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Why would a married man continue to show mixed signals?

My question is about a married man, I know, that's bad. I'm not asking because "I want him" or "he told me he'd leave his wife" or anything like... Show More

To clarify -- I DO NOT want anything with him. Before I had any idea that he was married, I did have an interest. I see him all the time and I want things to stop being weird, but I don't even know what is going on with him so I don't know what to do.

Most Helpful Opinion

  • if you think he might be married STAY AWAY! he probably is.

    • I agree, stay away. He's probably married and looking for something on the side. They all say that they are not "happily" married...but they will never leave their wife. These guys want their cake and eat it to. You will save yourself a lot of grief by cutting ties with him. Trust me, I know. I'm not proud that I crossed the line with a married man, but I did, and you don't want any part of it. I ended up hurt and looking like a bitch...in reality I was for doing that to another woman.

    • First thing I said was I don't want anything with him. I'm friends with some people he works with, like his boss who is a 38 year old married man... I'm also friends with his wife. Since I see him multiple times a week, sometimes alone, it would be really nice if I could just have a conversation with him and be his friend... but his behavior is so strange that it makes me uncomfortable. I would like to be able to have a normal conversation. He never talks about his marriage, happy or not.

    • I think the best thing for you is just to keep it professional - Casanova3

What Guys Said 3

  • It may be that he really cares for you, that it isn't just a physical attraction. It might be close to impossible for him to keep that inside all of the time... maybe his cycles of hot/cold are him wanting to be close to you, and then trying to pull away because he recognizes that you are not interested in him that way.

    Perhaps it is guilt, but I think it is more related to his reacting to what he feels for you, and the recognition that you don't want that.

    • I think that's probably pretty accurate. He's a kind person, I know that, and I don't think he'd ever want to do something horrible to a woman he was married to. He does seem to pull away to avoid me thinking he's a bad person. I'm still kind to him but I've pulled back a LOT and as a result he has too. I would like to talk to him, but I know that that isn't in my best interest... or his.

  • I don't think you really have anything to worry about. though the touches to the back are probably benign and harmless he sounds like he's trying to be a good friend but also trying not to give you false impressions. Why don't YOU ASK him if he is married? at least then you will have some parameters to establish the kind of relationship you want with him? Logic rulz hon - Casanova3

    • I'd think that he is trying to be a friend to me like I am to him, except there's just something that I can't quite put my finger on that makes me uncomfortable. Its different from how things are with other married guys. I think part of it is the mixed signals... how he treats me differently sometimes (better or worse) and it doesn't seem to correlate with moods.... who knows.

    • I always say " don't follow your head or your heart, follow your gut". Good luck - Casanova

What Girls Said 1

  • Hi! A lot of time has passed, so I think your problem must be gone by now. Can you tell us what happened? Are you still avoiding him? Is he still giving mixed signals? Is he really married? Do you think he was secretly in love with you? I'm finding myself in a very similar situation. I'm single, and a married co-worker has been giving me mixed signals for the last 10 months. If you want I'll give you the details later.

    • I haven't talked to him in a few months since I switched to working at a different place, but as it would turn out my gut was right and he did have an interest in me. If you think this person has an interest, he probably does. Best to avoid him though!

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