I'm 20 years old and have slept with close to 30 guys. Some of them were older men that paid me. I did this because of deep rooted insecurity issues I had growing up. I realized this behavior was extremely unhealthy, and I went to therapy, gained a ton of self confidence, and no longer feel the need to sleep around, or even have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship. However, my number is still there, I can never change my past. And I'm worried that for the rest of my life, guys won't want to date me because of it. Am I undateable forever?
If I am undateable, then what is the point of ever trying to find someone? What do I do with life?
You're one of the few people who have slept around and actually have a brain. A lot of women pull the usual bullshit line saying "if guys can sleep around and not get judged, why can't girls?" First of all, man whores get judged as well, second is if you don't want to be treated like a hoe, don't act like one. This problem really started do to feminism extremists. The fact that you aknowledge your past behavior and admit that it was wrong and cannot be erased has earned you an immense amount of respect from me. Because while other people are cowards and try to pretend that they didn't partake in slutty behavior, or justify what they did you owned up to it, which shows that you have courage, and are actually willing to change, and not just bitch for attention like a lot of other people do. I can't speak for the rest, but it sure as hell wouldn't make you undatable to me. Kudos to you for doing what few do!
Nope. That depends on the guy. There are guys out there that really dgaf about your past. Past is past. They like the way you are now and whatever future you two may have. You woke up one day and decided enough was enough. You have kicked your habit. Now to find a guy that loves the improved version of you. No matter how many negative shit you hear from men, don't revert back to your old self. Those men ain't worth paying attention to.
You can always bury your past (trust me, men couldn't tell the difference), but this might sting you in the future if you fall in love and the guilt of not letting the man you love know your true history or you could simply wait to find that man who understands where you coming from and accepts you for you. This one's a keeper.
Hmm I'm sure some guys won't mind, but I do. I personally wouldn't date you, not just for the high number, what I dislike the most is charging for it. So basically you were a prostitute :/ I'm not into that kind of women, sorry.
I hope you are still reading this as I took a while to think about and construct my answer.
There are two ways that a person (man or woman) can become promiscuous: - A person can become promiscuous in accordance with their nature. - A person can become promiscuous in conflict with their nature.
Accordance or conflict arises as a consequence of a person's sociosexual orientation.
Some background information:
When Alfred Kinsey was conducting his landmark survey of human sexuality, he noted the existence of a regularity. There were behaviors that were normally present in clusters. The presence of any one behavior gave a strong prediction of the presence of the others. He named this cluster of behaviors "SOCIOSEXUAL ORIENTATION".
This orientation was an element of each person's sexual identity. It expresses how a given person relates to others sexually.
A given person's sociosexual orientation falls on a spectrum between two extremes: 1) Sociosexually Restricted 2) Sociosexually Unrestricted
Sociosexually Unrestricted people (men & women): - separate love and sex - begin having sex at a younger ages - engage in sexual activity earlier in a relationship - participate in casual sex - have higher numbers of sexual partners - have no concern for their partner's numbers
Sociosexually Restricted people (men & women): - do not separate love and sex - begin having sex at relatively older ages - delay sexual activity in a relationship - confine sexual activity to committed relationships - have lower numbers of sexual partners - require their sexual partners to have the same views on love and sex
Based on your self description in your question, you appear to be a sociosexually restricted person who has behaved in the manner of a sociosexually unrestricted person. This internal conflict points to the need for therapy. Fortunately for you, you have gone through therapy and come out the other side with behaviors that align with your self conception. You are no longer acting in self destructive ways. This is unquestionably good.
Here then is the nature of your problem: - Your natural mates are restricted men - Your past behavior indicates that EITHER you are fundementally incompatible with your natural mates (this is not the case) OR you are compatible with your natural mates, but have been acting out in self destructive ways.
I personally wouldn't be with you, but that's because I think relationships are for retards, and is semi-irrelevant to your past. I mean, hearing you were with a bunch of dudes at your age would make me queasy since I'd immediately think you're infested with an STD.
I personally wouldn't date you. Not out of fear of catching an STD. Not because you're a bad person (in fact you actually sound like a really nice girl), but simply because i couldn't get the fact that you've been fucked and degraded by soooo many guys in such a short period of time, out of my head. It'd make me feel inadequate, and it'd torture my own insecurities--which is why i could never be with a girl like you.
Its nothing against you, and I'm not trying to shame you or anything. But whether you've changed your ways or not, you still conciously made those decisions in the past, and those decisions still have consequences. I have no problem with you as a person, but never date you in a million years.
But that is just the personal opinion of one guy, and I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who don't give a rat's ass.
You're gonna have a hard time finding someone but it is important to be honest, especially with a past like that. It's not the kind of thing that someone should accidentally find out when you've been dating for 5 years. Given that you're reformed you should eventually find someone if you're a good judge of character.
Of course not. Sure, some guys are hung up on a woman's sexual past, but a lot of guys aren't. There's no reason to discuss this until there's a real connection with someone, and by then you should know whether they are open-minded enough to accept your past.
Yes and no, I mean you're undateable to insecure guys at least. Look you're still REALLY young, at 20 you're still kinda a kid. Your Update makes me think you got some other issues going on still. Unfortunately, if you're trying to date guys you're age it's gonna' be hard either way. Most guys don't really mature till their mid-30's.
At the bottom of the barrel. I don't date, and hell to the fucking no, marry girls who are able to have sex to get some sort of profit. Look beyond your number, you have the ability to fuck without feeling anything at all.
I wouldn't be very upfront about it at first but in my opinion I would rather have a girl wit experience who knows how to handle different situations than an inexperienced one. And for the record! You are not sure exactly how many guys you've slept with but you think it's close to 20... yup