Who do you think should pay if a girl asks a guy out?

I'm just curious for everyone's opinion. I stand by the opinion that if she asks the guy out, she should pay, or at least split, and no double standards - meaning she should only ask to split if she'd be willing to split for a guy. After all, this is 2011.

Guys: You may be under the impression that paying makes you a man, but I had a discussion and we agreed that a "real man" would be someone with self-respect and had the confident to actually stand up for equal rights, not be submissive and pay for some ***** who expects it and does nothing in return.

I know I might get a lot of bashing from this question, but I don't really care.

By the way, I also learned not to take sh*t from website moderators either, and if they abuse their power then the site is not worth it.
Oh and you should probably be aware that a guy always paying is meant to assert "ownership" over the girl.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I always insist to pay for myself. There actually have been a few times that I have paid for my date to. (Like when we go to movies, one of us always buys the tickets, and the other person gets the snacks) But normally my boyfriend and I try to not spend money on dates and go places like the park or one of our houses. But on our first few dates, he tried to convince me to let him pay for me, but I honestly told him not to bother because a) I had money b) I didn't need him to c) he should save his money since we do stuff pretty often. Honestly, we rarely spend money on each other because we are both broke high school students who can't really afford to go out on dates. So normally we just hang out in the park or something.

    • Guys insist on paying because they have been brainwashed by their parents, the media and society into thinking that if they don't pay for it all just because they're male, then they won't succeed at life. Its good that you refused his offer.


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What Girls Said 7

  • Hell no... whether it is the 1950s or 2011. At the beginning the guy always pays... it shows that you really do like the girl and you wanna go out on a date with her regardless of money. If your not paying it just seems to me that your not really attracted to the girl or your doing it because you don't wanna hurt her feelings. Trust me when a guy is head over heels, really attracted to a girl.. there are no boundaries to how much he shows the girl that he really attracted to her.. whether that is sending her flowers, pumping love music outside her house or even paying for a date.The guy will do whatever it takes to show the girl he is really attacrted to her and cares about her. So overall.. if you do really like this girl and your really attracted to her and want it to develop into something more.. you pay it says a lot about you.. not that your loaded but you do care about her. If the relationship does last for a longer period of time then its alright if both pay for the date equally because your both past that really really I like you, attraction stage and you know each other well enough to know that both of you care about each other

    • LULWAT?

      If the guy has to do those stuff to show he cares then what does SHE do to show SHE cares?

      And if she asked the guy out isn't it HER job to show she cares? SHE is the one using up the guy's time when he could be doing other things, SHE is the one who chose the place, why the HELL should the guy pay?

    • You really need to WAKE UP and be introduced to the 21st century! Sexual organs don't define what people are entitled to do legally anymore, and it shouldn't socially either! If a girl asks a guy out it is HER JOB to win over the guy NOT THE GUY'S JOB! DUMB ASS!

    • In fact, if a girl asked me out and expected me to pay, if it wasn't for the sexist "guys can't hit girls rule" then I would f***ing SLAP her!

  • i can understand where you're coming from. I don't think girls expect guys to pay but now that I think about it, it does feel weird even if a girl asks a guy out she should pay the bill. For me, I don't usually expect anything because every guy is different. But out of courtesy I offer to pay regardless if he or I asked to go out on a date. I think its because I was bought up being told that I should always insist.

    Ide be happy to pay for a meal unless he asked me out on a date and he said, I want to take you out, I want to pay for us:) if he didn't say that I don't expect anything. If that girl you were with just stood there expecting you to get your wallet out to pay for the lot I think its a little rude. I don't think she represents how all girls are. It also depend on you, the guy. some guys like you say like respect and act according to the girl and him and how they are but there's some guys who just have it no other way-they have to pay for everything. I think this girl is very stereotypical in the head or has just been spoilt a lot by family or friends so maybe she's used to it and expected you to pay...haha oh dear, don't worry about this, it doesn't speak for all couples/dates:)

    • If you ask a guy out and actually pay your part, then it is a RESPONSIBILITY, not a COURTESY! This is 2011, it should be automatic that both people pay, except on a first date where some people believe the one who asks should pay.

      Sorry I didn't actually go out with a girl like that, I just heard a lot about these issues.

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    • also I think some girls expect for meals to be paid for them because for example a lot of my friends say that guys enjoy doing this. I hear all the time even from guys, (theyre not brainwashed they do have a conscience) they enjoy being the guy opening doors pulling out chairs paying for things. These guys don't like it when the girls expect it but they jsut enjoy doing these things for girls. so girls don't question it and just go with it because they don't want to make a scene or overreact.

    • So how is it not brainwashing? Do you still think they would pay if they were never taught the "rule"?

  • Regardless of whether or not I asked the guy out, I insist on paying for myself to show that I don't have to depend on him or expect him to pay for me. And even then the guy still wants to pay for me. I'm not gonna stop him from being polite because I already insisted that I can pay for myself. I respect his gesture, so in return I expect him to feel the same way and not try to live up to that petty old standard of him paying just because he is the guy. Like you said, it's 2011.

    • Well, okay, but most of the time its NOT a polite gesture. Guys do this because they are BRAINWASHED by society into thinking they HAVE to, and that if they don't then they're an unmanly cowardly loser.

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    • What a great comeback, as if you have any idea how he feels about me. I thought your curiosity about who should pay was interesting, but I'm starting to find you to be less intuitive and more of an inconsiderate a-hole.

    • You can call me whatever you want. I don't mean to brag, people say that I'm so SMART that it overwhelms others! You can believe that if you want, don't believe it if you don't want. I really don't care.

  • Well I think it's best if the guy pays, but since she asked you out, that makes her the 'man', right? Well, splitting it would be best than to just lay it all on her. lol

    I also believe it's better if a guy comes to the door to pick up his date, not wait in the car. To me, that just seems rude. But we weren't talking about that. ha ha ha.

  • you know what.. you sound like a joke.. you asked for my opinion and I'm giving it to you straight .. you seem to not taking my advice on board and being a stubborn prick and only believing what you want to believe. And the equal rights argument.. you got it all wrong. A real man is NOT a guy who believes he has to assert his authority over women he dates so he doesn't pay anything. A real man is one who does these things without even thinking because he does care about this girl. A guy can still have self respect and be a real man in my terms. You obviously have never been in a proper relationship to know these things as you think a guy paying is a sign of weakness when it is not. GROW THE F*** UP and slapping a girl because she made you pay is you being an insecure person because you have to get physically aggressive with her because you think that's equal rights because she made you feel weak. Get your facts straight.and I'm not a dumbass and way smarter and educated than you will ever be. If a girl went out with you after you did that to her.. your just scum. if you don't wanna go out with this girl don't go out with her.. its simple and you won't waste your time. YOUR OBVIOUSLY A WASTE OF TIME.

    • LOL! Way more educated? Really? As a matter of fact, I was the smartest person in my whole school, and I was also the smartest person in all my college classes. I am also one of the smartest people in my peer group (I share the position with one other person) so take that.

      How is that not equal rights? Expecting someone to pay just because he has a penis is NOT equal rights, it is CHAUVINISM. Explain why the guy should always pay in a way that is not one-sided?

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    • If you keep thinking this way... 'EQUAL RIGHTS, being Assexual and all this other bullsh*t, I swear you are going to end up a lonely old man. Imagine if a girl said she was assexual and all this equal rights stuff youve been talking about... a guy wouldn't even bother with her because she is such as headache... it would be a big turnoff for guys

    • Why should I care? A relationship is just a perk, it is not a requirement. I have other areas of my life to focus on as well. Besides, there are plenty of girls who don't expect guys to sacrifice their equality for the sake of "showing he cares", they realize that a lot of guys are pretty aggressive on the issue nowadays, so they won't automatically expect the guy to pay, especially in this case where the guy wasn't even the one doing the asking out.

  • First date? Guy. Just how it's always been in my experience.

    • Even if YOU asked HIM out? I asked a lot of guys this question and most of them said they would probably blow her off!

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    • My question was: "Who do you think SHOULD pay?" not "Who usually pays in your experience?"

    • R you attracted to this girl.. do you really like this girl or are you just going on this date to hook up/ score or add to the list of the girls you have been out with? what do you want from this girl?

  • I always pay for myself no matter the circumstance, if I asked him or if he asked me, if I've dated him for a short period of time or a long one. It's just a standard I have.


What Guys Said 3

  • I don't really fit the description of a "real man" in the traditional cultural dictionary, but I'd still want to buy dinner. The myriad of reasons includes the fact that women make 75% less than men or the fear of a few moments of the waiter or waitress giving me an awkward look if I don't, but the real reason is I care about the girl, and I'm in a good financial situation anyway.

    It maybe 2011, but I'm old-fashioned.

    • How does the existence of the pay gap justify that? What about where that doesn't apply? What about students who don't have jobs? The reason is you care about the girl? So what does she do to show she cares? Isn't that HER job since she asked you out?

      And if you're old-fashioned, you shouldn't even be accepting the idea of girls asking guys out.

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    • I offered. I don't think men should have to pay, I just do. I don't expect anything in return.

      Calm down, buddy. It's just an opinion.

    • Okay well come back to me when she starts acting ungrateful and forgetting that you did so much for her without her doing anything, then I can say "I told you so".

  • Should always be split evenly imo. Unless one side insists over the other. And, yes, generally the guy will insist cause we've been socially trained to feel we should. *shrugs*

    • I don't pay to assert ownership over anyone. Sure this is just me so I can't say it's the norm for other guys, but I pay cause I genuinely want to ease any and all burdens on a person I care about and accept them myself :P I'll pay for guys and girls when we go out at times. Depends on things. But, when it comes to a girlfriend (i.e. someone I love and so devoted to), I'll be fine with paying all the time. Though, yes, she better not EXPECT or DEMAND for me to pay all the time.

  • If I don't pay for anything then it'll end up on my drift build lol still burning money...

    but I don't mind to spend for another either it is a girlfriend, friend, family member, ex...

    willing to sell my track car just to use the money for them...

    • Then you should pay half. Don't pay whole if she asks you out, that just makes you look like a complete fool.