Storytime w/ RJ: Why I Trust My Gut When it Comes to Dating

If you all remember my question _______ you’ll know that I asked whether or not I should give a guy I wasn’t necessarily feeling a chance. I initially decided not to, but after a slew of events, I changed my mind. A little flicker of interest ignited, and I finally, after years of this guy pursuing me … gave him the proverbial “chance.”

Storytime w/ RJ: Why I Trust My Gut When it Comes to Datin

I went out for a late night coffee with him, and I am not trying to brag, but I arrived looking as close to a ten as a girl like me could ever look. I know because before he even arrived 3 other patrons tried flirting with me, so I was looking at the very least decent. He came from work, so I didn’t expect him to look spectacular and wasn’t surprised when he looked a little rough. Doesn’t bother me though, he’s a working man, so it’s forgivable.

But boy oh boy, I wish I had listened to myself when I said it’d be better if we just stayed friends.

A good friend of mine ended up in the same coffee shop, and the two just happened to know each other as well, which was awesome because he’s a total geek like me. But little did I realize that this guy I was on the date with was too, very much so in fact. I thought it was cute how in depth the two got about Star Wars and Mass Effect, very cute … until it became a 20 minute conversation where I was completely ignored. Not even acknowledged for a second, even when I began blatantly making faces at the two just to test how hard core the two were ignoring me. This continued, and I got a few words in every few minutes or so while another man across the shop stared at me. When I made eye contact with him, he looked to the guy I was with, back at me, and gave me a sympathetic shake of the head along with a look that said: “I’m so sorry your time is being wasted right now.”

Oh how I wish it ended there G@Gers, how I wish it ended there.

Somehow the topic of dating came up, and then I was hit with the biggest possible bomb I could have received, so big it put this date in the top five worst dates I had ever been on. Want to know what it was? Do you? Do you? Here it is:


Yes, while he was out with me he was also seeing another girl, who he had no issue talking about by the way. Suddenly I was left with a look of shock on my face, wondering how I had misread the signs and how I hadn’t realized this guy only wanted to be friends.

Let me give you a spoiler: I didn’t misread the signs. He DID like me and did want to go out with me, he was just pursuing two women at the same time. Me, and this other girl. I’ll get to that later.

I was pretty upset over it and asked him to take me home shortly after. I kept my cool and acted like nothing was wrong as he boasted about his relationship with this girl, and I simply listened and shared a few awkward experiences I had on dates in the past, making a point to bring up AWFUL DATES just to give him a little hint that he had made a horrible impression. Normally, I would have just totally ripped this guy a new one, but at this time I was still convinced that I misread the signs and that he just wanted to be friends. I learned just today that, like I said, I hadn’t misread the signs, even though he changed his relationship status to being in a relationship with this other girl. Who does seem like a nice girl by the way, turns out I actually have a friend who knows her.

He texted me to apologize just about 20 minutes ago. Turns out, just two days after being in a relationship with this girl, he broke up with her as he realized she wasn’t what he wanted, and he actually wanted me. His apology was sincere enough, but I had been holding back how I really felt, so this time, I let him have it, and I will share with you exactly what I said:

Well (blank), since you were honest I want to be honest with you too. That … whatever it was, “date” or “hangout” was definitely not in my top ten. It was awesome seeing you and (blank) but not to the point that being blatantly ignored and told about some other girl when you think you’re on a date, but not awesome enough for that to be an enjoyable first impression. Again, not holding it against you but it was kind of a kick in the face considering I left my family to be there.

(The left my family refers to the fact that I was up visiting my dad who I only see a few times a year FYI)

He admitted to fucking up, he did. But he knows that his chances with me are gone, and I have learned the very deeply imbedded moral of this story: trust your gut. If a guy doesn’t feel right, he probably isn’t. There’s a time and a place to take a chance, but if those belly tingles don’t cease … it could pay to listen to yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this guy’s an asshole, I think he’s oblivious. I wouldn’t post this if I knew he was going to see it, because he really is a hardworking guy and a nice guy. Having said that, there’s certain lines you just don’t cross, and bringing the topic of your girlfriend to a date with another girl is just one of those lines that you can’t come back from.

Thanks for listening to my little storytime, I hope you guys have a great day and I’ll be back with you on the regular soon.


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What Guys Said 12

  • Dear Gravey,

    The problem with trusting your gut instincts is that, if they are wrong just once, you may pass up the opportunity to meet The One. How tragic that would be!



  • I don't know... It always seems to me that the innocent indecisive guys cause the most harm, more than the cheating assholes, heck even Helen Of Troy. Nice of you to share though.

  • Gawd that date was so awful - You know when you have that laugh tinged with sadness for you (I suppose a laugh with rather than at) because believe it or not you will look back and laugh one day - At the time you just want the ground to swallow you up or be anywhere else but you will look back at laugh in the future, Also it is like insecurities I bet you everyone has a story leading to similar emotions.

    • Oh I laugh my ass off about it. Because he has been begging to have me since I posted this.

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    • Yes indeed mighty mature of you, good for you.

    • Thank you. Bitterness is unbecoming afterall.

  • Damn i thought i was story time with this guy

    (Guess which one is a professional porn actress now)

    • This story is a little sucky

      "I am not trying to brag, but I arrived looking as close to a ten as a girl like me could ever look."

      Should of posted a pic so won't have to imagine.

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    • Correction "thought he wanted to be with". In essence he most likely gave up on you at the end and was picking the other woman for a chance at relationship. When he saw there was some chance you'd be interested in him, he dropped her to be with you.

    • He didn't friend zone me, he asked me out twice afterwards actually.

  • I've never regretted trusting my gut, I have regretted not trusting my gut.

    So he was pursuing more than one woman, big deal. As a woman you get to choose from the men who approach, it's analogous.

  • My gut has never lead me astray. It was confused a little once but overall I'll follow it over others usually.

  • I typically don't agree with the statement "trust your gut instincts." It could be different between guys and girls but I feel like most instincts are simply memories that reinforce a particular idea/conclusion that you have. So, you may have seen traits in him that you had negative experiences with before and all of this culminated in a supposed 'gut instinct' that told you he was bad news. Therefore it might be in your best interest to really analyze what experiences and what internal reasoning led you to making these subconscious decisions such that you can absolutely minimize erroneous conclusions made by trusting your feelings... and trust me, unless you're magical and perfect and have experienced literally everything, gut feelings will inevitably produce wrong decisions...

    Okay this opinion is really long now, but when I have a gut reaction to something, I immediately start thinking about why I'm having that reaction. If it is CLEARLY irrational, I will override my instincts (usually with positive results) otherwise, I'll typically discover that there was in fact real logic behind that instinct. Long story short, using a combination of instincts and logic is better than just trusting one or the other.

  • TBH he sounds like an idiot >_>

    • Oh he is, he is.

  • So you really are human aren't you? 😏

  • Wow so he begged you for a date, while he was dating someone else, he ignored you on the date and talked about his other date when he stopped ignoring you. What a keeper.

    • No shit eh? Apparently though I'd take him back too.

  • Wow :o It amazes me someone could be so breathtakingly oblivious

  • I thought that stuff only happens in comedy's, how awkward and careless. Isn't the whole point of dating to get to know the person sitting in front of you? From my experiances the actual date while being extra fun is quite irrelevant. Its how well you get along and the things you shared during the date that matter, which in your case was only his other girl experiances , ouch!


What Girls Said 2

  • No rush of competition, at least? With other girl?

  • I most deffinitely believe in trusting your gut: can make u take the most rewarding risks and avoid the most awful flops.

    Glad ur situation with this guy didn't drag on