This is something that I, personally, relate to in a large magnitude. No, this is not for pity or to lick my wounds, this is meant to be eye-opening and hopefully help some of you people become less judgmental. Nine times out of ten, we don't purposely judge, but maybe after reading this, you will purposely NOT judge.
***TRIGGER WARNING: abuse, self harm, suicide***
When I was a child, I was being molested by my father. I lived with him, my mom, and my brother who is three years older than me. No one else knew. I really didn't even know because I didn't understand what was happening to me; I didn't know it was wrong. Eventually, in the spring of my fifth grade, I finally realized that an adult coming into my room almost every night and feeling my "private parts" as I called them was not normal and it should not be happening. Eventually, I informed a friend, who told a teacher, who called DCFS, who came and made him leave our house.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years. The court case was still going on. I had been originally placed in a foster home before going to live with my aunt and uncle, until they deemed my mom a good mother and I was allowed back into her care. (My mom is the best thing in my life.) I was there every day at the court house when they (finally) held the trial. I stood up in front of a judge, a jury, and him, and told them every single thing he had done to me. I was trying so hard to be strong, but I was 13. I didn't know how. I was choking back tears and his lawyer, while questioning me, asked me to speak up. I remember thinking how the hell was I supposed to speak up about this? I cleared my throat, sat up straight, and answered every question following staring her down.
After hours and hours the following day, we were called back in for the verdict. I sat down on the bench. The judge began reading. First charge: acquitted. My mom tried to grab onto my hand, but I pulled away. Second charge: acquitted. I choked back tears. By the third charge, my vision was so blurry and I was so dumbfounded that I barely heard him announce the third verdict. Acquitted.
While all of this was going on, I looked perfect on the outside. I made sure I went to school looking perfect everyday. My mom bought me clothes that I knew we couldn't afford. My makeup was always done. I got straight A's. From the outside, I had everything in life going for me. But no one noticed that I wore long sleeves everyday to cover up my fresh, and healing, cuts. No one knew that the reason I missed school for 3 weeks was because I was in a psychiatric hospital for trying to commit suicide. No one knew that my father was a pedophile. No one knew that the second time I missed school was for trying to commit suicide again. No one knew that I was living my worst nightmare.
So the moral of this is, please, stop judging. I may have had the newest iPhone, the most expensive clothes, and the best grades, but I was dying on the inside. Next time you see someone, stop yourself before making a judgment about their life. You don't know their life; you don't know their story. So please don't pretend that you do.
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