Why depression saved me

[Anonymous]

I admit it when I was a teenager, I was horrible. I was a materialistic and snobby prep. I saw how the popular girls in my class were acting and I wanted to be just like them. So, I made myself into a popular and preppy, snobby girl. I was fake and at the time I didn't care.

Then I met a popular boy, who would later become my first love and my first heartbreak. When I first started liking him, I tried to become even more popular so he would notice me, though he noticed me in the first place and liked me before I became super fake. Lot's of guys started liking me and giving me a lot of attention and I drank it all in. Eventually, I stopped faking and became that materialistic and snobby girl. I was mean and behaved horribly.

It was later, after my Junior High graduation that my real best friend finally dumped me and at the same time my first love broke my heart. Needless to say that I was heartbroken and I became depressed. I wanted to die.

At that time I had tried to kill myself countless of times, I stopped being social, and stopped going to school. For me, time literally stopped. Everything was a blur, my memories began to fade, and I stopped feeling. I was depressed for two years, I didn't care about anything, I immersed myself in a bubble where it was just me and books.

When my depression finally left me, I was different. I no longer cared about popularity or materialistic things, I became a completely different person with a completely different look on life. Now, i'm a nice person, I try to the best I can, though I am a bit guarded. But at least now I can look myself in the mirror and say that I love myself and who i've become. Even though I do have my regrets...

...I am finally me. =)

[redeyemindtricks]

But... but... but you can DO shit with depression. Not just, like, sit there and wait for it to go away.

Storytime over here:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1844182-is-it-possible-to-run-out-of-tears

Grab that depression with both hands and swallow it whole. You are alive.

Use it to create something. Make something creative, something powerful. Because that's pretty much the only time people create things of tremendous creativity. Is when they're depressed.

[Mekkalyn]

Easier said than done.
When depression takes hold of your head, heart, and soul, it's feels like an impossible feat to be rid of it.
Everyone improves at their own pace. Depression impacts some worse than others.

Clinical depression sucks away your energy and makes you feel so horribly that you can't imagine doing everyday tasks, let alone getting rid of the dang devil! But after experiencing it and going through your own stages of it, you reach a point where you are ready to do something about it. It's different for everyone.

It would be nice if everyone could still function normally with depression, but it's simply not possible.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Mekkalyn But normal is so overrated.

Severe depression is a different state of mind. It hinders lots of abilities, but it enables some (especially meditative and creative abilities). If you don't have enough wherewithal to be actively creative, you may just find an enhanced ability to think deeply. And lots of self-awareness, too. Most people I know who've gone through depression are MUCH more self-aware than others, and that's mostly due to that meditative effect.

You can also play around with sleep deprivation, too. Weirdly enough, skipping a night's sleep has hugely gigantic effects on clinical depression for lots of ppl: www.scientificamerican.com/.../
You can fuck around with that, and learn a lot about yrself and the way you operate in different states of mind. I mean, here I am on my 42-54hr sleep cycles, on which I function optimally... again, I owe depression for a lot of that self-discovery, too.

[Mekkalyn]

Fair enough, I can't dispute any of that!

However, my point still stands that everyone goes at their own pace. It would be nice to say "don't sit there and wait for it to go away! Grab the depression and do something about it!" But for a lot of people it isn't feasible to do that right away. Everyone has to have their own amount of time, where all they do is sit around and wait for it to go away, until they are ready to face it.

But when they are ready, they should definitely do all the things you suggested.

I liked to write poems and stories and diaries. Also, positive affirmations help! I've never messed around with my sleeping, so I'm not sure how that works. But I do know that it sucks feeling tired all the time!

[redeyemindtricks]

In fewer words: Yes, getting rid of it is pretty damn hard. That's my point.

I'm not saying people should try to get rid of it. Nor am I saying people should try to function normally. Both of those are either insanely difficult or impossible.

Nope.

I'm saying people should try to function ABnormally.
(:

I've never done drugs, mostly because I'm scared shitless of them (and I have the world's most addictive personality)... but, according to friends who DO do drugs, what I'm describing here is somewhat similar. Altered consciousness, etc.

You know that Red Hot Chili Peppers song, Under the Bridge? To most people, that's a sad song. To me, it wasn't. That was a pretty decent representation of the place were I learned to go, with depression. Not so much "a place where I'm all alone"... nope. A place where bridges and freeways and shit were my friends.
It was a really weird way of looking at things. But that's exactly the whole point.

[pavlove]

I can relate to this. have to hit rock bottom before you can go soaring upward a lot of the time

[DodgersGM]

Great Take, and thanks for sharing with us.

It's funny because I experienced something similar. About five years ago I witnessed someone very close to me die in a horrible, horrible way. Needless to say, I was traumatized to the point of being depressed.

Once I pulled myself out of it, though, I actually became thankful for the experience. It further solidified inside of me the idea that happiness in life is paramount, and that love is the precursor to everything truly meaningful. And I have a greater appreciation now for even the littlest of things. It's somewhat of a blessing, really.

[Anonymous]

I 100% relate to you, gosh. Kind of scaring!

I had mine at 16, now I'm 18, tried to kill myself 4 times too. As of today, I'm able to say without any problem that I'm free of my depression.
Just like you, I feel reborn, I live with a completely different outlook on life.

Feels great, right?

[Anonymous]

At least you got the chance to be popular. I never got that chance. I've been a loser/underdog my whole life and I've been depressed since I was 18 and I'm going on 25. I guess depression humbles some of us, while with me, it held me back... it weighed me down.

[RomansToPhilemon]

Hitting rock bottom can fix many things. It can even take years...

[WineAndWhiskey]

Wow, I am so happy you shared this! You are such a brave and strong girl, and you should be proud of yourself for overcoming your depression. Sometimes we all get lost trying to find ourselves, and it's easy to feel hopeless and want to give up, but you should always remember that you aren't alone. Someone else in the world is feeling the exact same way, so by staying strong and sharing your story, you are helping someone else get through their dark times and find hope :)

[Jibaku]

Also you learn how to appreciate things in life, especially the people who are part of your life =]

[Stacyzee]

I love this!
<3
We all have that "turning point" in our lives, it is what brings us closer to ourselves, and loving who we are!
I am glad you found that.

[ChocoLada]

Very good MyTake, I can relate to those problems...

[Ferrett321]

kinda fuckin true, same with me

[skeptic007]

most women can't relate to this

[skeptic007]

I mean lets be honest most women always have someone around, men actually do spend time alone and think about life

[Mekkalyn]

Are you a woman?
No? Then how could you possibly know this.

Just because a woman is around people in public doesn't mean she's always around people in private. Every single person, woman or not, needs time alone to reflect on ones life and choices and future. Every single person requires a bit of private time/space. No one is with someone 100% of the time.

If anything, perhaps women don't need as much time to think about it ;)

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn no they find someone new quickly and get that momentary happiness so they feel better thats how it works

[Mekkalyn]

Being in a relationship with someone has nothing to do with having time to be alone and reflect on your life...
Anyone can always be in a relationship... it doesn't mean they can't also have time to reflect and be by themselves.

I repeat, no one is with someone 100% of the time. There will always be times where people are alone. Women are no different.

And again, you are not a woman, and you clearly don't know how it works.

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn
look this is how it works for most women, they go out find someone new have there fun, than they stay depressed cause they thought it was gonna bring them happiness, but there still depressed, than go back to there old partner to fix things, now what happens from there is guess work, but this is the basic routine of most women

[Mekkalyn]

No.. that is not how it is like for "most women"
Most women do not always have a guy on rotation...

And again, I don't see what this has to do with not being able to be alone and have time to reflect. You can be in a relationship and still have reflection/alone time!!! You can still be with someone and improve yourself! You can still be with someone and think about your life, future, choices, etc!

What do you think happens when you're in a relationship? You have 0 time to yourself, you're always with someone 100% of the time, you can't think about things anymore, you have your free will sucked away, you're soooo wrapped up in the person you're with that you don't think about yourself or your happiness or the things that make you sad and what you can do to improve?

But go ahead, continue on with your generalizations.

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn

really hun really lol women are whores sorry hun but I have to generalize I mean look lol this happens all the time, its exactly what I said

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1873644-wife-cheated-got-pregnant-got-abortion-now-wants-to-get-back

[Mekkalyn]

Okay, and men are slimy sleazeballs who only want sex, right?

[Mekkalyn]

That like to sleep with their secretaries and can't keep it in their pants.

That's what I've always heard, so must be true of most if not all of the guys! Am I right?

[redeyemindtricks]

Ok, Mekkalyn is nicer than me, apparently...

Maybe that's YOUR experience of women... but maybe that's because you just don't deserve more than that moment, before a woman moves on to someone better.
Maybe.
Now please shut the fuck up and go back into the little hole whence you came, tyvm.

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn
no hun just most guys not all and I don't mind if you generalize its probably true, but make sure too study it out first before you say anything cause it took me a while too learn this

[Mekkalyn]

Not, it's been proven that guys have feelings and they can have self control and you should be offended by someone saying what I said... because it basically is saying that you have no free will and you are such a sucky person that you HAVE to cheat just because you are a man, and that you are programmed into doing it, just because.

I clearly can't have an intelligent conversation with you, so good day, sir :)

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn
what you want is a nice answer im not here too do that
im here too speak the truth and the truth sucks no matter how much people hate what I have to say im here for those who will listen, and who says I cheat I haven't cheated in years don't need too

[Mekkalyn]

I said you cheat by what I said... which you clearly didn't read.

No, I do not want a "nice" answer. I want an answer that isn't riddled with idiocy and false generalizations. It is absolutely naive and incorrect of you to say that all or most women are like that, when it simply isn't true.

You are talking about things you know nothing about, which is why you are frustrating me, and I am done talking to you, because you can't think logically about the situation.

[skeptic007]

@Mekkalyn
did you know they did a study with about 5000 women and 5000 men
and the results came out that 70% percent of the women cheat and 60% of men cheat
now that may not be the whole US but it represents a consistent portion of men and women and the say its steadily growing, now I don't know about you, but my experience added with the study I've done, makes me not trust men or women, there's this constant game you have too play to keep a relationship together and its so much work its annoying

[APRU5]

Thats good.