatural), I do not like you. If you are ten years older than me, I don’t like you. If you are married, I don’t like you. If you are twenty years old, work at a fast food restaurant, and have zero ambition to do anything with your life, I don’t like you. If you think Drake, Lil’ Wayne, and Machine Gun Kelly are the greatest musicians of all time, I don’t like you. If you aren’t passionate about something, literally anything, I don’t like you. I don’t care if you are a musician, an artist, an actor, or and athlete; as long as you care about something, I know you can eventually care about me to. And if you don’t love anything, how do you consider that living? Alternatively, if you are absolutely obsessed with something, (a band, a sports team, etc) to the point where it’s the only thing you can talk about, I don’t like you.
So here is a little about how I want you to treat me and how certain ways you treat me convince me to dislike you.
For starters, if I’m talking to you about something I’m really passionate about and you dismiss it with “Cool :)” or “Yeah that’s not really my thing”, I don’t like you. If I don’t ever mention my dad to you, I don’t have any intention of you ever meeting him, and I don’t like you. If you see me wearing something provocative, I am not necessarily trying to get your attention, chances are you just happened to be there on a day I wanted to feel good about myself, and I don’t like you. If I end conversations quickly and with long explanations as to why I have to go, I’m lying, and I don’t like you. Or want to talk to you. If your religion is different than mine and you make a point of trying to convince me my religion is “wrong” or “silly”, I don’t like you. If your political views are different than mine, and you make a point of trying to prove THEY are “wrong” or “silly”, I don’t like you.
Here are some things that have been bothering me personally in recent months.
If I’m at work, you show up, and I barely acknowledge your presence, don’t get mad at me, because firstly, I did not ask you to show up and I don’t have time to deal with you, I’M WORKING.
If you want to give me a compliment, do not call me “pretty” or “cute”. I have a complex about this. I don’t want to be thought of as “pretty” or “cute”. The definition of “pretty” is “less than beautiful” and the definition of “cute” is “pretty”. Go big or go home. Call me beautiful, call me gorgeous, or call me stunning. No girl wants the man of her dreams to think she is simply “pretty”.
Don’t treat me like you treat every other girl. If you treat me the same way you treated the girl you just spoke to, I’m going to think you think of me as just another girl, and I won’t like you.
And if you find out that my friend knows who you are, don’t take that as a sign that I like you, I talk about the boys who bother me just as much as the boys I like.
So there are some reasons that I don’t like you. They are few but they are important. ...Now here are some of the reasons, I like you...
If I take the time to talk to you everyday, I like you.
If you compliment me and I respond with “Aww… <3”, I like you.
If I confide in you with personal things, I like you.
If I touch my hair or straighten my shirt while talking to you, I like you.
If I purposely avoid looking you in the eyes most of the time, I like you.
If you catch me looking at you and I look away quickly, rather than smiling, I like you.
If I take interest in things you are interested in, I like you.
If my best friend “likes” everything you post, I like you.
If I want you to meet my best friend, I like you.
If I stay up hours past when I would usually go to bed, just to talk to you, I like you.
If you genuinely make an effort to care about the things I care about, I like you.
If you are ambitious and humble, I like you.
If you genuinely like me as a person and not as a pretty face or nice body, I like you.
If my family knows and likes you, I like you.
And finally, to whatever boy is reading this, no matter what type of guy you are, or what type of girls you like, just know that every girl just wants you to care about them as much as they care about you. Girls are not just something to have fun with and when we tell you we love you, we mean it.
One of many.