Does he just want sex?

I know I've struggled to tell wether or not a guy is just after sex or if he wants a serious relationship before and I'm sure there are several other girls have to. So, I thought I'd share my take on how I've learned to tell the difference.

Does he just want sex?

1) He calls you last minute and doesn't make plans for a later date if you're busy. I don't think I can emphasize this one enough. If he really wants to spend time with you he will make every effort to do so, even if it's only for 5 minutes. This means he's probably never going to ask you on a proper date because he doesn't consider you girlfriend material.

2) He only calls you once or twice a week (and never on weekends). This ties in with my first point. He has reserved his weekends for people he cares about, not girls he just wants to sleep with.

3) He never pays for you. If he doesn't pay, its not a date. This obviously doesn't mean that he has to pay for you every single time you go out, but on the odd occasion (if he's not just after sex), he will make an effort.

4) You never meet his friends. The less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ditch you. If you don't know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can easily stop answering your calls and texts and disappear into the night.

5) He always turns the convosation to sex. Every time you talk or text, it somehow turns into a conversation about sex and he's might have even stopped being suttle about it or given up flirting with you all together.

6) He only compliments your looks. He's only interested in your appearence, not your personality. If his compliments are shellow and superficial at best he's just not that into you.

I hope this helps at least the younger girls on here!


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What Guys Said 7

  • I fully agree with 1, 2, 4. Those three are 100% true.

    6 probably has some truth. The problem with 5 and 6 is a guy can like a girl quite a bit, and still always initiate sex or be thinking about sex a lot because... he's a young guy. It doesn't mean he just wants sex, it may just mean its very high in his mind.

    3, I don't necessarily agree (though I always paid). I would replace 3 with 'never wants to go out on dates'. If he wants to go out to restaurants, movies, activities etc with you, even if you're paying you're own way, that suggests he wants to spend time and (his own) money hanging out with you where sex isn't going to happen. Guys who only want sex NEVER want to do anything BUT go to your place, or his.

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  • Should add this disclaimer:

    What you see doesn't always indicate 'TRUTH'. Coming to conclusions on your own and determining everything from your viewpoint alone is not the best way to deal with relationships.

    It is nice to have some semblance of control and power over how you decide, to protect yourself against manipulative people whom you never can understand or figure out, but that means the problems lies there rather than here.

    The better way to go about things is to really know the other person. What their dreams are, their aspirations, their passions etc. After that, everything else they say, do, or hint at you can conclude would always be an attempt to do those things.

    If you can't get to know them, that becomes the problem. If they can never be known, you don't have to look for these signs (because they can 'hide them al), you either figure them out, or leave.

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    • I'm not trying to accuse every guy or to generalize, I'm just trying to help younger girls become aware that there is a small group of guys out there that will try to take advantage of them.

    • I get your point.

      I believe most fortunate girls would've had some sort of input from their parents, friends, family, etc about these sort of things.

      However, after experiencing and thinking MANY things through, I realised that there's a lot of bullshit misinterpretation of things going on that leads to incredulous amounts of miscommunication.

      Different cultures have different viewpoints. Conflicting actions do not imply conflicting values. (Think something like silence vs talking in Asian vs Caucasian culture - both value RESPECT, but they go about it differently)

      When people start scrutinising every last action, how many steps they took, did they look in the eye, how did they sit? Did they face me or away? blah blah blah blah, how many times they chew, did they chew with their mouths open/closed? Does he face his knees to me when talking with his friends? No? DISRESPECT!!

      I think you understand, giving details of actions does not equate to knowing intent or beliefs.

  • If he is not trying to actually getting to know you and he seems to be rushing things, Tell him that you are holding out for the right one. When I was dating, The ones I had dated also had to do their time before they ever saw my bed or me seeing theirs. They had to show me they were worth earning and I wanted them to have that same expectation. If you give it up right off the bat, you won't ever really know how you stack up until he is already running with another chick. He's probably not worth your time.

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  • The problem is not the guy who only wants sex. The problem is girls having sex in the hope that it will lead to genuine affection. Girls, have sex (safely) if you feel like having sex. That way, if all you get is sex, you got something you wanted. Don't have sex hoping for something else. That's just as dishonest as the guy who promises something else to get sex.

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    • I wish there was a most helpful comment for takes, I would give it to you if there was!

    • Point very well conveyed. That's why I've grown to only sleep with guys and not date them, although that's starting to change for better or worse.

  • Why do you think we always want sex? When I'm with my girlfriend I don't jump on her or even ask about sexual relationships, I take notice to her like a boyfriend should. I'm not saying I don't think about sex because yes I'm a man I think about it. Doesn't mean I'm in a relationship for only sex, so don't just judge every guy, we are all very much different.

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    • Did you read the first couple of sentences? This article is about how to tell the difference between when a guy wants a serious relationship or nothing more then sex

  • Number 5 & 6 are the only facts that are true the rest is very off because if you keep doing 1 & 2 you come off as needy and clingy and number 3 is sort of right but isn't completely because she can easily look at him as just a free meal and number 4 why would you want to meet his friends anyway you're dating him not his friends the only way this is right is if you don't meet his parents that should raise suspicions not because you don't meet his friends

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    • Number 4 was aimed more at people who have been dating for a couple of months, not just a couple of weeks. Honestly I'd expect to have met at least one of his friends after a couple of months.

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    • I guess its kinda hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in a similar situation. I don't mean guys need to be clingy or needy, I mean if every time he calls he wants to meet up immediately and never bothers to plan in advance it usually means he's not willing to put in much effort and he's probably playing you. I just think even if a guy doesn't want to seem clingy he will still try to plan something with you if he's really into you.

    • Lol love the hate

  • Very interesting take. Are those in any order? My gut would say that #1 and #4 are the most obvious signs.

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    • There not in any particular order

    • There are probably a lot more, I just thought these were the most important ones

What Girls Said 33

  • those points are so damn true!

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  • Yes. Yes he does.

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  • As women, sometimes we have to be more straightforward if we expect guys to be. I tell them up front what I am looking for. I don't sleep with anyone unless I am okay with them never talking to me again. Avoided lots of disasters by just telling men up front that I'm not looking for sex.

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  • Does he have a penis? Yes? He wants sex. No exceptions.

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  • It has taken a while but I have learned how to spot a player. Seems like a lot of guys are co-dependent. The good guys will do what they can to hang out with you, not at night or going out for drinks. I've made all my guy meetings during the day. less of a chance they will try to get me into bed or them to be intoxicated. I want to get to know someone in a sober state of mind, not a guy with liquid courage.

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  • Actually... some players DO wine and dine you to get layed, they buy you gifts too... i've been there myself but didn't fall for it as i already figured out players before hand. They are also insistent on reeling you in and constantly hound you, the smarter ones might come back then ignore you and keep doing that... but they STILL insist on coming back lol. That is the biggest giveaway when you said NO lol WHY DO YOU HOUND ME? oh... yeh... obviously you want in my pants.

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  • Wow, this is great tips to tell a if he is a flirting guy, I met a guy just match every point you mention.

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  • It helped me and I'm older. Thank you

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  • I couldn't agree more.

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  • This is spot on. A guy was trying to make me his side chick this weekend, I basically told him to f off. He's a little b*** anyways (who destroys their roommate's art in a fist fight? He did cause he's a little b***)

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  • thank you!

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  • Thanks for sharing!

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  • just have sex with him then

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  • How about if he only wants to meet you on weekends?

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    • That's not for me to say, there could be various reasons why he only wants to meet then. Like he might live miles away or works really late, etc

  • This is so true. I've been with so many guys that ticked every box. Sometimes I knew and just stopped seeing him. Sometimes they were a little more persuasive and I got hurt.
    My current boyfriend loves me for me.
    He calls every two hours or so and wants to go out. He even dumps his friends for me.
    He ALWAYS pays. He gets offended if I even mention putting in a bit of cash.
    I met all his friends in the beginning.
    He loves sex, but only talks about it as much as any other guy. We talk about other stuff most of the time.
    At first, he was too worried to compliment my looks beyond, "I love your eyes." I thought he only wanted me for my personality and that hurt me. I spoke to him about it, and he told me he didn't want me to think he only wanted me for sex, so he never really mentioned it. LOL
    Girls, find a guy like mine, and you will never feel anything less than his second half.

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    • Aww he sounds so sweet, you've found a really special guy

    • Hang onto him!

    • Thank you! :) I have my claws in deep and I'm not letting go. LOL

  • well you described every guy i was with lmao..

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  • Ugh. Too many of these types. ><

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  • he just wants sex, enough said

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  • Actually if he introduces you to his friends it's just a fuck. You should meet his family

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    • As I said to someone else I should have said "Family and friends", not just friends

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    • Actually I had a brother in law who always had his eyes glued on me. Like always. My family and I were over our in laws for the holiday.
      Anyways he brought his girlfriend over to his house and she slept over for a while. When she left to visit her family he stayed back.
      So I woke up one morning from a sleep and turns out he was watching me sleep. He was just standing there. He then walked over and sat on the couch in the next room and started to masturbate whilst staring at me. I just rolled over and went back to sleep.
      So turns out they've advanced.

  • It sure sounds like he only wants you for one thing. All these points are good indicators. He sounds like an immature asshole.

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