How to be happy being black?

Question

Honestly, I hate being black, I utterly despise it. It's not fair, I didn't ask to be born black, but of course, I had to be born like this. Honestly, I wish I was born white, at least I wouldn't be so miserable. If I was white, everyone would love me, I'd probably be born rich or at least upper middle class, people would see me as being a regular person, rather than a criminal, I'd have an easier time getting jobs, I wouldn't need affirmative action to get jobs, I'd get to be born into the culture that rules the earth, most girls would think that, even if I were just average, I'd still be more attractive than an attractive black guy, I could be happy with myself, I'd never have to worry about racism/race jokes/etc. because they wouldn't effect me, I wouldn't get ignored when I converse with the other white people at my school, I wouldn't be depressed over racism because it wouldn't exist for me, I'd love myself, my people would be the ones in almost every movie I see, I wouldn't have to wait for people to be "accepting" in college, I wouldn't have to stand their and have my girlfriend break up with me because of my race, and I could pretend the world was a perfect place. But of course, I was born not into the ruling class, but the former slave race, because, what else could I be? And of course, I was born as the minority that all other races hate and look down on too. White people, you truly are lucky, believe it or not, at least none of you hate being white so much that you consider suicide to be reincarnated as something else. I'd rather have been born as another species than a black male. Not to mention, being black of course makes dating far harder, because no other race would take me, no matter how much I care about a girl, it doesn't matter, because she's white, and I'm just another black guy, and nothing else. For the people that will say race doesn't matter, open your eyes, it really does.

washize · Accepted Answer

I'm a white person, so I hope I'm not out of line or about to say anything that is offensive. But I don't think anyone is being real with you here. If you're from the states there is centuries of oppression/hatred directed towards black people. How would that NOT destroy the confidence of someone who grows up in a predominantly white area? Black people were enslaved in this country for hundreds of years. Even once "Freed" they were still legally enslaved through chain gangs and indentured servitude. Blacks (minorities in general) have been the habitual victims of this country yet they are always vilified. We pretend that once slavery ended that blacks no longer suffered EXTREME abuse, racism, and violence from whites. Their property and business were habitually robbed, stolen and destroyed WELL into the 80s. Native Americans and Native Hawaiian's suffered/continue to suffer similar injustices.

The racism simply hasn't stopped its just masked, which is worse in many ways because it STILL makes black people look like the villains/perpetrators. You can turn on the TV and see how deeply rooted racism still is in America. All minorities are villains, uneducated, whores no different than movies and cartoons from the 1930s. Turn on the tv and every crime consists of some "thug" black person committing crime, or deserving to be murdered. People always say that they're "least attracted to blacks" and black people suffer the worst social stereotypes there are. There are enough statistics to show that black children are treated the worst and are perceived as older, more violent, and less intelligent than other children, by teachers and society.

I apologize if I've offended any black people. But the reality is that you all are treated like shit in America, and probably always will be. Honestly I'd suggest to moving to another country that doesn't have the violent/hateful history associated with blacks.

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

Obviously you haven't read all the white, young guys on here who whine that they can't get a girlfriend and that they feel like complete idiots with no friends and no life and don't know what it means when someone didn't text back, totally insecure about penis size, and in the end many of them wish they were black. I guess you've missed all that on here.

You have the privilege of being black, and you should not wish you were anyone else, looking any other way. You will have the life you were meant to have because you want to have it. Women will eventually love you for many things, and yes, including your looks. Racism jokes exist with every race, just as gender jokes and cultural jokes are not going away either.

You just have no idea that other guys, regardless of race all have their hangups and if you start assuming you'd have money and a better life, you are kidding yourself. I was just dealing with some white kid who wants to die and he has what seems like a good home and no money issues.

You have something about you that no one else has and that's being YOU. Your skin colour is the least of your worries unless you live in a complete asshole, segregated type of community - in which case I suggest you leave when you turn 18. There is a such a great life you don't even know you will have and NONE of it has to do with money and women. That will all be what it is in good time when you make your own life for yourself because you're happy being you.

soccerchick4eva · Accepted Answer

Well i dont think you're the only race that goes through all that, gotta admit tho im one of those people who thinks that race doesn't matter in relationships but it actually does i know, there are those people out there who just can't stand it and there's people who actually care about others. Some people make all those bad comments and stuff to just feel like superior and to just show off to others which is quite sad but without those comments they just feel like nothing. I know its tough for you i got a lot of friends just like you going through the same thing but you've gotta learn to just love how you were born and just try your best to enjoy your life, you're still young if you're under 18 so just ignore those people who are bringing you down cause really there is a lot of nice people out there who will always be there for you. And if a girlfriend breaks up with you because of your race, she truly isn't the girl for you, love isn't about the looks its about loving who the person is not how they look like :))

Planetoid · Accepted Answer

As a mixed-race individual of two minorities (black and Asian) YES it is harder to prove yourself in a society that is dominated by white males. You do have to work twice as hard to get noticed for the same thing. You do get ignored or even feared for doing absolutely nothing wrong.

I know it's not fair or right: I once had a great chat with a white woman I was attempting to pick up. At the end of the conversation, I asked if I could see her again, and she looked me dead in the eye and told me "I only date white guys." She led me on that entire time and then she shut me out because I wasn't white. I was pissed about it for days afterward, but I didn't raise a fuss at the time. I just bowed out gracefully and accepted that some people are just jerks.

That said, if you let people define you by what they expect you to be, you will always be miserable no matter who you are. I know a doctor who pulls in a six-figure salary and absolutely HATES himself because he never wanted to be a doctor; his parents forced him into it. Unfortunately for him, he has entire groups of family and friends that expect him to continue to be a doctor, so he thinks he has to live this lie his entire life.

It may be difficult, but you have to do things that you want to do. It doesn't matter if it's math or science or history or art or music or sports. Find out all you can about the field you want to get into, and get into it. Being in any minority has its challenges, but it's up to you whether you let being a minority keep you back from living the life you want. I got shot down by a woman who turned out to be a rude jerk, but I didn't stop myself from trying because "I'm black."

You are a black person, but you are a person first. People will dismiss you for whatever reason they want to, but that doesn't mean you have to dismiss yourself because they said so.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't have answes for you young man, but I have advice. Choose the kind of man you want to be, and then do everything with all the tools and skills and talents you have to get the job done of being that man. It could wind up being the work of your lifetime and society may never recognize it, but you'll go to sleep knowing you did everything you can do to be that man.
And this'll fuck your head up, but MLK got enough pussy that there's a sealed FBI case file strictly attempting to discredit his ckvil rights work, for the amount of pussy he got. He also had a historically badass wife who would've laid down her lifs for him. So don't sweat about getting cockblocked by white dudes. They're just as scared of you as you are of them.

witzelsucht · Answer

I can never know the Black Experience, but I've experienced all the things you complain about and ascribe to your racial characteristics. To paraphrase Woody Allen, I don't wake up in the morning thinking, "Wow, it's great to be white." I remember reading Jack Kerouac (maybe it was "Dharma Bums") saying "I wish I were black." Most people only think about their race, I think, when it comes up in comparison to others. I note that kids who go to predominantly black high schools do better academically than those who go to mixed high schools (where race is constantly in consciousness), and black kids who are asked to state their race before taking a test do worse than they would on the same test if they were not asked their race. So it seems that it's not race itself but perception of one's self at the heart of the matter.

Being in a mixed marriage and having dated girls of all races, I've received the unsmiling stares of others when out with girls, so something is going on. I've met many minority persons more intelligent and skilled than most majority group persons, and these persons seem to have high self-esteem because they've accomplished things others haven't. I've also heard white people complain about the same thing you do. So my opinion is that it is all a matter of one's self-esteem, regardless of race, and everyone experiences occasional loss of self-esteem. Nearly everyone falls into one "out group" or another.

Self-esteem can be improved through accomplishing things others have not or cannot. You can also do self-examination until you discover exactly who you are and what your capabilities are.

I am the child of a poor single mother who gained a degree while raising me, and I myself gained advanced education. I, however, feel the same way as you about advantaged, rich white people and do the best I can to compete with them and do better than they do. Competition drives success, so get out of the blues and get with it, dude!

Anonymous · Answer

I suggest you go back to Africa where your culture and ancestors descended from. You would feel more comfortable and 'at home' amongst your own because you're clearly ashamed to be living in a country where your race is the minority.

Fuck man, just get over yourself. You're black so what? My girlfriend is black and she doesn't have any of the problems you mention, and here in the UK the ratio between black and white is even greater. You're clearly self conscious about your identity and envious of being white for some reason. It's just a skin colour, these days no one gives a shit. What is it with black American's playing the race card and thinking all white people are against them. I heard the other day that a quarter (25%) of blacks dislike whites in general whereas only 4% of whites think that about blacks. I don't think what you described above refers to general society, it's just you making a generalisation.

Embrace your ethnicity and don't hang with people (black or white) that are ignorant or intolerant to other races. Give yourself a bit of love and go find yourself a girl out there rather than moan about race and acceptance on here.

atomique · Answer

I don't see why your upset. I like being black. It like playing the game of life in hard mode and I love a challenge. The fact that I must be three times better than my white friends and coworkers to garner same amount of respect and recognition sucks but I go home everyday knowing I earned my way up the ladder. Also in its own way its fun being the perpetual underdog. Seeing that surprised and sometimes pissed out expression on my peers faces when they find out I am smarter than them, have a better job and out earn them is priceless. Society did erect barriers against us. We can choose to sit on the floor and get angry or sad. Or we turn around get angry at these barrier and scale them pulling up at least one brother or sister to the top with you along the way. When enough of us get up there we and begin tearing down together. My family started out as simple farmers in West Africa. Granddad got fed up and started scale that wall by selling his bike to sent oldest son to a British run boarding school. Years later we got a family full of professionals living in the US, Western Europe, and West Africa. In addition because we pulled up at least one brother or sister to the top with us many other families from the old village and the surrounding areas came to the US in later years and are doing fairly well. If I was white I would have come too comfort and complacent and have got as far as I have today. I'm black. I am kicking ass and taking name while the game is set on hard mode.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a feeling this is trolling, but I'll play along.

1) I don't get dates much (I'm white). There could be a bunch of reasons why anyone might not get dates, perhaps not as many as you might think being related to race, or anything else that a person can't change about themselves (height, etc) It's like saying: Well, I'm ugly (and I can't change that, so that's what I'll say it is) when it's "I'm a mean person" or "I'm shy" or "I just don't meet women who are my type."

Sure, being ugly isn't fun. Being ugly doesn't give you as many breaks in life (statistically)... But people can get it to work for them.

1b) There are complaints on this site about "Why do white women go for black guys all the time?" or "Why don't people date their own race more?"

2) Not everyone loves you if you're white.

3) Some white people would feel that others get "lucky breaks" because of their skin color or gender and not always academic merit. There's been a huge nationwide debate going on for years about "affirmative action" (Not to get into it here).

You have opportunities / problems that others will never have. EVERYONE will have different opportunities / problems. My cousin was nearly failed because she was a woman in a field typically considered a "boys club" and a professor didn't want any women graduating (Her GPA was VERY high, so they let her graduate in spite of the idiot prof).

I have two friends, both in wheelchairs, both with the same "handicap." One won't take opportunities (like going to college) because of his self perceived limits. He won't work for what he supposedly wants.

The other guy, born with many similarities besides handicap (financial, age, etc), dates gorgeous women, has a great job that he loves, and does a lot of really cool stuff in life.

With one, the handicap is how he's described. The other is just known by his name and persona. Yet there's different lives and opportunities because one takes them on and one doesn't.

MethodstoMadness · Answer

Damn this breaks my heart.

Often times, I will think about my race, how rare life itself is. Perfect math that lead to the development of an extremely rare planet in the habitable zone, evolving to support an even more extreme case of intelligent life evolving.

I look at myself and wonder how I became fortunate while billions of those rare people became unfortunate. My answer is always "luck", not "effort".

That luck isn't fair. It is not fair that we colonized the shit out of the world, it isn't fair that we (first world countries) still treat people we also consider citizens terrible and different because of their race. It is ignorant, it is inhuman, it is wrong.

The only thing I can tell you is to keep fighting for your right to be yourself and to feel good about being yourself, no matter what my race throws at you. There are a percentage of us who want to help, and please keep telling us when we make mistakes or what we're doing wrong.

As for feeling shitty about yourself... honestly, I would suggest reading or exploring blogs created by the black community, and read more books written by the black community. Being black sucks, but I (and the rest of the white population) don't know the first thing about it through our own experiences. Which means the people who understand your experience are the people who have also gone through it themselves. Read about their accomplishments as well as their struggles. Explore your own culture. That's the only thing I can come up with that won't entail a bunch of other white opinions. :/

Anonymous · Answer

I'm glad this question came up. I am 23, and I have been starting to ask myself this same question.

Let's look at the dating world first:

Everyone loves the white guy, especially black women these days.

In the dating world, women typically look at racial stereotypes and put every black male (no matter how successful).

I grew up in a white area and grew up in a middle class black family. I have had the pleasure of meeting some very successful black guys in my area... but they are always with the big trashy white women... and I don't want that for myself. Even though I finished college and take care of myself. women don't pay attention to me at all.

All my white friends, they all have girlfriends. One of my friends is dating an Asian girl and another is dating a black girl. It seems like all women like white guys, but black guys have to work harder just to get a decent girlfriend.

Real World:

-I just finished college, and I'm having a hard time finding jobs. Every job interview I've been to so far, everybody is white. When I walk into the room for an interview, people often look so shocked that I'm black. I would also send employers my resume and they would say that I am qualified. But when they ask to see my LinkedIn (which has the same info as my resume) I get declined an interview.

Unkowngirl · Answer

I understand what you mean. I'm not going to just try to preach to you, I know its hard. Like for me its hard to fit in sometime. I will admit I have felt some what of what your feeling right now. Best advice I could give you is try to prove people wrong. Prove to them that you can be successful. Further more I noticed you said you would rather be the "ruling class"? Why? Having slavery was very immoral. Why would you want defendants who have had slaves? I am glad to be black, because our race is considered very strong. We stood up against slavery and we won.

Dcosse · Answer

You're young, you'll learn to love yourself as you age. As for me, I honestly love being black and wouldn't trade it for any other race. Not because I think black a
Is the best ethnicity (there is none) , but simply because that's who I am and I love myself. Self acceptance is definitely a thing that comes with age, especially when you live in the US and the color white is basically crammed down your throat every corner you turn. Though I've never gone as far as hating myself for my color since I've always been confident in myself, I can definitely understand where you're coming from. If this is a serious issue, honestly you should look up on black history. Look at all of the amazing things blacks have accomplished in this country and in our own land. Don't take that fake textbook shit your teachers "teach" you, go learn for yourself and you'll be so enlightened on all the things US schools don't even bother to teach.

honeyltsme · Answer

Of course, recent events cast this in a difficult light, but no matter what you have your life ahead of you as a black male, and you might as well enjoy it instead of being miserable.

There's nothing you can do about being white, but there's a lot you can do about being smart, funny, and rich. There are plenty of guys, including black guys, who get there every year, and they have no problem getting girls of any color. If you had to guess how much time they'd wasted feeling sorry for themselves being black, instead of working on getting to their success, I can tell you: NONE. You can play the race card if you like - I'd say it's fair game, use whatever you've got to your advantage. Just make sure it's to your advantage and not seeping into your brain as some sort of a disadvantage.

Laurenelisej · Answer

Trust me everything will get better as you get older. I use to hate when people would tell me that back when I was in school. You just haven't found the girl that was meant for you. Just focus on your school work, go to college, worry about yourself and not others. You're overthinking it. Instead of dwelling on negative things, change your mindset and think of positive things. The black race comes from an amazing culture! Some of the most successful people are black! Kevin hart, Denzel Washington, tiger woods. Look up Ben Carson and read about his story, seriously. A movie was even made about him with Cuba gooding called "gifted hands". One of my favorite movies. Once you change your mindset your life will start to get better.

Account · Answer

Stop spewing crap on yourself. Just stop. Are you serious?
Do you have any idea how lucky are you to be alive? You have won the lottery, fellow.
Everything in this world is just so beautifully designed, you have the option to do anything you want, you can travel to places, you can be whoever you want to be, you can acquire knowledge, you can help humanity, you can fall in love and break your heart a thousand times, you can fall down a 100 times and stand up 101, yet you choose to sit in front of your computer in order to complain about something as petty as your race. Let me tell you something: Your race is NOT putting obstacles in your way, you are.
I believe that you are using excuses in order not to deal with your problems/issues. Stop using your race as an excuse. It's incredibly silly. Remember, even the fact that you're breathing is extremely valuable. Everyone has problems no matter if they are Whites, Blacks or Asians. You should just work with what you have.

BehindTheFront · Answer

That's sad you feel this way. But I think you put too much importance on your color skin. You think whites don't have problems just because they are whites? You're being ignorant and purposely covering your eyes from the facts.
no matter if you're black or white, if you don't have experience and lack of motivation, you won't get a job (and trust me it's easier to get a job in USA than in France)
if you're good looking but totally depressing and annoying, you won't get a girlfriend, regardless of race.

culture isn't based on color skin but on where you grow up and who raised you.
Anyway, it is to easy to put all your problems on a racist society, which isn't as prevalent as you think.

Red_Dragon · Answer

Whites have a head start in life, but it's dwindling every day. People judge everybody. If I saw a white skinhead with tatts I would start judging some too. We all do it. While whites have more of a advantage than minority races in America I believe eventually we will all be relatively the same color and again the advantage whites have in life is getting smaller and smaller. We're all (or most of us) are mixed anyway in my opinion.

EgyptianNergerts · Answer

The only reason why whites clicked on this is to get a laugh and boost their confidence.. black or not, you are a joke. And you non-blacks are crazy to think I would hate myself. Please, don't flatter yourselves

Anonymous · Answer

I love being ME. Being black definitely has some pros and cons, and I have felt the way you have felt (when I was a kid), but not anymore.

Just wanted to say though - trying to get most white people to acknowledge and understand white privilege and racism... thats a tough one. Some more educated, aware types of white people will be able to understand you on this point, but sadly it isn't very common. You'll usually meet that resistant self-victimization in response to any conversation on white privilege with a common, average white person.

med11 · Answer

Case in point: Your need to create two posts with exactly the same mumbo jumbo garbage. Obvious troll with an entitlement mentality:

_Vermillion_ · Answer

Don't ever put yourself down white people or just white people most of them are rude you should love yourself c: white people are not lucky they are just they same as you never ever put yourlself down you have so much to live for don't be sad just cuz your black it's a good thing cx you can become something.. your just listening to society is what brings you down be proud of who you are (:

loba96 · Answer

Umm hun... Your skin color has nothing to do with anything. Only you as a person can effect your life. your problem is literally skin deep. It isn't your actual skin you dislike... You clearly have other problems. You might think "what does she know, she isn't black?" but my boyfriend and future husband is and I love him with every ounce of my heart. I love him for who he is and what he is becoming and something like skin color will never stop it.

_PrincessKim_ · Answer

I agree but I could never wish to be black.. be happy with who you are, you were born that way for a reason and if you were born white maybe you would be stuck up or even cracking racist jokes... and not all black people are ghetto or how people want to label them.. there are some nice black people who are friendly and black people shouldn't be labeled that way.. I feel sometime white people think they are the superior race when I just can't wish to be white.. Never ever ever I'm happy in the skin I was born with and it something that can't change

Nomad93 · Answer

Man being black is not all bad your like the most hung race out there that counts for something. As for you life you sound like you are very negative nobody wants to be around that all the time. IF you want to bleach your skin you will become a little color look up how to do it safely. Being white does not mean everything is all good I was bullied because I was from a part of the country nobody likes. Just stay strong man things will get better if you find positivity in your life.

How to be happy being black?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How to be happy being black?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.