Why I'm Against Marriage

Why I'm Against Marraige

Since we were little we've been told how our lives are going to play out.

We're going to go to elementary school, then high school, then we will go to a good college, then we will get a decent job, then we will meet someone nice, then we will get married, then we will have children, then we will pay for our children to do it all over, and then we will live comfortably with our retirement money for the rest of our lives.

But why? I mean, there are so many reasons you don't need to do any of those things. Just because something is what is considered socially accpetable does not mean that is how we have to plan our lives. And I feel that marraige is an important role in this, because if nobody ever told you that you will want to marry a nice guy/girl, would you even want to?

So here are my cons of marraige in a time when marraige really has no more meaning.

1) There's a 50% Chance You'll Get Divorced

In America just around 50% of marraiges end in divorce, the most common causes being, poor communication, finances, abuse, decreased sexual attraction, and infidelity.

Once you are married to someone you are no longer voluntarily enjoying the company of that person, you are legally, finanicially, obligatorily, and in most cases, religiously bound to this person indefinitely until you choose to PAY to reinstate your independance. These things often make people feel suffocated by the structure of being married alone, which distances them from their spouses, without which they may still just be enjoying being with each other, on their own volition.

2) You Are More Likely To Divorce if You've Been Married Before

41% of first marraiges, 60% of second, and 73% of third marraiges end in divorce. The more you get married, the higher the chances of divorce get, possibly due to you psychologically knowing there is a way to escape and becoming eager to do so again.

3) If You Do Get Divorced, You'll Probably Be F*cked Financially

Researchers estimate divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce. Also, about 1 in 5 women fall into poverty after a divorce, 3 in 5 mothers don't recieve full child support, and men can expect a 10 to 40% decrease in their previous standard living as well.

4) The Likelihood of Cheating Rises With Marraige

The chances of your partner cheating on you rise after marraige, again, part of the "feeling trapped" concept. And EIGHTY NINE PERCENT of married cheaters NEVER GET CAUGHT. So if your spouse has cheated on you, you'll probably never know about it.

It makes sense, because if you're voluntarily with a person you won't feel impulsed to distance yourself from them.

5) 43% of Women Quit Their Jobs After Having Kids

Once a girl gets married she instantaneously starts feeling pressure to start a family, and a family takes time and your constant presence. Unfortunately, that responsibilty is almost always laid on the woman without question, and women lose their ambitions and careers trying to live an appropriate lifestyle that comes along with marraige. Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children?

6) The Average Wedding Costs $26,444 in America

Why. Just why. Why is this money not being spent on smart career moves or getting put towards a place to live for you and your partner? Why are people going to spend this money on a big white piece of cloth and a ceremony that typically lasts 30 minutes?

7) If He/She Loves You Now, They'll Still Love You 10 Years From Now

Why do women always require men to marry them in order to prove they love them? You're doing this all wrong. If a guy loves you today he will still love you ten years from today when getting married won't have as much of a big impact on your life. It's the same way vice versa, men, sometimes women don't love you, they love the idea of a wedding and a husband, you just happened to be there when she wanted it. If she loves you, she won't need marraige after 2 years of dating.

Anyway, these are a few of the reasons I will probably not get married myself, or at least not for a long time. Hope I've added something beneficial to your day and that you enjoyed myTake!


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What Guys Said 42

  • This sounds like something written by someone who is young and hasn't had enough experience to see the other side of things. There are so many things to which I could respond, but I will limit myself.

    1. Most people don't get married because they "need to," but because they want to. Certainly you don't limit your choices to only those things you need to do. . . do you? If you do, you'll never eat pizza, never have sex, and never stay up past 9:00 pm.

    2. The overall divorce rate may be 50% but that doesn't mean that your odds of getting divorced are 50%. Your odds depend on how careful you are at selecting a partner, how dedicated you both are to your marriage, and how hard you are willing to work to maintain it. With the wrong attitude - such as the attitude you seem to have now - your odds would be much greater than 50%.

    3. "Once you are married to someone you are no longer voluntarily enjoying the company of that person. . .." What you and your partner do in your marriage is entirely up to you.

    4. "Researchers estimate divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce." That means that marriage allows a couple to live a better lifestyle than if they were both single.

    5. " And EIGHTY NINE PERCENT of married cheaters NEVER GET CAUGHT." That is very impressive, particularly in ALL CAPS, but if they never get caught. . . how do you know it's 89%?

    6. "Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children?" Thankfully, some women want to achieve being a good mother. Other women don't want to be changing diapers when they are 50 years old.

    7. The average wedding costs. . . whatever you choose to spend. It's a choice! Parents pay for most weddings and that is what they want to do. You could drive 40 year old car if it still runs but I'll bet that's not what you want.

    8. "Why do women always require men to marry them in order to prove they love them?" How do women require men to do that?

    Check in with us 10 years from now and we'll see how lasting these feelings were. My guess is that you've been exposed to some bad marriages and you have a jaded view of the institution, but. . . one day, you'll want to live in an institution! :)

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    • I only disagree with your second point. No one has a crystal ball when choosing a partner, and people can change. Also they can be really great at hiding things from those they love or are close to. You can do everything right in the world, be stable, give the marriage a 100 percent effort etc. It still doesn't guarantee your partner will be on that same level or will meet you halfway, and it only takes one party to file a divorce. Not everyone chooses divorce, but they still end up going through one.

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    • Thanks for taking the time to write this response. It's great.

    • @rose004b Thank you for the kind words!

  • I'm just here for the comments.
    media1.giphy.com/media/qR6UR8K1Ia2BO/200w_d.gif

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  • Last I saw, I thought it was a 65% divorce rate. And I feel like you're underplaying exactly how much favor women have in the courts when it comes to everything. I think men get fucked a lot harder, especially with child custody; so you can throw in losing your kids too if you're male. You've stated a lot of stats, though. I don't know how much trust I can put in them. But ultimately, I agree with you. Marriage is for delusional lovesick fools without brains, the capacity to learn from others/history, and the capacity for critical thinking or planning.

    And yeah. 30 grand is a downpayment on a house. That's kinda redonkulous.

    As for why women require men to marry them, I think it's dedication and commitment. Women love that. Shows a man will sacrifice for her and/or dedicate. It enforces her belief that he'll stick around to raise, protect, and provide for the children. Not saying women can't provide or protect or anything, just that I feel that's the instinctual motivator, because we're all 20,000 years old where instincts are concerned.

    I think that's especially true with older women who feel their biological clock is ticking. They rush to get married, even when it's with a guy they're not really into. They just feel this pressure of needing to get married before they get any older. I think women are pressured to "find a man and have kids", as well.

    At minimum, 2 years isn't even close to enough time. Oxytocin levels generally drop off with a partner after 6 months to 2 years. Which is kinda ironic, because if a person gets married after 2 years, they'll have this honeymoon phase lasting like a month to a year, then it'll all go downhill. If someone is looking to get married, they have to at least stay together past the 2 year mark. Year 10 is the real test, I think. I've heard a lot of married people say they have serious troubles after a decade. God knows my parents were fucked at year 12. Fighting nonstop screaming and breaking shit.

    That's generally how marriage ends up, I believe. It's just a fight, because needs aren't being met anymore, having been with only one person forever. Humans are classified as serial monogamists (which I think is a joke, because serial monogamy is a hell of a lot closer to polyamory than it is true monogamy). We naturally jump from one to another. If that isn't blatantly obvious given dating rituals.

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  • Couldn't agree more. All in all, I think the real reason to really marry is if you absolutely want your own traditional family and have children of your own, raising your family that sort of thing. It won't work out and is not absolutely guaranteed for Every single person on this planet. Both spouses and partner has to have equal share of the responsibilities in order to make the marriage successful and successfully provide a healthy environment for their children to grow up and develop in, otherwise it's going to be shit tons of drama and baggage for all parties.

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  • So much of that take makes sense - I am with you in who needs a piece a paper to validate their status - If you love someone that is enough - I would hate to see average wedding cost in Ireland, I don't think 26,444 would scratch the surface of it - I don't have stats to hand but I would say people are not getting married that much in Ireland anymore and if they do they are getting married much later, it is the norm to have your kids at the wedding now.

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  • I cannot wrap my head around spending the cost of a car on a wedding. I got married at the justice of the peace, and didn’t spend any where near that. It makes no sense to me. Those people are usually the ones to divorce anyway

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  • So your number 1 is saying half of marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't mean half of the people getting married end up divorced, because number 2 shows more of the people getting divorced are on a second or nth marriage.

    If you don't rush into a marriage and really take the time to actively figure out if the two of you can and will want to spend your lives together, then you aren't going to end up feeling trapped.

    You can control how much your wedding costs. If you aren't religious a simple civil ceremony at a court house isn't that expensive. I'm getting married in April and we are religious so we're having it at a church. We're only spending about 2 grand, and that's accounting for everything from the service to reception to flowers and clothes. Not a horrible bank breaker there.

    I get marriage may not be for you and you don't think it's a good idea. But stop trying to make it seem like the rest of us are idiots for considering it.

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  • 5) is only because our current social structure is pretty damn stupid, to be honest. Extended family and grandparents could easily handle the kids while the parents are at work. That's how my aunt did it as well. They're both still working. The reason why some people NEED to quit work is because you have TWO people TOTAL trying to raise a kid that needs CONSTANT surveillance for YEARS.

    Russians are doing it right. The parents live with the grandparents and the children. Three generations. They aren't forced to move out at the age of 18 because "lol you're legally adult now, GTFO bitch I don't want to see you ever again". My father was sent away like that on his 18th birthday out of the blue. I'm still surprised he forgave my grandfather for such a bullshit move.

    Anyways, otherwise I agree. Marriage is a bureaucratic pact. It's not needed for your social relation. If you've loved each other just fine before... then why the pact? There should be no need for word, no need for pacts, no need for anything, as it's beneficial for both sides to stay together. So why the papers? i don't get it.

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  • Good points. Something to consider is this-

    No matter how long you are in a relationship, if you are not married, you can get out of it with text messages and be back on the market by supper.

    The reason why marriage is a commitment more than dating is because you are saying to your spouse and the world that you will not leave, even when things get tough/loveless/broken - and will continue to repair and inprove the relationship.

    People view marriage as an endgame to become static, but its not. It should be organic and changing every day for the couple.

    Thoses stats though are very true - i feel that a shit ton of people get married not knowing what a happy marriage entails and for the wrong reasons.

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  • You are quite correct. You can get almost all the benefits of marriage and none of the drawbacks by just living together. Keep your financial lives separate and you will be fine. The moment you mix them, you better be prepared (like buying a house together). There are enough contract Laws to keep both of you from scrwing it up if you have the good contracts. Marriage is the simplified version of the contracts.

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  • Overall a good take!

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  • This take was for immature people with commitment issues and who are probably bad at relationships...

    Rest of us all concentrate on keeping our marriages alive and work in it... :-)

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    • Well said!

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    • @BelleGirl21 So does any normal relationship. I'm a firm believer that "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it was always yours. If it doesn’t, it never was."

    • @Redshift I don't think the two have to be mutually exclusive. Different things work for different people

  • Well, those are some interesting facts, thank you for sharing... Now, I agree with you... we should be self aware and understand our motivations, develop a core of principles to live by, accept responsibility for our own happiness, accept the things we can't change, change the things we can and try to tell the difference, consistently challenge our beliefs and always seek first to understand, then to be understood. If along the way you are lucky enough to meet someone that makes you feel good and you like making them happy grab them with all your might and celebrate every moment you have together married or not...;-)

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  • that's total bullshit, but i will not do the work of arguing against that because fortunately some people in their right mind have already debunked each one of those claims as @OlderAndWiser have done below

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  • Your problem is not marriage, which is of God. Your issue is with human selfishness, which undermines and destroys everything in its path, including marriage. Suggesting iniquity - which is also selfish- as a remedy, is insanity. Instead of getting rid of marriage, we need to repent of Hedonism, stop mistreating the abstinent, and self examine before we marry, so we do not do so for all the wrong reasons. It is on loan to us. It is not our toy to use literally however we see fit.

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  • Four of these are saying marriage is bad because of POTENTIAL bad results. If nobody took "risks", ever, nothing would ever progress. Bad way of thinking. And by the way, your percentage on divorce is a myth, and I assume most of your other "statistics" are as well.

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  • Marriage is a stress that I would never want to deal with in my life. I just see more happier singles than married couples. That being said, I'm also a very emotional person and have a lot of love to give. If I ever found the right girl for me I'd go ham over her. But I listen to what I find most logical for me and marriage isn't logical for me right now.

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  • Spoken like a person who gets it. Marriage in itself is at best useless and at worst a massive liability. It's just culturally ingrained and encouraged by the government.

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  • Im not gonna judge your views but with time you will realize these beliefs about marriage are made up from what society has told you and today marriage is portrayed very negatively in mainstream media.

    If 50% change you will get divorced then that goes for everything in life, there is always a chance of failure when you try something. Might as well not try anything at all out of fear of failure.

    If you are more likely to divorce after you have been married previously, you are also most likely to cheat after you have cheated previously. You are also most likely to be faithful after you have been faithful before.

    Getting fuked finacially also happens if you lose your job, life is all about risks.

    $26, 000 for the average wedding. Sure but you are looking at it from the views of the mainstream media and the average American person. Instead look for marriages by people who have fallen in love and decided not to waste money in expensive weddings.

    Marriage is the bond of two people, not all these pressures placed society. by the way Im not married either.

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  • #1: that 50% divorce rate only applies to heterosexual Christian couples (so all other religious, gay and non-religious couples shouldn't care)
    #2: Getting divorced and remarried is just a sign of irresponsibility.
    #3: Ever heard of a pre-nup? Solves that problem.
    #4: Again, that statistic is only for heterosexual Christian marriages (you guys suck at marriage)
    #5: So what? Having kids is a full time job of its own.
    #6: People spend that much on other crap too. But then again a wedding could get done at a court house for less than a $1,000.
    #7: This is the reason I am for marriage anyway: getting married proves that you are both willing to commit to a relationship. It's a lot easier to break up and just "quit" if you're unmarried and share nothing material. But if you both decide to make a firm commitment to each other it strengthens the bond.
    You also can't deny the financial and legal benefits.

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    • No, that is 50% of all marriages, you can research it yourself. What financial and legal benefits?

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    • @Dulcedulcexoxo You live in a world with poor grammar. I'd respond to your post, but I'm having a hard time translating the syntax of that word jumble.

    • cool, how much should i pay you grammar nazi? I wanst aware i was in school or needed to give a damn about how well i wrote on the internet. But whateves im sure you can comprehend it perfectly fine

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 18

  • 1-3) Yes, divorce is common. This is exactly why I would never rush into a marriage and why I would want to be very sure that I am marrying the right person. It's not as easy to get a divorce as it is to just break-up. I'm not the type who would want to get divorced over anything petty though. Marriage requires commitment, sacrifices, compromises, etc. It's not easy and both people have to be completely invested equally to make it work. And yes, I'm aware that divorce impacts men differently than women.

    4) I've never heard of that. If someone is a cheater, they will cheat whether they are married or not.

    5) If that's what works for their marriage then cool. Some people are more traditional than others and if their husbands are okay with them quitting their jobs when they have kids, that's no one else's concern. Regardless of popular belief, some women actually WANT a more traditional lifestyle and don't mind being a stay-at-home mom. Of course it's not for everyone but thinking that all women who quit their jobs to have kids and take care of the home feel "trapped" or "pressured" to do it is simply not true.

    6) No one is forced to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding. It's not something that has to cost a lot, it just depends on what the individual couple wants.

    7) I would never require a guy to marry me just to "prove" he loves me. I know my boyfriend loves me but I'm also more of a traditional girl who desires to get married. That's my choice, just like the decision to not get married is yours.

    Ultimately, some of your points here are valid while the others don't make much sense to me. It's still your personal decision though to not get married and I respect that. Your take was well-written :)

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  • Your first 3 readons are basically the same, divorce. Ok fine, don't get married, just "break up" with your SO. Same difference.
    I've never heard that married people cheat at a higher rate than non married. Do you have anything to back that up with?
    Maybe close to 43% of married couples are happy with the wife staying home?
    Don't want to waste a ton on a wedding? Don't. I didn't. Keep it simple.

    This take was written from some serious commitment issues.

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  • Yeah majority of the time. People make marriage look worse than death. Along with there isn't to much point to it. Though I don't know what kind of benefits both people get while being married legally.

    I think most people are just wearing rose color glasses when they think about marriage. They don't see the reality that you need to put into it.

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  • Weddings only cost what you choose to spend on them. I'm planning on an extremely simple affair, maybe even eloping, and then having a party a week or so later. People focus way too much on weddings. That's one day in your life as a couple. People really need to think about what happens after the wedding.

    Women might quit their jobs after having kids, but that doesn't mean that they stay out of the workforce for long. I don't know many people that can afford for only one spouse to work. People really should wait a bit to have kids, and I don't think every person even should have kids.

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  • I think people should talk about every single topic they can before they get married. I think divorce happens because people assume too much about each other.

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  • I can see the benefits of marriage when it comes to medical concerns, taxes, step children etc.

    I think instead of saying "stop getting married" you should say stop getting married so soon and devaluing the committment.

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  • AMEN!!! AMEN.
    :)

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  • I will only respond to #5 because OlderAndWiser made great response.
    "Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children"?

    Because you have a biological clock and men don't. Biology is not as kind to women as it is to men. If you wait until your ovaries start drying up to start a family you'll be in trouble. The health risks are higher when you get pregnant in your 30's and there is no guarantee that you'll find a man who will want to have your children before your fertility plummets.

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  • I'm against the European tradition of marriage ans it's everything you mentioned people marry to divorce and have a huge ridiculous wedding.

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  • It's crazy that so many women stop working then the family struggles as it grows and only one person's income in contributing to maintaining life.

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  • Wedding is very expensive now. I am bride-to-be. And I don't want luxury ceremony, we simply don't have so much money. So, we decided to take a small loan online and make little celebration with tea and cakes. I hope my family and friends will not think that we are greedy.

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  • nice mytake

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  • I'm not against marriage, I just don't want it.

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  • Kids is the reason for marriage. I mean if you don't get married who's last name should they get? When I wasn't married with my first I gave him my last name but a lot of guys would take issue with that... which I don't get why having a penis gives you automatic name rights. When we got married both me and our son switched our last names to his but if I could go back in time we would have combined our last names right off the bat instead of just canceling mine out.

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  • I also laugh when people defend marriage by saying, "Marriage isn't supposed to be enjoyable!" Or "People deserve misery if they crave a partner they find sexually attractive."

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  • Well, marriage is a sign of commitment to start a family and raise children. I'm sure many women just want to feel secure. An unmarried relationship just can't provide the same level of security that marriage can bring. Also, if the marriage is fully legal, you get legal benefits, because the government will recognize your marriage and your relationship to the other person has a household. This has lots of social consequences.

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  • İ am Lesbian. life is so difficult

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  • I know for a fact that some of these people criticizing this take have been divorced some more than once but I'm not saying names.

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