Can a 22 year old women date a 41 year old man?

Question

Ok I am currently 21 but turn 22 on feb 22. Ok I asked out my old teacher to go out. He is 41 years old. He said that the age difference is too much but at the same time he likes me. So yesterday we went out to get a few drinks at bjs he then told me afterwards that he doesn't want a serious relationship and that lets see where this goes,what does he mean does he like me or just want to have sex with me? He said that he has phone issues is he lying? So we just e-mail each other. So he wants to hang out again. So overall what's up?

pontifixmax · Accepted Answer

I'm a guy in my 40s and I wouldn't date someone as young as you for a number of reasons. First, I couldn't imagine what we would have in common, and by in common I don't mean favorite music or TV shows. Rather, people of the same generation naturally have broader things in common, such as similar things, events, etc that they grew up. Second is the power difference. Becoming older means more access to resources, knowledge and experience, which would make the idea of an equal partnership with someone 20 something years younger more than a little lopsided. Third is energy. While I'm a pretty active person for a guy in my 40s, I've no interest in partying and staying up all night like I did when I was 22, and even if I did, I would pay for it dearly the next day. Not saying there is any wrong with partying, but any middle aged person who is reasonably good health has probably left that behind them, as in back in their 20s where it belongs. Fourth, and please don't take this as an insult, I would be embarrassed to be in a relationship with someone so young. Like, how is it going to go meeting her father who is the same age or just a few years older than me? Likewise, how would I feel introducing a 22 year old as my girlfriend to my niece who is 16? All of that said, with concern to how young I will date, I've decided that 35 is the cut off age for me.

gthcsmt · Accepted Answer

First of all is he single? Does he have family? Maybe he's a little intimidated dating such a young girl. I mean maybe he does like you but the age difference is quite dramatic and I personally if I was him would be scared of what my students would think and family would think too. Maybe he likes you but then again maybe he might be using you for sex. So be careful girl. You're only 22, there's so many other guys out there around your age that would definitely want to be with you.

kiki-baby · Accepted Answer

He sounds shady. What the hell is phone issues, I never heard of anything like that before. Maybe he's seeing someone else. Who knows,but I'm 22 and I get attracted to older men. I think as long as they don't look like that are much older than you. Than it will workout. But this guy doesn't sound like he wants to be with you. Maybe it is just sex. I would find out, unless you are okay that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. I would talk to him about it, tell him to be honest.

sweetecho10 · Accepted Answer

Well he is 19 years older than you. It might take some time for him to get used to dating a younger woman. About the phone issues. I don't know what that is. Like he said, just wait and see where things go. Try and be patient, it may take some adjustments to make it work for the both of you.

also, he's a guy. Who knows if he wants you for your mind or your body? Just because he's older doesn't make him less capable of using you, so still try to be careful.

Lesae · Accepted Answer

He wants to be friends and is hiding the fact that he has a house phone and more than likely a cell phone. So, are they both not working? I would stay away from this guy. Eventually you will have sex and end up getting hurt.

wolfgangflow · Answer

I'm 41 and married to a 22 year old woman.  We have a beautiful daughter together (8mths) and are very much in love.  Before I give wisdom I'll give truth.  His phone situation is that he is still living with the woman he is divorcing . or, they're still very much in a relationship.  That's my first thought.  My second thought is he was your teacher and there are phone records to be had down the line and sometimes these showing up on his account may not be entirely ethical if things were to come to light when he's attempting to advance in his career.  The "doesn't want a serious relationship" means this; That he digs you, wouldn't mind fooling around here and there but needs to get through his issues and if you and he are upright (so to speak) on the other side of this then he may just be game for something serious then.  Now wisdom.  With an older man you don't have to deal with the crap that a younger man has to deal with such as jealousy, money problems and being unsure about his sexual practices.  At 41 a man knows who he is and what he likes, what his limits are, and that is an extremely important thing to know.  What are my limits?  It's been a while since you've posted so I hope all things have faired well.  Good luck.

Acuzio · Answer

We can't know if he's lying about his phone. He just wants to remain friends. I agree with him, the age difference is too great. He's old enough to be your father.

Consider finding someone your own age. Look hard enough, and you'll discover someone just as mature as your teacher friend, but much younger.

oftenconfused · Answer

I would relay be where of the "phone issues" that sounds fairly fish to me coupled with the not wanting some thing serious. So I am inclined to think that is is in one and just wants some thing on the side even more so from a nice young woman. Tread care fully my friend.

x9354 · Answer

He's lying about the phone (pretty common). And he's already made it clear -- he doesn't want a "SERIOUS relationship" -- which means he just wants sex, not a girlfriend (he's actually pretty much spelling it all out for you, if you think about it). If he's 41, ask him if he has a son you could date.

jon73010 · Answer

20 years difference is a bit much. That's getting to daddy issues territory. With that big of a difference I would have to say its prob. And ego trip for him. About the phone thing. Maybe he's married. Either way. I'm curious why you would want to date someone that old.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh that sounds very very shady! The phone issues seem like he doesn't want you to call because he doesn't want his wife or someone to answer the phone, see who's calling, or both. As the others have said, I'd play it really safe and slow, differently be careful, and see what happens. The age difference is not a big deal really. Age is a number, that's all. Some family friends were 20 years apart in age, and I have a cousin married to a man who's older than my father and her parents.

lovebird01 · Answer

It definitely sounds like he is hiding some things in his life, here. The age thing could work out, but there's too much "mystery" in this relationship to continue it. I would just forget him, and move on!

the-82 · Answer

You can honestly do whatever you want but just remember 1 thing, how am I looked at by society?

Can a 22 year old women date a 41 year old man?

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