My boyfriend got arrested & he won't stop smoking weed what do I do?

[Anonymous]

He got arrested for possession of marijuana months ago & the court date kept getting pushed back for different reasons. Well it's finally scheduled for February 16th. He goes to college a couple hours away so I have no idea if he's smoking there & just not telling me but for the longest time he wouldn't stop smoking & risking getting arrested again before this case was even closed! Then he got in trouble at school because he got caught drinking & if he gets caught again he could get kicked out but still continued to smoke on campus which in my opinion is wayyyyyy worse! So finally I broke down & opened up about how I'm really scared for him, how I don't understand why he can't just stop smoking for a few months, & even said if you have a problem & you get help I'll stay with you & support you, but if you have a problem & you let it get you kicked out of school I'm done. I thought this would be a bug wake up call, that happened a few days before his winter break started. It ended with him saying once winter break starts he'll be done smoking so I was like okay that's a step. Then winter break came & he continued smoking!! He said that it was fine to do it as long as he was safe about it & that once winter break was over he will stop! Winter break ends, he goes back to school, STILL SMOKING. at this point he was saying he can smoke until January 16th because then the weed will be out of his system when he goes to court. I thought okay fine that's true. But now here it is January 22nd & he smoked today!!! I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to keep doing this because I don't want to see his future get fucked up. But clearly he won't listen to me & i honestly can't take it anymore. He's my best friend & we honestly have one of the best relationships ever other than this so I'm so torn. PLEASE HELP

[SammyGurl]

I think Alienishboo has given you the best solution. He suggested seeking help, through Al-anon, I think I've also heard that ther is another wing of the same group which deals with narcotics/drugs of all types. If it were me in your place that's what I'd do. I think that you can join even if the user doesn't. I fully agree that even weed can get people addicted to being high whether the THC is addictive or not.

I'm a senior in college this year and have seen a few cases where guys and girls have already screwed their lives up beyond messed up because they just keep smoking or drinking getting into more and more trouble. I really noticed it last year when I transferred from community college to university, the freshmen especially are just nuts. First time away from mommy and daddy, ready access to weed and alcohol so they party all weekend, then on the weekend and like Wednesday or Tuesday nights... Soon it might be every night it's nuts!! I'm glad I got married before transferring and didn't have to live in the dorms, I couldn't study through that! It's really sad to see people who are obviously talented and intelegent get messed up like they do. Sad to see them get into a downward spiral like that.

[Asker]

Agreed thank you. I know it's crazy from what I hear & from when I go to visit him. I used to be in a friend group full of people that chose weed over everything, glad I ditched them when I did because they're all on coke now. At least the good thing about my boyfriend is he refuses to touch anything beyond weed because his dad had a heroin problem. But still a drugs a drug, weed can't kill you but it can still dim your light enough to make it a problem

[sweetheart_cupcake]

K it's sounds difficult butit'sactually easy. Firsttellhimthis :"*name*Iunderstand why you are doing that, I know you are the best person in the world (for me) and I know you would never do anything that would hurt me or my feelings., and you're very important to me, *remind him the good times you guys have had*Iwant what's best for you (don't tell him to stop doing what he's doing, everyone hates being told what to do, gotta admit that) if there's anything I can do, I'm here for you, I'm here to help you, and I appreciate allthegood things you've done to me, thank youbabe *hug him tightly*and I'm sorry about what I'vesaid before, I know you wouldn't get kicked out of school because I know you will stop doing iteventually. I believein you! I'm here for you ifyou need help. I love you babe :*" Men wants respect and feel appreciated, if he feels that, he will feel loved and do the things you want him to do without actually telling him or nagginghim.

[sweetheart_cupcake]

Also if he can't stop smoking, well,. He should get to rehab

[sweetheart_cupcake]

Also by saying those words mention above as I answered, he will feel that you trust him and would not ever want to break that trust

[Teexox]

First of all don't break up with him. My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed; I personally don't like it but it's a way of him dealing with his stress. You can't just get a smoker to stop smoking they can actually get really sick , especially if their body is use to it. My boyfriend and I had a conversation about him slowly cutting down on smoking , so instead of him smoking 5 times a day aim for 3. If it's going to be a problem with the courts he needs to get a doctor to prescribe him the weed so this way if he's caught with some on him it will be okay.

[AlienIshboo]

Throw the fact that it's a drug out the window for a second... you can get addicted to anything... gambling, exercise, sex...

Your boyfriend has a problem. I don't want to hear this argument about how "you can't get addicted to weed, because it's not an addictive chemical." Yeah, neither are video games, gambling, sex, or exercise, and yet people can have some real problems with those. You can get addicted to getting high.

(speaking to your boyfriend directly) The weed isn't a fun recreational thing you do every now and then... now it's a problem, and you can't seem to handle your business anymore. You're weak. Better wake up and get your shit together my man.

[Asker]

I know I completely agree with you! I've had a conversation with him about it & obviously it didn't work.. so what do I do now? Tell his mom I think he needs help?

[AlienIshboo]

When I was in my teens-late teens, I had to live with an alcoholic... it was absolute hell. He joined alcoholics anonymous (fat lot of good it did... yes, I'm still bitter), but my mother and I joined the sister group al-anon.

What I learned there was that you cannot control the addict. The only thing you have control over is yourself. How you handle situations. When you think you can change somebody and make them stop or whatever, what happens is it fails, and you wind up beating yourself up. So you keep trying different things until you pull your hair out wondering why nothing you do works. Sound familiar?

You can't control them. Accept that, it's a hard pill to swallow, but take peace in knowing it. Sure, tell his mother about it, if you think it'll help, but at the end of the day, he has to realize he's got a problem and make steps towards fixing it. If you no longer wish to feel that pain, you're justified in closing that door, knowing you did all you could.

[AlienIshboo]

They made us recite the serenity prayer, but I think it should be reworded to say: grant me the serenity to accept the things I have no control over, the courage to fix the problems I'm able to, and to have the wisdom to know the difference.

It's not your burden to bear... I know it's hard, and sad... but if he's truly unable to see that he's got a serious problem, there's literally nothing you can do. the race is over before it even starts...

Or, you can let this problem drain you until you have no spirit left... (as my mother came close to doing...)

[Asker]

Wow this is the most helpful thing I've been told through all of this, seriously thank you so much. You've brought to my attention that it's not my fault if I can't help & that means the world to me

[AlienIshboo]

You're welcome. It was the best lesson I remember learning too :)

I wish you the best.

[Asker]

Thank you so much

[That1tallguy]

I get you he's being stupid I think he might be addicted or just a dumb ass with no understanding of the possible repercussions. I have no problem with people smoking weed but if your risking your future just to get high you have a problem. I think you might have to give him an altamative

[confusedgirl239]

I know that this is a hard message, but you need to break up with him. I know weed is not addictive like heroin/cocaine/etc. but it is still a drug. A man who is in prison is not going to be a good support for you and is not going to be able to build a life with you like you will want.

[NoLivesMatter]

he's a fucking dumbass. I dont have any problems with drugs and think they should be legal, but people who fiend over weed and can't find anything else to do for fun need to grow the fuck up.

Dump his stupid ass. Hell he might even drag you down with him if you stay with him.

I had friends like that whom I had to cut off because I didn't want to get caught up in the stupid shit they did.

[AlienIshboo]

+1 for the username dude, lol. I've been saying recently that no lives matter because we're all gonna die, and I don't see anyone hard at work on that immortality solution! :)

[NoLivesMatter]

LMAO! Another nihilist in the house!

YOLO! Then you die!

[spencify]

Tell him how selfish he is being and how his choices affect you. And try to get him to at least seek help.

Otherwise dump him, dont let him drag you down

[bunanababa]

you can't really help someone who doesn't want your help. He needs to realize that he need help in the 1st place

[DiegoO]

You can´t change him, if he don´t find enough reason to change he´ll not do it even if you trye your best,. Life is short.

[Nojudge]

Dump that loser since, you are not married to him and move on!

[robeereade]

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[Anonymous]

totally an exaggeration. i know tons of people that smoke weed... i dont see the big deal.

[Asker]

I'm not saying smoking weed is a big deal, I'm talking about right now while he is still in the middle of a case & is doing it on school property where he's already possibly going to get kicked out if he get caught drinking again

[CocoTeaREX]

Get away from that guy, he's no good for you.

[AveryDeStafney]

Threaten to drop him if he doesn't stop

[JayGarrick]

Dump him because he can't make good decisions

[GinaChapis]

dump him

[ApprenticeGentleman]

Dump his dumb ass

[Anonymous]

Break up with him

[bdawg24]

break it off