I got a girl pregnant and now she wants to keep it. I don't want her to have the kid though. What should I do?
I have been having sex with this girl here at the University of Texas at Austin regularly for about 2 months now since I met her at a party my Frat was having, and she just told me she is pregnant and that she wants to keep it. I'm 22 years old and I haven't even graduated college yet so I want her to get an abortion. I am willing to pay for it and everything. She isn't even my girlfriend. It was just a sex thing. I mean I wore a condom, but it broke. I thought I pulled out quick enough, but apparently not. If my Dad back home in Houston finds out I got a girl knocked up, he's gonna stop paying for my college, my apartment, all my living expenses, and my truck, as well as the fact I might not get a position in my Dad's company when I graduate. I get more than enough money from my Dad each month, so I can afford to pay for her to end the pregnancy, and I told her this, but she is adamant she is keeping the kid. I'm not ready to be a Dad yet, I mean I'm not even done with college. I'm screwed, I don't want this kid. I don't need to be told that I should of kept it in my boxers either. I'm just wondering how I can try and convince her of what I want her to do and to see my point of view, without actually sounding mean to her about it?
I even offered to take her down to Mexico so I could get her an abortion, that way it would be on the quiet, but again she refused. Nuevo Laredo is only a few hours away from Austin anyway. She claims I'm the only guy she's slept with lately. Again, I'm not ready to be a Dad yet OK...
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
You grow up and be a man now
It's not like you didn't know that each time you had sex, pregnancy could result... you live with the consequence now...for the next 20 years...because of 3 minutes of fun, hope you enjoyed it
Isn't it funny how you never think about your dad, college, apartment, living expenses, truck before you skrew the random chick
And now you know it's never "JUST a sex thing" you're playing with life
Your point of view was shot to hell when your sperm shot to her ovaries
As much as it is a womans choice to get an abortion it's just as much her choice NOT to get an abortion
You have no idea what you are asking of her. For a woman an abortion is very traumatic especially for one that cares as much as this girl does. They get depressed, have immense feelings of guilt and can develop psychosis and there's also a very high rate of suicide among them. It also reduces their chances of falling pregnant again later on in life.
She clearly doesn't want to risk all this, as it should be!
And if your father sends you more than enough money every month than I would start saving to pay child support
And quite the contrary I do believe you need to be told: KEEP IT IN UR F-ING PANTS!
and get a paternity test when it comes out regardless
Hate this all you want but truer words were never spoken
What Girls Said 16
Well... that's what happens when you have sex, just don't have sex at all if you don't want a child because each time you do your risking it and now a girl is pregnant. You are both very silly and I hope you both learn that sex isn't something to be taken for granted and messed with. I agree with some cultures who don't have sex until marrige, when your in a supported and loving relationship then you have the support to bring up the child, I've had sex before too but never ever again as when I did I just complelety worried afterward so I just don't do it at all. Only have sex when you are ready to have children, I know it is hard especially with all the sexual messages around us these days but just spend that time with yourself so your not risking anything.
Interested it what happened? Did she have the baby? Are you doing your part to raise your child?
I'm not against abortion, but your continued insistance at the time for her to get one disgusts me to no end. I am a firm believer that if you are going to play "Lets F*ck", everyone envolved should be quite aware that it is possible for a child or two to result from this and be totally prepared change there lives to become the mommy and daddy.
Don't want a KID, Then JO to get your jollies off!
In my opinion..It's wasn't ALL your fault I don't know why people keep getting on you.A guy will only go as far as the girl lets him in most cases. Although you both should of been more careful,she should of stoped it from the get go.
Apparently sh*t does happen,luckly for you,you have choice wheather you stay in the childs life or not .She sadly does not,well she does but I kudo her for wanting to keep the child,because I'm not for abortion.Now if she wants to keep it let her be,she's not begging you to stay as far as I know.
Now you think you telling your dad is ganna be hard,I want you to think about how much harder it's going to be for her to tell her family that she's pregnant from a one time thing.They won't be happy at all and I'm assuming she's also in UT?..how much harder it's going to be for her to hold down her studys,work,and now pregnacy.You can't be selfish and think about yourself anymore. Just give it time you might fall in love with that child once you see it,don't forget it's half of your DNA in him or her.Do you really want to go on with life knowing you have a child out there not knowing what became of it.
In regrards to your question..just let her know straight up your not ready to have a kid and see what she says and ask her what's she's going to want from you out of the pregnancy.One more thing GO LONGHORNS!:)..even though I live so close to A&M lol
Listen, I'm sorry that this is going on but if she doesn't want an abortion there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it. You can sit her down and explain that you aren't ready to be a father and you'd like her to consider it but at the end of the day, if she doesn't want it..that's all there is to it.
As to the signing over of your rights, I'm sorry but you're in America- it doesn't work like that. You don't have to be in that child's life BUT there is an absolute minimum of child support you will be expected to pay.
I know you say 'it was purely a sex thing' but you need to also consider the woman carrying YOUR child. Abortion is one of THE most traumatic experiences a woman could experience. (I speak from personal experience here) She has lots of crazy hormones going around right now and she needs a minimum of kindness from the guy who- for want of a better phrase- inseminated her.
I could sit here and barate you for not being more responsible but I know that these things happen (I got pregnant with condoms AND another form of hormonal contraception- so I know sh*t happens). I understand you're in a bad position right now, but please think about what this woman (who is also in the same position as you- hasn't finished college, isn't in a long term relationship, probably will be frowned upon by her family/friends) is going through. Pregnancy is stressful, what she may decide to do is terrifying and courageous and she deserves more than you trying again and again to convince her to do something that- fairly obviously- she doesn't want to do. Here's an article that might help you link
I'm sorry, you've made your bed.
You're sh*t out of luck. If you want, when the child is born you would be able to go to court and give her full custody (if she wants it). If she doesn't want full custody, I see child support in your future. If she is dead set on keeping the kid, which I'm assuming she is, then there is no convincing her otherwise. Especially since you've already tried it before. No dad has to be a part of their child's life, but in the end you will regret being childish. You are 22, my husband is 21 and I am 18, we have an almost 3 month baby girl. You're either gonna have to grow up, real quick, or go to court so she can take your money. Good luck.
Don't know if it's the same in the states, it probably is.
She can do whatever she wants with it, you get no say in it.
If you arn't married to her it's technically her kid. If you don't want to be a part of the child's
life you don't have to. but you have to pay chid support.if the child's mom
files for it.
Stop asking this question. You helped to ruin your own f***ing life. You should know by now, that a contraceptive of any sort is not 100% and you still have a chance of getting someone pregnant with one. People answered your question. You can't get a court order to make her get an abortion, are you f***ing joking. This guy is either a retard or a troll.
tell her your opinion in a way that doesn't sound crude. If you're just super blunt it's not going to get you anywhere. girls are emotional. it's just the way it is. she feels personal rejection of her in your adamant push for an abortion.
tell her how it makes you feel. that you're scared or whatever it is. then let her know how you think having a baby will change her life. that will show that you are thinking about someone other than yourself.
in the end though. she can listen to you... but only she can approve an abortion. It's way different for chicks. it's just not easy to do. It's one of the worst things ever.
good luck. don't be a shmuck.
This is disgusting, REALLY? Not to be so rude, but guy- you are 22 years old and should be barely making it by the skin of your teeth putting YOURSELF through college. Not all of us have had the pleasure of our daddy's taking care of us. If you were not ready to be a dad you should have never layed down, protected or not.
1. You should tell your dad anyway because either way he's going to be p*ssed.. Its either going to be because you got her pregnant, or if he finds out later in life- you hid a grandchild from him... NOT GOOD
2. This is her child too. She has every right to keep the child, and although this is a bad situation for both of you, I congratulate her for not taking your offer. Personally I do not approve of abortion, and I believe in taking care of your responsibilities-- regardless how they came about.
3. It is completely up to you to be there for the child, you can choose not to or you can be. But I can guarantee that she is going to be OK either way and so is that baby... Just so you know... Children do need their fathers, but the women don't need you.
4. I wish you both the best, hope you come to your senses... For the sake of the child. Maybe next time you will think twice...
she has different values from you and you need to respect that. It is her child to so she has the right to keep it whether you are there for her or not. This talking about life and I don't agree with abortion as much so unless the mother is going to die or something. Anyways, she is up for the responsibility and even though it was an accident, she should be praised because she is strong enough to keep it even if it affects her so much. She is not only thinking of herself. If you are not ready to be a dad yet then just acknowledge that it is your child and that is it. A child is a precious thing, and even if you are not ready it is cruel to destroy life.
Well, by the looks of it you're going to have to take responsibility for your actions. You can be a man and at least if your father finds out, you can be a man and take the responsibility. Or you can pretend it didn't happen and have your father angrier at you than it could be for not telling him sooner.
If she's decided to keep the baby, I honestly doubt you can change her mind. I'm sure it's a topic she's thought about enough right now, and if she doesn't feel right about it, or doesn't want to do it, she's just not going to. You've already brought up the abortion topic, and she's said no. Have YOU thought about it from her point of view? An abortion is an awful experience to go through, and many grieve for the rest of their lives over it. No matter how much you're worried about YOUR life changing, hers is going to be changing 200x that. Because I'm willing to bet, by the sound of it, that you're going to be one of the assholes who ups and leaves and isn't involved. You're 22 years old. It's time to stop sucking on daddy's balls anyway. It's devastating, yea. But you're so worried about making her see your point of view when you're not trying to see hers.
What Guys Said 6
Oh it's you again. Seriously man I know you're terrified of having a kid and think your life is over but it's really not. I've known guys that reacted like you to getting a girl pregnant and didn't want anything to do with the kid until they actually seen the kid a few times, then they fell in love with him/her and wanted to see even more of the kid. Shit happens in life that we aren't always ready for but that is the challenge. So are you going to meet this challenge or run like a baby is what you need to ask yourself.
Obviously, if you know what your dad’s actions are going to be when he finds out about this, then he must have had the man to man talk with you at some stage. Now it’s time to carry the consequences of your actions, so stop nagging. Just because your dad has a lot of money doesn’t mean you can buy yourself out of every predicament. Something tells me this will not be the first time you have tried to buy your freedom…..
Hope the girl screws you well for maintenance for the next 18 years
leaving the keep your stuff in your boxers aside, the fact that you can afford to guide her through the 8 months is also implicating that you can pay child support. What's the problem then?
Your so concerned about what you dad will do that you can't think to entertain her view point.
Likewise, why is it that you need a position in your dad's company? Are you taking the easy way out?
Well first of all you can't and should not force a woman to do anything with your body but you also don't have to stick around for the baby
I recommend doing a few things
1. Make it very clear to her that there is no chance for you and her to be a couple. Do the honest thing and pay child support but let her no that you are NOT going to raise the baby, put your foot down.
2. Do NOT put your name down as the father when the baby is born, get a paternity test FIRST, make sure the baby is 100% yours, once you put your name down I believe you are stuck paying child support even if later on you test and find out it's not yours