Get Your Freedom, Ladies: Why You Should Date Multiple Men at Once

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. A few years ago, when I was interested in getting into a relationship I would talk to only one guy.

Doesn't sound bad right? Well, I would put all my time and energy into this guy. I wouldn't talk to other guys. Then, those guys would break it off or get into a relationship and I was devastated. So I evaluated myself.

Then I realized that I was putting all this commitment into men that were showing me no effort to commit to me at all. I was wasting all that time. I'm too young to deal with that stress. When I got attached I got attached hard.

So that was then that I decided that it's better to keep my options open. If a guy ask me out on a date, I'm not going to limit myself to just one guy. I'm speaking out to all the young and attractive women out there. Talk and date multiple men. If a guy is not putting in any effort to show you he wants a relationship, why should you be loyal to him?

Dating is not the same thing as an exclusive relationship. Young and single women, keep your options open because something better may come along. Even if you are going on dates still date other guys. The other men may have the best qualities that you want in a future partner.

Now, I do not put all my energy into one guy anymore. I do not know what your definition of dating is, but my definition of dating is only getting to know each other through a series of dates. No sex whatsoever.

[Pussay]

Some users on here either have reading comprehension issues or didn't read past the title.

I get what you are saying. When you are casually dating someone, that's what it is: casual. You or both of you might want to see where it goes, like in to a relationship. RIght now you are taking it slow and keeping your options positive. But focusing too much commitment when you two aren't committed will more than likely leave you hurt (in which case you've stated it has).

People are thinking you/ women are sleeping around, when you clearly said NO SEX WHATSOEVER. Not every one jumps in the sack after one date. It just goes to show you how people view women. That and the lack of reading skills.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Yea people are not reading

[singlebee]

Even if there if no sex I would think you are really looking for a relationship and you are just eating my time...

Just because you girls think like that didn't mean us guy have the same mentality

[singlebee]

*I would you are not

[Phoenix98]

You do that I'm gone like that *snaps fingers* I don't waste my time with women like you.

And how about some better advice have better taste in men, if you keep getting screwed that's no ones fault but your own because of the men "you" keep choosing to associate with.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I never blamed men for anything. Im not sure what you are reading

[Phoenix98]

And I don't know what your reading but I never said you blamed men for anything. I said if you keep getting screwed it's your own fault, never said you blamed us.

[ElissaDido]

Yeah I agree, dating and relationships are different.

[Phoenix98]

So you agree in being with multiple men?

[ElissaDido]

@Phoenix98 of course not haha! But if I date a man it doesn't mean I'm with him 😅 It's just meeting him and getting to know him etc.
It's going out like with a friend , no kisses or anything of the sort involved, except for slightly flirting maybe, but it doesn't mean we're in a relationship unless we say it clearly haha :p

[Phoenix98]

That's actually not true it depends on the people for some like me quite a few like me the two are synonymous most of the time. Because I don't court anyone until I've already gotten to know someone but I'm not dating them either we're just talking but when I ask to be with them and say yes then that's it, we're an item we're courting we're together. That's how it works for a lot of people.

[singlebee]

Wow wasn't expecting this from you.. Sad

[Prof_Don]

I don't get why u got thumb'd down so much, so ridiculous!

You're absolutely right, dating is NOT the same as a monogamous relationship. Dating is step 1, a monogamous relationship is step 2.

Here is the thing. Dating multiple people (before entering a relationship), is efficient. Why date just 1 guy or gal at once, when u can date 2 or more?

If it takes dating 8 different people before finding a relationship match, you can get to that goal MUCH faster and more efficiently, dating multiple people

[AriadneSky]

yeah except i find it a turn off to be involved with multiple guys. and if one guy is not interested ill move on. i'm not going to wait around when he's indifferent. i'm ok going through at reasonable speed. but not ok with multiple guys at once. if it works for you thats great,. but not my thing :)

i also think people worry way too much about their feelings. it healthy to get attached get hurt get over it and see you can do all of those things. playing it 'safe;'is boring and you don't learn anything. in my opinion. i wouldn't worry about getting attached. learning how to detach is much more valuable than not getting there in the first place. life sucks when your option is being neurotic or shallow. what people call being in control. in control means you can feel everything and handle it.

so ill stick to one guy at a time and let myself like him and permission to move on if its not working.

i find multiple dating is often a way of remaining numb to any particular person, it can waste just as much time as not dating at all. it gives the illusion you're getting somewhere but you're just bouncing option to option never knowing. can be fun if thats what you're looking for but i prefer depth to fun. i like to learn about people, not be entertained by them.

[AriadneSky]

course i dont date until I've known someone for months so i guess in a sense i do get to know multiple people at once but not romantically till i already now i like them.

[Letstrend]

These man cannot get offended or scared away after reading this. It's the damn truth! If a woman is not in a commited relationship YET, it's okay to get to know/date more than one guy! You don't know how stressful it can be for us women to put all our efforts into one man and receive nothing but bullshit as return from some, where they can simply leave us hanging and very stressed or even heartbroken. It's good to leave your options open in the whole dating process as not ALL your attention is going towards one person and you will be less dissappointed if it doesn't work out. I know that some guys also leave their options open while dating, so looking at this in a bad way makes absolutely no sense cause ya all do this as well to US ladies. Deal with it.

[Letstrend]

These men*

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Letstrend You act like you know all guys by saying all guys multi date or have multi dated.

[Letstrend]

@MysteriousDarkness Well you're right. I do not know all men obviously, but I do believe that all have/will multi dated at least once in their whole life-time.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Letstrend You think every guy has at least once or will multi date

[Letstrend]

@MysteriousDarkness yes I do.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Letstrend How can you be so sure?

[Letstrend]

@MysteriousDarkness why do you care so much whether I am sure or not? It's what I believe. I know in fact many (guy)-friends and family member who do that and I strongly believe that's what pretty much everyone does. It may not be right, but that's what most people unfortunately have to do nowadays before getting serious with one person, to save themselves from getting hurt or disappointed. Especially for us women who get their feelings involved really fast.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Letstrend Pretty much everyone means there are some that don't. Who says you have to multi date? There are people who consider being in a relationship and dating the same thing.

[Letstrend]

@MysteriousDarkness that's true. But again, why do you care so much about my opinion?

[singlebee]

If I am getting to know you and I got to learn that you are also dating other guys I would immediately drop you... Cause we don't want disloyal girls who sleep around..

Sorry but like it or not this is mostly how we guys would think...

[Letstrend]

@singlebee The fuck are you talking about bruh? I did not meant that I was dating multiple people at a time, I was saying that I MAY talk to more than one guy at once when I'm getting to know you only, and we're not official/together yet. Please read carefully before you reply any bullshit to me, I ain't the type who will sleep around while I'm trying to get to know who the hell you are, hun. Girls have options just like guys do.

[LeoLionEye]

I once knew a girl like you. I was still getting to know her, a few dates and a lot of texting. I liked her and she seemed cool. Then one night I went to a movie with some friends and I seen her at the theater on a date with some guy. I didn't know she was dating multiple guys at the same time. But knowing that I never asked her for another date after that and I threw away her number. I see that as a possibility of her maybe cheating in a future relationship. Or at least her not putting in the same effort into getting to know me as I am to get to know her. It honestly made it feel like she didn't care about me or a possible relationship at all so why waste my time on a girl like that. I think this is actually horrible advice for women.

[Prof_Don]

Damn bro get out of your feelings! She wasn't committed to you, so why should she tie herself down? I do understand the awkwardness of seeing her with another dude, because we all can get jealous at times, but u gotta be reasonable.

[TheRebel69]

You can date as many men as you want when you're the one paying for the dates. Women expecting men to take them out and treat them to a nice time while leading them on while seeing other people aren't awfully desired anyway. And most men wouldn't bother with a woman who is just using them to fill her time-book. That's what friends are for; you know getting to know someone? They''ll save their energy, money and interest for someone who genuinely has interest in them as well and isn't seeing anyone else.

[Cherokeehp]

That doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Personally I've just found that it's best to gauge how interested this person is and then decide if I'm going to drop all the other guys for him. For example, if a guy just texts me a lot or occassionally hangs out with me, then I'm going to continue to talk to other guys. If a guy talks/texts me on a like a daily basis, has taken me on an actual date, and has showed genuine interest in a relationship then I'm definitely gonna drop all the other guys. When a guy shows
me that he's serious about me, then I'll stop talking to all the other guys. If I know that he's not serious about me, then why would I get rid of all my other options?

[godfatherfan]

your free to, just realize you might loose 'the right guy" due to playing these games. I got tired of people telling me to date more then 1 person. I finally tried it even though it goes against everything I am or stand for. It was horrible. I couldn't remember what I talked about with which woman. and I was only dating 2. I went on 3 dates with both over a 2 week or so timeframe. I gave up. It was way too stressful. Plus, if you are having sex with someone, you should only be dating that person. Sex or not, if I found out a woman was dating someone else while dating me, it would be the last time I talked to her.

[likitb4istickit]

No sex? Then you are only half-knowing a lot of guys. What good are common interests if you don't know if the sex is going to be lousy or not? Relationships don't last long even if you are hanging out with your intellectual clone if the sex sucks. This is why the concept of saving oneself for marriage for sex is such an alien concept to most guys (a huge gamble, weddings and then annulments for "irreconcilable differences" are expensive) and why we fuck/test drive as many as possible until be find a few we like best.

[Jmarx]

I'd say there's a difference between dating and "talking" to people. When I think of dating I think of something that means you're not in a relationship yet but there is obviously something between the two of you. What you described I think more of "talking" to multiple people, which I think is ok. To me talking is simply flirting and generally getting to know if you like the person without anything serious involved. And I've done this and always broke off the talking with girls if I felt something even remotely like a connection to one person

[AlphaMale1]

This idea is a bigger recipe for disaster than dating one person lol

Try waiting for Mr. Right rather than latching onto the next truck load of guys who happen along. I would never, ever date a woman who is a serial dater. She can never be trusted.

[Romeotte16]

Oh but it's fine for men to do it?

[AlphaMale1]

@Romeotte16 This is not gender-specific. I have been single and almost no dating since 2008 as am fed up with women who either are not for me or are living with a hidden agenda while looking for her "man".

[karahiri]

I thought this was the norm... getting to know a few people and then slowing cutting down as one of the attachments turns out to be more meaningful or whatever. I don't get why so many guys got upset over this :o

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Hypocrisy

[bloodmountain1990]

I'm not mad about it. I multi date all the time because from my experience, putting all my eggs in one basket no matter how much I liked them or how much we clicked, ended up having me screwed over.

Both men and women multi date. It comes with the territory with online dating. I think it's naive to think you're the only person a guy/girl is talking to if you meet early on and you met on a dating site.

[karahiri]

@bloodmountain1990 agreed. If you didn't multidate, especially online, you'd never get anywhere. Lol.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah it's like applying for jobs. No matter how promising an interview is, in this case a date, you keep doing it till you get the job and in this case bring up exclusive talk. As long as you're not hurting someone or playing them and leading them along then I don't see anything wrong with it.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@karahiri i never multi dated and I have a girlfriend of 3 years 2 months.

[karahiri]

@MysteriousDarkness did you meet her online?

[MysteriousDarkness]

@karahiri Yes I met her online. What is your point?

[karahiri]

@MysteriousDarkness I think it's kind of hard to only get in touch with one person at a time through apps. Doesn't seem prudent, timewise.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@karahiri Hard to get to know someone just by an app. How are suppose to see their body language. You cab not go do things with them online besides games. What if you were dating two guys and both say they want to take you out and it ends up being the same place for the same day and time? What are you going to do then?

[karahiri]

@MysteriousDarkness I Would Just say... can we set up a different time and date for one of the guys. I just think it's futile to wait on one guy to get back to you when he might not even be using the app that regularly or. doesn't even have interest

[JohnDoe3000]

Good luck with it, just don't ever try that shit with me. I don't have time to jostle for a woman's attention like that: if she can't be bothered to spend some time getting to know me exclusively then I don't even want her.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Dating is not the same as exclusive

[JohnDoe3000]

This isn't a trial.

[bloodmountain1990]

I multi date, but only 3-4 maximum. Any more than that is just overwhelming. I do this because people have so many options these days, especially due to online dating. And any time I've gotten invested in one early on, they either were on the rebound or they just flaked/ghosted out of the blue. I mean same can happen even when you multi date.

I don't think this is a gender thing as people make it out to be. And it's not about getting with as many people as possible, but rather finding the right person. It's a slippery slope for sure but most people do it.

[Notorisch_Arschloch]

Do a lot of paying your own way on these dates? Basically an interview process til you find the guy who gives you your way...

Okay. I'm down. But two can play...

Guys: don't put all your energy into one woman. Have sex with as many as you like until you find one willing to do all the things you like your way. No paying for dating whatsoever.

Shouldn't be a problem unless, you know, hypocrisy.

[Prof_Don]

I'm 100% on board with this, although your post came off as counter-aggressive like this is a war.

This isn't about a war on the sexes, this is about both genders being efficient in regards to finding a match.

[Notorisch_Arschloch]

@Prof_Don Makes sense. I was a soldier, and men have been under attack by feminism since I was born. Might be a cold war, no shooting, but it's still a war. One I didn't start.

[Prof_Don]

Very much a cold war going on in the dating world, I try to remain Switzerland as much as I can!

[bedroomdweller]

One thing you got right is that chicks are against a biological clock. Many of them don't think about it and think they'll stay 20 forever until it hits them.

The thing you have wrong is that women aren't biologically driven to fuck around with multiple guys at the same time. I'm not saying women can't be with one men after another in short periods of time, no, but unlike dudes they aren't wired to engage in parallel relationships.

I hear you, dating does not equal a relationship but dating is basically the "try out" period as you will, pre-commitment for a woman. You can try be dry about your desires with these men, pretend you want their company only and for them to pay for a few dinners... but instinctively your imperative is to lock and secure a guy in commitment for your directionality and biological imperative. You will want this and close to hitting the wall you will need it too. Good riddance, though.

[Bobbyhill1]

so you believe in that gender study crap? I feel bad for you..

[bedroomdweller]

@Bobbyhill1 Honestly I don't know everything gender studies say, but I do have some background in psychology, and I firmly believe the biological part. Trust me many behaviors of both men and woman can be easily predicted knowing female and male nature.

[Bobbyhill1]

you can't predict behavior from gender, you can however predict someone who is within the same family because they actually share the close genetics. men and women are very diverse. There are 7 billion of us after all

[bedroomdweller]

@Bobbyhill1 we can predict them within relationships. When a couple engages in cohabitation, sex, any situation involving reciprocation, tensions, etc, both men and women act according to biology. That's why we act like clockwork and many of our motivations and actions within that state are predictable. No matter how many variables we can discuss we are run by our biology, and particularly in the reproductive aspect is where it manifests fully.

[Bobbyhill1]

there are social explanations for that. since you have a hitch for psychology and you are interested ill give you a outside look of things. Take a trip to rome or spain. The women there, act like the men in america. the question is, is it really just a gender thing? or is it how we are conditioned by environment. in psychology and biology we learned that the most underlying factor is environment. gender doesn't even have a distinction psychologically. male and females are diverse and each is unique.

[bedroomdweller]

@Bobbyhill1 psychologically the distinction comes from not only what comes to our eyes (physical aspect) but also smell (pheromones), gestures either feminine or masculine (which sure this one may as well be by social construct) and various others stimulus that, again, come down to biology. Also, no. I've been in Europe, and I am half Italian and I can tell you even though there are cultural differences between western women and european the instrinsic nature of female is still there. And I've dated Asians, latinas, American, European and grew up with two sisters born and raised in Italy. believe me when I say it's intrinsic. I find it funny that some men go as far to move to Asia or get Asian women because they think will respect them more and whatnot without knowing behaviors displayed within a relationship will be exactly the same as, say, even an arab muslim woman who grew up in an entire different culture.

[Bobbyhill1]

that couldnt be any further from the truth. like I said before, take a trip to spain or rome. That entire narrative you said does not fit those women at all. i've seen it with my own eyes.

[bedroomdweller]

Date a spaniard woman, doesn't matter how manly or different you think she acts. She'll pull the same stuff and do very familiar stuff to that of any western woman. And there will be a point she'll like settle down. Point is she'll still be a woman driven by biology and it will manifest one way or another. Live with one of these women and commit to them and you'll see. I'm not arguing culture cause I know how different it is.

[Bobbyhill1]

again, none of those women are like that lol. they literally treat men like sexual objects and a lot of the time, thats all they think of them.

[FlyingMantis]

It's interesting to see this point of view, but I couldn't do it myself. I focus so much of my time on school/work/hobbies that I'd have no time for multiple men. Plus... I wouldn't want to go through the process of turning guys down who wanted to take it further because I found someone "better." Not saying it's wrong, but not for me. If I ended up in a relationship, I wouldn't want to hide that I was dating multiple people at the time we were dating. I wouldn't want to accidentally hurt someone, too.

[Tephra]

Yess! Definitely agree with you! Always tell my friends to date multiple guys just in case you find someone who your really attracted to or they snob you off. Can't get your heart broken because you've put in shared amounts of effort into 2-3 other guys. Sounds horrible but at least your not left there holding the pieces of your broken heart. Now days guys stay loyal (especially around my age), always about how many girls you can chat up (or hook-up) to beat your mates :/

[Djaaaaay]

What?

[Prof_Don]

@Djaaaaay I think she meant ""Now days guys *don't* stay loyal"

[NyomiMcClinton]

I use to do this by not anymore. I find it very time consuming to keep dating multiple men. Means you would have time to go with with each and every one of the, make text time, phone time. It became a headache for me to keep doing that. And so now I just keep it at a text and talk on phone level until I find which one I am feeling the most and then the rest get cut off.

[QooLipBite]

Being sour from getting fucked over by one guy and then looking for further association with more guys mean that you're gonna get fucked over even more.

If all the attention and effort you put in the past got you screwed over, how do you expect to get anywhere with multiple men if you just gonna starfish and expect them even consider you.

[rjroy3]

The girls I date they usually are talking to at least 2 guys that have been hitting on them for awhile. I just assume girls are already doing this most of the time. Usually they don't say bye to the other guys, until they know they want you seriously. In my experience a girl doesn't put that commitment into just you right from the first date.