"You're too good for me." What does this really mean?

I've been involved with this guy for two months now. He is "dating" someone, but I am not entirely sure what that means anymore since the girl seems to think that means "girlfriend" instead of casual dating. Either way, it was obvious that we liked each other, but I refused to have an actual relationship if he had a girlfriend or something like one. He tells me the other night that he is going to break up with her, then turns up later saying that they are going to stay together. (So it sounds like "dating" meant relationship after all. ) He gives several reasons why, such as giving her a fair chance and some things that made sense, but then he hits me with this:

I'm afraid to date you. It seems too good to be true.

And he tells me how I always understand him, I'm smart, cute, and pretty much his dream. He also said that other guys might be afraid for the same reason (when I sarcastically asked how it was possible that no one would want me when I'm supposedly this great).

So, what I am having an impossible time understanding is- why? Why wouldn't you date someone who is everything you wanted? I don't understand it at all. He seemed to sincerely like me, so I'm really confused, on top of the usual hurt of rejection. I really never thought of myself as all that special. In fact, I usually feel much the opposite. So why would he ditch me for someone who is consistently mean to him often and doesn't understand him nearly as well?

Guys: What would make you say that?

Girls: Any experience with this sort of thing?

Over a year later, I can now tell you that it meant that he never really intended to leave her. He did for a short time, dated me, cheated on me with her, cheated on me with a couple other people, and I finally gave up. No idea what he is doing now.
And no, we were not just casually dating. He told me he loved me and that we were in a serious, monogamous relationship. He refused to get rid of his ex though and she stalked us both until she finaly won him back. He never once stood up for me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually, that's either a graceful rejection line (and a great deal better than "It's not you, it's me.") or a legitimate "You're amazingly out of my league." I've never used the line, but what Avalace says is pretty much dead on, here.

    It's not so much that you have to prove you really do like him (hopefully, he's noticed that by now), it's that he has to take you off that pedestal, so that you're in the range of mortals like him.

    I would suggest you tell him what you like about him; make it seem like he has some impressive qualities that make him more in your league, and downplay how awesome you are (make him feel less overwhelmed). It might also be that he thinks you don't need him, or that he's got nothing for you, so I would suggest talking with him about things he does better than you, particularly if he can teach/tutor you in them. It'll make you seem a bit more approachable, and as he gets to know you better, he might realize what he's missing.

    You may not be able to turn him around until he sorts out his current relationship, in which case, just take what he said as a compliment, and don't let it get to you.

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      Thank you for your help! He broke up with his girlfriend about a day after I had posted this message. I've been trying to be supportive and will follow your advice after giving him a little time to recover from that. Thanks!