How do I convince my Muslim parent to let me wear shorts?

[Anonymous]

My parents are super religious and they don't let me wear shorts they don't even let me wear tights ugh I feel so stupid cuz when I hang out with my friends I look like a grandma.

I went to the beach yesterday and it was 100 degrees out and I almost died in jeans/long sleeves/jacket/hijab...

[redeyemindtricks]

Disclaimer: I am not Muslim.

This is probably a long shot, but you could at least give it a try:
Here are 2 passages from hadith that you could use to at least start the discussion.

1)
www.virtualmosque.com/.../

"The deen [religious practice] is ease. Whoever makes the deen too hard for himself [or herself] will be overpowered, so direct yourselves to what is right, follow a middle course."

If there's anything in the world that *IS* "too hard for yourself" at yr age, girl... it's doing things that make you feel weird in front of yr friends, or that alienate you from yr friends.
I'm sure that is happening here, so, this hadith passage *may* give them something to think on.

It may even give YOU something to think on -- as far as whether you can comfortably pledge yr lifetime faith to the whole belief system in general. If you can give yourself some room to maneuver on things like dress codes, in ways you can square with yr faith, it will be a lot easier for you to maintain that faith.

2)
sunnahonline.com/.../217-hadith-of-intention-the

"Actions are by intentions, and for every person is what he [or she] intended."

What's the intention behind the shorts?
Obviously, the intention isn't to stick up a big middle finger to the whole idea of halal clothing in general. The intention is something else entirely -- to let you be comfortable in the middle of the summer, and to allow you to bond more closely with yr friends (which absolutely *is* a thing that's affected by the clothes you wear).

If nothing else, yr parents should at least be awfully impressed that you would actually cite hadith and make a serious argument, rather than just throwing a tantrum.

__

Also -- and perhaps MOST importantly --

If you live in the USA, you can also point out -- with total honesty -- all the terrorism that has been happening lately, and the bad press that Islam has been getting AS A WHOLE.

The biggest reason why lots of Americans are becoming afraid of Islam, and Muslims in general, is because they aren't exposed to "normal" Muslims who look and talk and act like other

[redeyemindtricks]

Americans. (When Catholics and Protestants committed senseless acts of terrorism all over Ireland, people didn't develop wholesale fears of the Catholic or Protestant faith -- because there were everyday, "normal" Catholics and Protestants everywhere.)

I'm actually totally serious about this:
If you are the cool, "normal" Muslim girl, with normal American friends and normal American clothes -- while sticking to yr faith openly -- then EVERYONE who meets you will remember you, and EVERYONE who meets you absolutely WILL have a more open, more welcoming attitude toward Islam AS A WHOLE, accordingly. Totally serious. You could absolutely accomplish that, just by being... a cool girl who wears shorts.

Whether yr parents will actually consider this is another issue, but, it can't hurt for you to TRY to engage them in the discussion.

[Fearless_banana]

Lol godamn. Your answers man. You have a lot of patience to type all of this out. I'll maybe post an answer like this for 1 out of 20 questions.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Fearless_banana Ehh, seems worth it.

Don't forget how fast I can type 😂😂 You may be overestimating the time commitment here.

[Fearless_banana]

A lot of my long answers in which I actually try and provide insight have gone ignored so I tend to not do it as much anymore. Either that or they will completley disregard everything and say oh I don't like that I'm going to do it my own way anyways.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Fearless_banana Well, that occasionally happens, but, 4 things on the other side of that one.

1)
I've gotten more than enough positive responses to make it all worthwhile.
Tbh, I originally signed up for this site with the intention of just killing a couple long days in the hospital last Christmas (attending to family), but, in the first 48 hours I got so much positive feedback -- including one person who pm'd me to say one of my posts had helped him decide not to commit suicide (!) -- that I stayed on and kept posting here.

2)
I'm one of those think-by-writing people, in a very literal sense. By actually writing or typing out thoughts about something, I'll think it through more completely than otherwise.

3)
Like every other internet board, this one is bound to have tons of readers who just lurk and don't actually post. So, even if the original asker doesn't respond, SOMEONE is almost certainly getting SOMETHING out of what I write.

4)
For questions like this one -- for which I

[redeyemindtricks]

don't have readymade answers -- I'm actually doing a little bit of "homework" of my own by writing an opinion, just in case a similar issue comes up in real life someday. I mean, now, if any of my kids' friends ever have this issue, I can throw these hadith lines at them off the top of my head -- which I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do.
So, even if absolutely no one is reading this, there's still a benefit ahah

And I type fast as fuck.

[Fearless_banana]

Didn't think about the lurkers. I should start copying some of my longer answers on my laptop so I can just paste since there are so many repeat questions.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Fearless_banana I've thought about doing that, but, I'm good enough at finding them (with google and/or just scrolling through my opinions and searching the page) that it doesn't seem worth the time investment thus far.

I do like going back and reading my own old opinions, though... ahhah so mb I'll do that sometime when I'm on the road and don't feel like doing real work

[redeyemindtricks]

@Omar5881 @hookingswan @elissadido What do you all think of this opinion

[Omar5881]

Well that's... awesome lol , parents have the authority to advice not to obligate , what you said is great lol the verses and Hadith are correct well good job I am speechless lol

[redeyemindtricks]

@Omar5881 Thank you.

[Omar5881]

You make a very good sheikh 😛

[Naughtygirlishere]

Wtf yo
Why would u ask that question here knowing all the haters are ganna hates on our religion?
1. Don't go the beach it's not important just sit your ass down in ur house and have A/C on.
2. If u wear hajib why would u want to wear short.. oh please you can't possibly be telling me da u only wear it to act innocent in front of your parents?
3. Why can't u understand ur poor parents are only trying to protect ur ass from the hell fire...

[SoAddicted]

Omfg

[KittieCat]

Lol "protecting your ass from hellfire"
Girl is in thick clothes in 100°F+ heat and could be comfortable but nah.. Oh the irony

[Asker]

I've worn a hijab for years, but I'm getting old enough to make my own decisions. They came from a different/more traditional country so they are not flexible.

But I want to convince them so they don't get offended. It's not too bad in the winter though, just this summer has been so hot! I'm wearing long sleeves and long pants every day... I'm just used to being sweaty all the time now lol...

[Naughtygirlishere]

Hajib I understand itsway too hot for da but wanting to wear shorts? Is kinda of out of the question don't u think?
im pretty sure ur parents would understand if u told them u don't want to wear the hajib... because hajib is a choice.
Tho I don't think they would ever agree to I wearing shorts
Why?
Because in Islam a woman's beauty can only be seen by her future husband
Her father
Her bother
Other then da one else
A Muslim woman is a like a queen no one can see her or touch except tho da are special
Do you want people to tread u like an object like western woman's?
Cuz wearing shorts will lead to da!

[Red_Arrow]

You are all over her for wanting things that seem counter to the religion you share with her, but you express far wilder things in your posts. So why are you down on her?

[Naughtygirlishere]

@Red_Arrow yes I know I'm a naughty bitch and I know I'm ganna go to hell blah blah...
But I was never religious to begin with she was tho...
She's innocent
Wearing hajibs
What I'm mad about are 2 things
1. Was all this time her warning hajib was an innocent act in front of her parents
2. If it wasn't an act and she's really innocent/reglious then why the fuck would she want to wear shorts?

[Red_Arrow]

She will have to weigh in on this to know the answer, but I believe that as a younger girls she followed the teaching of her religion and parents, blindly at first, then reluctantly. She is finally seeing things differently and would like to have the freedom she feels she needs. She just arrived at her self realization later than you. It is hard to change how you act when you are stuck in an environment that forbids what you think is right, especially after living it so long. I think she is trying to break out of what has become a prison for her.

[Xfitchick]

You cannot convince them, but its your life so wear whet you like. But you should respect their believe and in family life dress acoordingly, but once among friends, dress like them.

[Latinamoon]

I'm muslim... you see the problem is your parents are forcing you into something you don't belive. Wearing hijab in hot weather is hot I know but you should question yourself to why you do it. And no you do not look like a grandma you just have morals and believe in showing your character not your body.

Please learn about why its important to wear hijab, and question yourself what you believe is the truth. But just to remind you wearing hijab is Allah command to guard your private. And for men its our eyes.

[redridinggirlTR]

Omg please... Wearing hijab has nothing to do with morality. Especially when hijab is to protect women from the sick eyes of men. Why don't you guys hijab your eyes and stop calling women lmmoral if they are sane enough to wear like a Normal woman.

[Latinamoon]

Din dusmanliginizi kendinize saklayin. Insanlarin goruslerinede saygi duyun ayni fikirde olmasaniz bile.

First of all I didn't even call girls who don't wear hijab immoral so I'm not gonna argue over things I didn't say. All I know is if women cover up men have nothing to look... if men don't look women have nothing to show. Don't worry Allah justice is perfect if I do my share you have to do yours too. I don't look so I do mine and I don't really care what you do. I can't force you to cover yourself up so there is no point for me to be like you. A girl that doesn't attract men with her body and causes attention with her character has morals. End of discussion.

[AEther]

i recommend theological discussion.

can you read the Quran?
i cannot, and so can't give any properly informed advice, but here's what i quick search gave me.
www.quran-islam.org/.../...dress_code_(P1150).html

but i recommend using the internet to find reference in the texts to discuss with them rather than just saying "but the internet says.."

good luck :-)

[Dimmu]

I can't believe you exist man :D
Someone talking objectively about Islam

[AEther]

haha, yeah some of us westerners are capable of rational though ;-)

[Dimmu]

I don't really agree with you , but the idea of analyzing and objective criticize is disappearing specially when it comes to Islam
Thank you for existing man

[AEther]

ha, well thank you for saying.

what do you disagree with?

[Dimmu]

look i won't say for sure cause i didn't study this topic,
but the word hijab was used in quran as cover , and arabs were wearing hijab before islam, and also women were told in quran to hide their sexuality

and marry were wearing a hijab, and muslims believe that marry is the best woman walked on earth

the real thing is: hijab is not very essential in islam, there is a lot of stuff is more important , like 5 prayers a day
5 prayers and 5 pillars are much more important , avoiding adultery and stealing is much more important

[AEther]

i certainly don't disagree with you there, but if this girl's parents are quite strict i was thinking it might make sense for her to discuss the specifics of the dogma rather than just saying it doesn't matter.

it's hard to know exactly what the cover is covering. the English translation that i saw said that god gave clothing to adam and eve to cover their privates, but what's private? i would define "privates" as genitals and breasts, but one could easily argue that the belly button and ankles should be private too.
but i think also read somewhere that one shouldn't show someone birthmarks that weren't otherwise visible, so this suggests that some of your body must be showing to begin with.

but.. i don't really know anything about it so that's all just facile speculation :-/

[Dimmu]

her parents are strict in cultural sense not religious
the best one i saw talking about hijab was an American muslim , she could explain it well , still not from religious view
https://youtu.be/vWozY1N-d14

[Dimmu]

of course i don't mean that guy comments lol, she is so clear
and you can find here all girls are obsessed with sizes , while almost noone talk about brains
while you know , even in bed sizes are not that important,

[AEther]

hm, yeah i get your point.

[Dimmu]

still i try not to fall in the mistake that women who are not wearing hijab are bad
i dont rely on my own judgement, i may be wrong, she may be better than me

[2bv-2b]

You need to understand why are you doing what you are doing.. And while obeying the parents is very important in Islam, even that you are doing to please God... Do you even believe in God?

[RexCatholicissimus]

I really don't think you're gonna have any success, there.

Christ I feel sorry for Muslim kids born in a western country.

[Prochto]

Hijab? Lol hijab doesn't event exist in Quran ahahaha your parents are ignorant in this topic.. I dont also completely support wearing shorts often but in the beach of course you can wear proper things

[Jager66]

Just tell them that you never chose to be Muslim, they tried to choose for you, so you are not Muslim and can wear what you want.

[LaVilaine]

Start with asking if you can wear capri pants. If all else fails, linen is your friend.

[AzureGirl]

Just have extra clothes to change into when you're out.

[Dimmu]

if you dont like what you believe, just stop believing in it
following others rules is just faking

[masterkamasutra]

Do whatever u want, its ur life, wear what you like, they are not the one decide for you. Islam not said do anything forcefully, i saw many muslim girl they wear so exposing clothes, its their life.

[AloneLove]

Yeah... other stupid girl too.. Why did u need to specify ur partner's religion? Anyway if I was ur parent, I would lock u idiot kid

[Supersonic_Sex_Ninja]

You are gonna have to find a way to wear them without them knowing, Or convince them that you need to assimilate better to your current situation.

[harabi]

Only wonder why they allow you to go to the beach and hang with infidel frieds

[HeresJames1]

Can you please leave GaG forever? we don't like evil people like you.

[harabi]

@HeresJames1 Evil? You obviously just too dumb to understand what I meant. 'Super religious' parents wouldn't allow their daughter even to mix with people with different values and lifestyle not to mention accepting their. Islam says don't take infidel for a friend.

[HeresJames1]

You don't call a person an infidel, maybe your people are too thick to understand this but being an asshole doesn't make you right about anything. Any religion that promotes hatred is wrong, not because it's a different religion it's because MORALLY it is wrong. Just because someone is different than you doesn't make them an "infidel" and it doesn't make you any better than them, so stop saying it and acting like stereotype.

[harabi]

@HeresJames1 It's their vocabulary. Such parents would refer to her friends as infidels, right

[HeresJames1]

No, using the term infidel is a derogatory term of making the Person you're talking about seem less like a human being, putting them lower than you in status. You don't treat people like that, nobody deserves to be treated like they are not human, like they are like garbage, that's mean and evil and makes the person talking sound like a complete asshole. You ever wonder why Muslim faith is so loathed by the rest of the world, it's because the cultural teachings are teaching the people to be assholes, to be judgmental self-righteous closed-minded conservative assholes, and that's why people hate it.

[Omar5881]

Well sorry for that love just wait till you're old enough and live alone that's no way of living

[PT1911]

:/

I dont think you can

[Anonymous]

That is your religion... so suck it up.

[TruExo]

covert to Christianity, problem solved

[Anonymous]

Nice trolling for defaming islam., dude

[kemalim13]

which country? what about your friends and public

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. You need to break free