In high school I was fat (over 300 pounds) and extremely shy. I was bullied by several guys, and as a result, I learned to make friends with girls instead. I expected to be put in the "friend zone;" in fact I liked it... women make great best friends. However, I noticed something interesting, and kind of ironic. Even though I assumed I was in the friend zone with my best female friends, they always fell for me. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I treated them awesome, listened to their problems, valued their opinion about my problems, got them thoughtful gifts for holidays, and made them laugh. During my friendship with them, I never once tried to make a move, but they fell for me nonetheless. I think they knew I was impossibly shy, and they tried to help me get out of my shell.
This is how I ended up in all my relationships up until this point. The last girl I was with broke my heart pretty bad. It hurt so bad, I didn't know what to do. Someone suggested that exercise can help mend a broken heart, so I hit the gym. In fact, I hit it pretty hard. I lost the rest of my body fat, got down to 180, and started packing on some muscle. My self-esteem and self-confidence sky-rocketed. My daily interactions with people changed, and I was no longer afraid to "be myself." I thought my women troubles were over.
But they weren't. In fact, they're worse now than ever. I haven't so much as kissed a girl in almost 2 years. I guess even though I changed on the outside, I'm still the same on the inside. I'm too shy to make a move; I can't do it. I can ask girls on dates, show them a good time, smile at them and make them laugh. But I can't kiss them, hug them, hold their hands, etc. I need something, some kind of sign. If I get that sign, I can make a move, but now those signs never come. And since I don't make a move, I guess women lose interest in me. The problem is, after that happens, they stop talking to me, and I can't even rely on them as friends.
I've been reading a lot of dating books. From what I gather, a woman's signs are typically pretty subtle (playing with hair, making eye contact, laughing at jokes). Is this true? The problem is, everyone does that to me. Do women really think this is enough to let a guy know you like him? I guess I just got accustomed to women being overly obvious with me because they knew I was shy. Now that I'm less shy, am I getting less help? And here's my real concern: if I'm getting these subtle signs from women, am I just EXPECTED to make a move? If some girl smiles and points her toes at me while giggling and twirling her hair on a date, do I just walk over to her and kiss her? I feel like I'm raping her. It just doesn't feel right to me.
This is how I ended up in all my relationships up until this point. The last girl I was with broke my heart pretty bad. It hurt so bad, I didn't know what to do. Someone suggested that exercise can help mend a broken heart, so I hit the gym. In fact, I hit it pretty hard. I lost the rest of my body fat, got down to 180, and started packing on some muscle. My self-esteem and self-confidence sky-rocketed. My daily interactions with people changed, and I was no longer afraid to "be myself." I thought my women troubles were over.
But they weren't. In fact, they're worse now than ever. I haven't so much as kissed a girl in almost 2 years. I guess even though I changed on the outside, I'm still the same on the inside. I'm too shy to make a move; I can't do it. I can ask girls on dates, show them a good time, smile at them and make them laugh. But I can't kiss them, hug them, hold their hands, etc. I need something, some kind of sign. If I get that sign, I can make a move, but now those signs never come. And since I don't make a move, I guess women lose interest in me. The problem is, after that happens, they stop talking to me, and I can't even rely on them as friends.
I've been reading a lot of dating books. From what I gather, a woman's signs are typically pretty subtle (playing with hair, making eye contact, laughing at jokes). Is this true? The problem is, everyone does that to me. Do women really think this is enough to let a guy know you like him? I guess I just got accustomed to women being overly obvious with me because they knew I was shy. Now that I'm less shy, am I getting less help? And here's my real concern: if I'm getting these subtle signs from women, am I just EXPECTED to make a move? If some girl smiles and points her toes at me while giggling and twirling her hair on a date, do I just walk over to her and kiss her? I feel like I'm raping her. It just doesn't feel right to me.
Most Helpful Opinions