I've been involved with this guy for two months now. He is "dating" someone, but I am not entirely sure what that means anymore since the girl seems to think that means "girlfriend" instead of casual dating. Either way, it was obvious that we liked each other, but I refused to have an actual relationship if he had a girlfriend or something like one. He tells me the other night that he is going to break up with her, then turns up later saying that they are going to stay together. (So it sounds like "dating" meant relationship after all. ) He gives several reasons why, such as giving her a fair chance and some things that made sense, but then he hits me with this:
I'm afraid to date you. It seems too good to be true.
And he tells me how I always understand him, I'm smart, cute, and pretty much his dream. He also said that other guys might be afraid for the same reason (when I sarcastically asked how it was possible that no one would want me when I'm supposedly this great).
So, what I am having an impossible time understanding is- why? Why wouldn't you date someone who is everything you wanted? I don't understand it at all. He seemed to sincerely like me, so I'm really confused, on top of the usual hurt of rejection. I really never thought of myself as all that special. In fact, I usually feel much the opposite. So why would he ditch me for someone who is consistently mean to him often and doesn't understand him nearly as well?
Guys: What would make you say that?
Girls: Any experience with this sort of thing?
Over a year later, I can now tell you that it meant that he never really intended to leave her. He did for a short time, dated me, cheated on me with her, cheated on me with a couple other people, and I finally gave up. No idea what he is doing now.
And no, we were not just casually dating. He told me he loved me and that we were in a serious, monogamous relationship. He refused to get rid of his ex though and she stalked us both until she finaly won him back. He never once stood up for me.
Usually, that's either a graceful rejection line (and a great deal better than "It's not you, it's me.") or a legitimate "You're amazingly out of my league." I've never used the line, but what Avalace says is pretty much dead on, here.
It's not so much that you have to prove you really do like him (hopefully, he's noticed that by now), it's that he has to take you off that pedestal, so that you're in the range of mortals like him.
I would suggest you tell him what you like about him; make it seem like he has some impressive qualities that make him more in your league, and downplay how awesome you are (make him feel less overwhelmed). It might also be that he thinks you don't need him, or that he's got nothing for you, so I would suggest talking with him about things he does better than you, particularly if he can teach/tutor you in them. It'll make you seem a bit more approachable, and as he gets to know you better, he might realize what he's missing.
You may not be able to turn him around until he sorts out his current relationship, in which case, just take what he said as a compliment, and don't let it get to you.
The main factor is his lack of confidence in himself. Since you are this "perfect girl," he places on a pedestal. With a low self-esteem, he is afraid that you will reject him because you can easily find someone better. If you were to turn him down, not only will he lose his current "stable" relationship, but he also stands the risk of losing you as a friend. All this adds up and he is too scared to risk what he has for what could be better.
I think he has more feelings for the other girl than he is letting on, and he feels guilty for this and can't leave her over you, so sadly you missed out. He could have been saying those things about you to try and butter you up a little, but I hope he wasn't.
OMG..yes..a few years back I was fired from a relationship..He(the love of my life, we have mutual feelings for eachother) told me I was too perfect for him and that he started falling in love with me and he just wasn't ready for that type of relationship..i was left confused as well..its been 6 years since and I'm trying to figure out if we will ever get back together or not..it hurts alot..it was very unexpected..we still talk and stuff but I'm afraid to ask him about the past..i don't wanna b rejected again!
well, "youre too good for me. I don't deserve you." can indeed fall into 1 of 2 categories.
1. someone who genuinely does have problems with low self-esteem. usually, this is usually addressed BEFORE sexual intimacy and your heart already being invested into the individual.
2.common guyspeak for "im not that into you" as greg brenhardt would say AN EXCUSE IS ALMOST ALWAYS A POLITE REJECTION. this is almost always what your looking at, when he decides "hes not good enough" AFTER sexual intimacy has taken place, along with your heart being invested.
its almost always the second, rarely the first. he's not so gracefully attempting to shine you on under a veneer of false humility. men AND women both seem to jump through all sorts of ridiculous hoops, rather than mustering up the moxie and chutzpah to simply tell the person they just don't feel theyre the one