Guys Losing Interest After Sex: Ladies, Wanna Know Why?

Assuming that he was even considering a relationship...

Why do guys start losing interest after sex?

The thrill of "the chase" and the fantasy of it is really good, like seeing the dessert tray before dinner!


Anticipation of intimacy is the great buildup of tension and sex is the release of it. Trouble is, once you've had it, what is exposed is all the other relationship stuff and possibly that the sex was just ok. Realize you are competing against his dreams, fantasies, other girls, etc.. Relationship questions surface such as distance, her situation, difficult x husband and kids, stresses, financial, can this really work, etc.. I'm not talking about physical imperfection so much, but everything gets rolled up into... what do I do next? Do I keep this relationship or wait for another?

The problem is... his needs are now satisfied... the sex drive, a major thing that propelled him towards the female... is done (for the moment), so he's dealing with all the other stuff. And he may look at the whole thing in sum total and determine... I'm not sure, I just don't know, maybe, kinda?... Guys think about things and then stop thinking about it and move onto something else, especially if they can't reach a conclusion easily. Girls can't stop thinking about things like this and it spins round and round in their minds.

If it isn't a definite yes, then the answer is often a maybe or a no, which means it's gonna fall apart because the pursuit, effort, texting, etc.. drops off? This is where the girl, if she is interested, and they usually are because girls often are more bonded during sex, starts to freak and ask questions...why isn't he texting me (communicating)? Its been 6 hours and no word?

By releasing the tension on something that is the major bait for the guy, you are risking losing his interest if a relationship isn't established first because the release exposes other relevant questions which may kill the relationship... or dull it.

Realize there are other more important things valuable about you that draw him in and these being in place will help to keep him engaged in the relationship. Some examples are, he likes you as a person, you're fun, likes to be with you, you are helpful, just wonderful to be with, he sees woman in you, great with kids, can see a future with you, low stress, common interests, can learn from you or contribute to your life, you play together, emotionally healthy..he can handle you, you respect him, etc...

Before the sex, he can't really see the other stuff so well because the desire for you is so high...he's blinded. So you are supposed to take it slow, get to know each other, build romance, and discover those compatibility/incompatibility things and decide if this is gonna work... before mating bonding! If so, then it opens up the door for intimacy... because there is already a good chance you are moving towards LTR and sex is a compatibility issue (values system may determine when this is appropriate).

There's risks to mating before marriage as well as for waiting until marriage and you accept them as an adult in your relationship and figure out what is right for you.


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What Girls Said 23

  • This is exactly why I never call or text after hooking up. I leave it to the guy. The fact that I'm not clingy afterwards is why I've never been given the cold shoulder.
    I hold all the power by acting as if i equally dont care if thats the role he chooses by never contacting me.
    How can he feel as if he played me, when I never let anything be known, for all he knows I could have played his ass and thoroughly thought about his characteristics after the chase.
    I may want a man, but I damn sure don't need one and will not act desperate for his attention after some good D.

    • right on! That sounds like a good approach!

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    • @lilac_flowers "Why are you men so purposely delusional?" Chill, perhaps take notice that I am asking a lot of questions and have stated that I don't understand.

      I still don't get why have casual sex if it leaves you that vulnerable? It seems to me these games to protect your self are just illusions and you would probably end up hurt anyway?

      I'm also not saying men detach for casual sex, though some may do that. I know I can be very present, even feel genuine intimacy, but still not be emotionally hurt when there is nothing but the sex.

      I'm really liking this conversation because I'm gaining more perspective on the issue, please don't misinterpret me as being callus or what have you.

      @lightbulb27 I agree.

    • @jager66 alright. If you say you were really speaking from a perspective of asking women why they would go and get hurt, instead of facing themselves, (and not shifting blame) then I get it, I misunderstood.

  • There are three types of guys:

    1. Those who judge women for sleeping with them too early.
    2. Those who get angry because women tease them too long.
    3. Those who respect women as people, respect their choices, and determine their attraction to them based on who they are as a person.

    Only the third type is worth our time and effort. I've had guys lose interest after I slept with him "too soon". I've had guys lose interest because I didn't sleep with him right away. My boyfriend was interested in me for who I am as a person and, whaddya know, literally nothing changed when we had sex on date number 5.

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    • I guess guys who do not seek gratifications are the type 3 guys who no matter what you do with them, won't feel boring with. Type 12 will just want to get everything out from you as soon as possible and counting the relationship on the benefits that you can provide them. It is not about a man whether he is proactive or passive but proactivity might prove that he is just playing with you

    • @SovereignessofVamps Agree but those are passive people with issues only = =

  • I have a Q: if a girl gets hurt by a bad guy who dumps her after sex... why should she see that as a mistake? Why should she want to be in a relationship with a manipulative dude or one who doesn't care about her anyway? I was just talking about this on a Q of mine.

    I do think if she's looking for a relationship, she should speak to the guy at least a little b4 sex to found out his interests or even if they would be a good match... But I definitely think that sex can come before most of the things you wrote about and people will have a relationship just fine.

    • Well, the perception is the issue right? If she thought was LTR, but he bails, then that is rejection. That hurts anyone. If she got out of it what she wanted or gained value of some kind, then there was an exchange of value, and all fine in Oz? I think the big issue is that sex and love creates bonding, in most cases. I'm still not clear on how some people are doing this without bonding. But there are chemicals released from your brain. And when you lose that person, it hurts. Especially bad when they just drop out of your life. The only way out of that is to take it as learning about yourself. If you get value out of it, then it was a fair exchange. If a baby or disease or abuse showed up, you got bigger challenges.

      I'd like to see evidence that sex can come before the other stuff, on a consistent basis. I see too many hurting people on this site. I think it is resulting in a lot more damage than you think. But it gets back to what I note which is expectations/communication.

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    • I'll stop the thread soon but keep coming up with questions..
      So if, he said... hey "Suzie (you), I'm gonna move on to the next girl. were over." would you be hurt inside - pain? Or would you be like..."we'll I got some great stuff out of it, I learned a few things, it felt good, I'm good!" Later dude... more fishes in the sea?

    • It depends. If he was a ONS I wouldn't care. If we were dating of course it would hurt. but that would be for anyone, not just girls...

  • If people are going to do a one night stand right, stop responding to their calls or text after sex. There is not meant to anything more.

  • this is why its smart for women to wait. because you never know how the guy will react until he gets what he wants. its like buying a used car off a lot without taking it to the mechanic and HOPING the car runs well. maybe it will, maybe it won't but you should take it to the mechanic first and be smart and put the odds in your favor. just like you should wait and see the guys true colors and get to know him before having sex. but hoes gone be hoes and some of y'all won't listen

  • I believe if a guy leaves you after sex you just found out what this guy is really about and you dogged a bullet. Its funny how men can sleep with dozens of women and most women will look past it but for women its the opposite. So sad.

    Im a virgin by choice. (I wanna make sure im in love, and am loved) my boyfriend isn't a virgin. I don't judge him based on the fact that he had sex with his EXs. We are sexual beings. Though I do belive we should be choosy of who we are sexual with, wether you had sex too early or not should not be the base of a relationship. If it is, then GOOD BYE!

    My boyfriend and I arnt having sex till marraige but we have done some "dirty" things to keep us satisfied. We started being slightly intimate on our second month. We have been together for 8 months and counting. He hasent gone anywhere just because we were sexual earlier on unless me waiting for marraige is whats keeping him with me still... i doubt it tho.

    • Good to hear and great comment, I agree, need to have love in place. Good to see, you seem to be a rarity. I hope this works. Interesting solution to meet the needs!

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    • another interesting thing some what related is that women with a higher hip to waist ratio are more likely to have more casual sex. Women with thin figures, feminine faces, bigger boobs are more likely to cheat via serial monogamy/hypergamy, has to do with Oestrogen or something... was just reading some research on this.

      So there is clearly a biological link between sexual behavior, psychology and biology in women.

    • @Jager66 Great info, thank you! Especially the part about single parents with partners where the child abuse is much higher. Goes to show that the children are suffering when the parents are not committed. Divorce and crime correlate. It makes sense, I'm thinking Ozzy Osborne was correct... "were going off the rails on a crazy train...".

  • I agree... BUT I do have to say literally most of the males i have ever meet in my life will say this is a lie. They have no desire to hunt, it wastes time. They only want one thing and figure out if the girl is worth more attention. Now, I guess they coul dbe immature even if they are old guys.. But hey good take.

    • Now we do like the thrill of chase. :p
      But just because now he's become doesn't mean he'll drop everything and run. He obviously wants a relationship, sex is very important in relationship, but relationship is not just sex.

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    • No we want exactly that LTR if intent was there to begin with, sex wouln't change that. If that was the case it'll be happening all over, and majority of relationships wouldn't even start.

    • @Oram52 This is exactly what guys have told me too.

  • Well, I was with my ex almost 3 years, we split up 4 years ago I was badly mistreated abused and used to his desires, let me tell ya I loved that man but it just was never enough.
    I then got used again by someone else, then by that persons friend also used me.
    I'm now waiting to see a shrink as I have very low confidence i don't like being anywhere near people, i isolate myself mostly on my own, I hate myself and see myself more as a toy then a woman that can be loved.
    so yeah not all women just want sex or a one night stand some of us want real love but never find it.

    • Did you ever tell your ex's why they treated you so unfair?

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    • @Whizzy83 im hoping it doesn't happen again I've youtubed a lot of stuff googled things asked people with the same experiences and already had CBT so im crossing my fingers im wiser then i was years ago xx

    • thankyou :)

  • I completely agree with this.. I think people are taking it to personal. Lol nice my take! 😊

  • I've never had a guy dump me because he didn't think it (the relationship) was worth it, even in my current relationship (when sex happened after only a month or two of actual *talking*) but I think this is REALLY dependent on the man.

    My boyfriend wanted me and we talked for hours for weeks, really getting to know each other, and spilling out our guts, before we finally had sex. That will be 2 years in August. Still, even though we had known each other for a while, about a month of talking is pretty short.

    And I had a friend who had sex on the first date/physical meet-up and they dated for about a year until she ended the relationship. In that case as well, he was VERY into her before they had sex.

    I think each guy is an individual and they are complicated, so, it's hard to guess what each man will do exactly. However, I think it's possible to make really good guesses.

    Also, I think MOST guys who hit it and dump it, were planning on doing that in the first place. And in those cases, women just have to be smart and not fall for any smoothing talking pretty boy.

    I think the guy in your example has every right to leave, but it would seem like he does these things all the time. "I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with her. But ooh sex, yes, please. No, it's not going to work out... bye."

    • I guess the underlying question is... does working on other aspects of relationship.. help build a better foundation to last longer or reduce the amount of pain. I'm theorizing it does. Would you agree based upon what you know (at age 21)? Or do you think, it doesn't help and sex is essential in the mix, based upon his/her desires? it may be very individual, but I suspect it is quite general to most people.

    • I think getting to know someone is always a better option than sex on the first encounter. However, I think it can work more times than we think, however, a woman has to be smart enough to not put out for the right guy. And in my experience, it's really not that hard to discern between the sincerly/seriously interested guys and the ones who are on the fence.
      My final thoughts, people should be smart regarding their hearts. Don't make yourself an easy target to get heart broken.

  • I'm usually the one who stops the relationship after we had sex a couple of times... oops

    • you're 17 ...

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    • @CoolSky01 it's nvr been an issue for me or any women I know.

    • @CoolSky01 "you can have 10 partners and no decent guy will go near you"


      Keep telling yrself that.

      Hey, if you repeat that enough times, it *might* make you feel a little better... about not being one of those 10.

      It might.



      Srsly, though? What fucking planet do you people live on, where these "statistics" are actually something that people not only KNOW right off the top of their heads... but explicitly TALK about?


      Like, really... is this a thing? Boy and girl are having a conversation one day, and, out of nowhere, he wants her to count her previous lovers and give him a number?
      Not only would that be a huge turn-off -- pretty much instant dealbreaker level, tbh -- but, it'd be a pretty awesome way to get a girl thinking about her past lovers again! Memories... <3

      I swear, some boys are stupid beyond comprehension.

  • No. No way. I don't have interest in sex quickly however I don't want a guy who doesn't have the frame of mind if reason to decide to get to know me further because he wants to not just bc we have or have not had sex. I really could care less if a guy lost interest after sex because that shows the kind of person he is. He's indecisive flimsy wushu washy no resume who heeded it. He can go wonder if he wants Mary Jane Phyllis Alexandria beautrice whomever. I don't want him.

    Life's too short to try to out smart someone who can't even use his own brain properly - like the guy in your example- pass.

    Also they're no truth behind women soon things and men move on. Depends on what kind of person you're dealing with and how Koch the matter at hand matters to said person. Most research in knives spinning things endlessly until you figure it out. Same with investigations writing books practicing law... Anything that requires brain power is going to have a lot of spin. If you work hard that is. So again if the guy can't be bothered to stay in place long enough to figure it out it just means he doesn't care. Things that can't be answered ate the things you don't question, the two go together. So the paradigm if women questioning and Men moving on when things can't be answered falls a bit short of a full human being.

    For me I take about a year to get to a point in conditavke having sex. Not bc on trying to manipulate him or bc I want to make sure he's attached bit bc sex is personal and dangerous and I have to trust a guy for the sex itself not for the afterwards. But if I did want sex right away if gave sex right away and if that makes him lose interest then he just wasn't interested to begin with. And that's OK. I accept. Not everyone has to want a relationship. No reason to look for problems where none exist.

    I think a lot of people don't get that. Wen things go wrong they can't just accept two people wanted different things. It's a control freak who has to blame everything in what they did wrong instead of just accepting they didn't want the same thing.

    I think your approach is too obsessive and not accepting of life. People meet sometimes it lasts sometimes it doesn't and when it doesn't move on.

    This is also why I don't think anyone should ever wait for someone to approach or call. Pointless questions happen when a person has no control. If they took initiative made a move they'd have an answer.

    Nothing that can't be solved by communicating. :-)

    • your smart for 24, and possibly more mature than most, wish we could talk it out, but I get the gist. You stated what I was saying, take time and get to know... dont' rush physical, build other areas.

      Communicating is key, I agree.

    • Thank you.

      Just to be clear I 100% think using sexy to guarantee a relationship is as foolish as withholding it to guarantee a relationship. I don't really disagree with anything you said. I think people use sex on unhealthy ways on both sides to manipulate others. Fast sex is ok if that's what you really want and waiting is fine if you really need to wait. The manipulation us time consuming and usually futile bc people manipulate based on their i. e. Inclinations not on others.

      It'd be great if people took themselves and each other seriously and were honest.. I' M so curious to see what the world would look like under those circumstances. Though I guess in the short run its too tempting to cater to cowardice and power hunger.

      I think separate from the personal opinion details, the overall message makes perfect sense. If you want a person to know you and make clear decisions based on that then get to know them... Unfortunately people act against their self interest. Constantly.

    • you are wise for your age. Totally agree about the before and after marriage comment.

      Honesty would make a huge improvement in male/female relationship. I do think there is a challenge, as noted below by another guy, people are inexperienced, confused, and emotionally off all too much, and they don't know... I find women don't know what honest is... as they don't know what they think or feel, true for guys as well.

      That's why I think counseling for couples should be mandatory:) I want to see that happen.

  • So girls should be teases forever because they are good for nothing but sex and once the dude has got a taste of the pussy he doesn't give a shit no more, got it.

    • Not teases forever. Fishing analogy: Look, you are the fish, he is the fisherman. Don't bite the hook and jump into his boat... what fun is that? No fisherman wants a fish like that (sure he'll kill it and eat it or throw it back, but no fun). He wants tension and play and a fight. That is fun, makes him feel like you are a worthy fish, he has to fight for you! Show him what you got and that if he wants it, you have your wants as well. Its an exchange. Don't make it free, cause free has no value...

      Sex is a major draw and attraction for men, it isn't the only one. Sex is a bunch of chemicals that attract... releasing those chemicals... can, often does, release tension... chemical release.. gotta start over... For the girl, it is much more of a bonding chemical. That I think is the area of confusion... the girl feels like (yes, he's in this cause were intimate), the guys like (I wonder about that other girl?). Catch him with other things first so you got something to hold onto.

    • When Im out fishing men tend to get pissed if the fish don't bite.

    • Getting pissed is their issue. Keep your self esteem and worth high so they know in advance you are value. That is the source of a lot of issues... too many girls are wounded in earlier life or have inadequate fathers and they go into dating with low self esteem. Then guys EXPECT to take them (because they are weak) and are mad when they don't. Its the guys problem not yours. you aren't responsible for his feelings. countering his physical strength with your feminine confidence would work imho.

      its a tough game to play, I know. Do the best you can.

  • So you like a cock tease then?

    • You are thinking all sex. Sex is a major lure, and we know women play that and the many ways they do. but the real lure is YOU, all of you. It is definitely work and play.

      This comment is gonna need another mytake on How women should play men to get their LTR.

  • I always thought it was the guy realizing "Holy shit, I don't even know this chick and now she wants stuff from me!" that freaked guys out. Which is legit. Sex doesn't mean the two of you know each other... But hanging out minus sex doesn't either, if the pair aren't seeing each other realistically.

    I don't think sex with people you don't know is a good way to get a relationship - but if he's only spending time hoping to one day get sex while zoning out the reality of her personality (or vice versa) ... the relationship is screwed no matter how long they wait.

    You even see this in marriage - while the couple is feeling "in love" the ignore fundamental incompatibilities thinking it'll all magically work out. That chemical high wears off and they actually don't like the real person they were so infatuated with before.

    • The takeaway, to me, is to ditch the fairy tale and be real. How much do the two of you really work if nothing ever changes in your situations or even gets worse. Don't dream big dreams about "what if..." or "this could..."

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    • I don't think I understand what you mean?

    • I thought you may have taking it hard as in I give up on something. Don't "over read" into what I wrote. You can dream big dreams, I'm just saying manage things a bit for better results. I haven't touched on love in this mytake so much and how he may be totally "into" and feel love from the first moment, not just sex.

  • You'll get a lot of butthurt whores hating on you for this haha

    • Looks like you have wisdom as that is happening. But someones gotta put a stick in the bees nest to get the honey out, right?:) in other words someone needs to help them see the other side, so they adjust their behavior and play better, to get what they really want.

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    • @ShaeNielson I don't follow your comment

    • @ShaeNielson No, I want girls to better understand how men are thinking so that they don't end up with the endless questions on GAG of "we did XYZ, why isn't he responding". Fewer hurt females is the objective. The "honey" in this analogy, is girls getting what they want, or having a better chance.

  • Ahahah nope

    "He just wanted to hit it and quit it" Uh, no, that's not how normal people work, when things are actually GOOD.


    If a boy does this, then, at least one of the following is happening:



    Girls don't want to admit that this could be a thing... but... this could be a thing.


    Who the hell knows.
    Totally random here... mb she sounds just like his psycho ex when she cums.
    Mb he just can't stand how her pussy smells.
    Mb it's just something about the way he and she move together (some people are just bad dance partners for each other, too -- nothing against them individually).
    Again, who the hell knows.
    If it's this one, HE might not even know. Might be totally subconscious.
    ... And if it's something like "yr pussy smells bad", well, good luck getting him to tell her that. This is one situation where men AREN'T assholes, however much it might actually be beneficial for them to actually BE assholes in this particular instance.

    ... or, by far the most common:

    Really, if nothing else seemed wrong, this is probably it.
    Again, who the fuck knows why or how -- again, HE might not even know. Mb the girl was too kissy. Mb too many calls/texts, mb too many words of whatever kind.
    Mb too much eye contact (this is a big thing with some boys I know).
    Mb she wrapped her legs all the way around him when he was about to cum, and THAT freaked him the fuck out (yep, this is a thing).

    But, I swears to ya, "he just hits it and quits it" is pretty much a mythical beast. If the sex really was bed-breakin'-awesome -- AND the guy really thought it was relaxed in the commitment department -- who the hell you kidding? OF COURSE he'd come back for more!
    Let's get real here y'all.

    • No, he is actually right mam. I think you should notice your B. f after the sex and you will find him pondering about other girls.

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    • Yep, completely agree with this.

    • Lolololol... oh how I have missed your hilarious but true responses

  • You basically copied a lot of this from some girls question/post on here.

    • I'm sure all of this has been said over and over, but I took it out of my head, not copy and paste. By saying that, then you are confirming it is in line with what girls believe to be true?

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    • Also this doesn't apply to all men.

    • I see. There was another post where I replied to her question. Someone said that was the best answer they had seen and suggested I create a mytake. So I copied my post verbatim, updated it, and made it a mytake. So you are correct, I wasn't thinking from that angle. But I'm the author of both... not copying.

      Nothing applies to everyone. there is an exception to every rule, but this happens all too much.

  • Hmmm... I am not sure and I don't know what to say about this MyTake, because, true, while I agree on some points such as you SHOULD get to know someone FIRST before committing to a relationship... WHY MUST I USE SEX TO GET A RELATIONSHIP? I am sorry but that is just ridiculous and it shows how dumb you really are as a person (men).

    And the more foolish you are, the easier you get trapped in this cycle... I am sorry but I am not trying NOR do I ever want to fool someone to be with me... I want you to see the REAL DEAL, THE REAL ME - who I am good AND BAD... and that includes sex because that is part of ANY HEALTHY relationship!

    A man who starts to lose interest after sex is really then a stupid person and this is because:
    1) If you have sex with a woman, you ALREADY know how she is in bed, (more or less), because even after the first or second time maybe things didn't go smooth and can go better, so unless you had let's say AT LEAST 5xs sexual experiences with a woman, YOU can't FULLY TELL whether she is good in bed! Some women are the same throughout, some are very different, so unless you have 5x sexual experience with a woman, you cannot judge if it is good sex/bad sex or whether she really and truly is good in bed or things can still change/spice up! Maybe she wasn't so comfortable first few times. So 5xs you need.

    2) IF you have sex with a woman, you ALREADY got rid of all those 'head blocks' and 'cloud judgment' that you get before you've had sex (all that fantasizing that IS NEVER real)... Therefore, you are actually MORE ACUTELY AWARE and BETTER ABLE to judge a woman for HER CHARACTER and who she is as a person... making you better able to assess whether she is a even a good compatible match for you & WHETHER YOU EVEN LIKE HER AS A PERSON!
    How many people do not get into a relationship ONLY TO THEN find out who they really are dating after all? After the veil comes down you get to see who she really is, the claws come out, the neediness, the bitchiness, the silent treatments, the control issues, the feistiness, the whole other side and then you end up thinking... WTF and WHO the effff did I just get involved with and who is this persona and WHERE is the person I was dating? And why is the sex soo bad? (IF you opt to have sex for AFTER marriage or whatever)...
    So I am sorry, but NOT having sex early on is just DUMB because you get into a relationship blindly. She is seducing you and IS using SEX to get that.

    • AND you are being SOOO foolish AND STUPID to fall for it.
      If you have sex with a woman from early on, you can then say: HEY, here is a woman WHO IS SEXUALLY ACTIVE (!) meaning SHE IS OPEN TO HAVING SEX... Unlike women who are NOT being open to having sex with you AND if she is NOT having sex with you now... Honey, I GUARANTEEE YOUUUU she will NOTTTT be having MUCH SEX WITH YOU AFTERWARDS either! That just means she isn't open or as interested in having sex with YOU or WITH ANYONE for that matter - otherwise SHE WOULD BE DOING IT. Therefore, let go of your fantasies of wanting to have sex with the woman 1-2xs a day because all you will be getting is 1-2x a month or maybe EVERY 2 months... AKA, your sex dreams are being crushed AFTER you committed - for BEING A FOOL.

      4) So you end up settling because you invested soooo much time and energy only to find out that you both are really and truly NOT compatible but were too busy having fantasies and dreams in your head about what

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    • NOT COMMUNICATING what it is you wanted/looked for.
      There is nothing wrong with eating the whole cake if you want to, but make sure that if you do, others know that as well… and then THEY MAKE A CHOICE whether to participate or not or allow you to… Don’t lie or fool others or bring them in under false pretenses. People USE sex as a tactic to get what they want and some use other tools to get SEX since that is what they want. Sex is NOT the problem… The problem is 2 incompatible people who are NOT seeing eye to eye on what they want from sex.
      And if you have sex on the first date and it is great and you both have a great time, you meet again and if it goes wrong you don’t… But sometimes 1-2 dates or sex acts are not enough to really see where to go further – just as 1-2 dates are not enough to get to know someone. EVERYTHING takes time to know – people, sex, relationships… Why treat sex any differently?

    • There is no best way to eat the cake. You find someone who wants exactly what you want and then together you either the cake in one round or spread it out over time.
      Conclusion: FIND SOMEONE WHO IS COMPATIBLE TO WHAT YOU WANT- and THAT INCLUDES BEING SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE… The sooner you realize this, the better things will go.

  • I believe women can be the same. I prefer to get to know a guy better and see if we are compatible first before I jump into bed with him. If I really like him and he's shit in bed, I don't care. We can practice. If he isn't on the same wavelength as me and we don't get on well. . . I won't let it get as far a sex. I've had friends with benefits offers from male aquintances. I refused them. Also a previous friend wanted me to be his rebound girl. . . I turned that down too. If that's the mind set they are in from the start you can normally tell, (some of them use sexuall innuendos and claim it was a joke but its what they want). if not by what they say, by their actions. The most intimate I have been is kissing and cuddling.

    • You are probably wise to shoot those down, as they are immature. They need to accept you where you are. I was going to say... you may be able to deny the offer, but counter it and develop the boy into a man... but that's a project. Good you have boundaries!

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    • I think you're gonna be just fine. My guess, you had a good parents, at least dad. yes?

    • Yes, I get my common sense from mum. My dad I don't get on well with anymore, he's changed.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Often times a guy HAS gotten more interested after he had sex with the girl. I agree with some of these points, but I think a lot of other guys wouldn't be able to identify with it either. Fuck 'em and chuck 'em guys definitely do exist, but I think those are stereotypes more often, that we can think are the norm especially when we hear from the women who are very vocal about how they got dumped after a lay.

    And honestly? In these times a lot of people will fuck and chuck, even women. They just try to keep pretending they're all about standards and quality relationships, when many women themselves will ditch a guy after the sex because they either got what they wanted or thought they wanted better.

  • There's also the virgin guys, and even more guys that are just generally inexperienced. It's natural that these guys don't want to commit to a relationship, why? Because all these years they've had to invest their time and energy into the 'hunt' and got nothing while these girls are screwing away the most high status alphas. So at this stage, yeah they want to 'fuck and chuck'. Why? Obviously it's because they feel inadequate and want more experience.

    • That can happen. I also wonder though if they catch one... they are like... I'm done, keep this one?

    • @lightbulb27

      for some guys, that is quite possibly the case - especially the 'save it for marriage' / voluntary celibate crowd. but for the guys that are just sexually frustrated, I don't think they are likely to have the same moral reservations about getting the experience they have been exempt from. they might even be a little bit misogynistic - not full on Roger Elliot rage mode - but it's understandable that these guys will feel perplexed, frustrated and maybe even a little angry. so why would they see any woman that's already slept with 10 guys she thought were more deserving than him as marriage material? especially not if they are going to feel inadequate at a later stage in the relationship.

    • yep, would take a lot of understanding... ugh!

  • Have mixed feelings about this article.
    In many ways, i have to agree. but it happens with me before sex. When they start showing me interest back, is when it happens. Usually i quit it with many girls after 2 weeks. Thats always before any sex has occured. Somehow, when the interest has been returned, my irrational attraction brain gets turned off and i look at the other personality traits. More often than not, its not a match. When i actually really like a girl, is when i like her personality. And not her looks/body

    • Interesting take. when I read the first part of what you wrote, I was thinking there is soemthing else going on... if they start to get interested then you run, I'd think you have some kind of a wound that says "what's wrong with them liking me"? That would be present if you had a lack of self confidence/esteem. But the second part indicates that if you really like them then you are attracted, so maybe not. Unles... those girls you really like are historically "bad" for you... then I'd say you are living out of some childhood wound that is misdirecting you and filtering out the good ones and directing you to the unhealthy ones.

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    • you and I think alike, thanks for chiming in! Very wise I think... slow, but less painful!

    • Your welcome.
      And good mytake by the way, i forgot to mention earlier.

  • LOLZ! Unless the sex is epically bad, just doing it once is hardly going to kill attraction.

  • I thought it's because women are just boring after sex.

  • I wanna fuck as much as the next person but holding out has it's merit of showing you have emotional strength and don't get swayed by feelings easily. I want to get to know someone and get enticed by their personality. Yeah I'm a guy that goes for personality. Do I want to have sex with a hottie? Hell yes but I'm shy quiet guy I don't force myself to be something I'm not to sleep around with women. On the other hand, some men are pitiful.

    • I agree, I want to know the personality first and I was shy for a long time. ty!

    • No problem and then again I don't hold it against people who sleep around early. To each their own plus I don't care enough to let it bother me

  • Not really. You're making it out to have to do with anticipation or something. Refractory period is a purely biological thing.

    • not following your comment.

    • There is a biological reaction that makes guys less capable of being sexually aroused after orgasm.

  • Great my take. I have seen that happen with several of my college friends. There is a big reason why you should wait until your married before having sex. This also applies to women who wear skimpy clothing.- yea I have seen most of your chest, legs, belly... You don't really have any mystery for me physically owell bye. Now you take a modest woman who knows how to dress in order to show off her figure underneath her clothing and you have a great mystery on your hands. or a good meal with just a hint of the awesome dessert afterwards.

    • Great point! I agree, modest is actually MORE attractive much of the time.

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    • clarification, I agree with most of it. the part of wait til married, I think is based upon relationship. In general I think that's a good concept, but adults need to make decision what is best. I've seen relationships fail because of inability to get to sex. not that sex was the issue itslelf (it can be), it was that there were other problems that blocked the sex, and then there is no relationship worth having... just stress... no outlet. So its a key thing, needs to work well. there may be other ways to ensure compatibility, but I don't know them.

    • Still it is fairly unusual for people to agree with even some of my oldfasioned/backwards thinking opinoins.

  • I like those legs in the top pic

  • If I were single again, i'd start with sex only, and only progress to relationships when that was good.

    Different guys respond to different things.

    I'd generally suggest neither men nor women try to trap people who are different from themselves, and rather find those who are compatible.

    • Interesting, so your experience is that is #1 important in terms of compatiblity, or are you saying get what you want then figure out if she is sane?

    • It's top 3-4 items in terms of compatibility.

      My experience is that as casual sex becomes more and more common, a higher and higher proportion of women who want to move slowly are actually covering up low sex drives.

      Also, many women will drop their attraction standards for a long term relationship, settling for less sexual interest to get other benefits. I'm not interested in a relationship where she settled. If she doesn't see me as worth a short term relationship, I don't want to add more and extend it longer.

  • The chase is fun for a few seconds. After that it gets annoying and in the way of actually getting anywhere. A person knows within seconds if they would sleep with you, and very shortly after if they would date you. Can we cut the time wasting crap?

    • guess it depends on intention. do you chase someone you want a LTR with? Is it just as good to build relationship and romance, or does it have to get physical fast? trying to figure out if the difference is real intent, or if the sex is required to even get to LTR.

    • I guess I would if I were already in love with them

    • Good point on the few seconds will know if they'll sleep with you, seems to be a quick assessment.

  • My wife fell into the habit of letting exactly what you said happen. Before me, she would sleep with guys within the first few weeks, and then they left shortly after.

    When I met her, she was a little more distant, but still was able to engage into deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations about herself. Even though she had been hurt many times in the past. She made me wait for about 2 of going on dates before we had sex. This gave me time to get to know her, enjoy her, and to truly understand what she was all about. After that, we started a LTR, became serious, got engaged, moved in together, and have now been happily married for a little over 3 years.

    All it takes is for someone to not allow their confidence to become the over or under used emotional barrier that we sometime's set aside or build up. Confidence can be your best friend or your worse enemy, but no matter how much we try to remove it from our daily lives. Confidence will always be that voice on your shoulder whispering in your ear. Try to build it up into a healthy manner and you'll experience a better part of this life.

    • YES! I think you are describing "self esteem". I'm surprised your wife was able to get past so many without being too emotionally shut down. Glad to hear of a success story and it sounds like you really love her as a person.

      As well, there was sex early on and it worked out, so that is good news! you meant wait 2 dates or 2 years?

    • Sorry, I see my typo there. My apologies. I meant to say 2 months.

    • Yes, Self Esteem would be the perfect depiction for what I was describing.
      It took a while for her to get over her past. She's a beautiful, intelligent, and elegant woman that I admire and have done so since we first started dating. However, it took almost a good full year for her to finally realize that she's actually truly worth what she is and to allow herself to believe it. And you're absolutely right about me loving her as a person. That right there is what I think needed to happen in order for her to get out of her vortex of perpetual self doubt. Sadly, I've seen this happen to an incredible amount of women, and it's sadly due to selfish manner so many live in. Also, it's perhaps a parent thing as well. Parents need to prepare their kids for the worst, and best scenarios of dating. Let them know what to not do, and what to do. I cannot tell you how many girls I met in college thought me buying them dinner would mean they had to put out. Anywho, excuse my rant. Liked your Mytake

  • Thrill of the chase? Not for me

    True, It might be that the thrill is gone, the reality wasn't as good as the fantasy.

    If you only do the same thing it can get boring... if your not "In love" with the other person.

  • Simple... it gets boring and old once we do it a few times.

  • Meh. So much effort, with the only lasting reward being a dirt nap.

  • You do not speak for men in general. I do not identify with anything that you said. Get over yourself if you think you are the representative of men.

    The moment I feel like a girl is trying to make me do "the chase" I walk away.

  • Oh no. Don't reveal our secrets.

    • LOL: I think if guys are just honest with girls, it would help a lot. plenty of them will still play, just be honest about what one is doing and expectations going forward. Then secrets won't matter... I'd even say talk about them openly with her... will help bond more.

    • True. Everyone should be honest regardless of gender. It'd be a better world.

    • 👍👍

  • any guy who wants to use a woman for sex im sorry is an asshole, women are very delicate and sensitive and what he's doing is preventing a nice decent bloke from having a long lasting relationship what that woman all cause he wanted some action? where does that leave the woman if she's fallen for him a complete mess! guys think about these girls you're playing to get into bed! and the guys that have to stand back in the friend zone to pick up the pieces! if you want some sex find a hooker! stop playing on innocent nice women, who are more marriage material then 1 night stand

    • I hear ya. There are plenty of those. But there are other guys who get pulled in (it goes both directions), nature takes over, but the result is the same.
      Realize it is all clouded even more by the women playing the games as well. People done have labels, so hard to tell who is who. Its a mess out there... honesty is best policy.

    • You really want to be that cuck that has to deal with the mess afterwards?

  • Realistically I know most girls have blown and or had sex with guys by the third date or sooner. At least on on or two occasions. So Im really not into the "chase" especially when I know other guys got to skip right to the finish line. I would rather be one of the guys they are excited to sleep with over the guy they want to take things slow with.

    I only like the idea of the cgase if I am getting a girl who is genuinely hard to get, someone who has a low partner count and made them wait just as long. Those girls are rare tho, rarely are they 100% consistent. So I would definitely prefer a girl who is just upfront and shows she is excited to have sex with me. I dont want a girl who was so excited to sleep with her previous partner that she was ripping their clothes off after just meeting them but then take 2 months to show any sexual desire towards me. It just kills my motivation to chase.

    I would rather stay single.

    • You make sense in what you are saying. But from a girls viewpoint, lets say she wants a LTR with you. How does she do it, whats her bait, how does she play you to win you for 40yrs and 3 kids? Sounds not possible, but offering up sex on date 3 isn't gonna work right?

      As I hear you I hear what you are saying as... if she is high value, she's saved herself and values herself, then YOU value her more. You still want her and will go after her, but that is a chase... and maybe she can catch you if she plays her cards right?

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    • @BubbleBoy69 I think one can tell the difference, they can't mask their emotions that well... look for emotional balance in public and private. But I would largely accept that girls are sexual creatures (they want intimacy and to be desired), and they will as weve seen, play it all wrong to get that, and get hurt. How to do it better is a topic for another discussion.

    • Do I mytake about emotional imbalance of sluts. i want to see it.

  • True, and it's up to the woman to not let the guy hit and quit too easily.

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