How to deal with my boyfriend's sexist/offensive friends?

[christinalong338]

How do I respond when my boyfriend’s friends say sexist or degrading things about women? They tell me to “relax, it’s just a joke.” My normal reaction is to point out that it’s offensive, or to respond with an equally sexist comment to show them how it feels. Then they tell me that I’m just a man-hater. This feels unfair. How should I respond when they say things that offend me?

Examples of sexist/degrading things they’ve said”

My boyfriend’s friend was dating a virgin who intended to stay that way until marriage but he thought that she would "give it up" and have sex with him, and that she wouldn't be upset about it once she "got that good dick." I don't really think I need to explain why this is offensive to women. I told him that women don't make every decision based on men and what men may think about it and that he should respect her choices, like men expect us to respect theirs.

When one of their relationships ended and his ex-girlfriend was moving on by dating other people, he called her slut when he was out at bars trying to pick up girls too. I pointed out that it was unfair to expect her to not move on just like he was trying to do.

How do I deal with this? Clearly my methods aren’t working. I don’t think it’s fair that I should just have to shut up and get along and ignore offensive comments so that they don’t have to censor themselves. That means I have to censor my reactions, so they don’t have to bother to not say offensive things.

How should I respond when they say sexist things? How do I show them I’m not the sexist one (and if I am, that at least I’m not the ONLY sexist in the room)? Or better yet, how can I get them to STOP?

[stubbsy]

You need to be tough here and accept whatever follows, but when your with guys like this, you need to stand up and refuse to be a part of an immature bunch of pricks who think women are here for their right and don't deserve respect, and just leave, only then when you demand respect with your presence will they stop, otherwise these immature idiots will just see you as one of the lads, or just a girl who doesn't deserve respect, and to me, every girl deserves respect, so if she don't get it, she should demand it, but personally, I think you deserve more and should just walk away and never return, because your boyfriend should be demanding more from his friends in your presence, so he's no better than the immature idiots you speak of,x

[christinalong338]

I know you're right but this makes me sad. I'm worried that there aren't any guys my age out there that aren't like this. I don't mean to unfairly judge the population of 24-26 year old men in my city, but most of the ones I've encountered seem to embody the "fuck bitches, get money" "bros before hoes" (and actually mean that we're whores) mentality. I love men. I'm not a man hater. I just wish the ones I spend time with would be nicer and stop being so intentionally offensive.

[stubbsy]

You have a higher level of maturity, and to get the respect you deserve from their level, you need to almost treat them like pupils. I understand where your coming from, because I wouldn't allow this kind of talk around a girl I was dating, but it seems like your boyfriend finds it acceptable. I don't know what else to suggest apart from you demanding what should already be in place, and that's respect of presence,x

[AustinMan]

That your boyfriend permits this and/or takes you around them when this is going on is very disrespectful. You keep challenging them and tell them how you feel. You're not a psycho bitch.

[toulouse]

well personally they are disrespectful little shits and id severely question my bfs ethics in having these 'guys' as peer role models. is a;so question the relationship. no I really don't think id do much questioning. your friends say a ton about who you are. id dump the boyfriend. I wouldn't sit near someone on a bus who was hanging out with these kinds f morons. let alone date them. character assassination isn't a joke. if he think they are accountable friends that's his business, but I think its repugnant., I would def not give him an ultimatum. he's chosen his friends and I've chosen to leave.

theres no right thing to say because these guys are learning disabled.

[xzinax2]

ask them to explain the joke. every joke has a root that makes it funny,and that root is personal belief. rape jokes,racist jokes,sexist jokes-all have a root in actual belief. the only explaination for a sexist joke is ''get it,because women are inferior whores haha''. and those aren't the people you want to be around. laughing along would mean you agree.

[Prettygurl12]

I'd dump my boyfriend. No man is worth putting up with his shitty friends.

And honestly, if he genuinely enjoys hanging out with those kinds of people what does that say about him?

Yup. Not worth my time.

[definitelyNotHer]

As tough as it might be... break up. Guys like this don't change and you won't be able to change them. My ex would constantly make sexist comments and it only go worse with time. And think... if he's comfortable saying these things about other women was prevents or guarantees that he doesn't say similar things about you? I am very sorry you're dealing with his immature and gross behavior but honestly.. dump his ass girl. He isn't worth your time or energy and he doesn't deserve your amazing self. Find someone who is worthy of your time, energy, and love who isn't a sexist douchebag.

[Keyspirits]

Lol fack those mudda effort, they just wanna use you for sex and once its siad and done, your good for nothing >.>

Im a man and ik all this...shes staying as a virg until marriage is a good thing because it show respect to her true luv.

Ppl like that are idiots, you should be more careful around them -.-'

[Anonymous]

You gotta get a comeback. Like when he said something about his dick and that she will be lucky. You could say " really? With that little thing".
Or when he called her slut she could say " oh really? And that says the guy in the club walking around flirting around."

[VinaThreeOne]

Dumb bitch why was she interject into someone else’s business! She NEEDS to shut the fuck up sit the fuck back and mind her own damn business!!! Because if he was not talking about you why would you get offended is it perhaps he is describing your behavior also that’s why women get mad because the majority of them act the same and we mentalk about it

[Opinion Owner]

@VinaThreeOne it's all fun don't be one of those fake girl. You say you are against it and not you call me a dumb bitch. That's fake shit. And I don't have time for it. So change or be the same low fake person who says one thing but do another. Bye!

[Opinion Owner]

*now

[Anonymous]

Tell them that men who feel the need to put women down have small "things" lol. Wow, or you could just hang out with men and not little baby boys, idk.. ? They sound like really grown up and stuff wow.. haha...

[Keyspirits]

LOL! I fawken totally agree with u.

[Opinion Owner]

these kids right? lol.. so cute though.

[VinaThreeOne]

Bitches don’t you understand he was talking about one woman and you women all Chime in because it is also your behavior they are talking about Lmao! So a guy talks about one woman and he’s talking about all women I don’t think so you women take it personal because it is your behavior also but they are making jokes of and if you women want to continue to act Scandalous and sneaky low key Then men are always call you out on your bullshit

[CuChullan]

You just keep hammering out that message. You don't shut up. You don't accept being forced to shut up.
Your opinion is even more valid as you're a woman.
This mindset has to change.

[Anonymous]

That's why girls should not hang around male friends. We say offensive stuff to each other all the time. A chick who gets offended easily and puts her nose in other people's business is exactly what a group of males needs, isn't it? ugh...

How do you deal with it? Don't be around them. It's a win-win solution. Your boyfriend will have his time with you, and he'll have time to be with his friends.

[christinalong338]

haha wow I do not put my nose in other people's business. all of these scenarios have happend in MY OWN APARTMENT and they were talking to me directly. That's hardly being a busy-body. So your suggestion is that the sexes don't mix and men and women shouldn't be friends?

[Opinion Owner]

For some reason, I highly doubt that. However, I can't disprove that.

How many are truly friends? Eh, I didn't say they shouldn't mix as a woman's presence has it's usefulness. I just don't think they mix well and certainly no where near as well as all male groups and, I can only assume, all female groups. When you're hanging out with just girls, a guy hanging around doesn't suck all the fun out of the room?

[toulouse]

they were not saying offensive things to each other. they were saying shitty things about women and called her man hater or dishing it back at them.

you really are a very selective reader.

[christinalong338]

so Anonymous man, you think that I'm lying about them being in my apartment, and talking to me? Sometimes we're in the car together and it's just the two of us. Who should I imagine he's speaking to then?

"A woman's presence has it's usefulness"? What exactly do you mean by that? And no, if I'm in a group of all girls and there's a guy there, it does NOT suck all the fun out of the room. 90% of my friends are guys. and it's not like I insert myself into these situations. It's my place!

[VinaThreeOne]

They can only stop when women Stop behaving like assholes to them

[watermelonsprinkles]

I SAY KICK THEM IN THE BALLS🙃

[vaibhav29]

guy have no ball@watermelonsprinkles

[watermelonsprinkles]

I Don’t understand what u said but ight

[vaibhav29]

how you kick them in the ball?

[Texaskid1]

Make sandwiches.