How do you know if a guy loves you?

Dating boyfriend for four months. Told him I love him, he said he thinks he loves me. Has a difficult time talking about his feelings. Uses humor as a defense mechanism. Just wait it out until he's ready to say it? I haven't said I love you to him except the one time.

Updates:
I had a talk with my boyfriend about this. He said he thought we were rushing things, which I agree. He said he's close to saying he loves me, he might already be there, almost said it to me once. I told him there was no pressure, want him to say it when he's ready. Just taking things one day at a time now, seeing how things proceed.
Thanks to everyone who posted. Very helpful feedback!

1|1
25|22

Most Helpful Girl

  • It all varies in the details but the bottom line to determine how a guy loves you. A simple way I figure that out is by knowing that love would make anyone extend more than usual. Whether it be reaching out to know about how your partner is feeling, sacrificing a moment of their time when they are stressed, making time when they don't have any and so forth. Trying to understand someone else while we are biting our tongue etc. All equates to extending beyond one's means that we don't do for people we don't love/care about (this also applies to friendships and not just romantic ones) Now there are many examples of this. Perhaps you'll be able to find some in your own life. Love is an subjective experience with many different needs. What one might think is love (how one gauges how they receive love) is different from another. You'll have to gauge the man in your life by his own standard of love vs comparing it to some social standard. So below is how, given the aforementioned, I know my boyfriend loves me without injecting it with biases and personal preferences.

    1. He gets super excited to see me each time we meet. He is the talkative- adventurous-freedom loving- intellectual type. So if he wasn't talkative there be a problem that he is pointing out to me. Again, I'm gauging the love of my boyfriend by his personality and values.

    2. No matter how hurtful some of our arguments were, He continues to put in equal amount of effort to repair the situation and to come up with solutions for himself.

    3. He seeks to understand me vs correct me.

    4. He doesn't buy me gifts or say sweet words or do something extraordinary... But within those lines, based on who he is and what he values, he shows his love through subtle ways by consideration and being focused on the partners general well being. (see point 5)

    5. Subtle ways: he covers a blanket over me. when I'm sleeping he gently rubs my arm till I wake up, if he is in the kitchen, he'll pour me water. If he sleeps over and I leave the house before him, he'll help clean up or make the bed. He'll text me to see how my day is going, asking if I had dinner. . No over the top romantic gestures. Just simple actions that show that he is always in consideration of your overall well being.

    6. He puts aside his ego and selfish ways at times to offer me strength, to get me out of a mood or negative thinking state.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 22

  • That's the easiest question in the world. But everyone hates the answer.

    How do you know if a guy actually loves you?

    If he waits until AFTER MARRIAGE to have sex with you. Not a moment before. Not after becoming engaged to you, not the day before the wedding, but after, and only after.

    Oh, but nobody likes to hear that :(

    5|0
    0|0
    • Because some people don't want to have to wait till after marriage for something like sex.

    • Show All
    • @godfatherfan thank you. Someone on here finally agrees with reality!!

    • I'm not wrong. Get with reality dude!

  • Well, he's a typical guy. We normally aren't as in touch or as open with our feelings as most girls are. But you can tell when he has that look in his eyes. Just pay attention and you'll know exactly what I mean.

    3|2
    0|0
  • There is no way to know if someone loves you. You either believe it or you don't. I was with my ex wife 25 years and she never loved me. how does someone stay with someone and have children with someone and not love them? I will never know the answer. she said the words for a long time but never meant it.
    I loved her as much and as hard as I knew how, and still do...
    how can you absolutely prove you love him? you can't.
    you can do things, and tell him.. but in the end there is no way to prove it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Four months might be too early for many people. Give him some time.

    3|0
    0|0
  • Definitely wait it out. I know I haven't been comfortable about saying it in the past. It's just a guy thing. I think us guys are better at doing things that show love than expressing.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Gifts and actions will speak louder then words

    2|1
    0|0
  • If he loves you then he will ask you to marry him. No excuses. If there is not a ring on your finger then he is holding back and/or values something else more than you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honor how he expresses his love. It may not be verbally

    2|0
    0|0
  • If he starts joking around to skip the subject, give it time. He wants to confide in you, but he might have had some questionable experiences.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yah juss knooo

    0|0
    0|0
  • him, he said he thinks he loves me. Has a difficult time talking about his feelings. Uses humor as a defense mechanism. Just wait it out until he's ready to say it? I haven't said I love you to him except the one time.
    abhiplayer1996

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, just wait it out. If you feel it's too long of a time to wait out, then I guess cut him loose.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Unfortunately it's very hard to tell these days if a guy truly loves you. Some of these player-type guys are so dedicated, they are willing to go such lengths that a non-player guy would go.

  • Jeesh that's a bit of a poor play on his part really. If you guys are long term then he needs to say it back really

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he does anything just to make you smile.

    0|0
    0|0
  • In America men are not allowed to discuss feelings or explore them as a general cultural normative and narrative until this changes they will have a hard time sharing their feelings because they were never openly able to have them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he really cares for you a lot by showing affection in general.

    0|0
    0|0
  • When you feel it deep down in your pants.
    Leon Phelps

    0|0
    0|0
  • He will laugh and see you not see and laugh at you simple

    0|0
    0|0
  • When he kisses you after a BJ lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't have much experience with relationships but maybe I can help. Ever since I was little I found the whole Disneyish story kinda fake. I'm more of a fan of pride and prejudice. In that movie a lot of characters got married for different reasons. Some for money, some were arranged. Some had love at first sight others hated each other. It was a lot more real to me. I think people stress themselves out looking for signs of love. I mean what's stopping a person from watching a ton of romance movies and faking it to get everything that they want. I think that's what people are genuinely afraid of. Instead of just saying "I don't know if they love me but I like them a lot so I'll stick around and just enjoy this" they sit around looking for signs to ensure they aren't getting duped. But there really aren't any true signs. I've seen a guy literally marry a friend of mine just so he could finally have sex. He won't admit that. I'm not even sure if he's aware of it. But sitting with her I can tell every day since her wedding night they've both become less and less satisfied with their relationship. A relationship I questioned from the beginning. It's hard to know if you're in love especially if you've never been there before. And since most people (really all people) tend to have a vague definition of love until they've been in a truly loving relationship for a while we're all left just taking the risk. A lot of people say they're in love and even genuinely believe they're in love but aren't simply because they don't even completely know what love means to them. Relationships to me aren't even about love. They're about gambling. Gambling on a person in hopes that it leads to a situation that's better than it is today. You're never going to be 100% sure. Add in the fact that we can't control how long we live and other hinderances to relationships and it all just seems pointless to me to worry about love. I'd rather focus on how interested I am in this person, how much I trust them as a partner, and how comfortable I feel in thier presences. If that's what love is cool but I honestly don't know and I'm okay with admitting that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Girl. He said he thinks he loves you, that's a yes. Just wait for him to open up a bit more, no need to bring it up again. Just act like he said he loves you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • what the fuck is wrong with you people in the west? why is it so hard to say the love word? why do you consider it so hard? you dont know whta true love is in the first place. love isn't something the other may or may not make you feel. you either have love inside you or you dont.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 24

  • In most cases, if a guy can't say, then he's not feeling it. I experienced a guy telling me "I think I love you" as a way to get in my pants. Don't fall for it. If they love you, they'll show it and say it and mean it. Don't trust anything else. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't put up with BS about "difficulty talking about his feelings". That's just an excuse to get out of saying what he's really feeling... which is probably not much. Believe me, I've put up with a bunch of crap and if I could go back I wouldn't do it again knowing what I do now.

    2|1
    0|0
  • He clearly has been hurt in the past.
    He is trying to protect himself by hiding his feelings.
    It's going to take him a while before he comes to a place, where he can "let go" and really take the plunge, and love you.
    Don't doubt yourself if he seems unsure.
    That's really just his fear speaking.
    Be there for him, and support him.
    This all will take time.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Too early to know if he does. But when mine first started saying it, he did things he normally doesn't. His mother started being like "Don't get your hopes up" and used the I'm his mother card. He'd end up following through with everything. He told me he wanted to do it to be a better person for me and stuff like that. He'd try to introduce you to everyone including family because he's that serious about you. That was all within the first year. Now it's the 6th and he tries to pull all nighters to keep an eye on me when I'm sick. At the same time, he'd offer to clean up my vomit/poop too.
    Actions definitely speak louder than words.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I always characterise a person by their actions. If their actions don't harmonise with their words, then their words are meaningless.

    If someone truly loves you then they'll want to get to know who you are as a person, and also want you to know who they are as a person too.. They will spend as much quality time with you as possible. They'll also be reliable and take you feelings into consideration.

    If he is looking on you as long-term girlfriend then the relationship will slowly develop and progress. Plus, when he talks abut his future... you will feature in it.

    Personally, i believe if someone loves you, then you'll know it. If they don't , then you will feel confused and full of doubt about their intentions :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Four months is really not enough to expect someone to tell you "I love you". Many people take a long time to get there and there's nothing wrong about that.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Hmm, well I mean anyone can say those three words but I believe actions show so much more. He may not be ready to say it/has a more difficult time saying it. Give him a little bit of time.

    2|0
    0|0
  • You don't say love you express it due to it being an inner feeling. If you have to question do your boyfriend loves you? Then ten times out of ten he doesn't.
    Being in a relationship is a connection thats beyond anything. If he "thinks" then he doesn't know, and if you don't know then he doesn't love you.

    Love is a strong words just as Hate.
    Use it wisely because most individuals believe "oh i'm going to tell my partner i love them he/she will say it back and then we'll feel the words we just said."

    Not.. at all.
    If he doesn't know? Then there is a problem and i believe you should get to the bottom of it. If i've been with a guy for 4 months and he told me he "thinks". Then i would definitely retaliate.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Give him time. Throwing around the L word is a big step for some people

    1|0
    0|0
  • lolz, the exact situation when I'm still new with my current boyfriend. just relax, he's just too shy and 4 months is still early for some of us. He will say it to you eventually, he'll never ever can hide it any longer. Mine was 5 months with no "i love you" but he calls, texted everyday, kissed.. then suddenly he asked if I'm ever want to marry him (considered it is I love You moment). Just like the song "More Than Words", that's exactly how a guy shows his love to you... through his action. and trust me, after the first "I love You", he'll never forget to say it everyday ;p

    0|0
    0|0
  • How would I know? I don't think a guy ever liked me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You'll know when a guy loves you is with he will do things for you without you asking. He will do little things that he knows will make you happy. Men express their love through actions, women mainly through words then actions...

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think it's best not to put pressure especially since he already has issues talking about his feelings. It's best to just let the situation be. It's so early in your relationship anyways just enjoy being together and take the pressure off the table

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he said he thinks he does chances are he does! or is well on his way but is scared to really say it or feel it.

    I told my ex I loved him first and sadly it ruined the relationship because he broke up with me. A lot of guys just are better at physically expressing their feelings rather than talking about them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Before I got with my boyfriend he was only 3 months out of a 6 year long relationship. I've told him I love him and he responds with "you really are perfect". When he was drunk he said "can I keep you for always?". He is also getting me keys to his new flat. He has explained that he likes me very much, but he can't tell me he loves me yet because after his last relationship he built up a defensive wall.

    The long and short of that is that he may not have said it yet, and he may not be sure whether or not he does yet, but at least he has the respect to tell you the truth. It can take a long time for men to build up the courage to allow themselves to feel that way. The most important thing is that you like and trust and respect each other. And that shouldn't be a difficult thing to answer.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is easiest thing to guess. When guy really loves you he can almost never hide it.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I'd actually be more worried if he said it too early. If he waits a while before he says it, it means that it's genuine. The fact that he uses humor as defense mechanism may mean he needs more time before he opens up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've been dating a guy for 8 awesome months... I think I might love him but in not ready to say it yet it's just takes time for some people

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would give you a long "You know he loves you when he looks into your eyes and it seems you're the only thing holding him down To earth" or something. But you don't know until he tells you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I can know he love me when I don't love him And if I love him then he don't love me.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If it's only been four months, then probably not

    0|0
    0|0
  • I feel like 4 months is too soon to say you love someone. You need to be patient because he probably needs more time than you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Seems kind of soon to be rushing love. Give him more time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he uses the words "I think" he isn't sure of it. I don't think he loves you yet

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wait it out and you will know

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...