Is there a reason why my black boyfriend refuses to date a black girl?

I'm white and my boyfriend happens to black/Mexican. He's been raised by his black mother who has four other kids (all are his half siblings) he has two older black sisters, and two younger black sisters. When we started dating (it's been a long bumpy year) he made it clear one of the reasons he really liked me was because I'm blonde/light eye color and white.

At first this didn't bother me, I was like whatever and we dated, broke up, did friends with benefits and dated and now went to a long distance relationship (my hair is turning grey). Although I love him and want him to be with me it bothers me that he really dislikes black girls (it's more then dislike and not quite hate but close to it).

He claims he doesn't like black girls because all black girls are apparently "loud" "rude" "violent" and "crazy" he even goes as far as telling people he's Caucasian with a European tan (I roll my eyes and tell him if that's what he is I'm black with a I never left my house tan). He also claims that his mother is a big reason for him being "anti-black girls" because she was always forcing him to date black girls and told him she'd beat the sh*t out of him if he dated a white girl. (his mother is very racist; she went as far as calling me a good black man steeler and slave owner and other white racist comments, I told her she needed to attend more church is she had so much hate for her son dating a white girl).

What I want to know is there more to these ill feelings? And if I should persuade him into therapy sessions, or seeing a counselor. Because I love him and want what is best for him and I feel that he shouldn't have a negative view of his own race. Because in my experience white girls can be just as bad as a stereotypical black girl. And I don't think the only "good" black girls hang out with white girls. I think the media is a big negative to the black image.

So any help or suggestion I can get for my boyfriends definite psychological problems?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • he dislikes himself. I can tell because you said he doesn't claim his own race. he is half black but tells people he is "caucasian with a european tan". and also it sounds like rebellion because his mother is black and only wanted him to date black girls. his feelings about his mother are transferred on to all black girls.

    I have met guys and girls like this and they always have issues. if someone doesn't even like themselves, or respect and take pride in the race they come from, their family and background how can they respect you? eventually some of that dislike and hatred is going to come back on you.

    if a guy likes white girls he should like you because you happen to be the girl he loves, not out of a fetish (white girls are all like __), and not out of a second hand (I hate black girls so I will date you because you're not like the girl I hate).

    i think you should try talking to him more indepth about his feelings and then suggesting that he see a counselor about it, if you feel that will listen to him. seriously nobody respects people like that you don't want your boyfriend to be like that any longer

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What Guys Said 3

  • He doesn't like what he is. If he tells people he is Caucasian, and is dating a white girl, he seems to want to be white! Plus, I find it strange that he hates his own mother and sisters?

    How can he not like his own race?

    maybe find a counselor? He has some identity issues I think.

    but what do I know :)

    good luck!

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  • Last time I checked, it's a free country.. he can date whoever he wants... does he HAVE to date a Black chick, simply because he's half Black...

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  • I don't think he has psychological problems. He prefers non-black women. His claims that black girls can be loud, rude, violent, crazy may be true. Most educated black women do not sound ghetto, act civilized, and use words instead of fists to win an argument.

    Racism is caused by ignorance. Sorry that his mom is the way she is.

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    • Thanks, I just want what's best for him and feel a extremely negative outlook on his race is sad. Thank you again :)

What Girls Said 2

  • A lot of black guys and mixed black guys have self hate issues and take it out on black women.

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  • My father was black and was the typical negative stereotype of a black man, sure enough I've hated his very existence, but I don't go around hating black men.

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