Why I'm Against Marriage

Why I'm Against Marraige

Since we were little we've been told how our lives are going to play out.

We're going to go to elementary school, then high school, then we will go to a good college, then we will get a decent job, then we will meet someone nice, then we will get married, then we will have children, then we will pay for our children to do it all over, and then we will live comfortably with our retirement money for the rest of our lives.

But why? I mean, there are so many reasons you don't need to do any of those things. Just because something is what is considered socially accpetable does not mean that is how we have to plan our lives. And I feel that marraige is an important role in this, because if nobody ever told you that you will want to marry a nice guy/girl, would you even want to?

So here are my cons of marraige in a time when marraige really has no more meaning.

1) There's a 50% Chance You'll Get Divorced

In America just around 50% of marraiges end in divorce, the most common causes being, poor communication, finances, abuse, decreased sexual attraction, and infidelity.

Once you are married to someone you are no longer voluntarily enjoying the company of that person, you are legally, finanicially, obligatorily, and in most cases, religiously bound to this person indefinitely until you choose to PAY to reinstate your independance. These things often make people feel suffocated by the structure of being married alone, which distances them from their spouses, without which they may still just be enjoying being with each other, on their own volition.

2) You Are More Likely To Divorce if You've Been Married Before

41% of first marraiges, 60% of second, and 73% of third marraiges end in divorce. The more you get married, the higher the chances of divorce get, possibly due to you psychologically knowing there is a way to escape and becoming eager to do so again.

3) If You Do Get Divorced, You'll Probably Be F*cked Financially

Researchers estimate divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce. Also, about 1 in 5 women fall into poverty after a divorce, 3 in 5 mothers don't recieve full child support, and men can expect a 10 to 40% decrease in their previous standard living as well.

4) The Likelihood of Cheating Rises With Marraige

The chances of your partner cheating on you rise after marraige, again, part of the "feeling trapped" concept. And EIGHTY NINE PERCENT of married cheaters NEVER GET CAUGHT. So if your spouse has cheated on you, you'll probably never know about it.

It makes sense, because if you're voluntarily with a person you won't feel impulsed to distance yourself from them.

5) 43% of Women Quit Their Jobs After Having Kids

Once a girl gets married she instantaneously starts feeling pressure to start a family, and a family takes time and your constant presence. Unfortunately, that responsibilty is almost always laid on the woman without question, and women lose their ambitions and careers trying to live an appropriate lifestyle that comes along with marraige. Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children?

6) The Average Wedding Costs $26,444 in America

Why. Just why. Why is this money not being spent on smart career moves or getting put towards a place to live for you and your partner? Why are people going to spend this money on a big white piece of cloth and a ceremony that typically lasts 30 minutes?

7) If He/She Loves You Now, They'll Still Love You 10 Years From Now

Why do women always require men to marry them in order to prove they love them? You're doing this all wrong. If a guy loves you today he will still love you ten years from today when getting married won't have as much of a big impact on your life. It's the same way vice versa, men, sometimes women don't love you, they love the idea of a wedding and a husband, you just happened to be there when she wanted it. If she loves you, she won't need marraige after 2 years of dating.

Anyway, these are a few of the reasons I will probably not get married myself, or at least not for a long time. Hope I've added something beneficial to your day and that you enjoyed myTake!


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What Guys Said 42

  • This sounds like something written by someone who is young and hasn't had enough experience to see the other side of things. There are so many things to which I could respond, but I will limit myself.

    1. Most people don't get married because they "need to," but because they want to. Certainly you don't limit your choices to only those things you need to do. . . do you? If you do, you'll never eat pizza, never have sex, and never stay up past 9:00 pm.

    2. The overall divorce rate may be 50% but that doesn't mean that your odds of getting divorced are 50%. Your odds depend on how careful you are at selecting a partner, how dedicated you both are to your marriage, and how hard you are willing to work to maintain it. With the wrong attitude - such as the attitude you seem to have now - your odds would be much greater than 50%.

    3. "Once you are married to someone you are no longer voluntarily enjoying the company of that person. . .." What you and your partner do in your marriage is entirely up to you.

    4. "Researchers estimate divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce." That means that marriage allows a couple to live a better lifestyle than if they were both single.

    5. " And EIGHTY NINE PERCENT of married cheaters NEVER GET CAUGHT." That is very impressive, particularly in ALL CAPS, but if they never get caught. . . how do you know it's 89%?

    6. "Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children?" Thankfully, some women want to achieve being a good mother. Other women don't want to be changing diapers when they are 50 years old.

    7. The average wedding costs. . . whatever you choose to spend. It's a choice! Parents pay for most weddings and that is what they want to do. You could drive 40 year old car if it still runs but I'll bet that's not what you want.

    8. "Why do women always require men to marry them in order to prove they love them?" How do women require men to do that?

    Check in with us 10 years from now and we'll see how lasting these feelings were. My guess is that you've been exposed to some bad marriages and you have a jaded view of the institution, but. . . one day, you'll want to live in an institution! :)

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    • I only disagree with your second point. No one has a crystal ball when choosing a partner, and people can change. Also they can be really great at hiding things from those they love or are close to. You can do everything right in the world, be stable, give the marriage a 100 percent effort etc. It still doesn't guarantee your partner will be on that same level or will meet you halfway, and it only takes one party to file a divorce. Not everyone chooses divorce, but they still end up going through one.

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    • Thanks for taking the time to write this response. It's great.

    • @rose004b Thank you for the kind words!

  • Seeing as women are the ones who call for divorce about 80% of the time - and that's factual and you can look it up - it would appear to be that women are more often their own bearer of bad news about marriage.

    Women are desperate for relationships and so desperate to be wanted by a guy that they go and fuck it all up later on.

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    • But don't you think a lot of the time women could be divorcing because the guy's cheating?

      Not that women don't cheat... It's just, why would the cheating partner ever want to leave the marriage? The one who's cheating is the irresponsible one, so why would they divorce when they could just let their partner handle any kids and bills, and do what they want?

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    • I agree with you.

    • I wish everyone thought about the consequences of everything more often. It's not like plenty of people don't share their horror stories about cheating and divorce with each other.

  • I'm just here for the comments.
    media1.giphy.com/media/qR6UR8K1Ia2BO/200w_d.gif

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  • 5) is only because our current social structure is pretty damn stupid, to be honest. Extended family and grandparents could easily handle the kids while the parents are at work. That's how my aunt did it as well. They're both still working. The reason why some people NEED to quit work is because you have TWO people TOTAL trying to raise a kid that needs CONSTANT surveillance for YEARS.

    Russians are doing it right. The parents live with the grandparents and the children. Three generations. They aren't forced to move out at the age of 18 because "lol you're legally adult now, GTFO bitch I don't want to see you ever again". My father was sent away like that on his 18th birthday out of the blue. I'm still surprised he forgave my grandfather for such a bullshit move.

    Anyways, otherwise I agree. Marriage is a bureaucratic pact. It's not needed for your social relation. If you've loved each other just fine before... then why the pact? There should be no need for word, no need for pacts, no need for anything, as it's beneficial for both sides to stay together. So why the papers? i don't get it.

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  • I've seen more then enough to prove that this is false I'll take my chances on marriage and the person I intend to share it with thank you.

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  • Yah, my thoughts exactly. I'm never getting married, lol. Other people can if they want to, though.

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  • Marriage isn't a benefit in any way for men.

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  • As long as you know who your marrying and take your time getting to know the person then you'll be ok. however getting to know a person does not mean they were your friends for 4-10years before dating but that you dated the person for a long time. because a person can be a really good friend but really bad at relationship. aka my ex girlfriend we broke up over something so small.. and i can't belive how immuture shewas.

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  • no way this was written by a woman. But yes, marriage is fucking stupid.

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  • 1. Guess what - if you don't get married you still have a 50% chance of breaking up. A f*cky relationship is a f*cky relationship.
    2. No sh*t. Married or not, the more partners you've had, the more likely you are to have troubles in future relationships.
    3. You married an asshole? That's probably because you married him/her just because f*cking was nice. Here is a fun fact - there is more to a relationship than sex. You have to be friends with the person. You have to know the person and have a bond. Don't be lazy and actually make sure that you're marrying the man/woman of your dreams. You shouldn't even have to think about a divorce.
    4. He/she felt trapped? That just proves how much your relationship sucked. I'm sorry, but once again it is your fault that you were just too boring or did not give your spouse enough space.
    5. It is your own decision to have kids and to quit your job. Stop blaming everything on society and don't be a p*ssy.
    6. You don't have to have a fancy ceremony. It is your choice.
    7. Going back to point one here.

    This myTake gave me cancer.

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  • im just waiting for the asker to respond to olderandwiser's comment, but ok

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  • Marriage is a stress that I would never want to deal with in my life. I just see more happier singles than married couples. That being said, I'm also a very emotional person and have a lot of love to give. If I ever found the right girl for me I'd go ham over her. But I listen to what I find most logical for me and marriage isn't logical for me right now.

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  • It's not the marriage to blame fr most of these. Like every human institution. In fact anything a lot of people like to participate in there's always money getting pumped into it and a profit made from greedy capitalists. They've ruined human nature. Put a price on everything. Marriage was a public declaration of love. It said I'm not ashamed of you I'm proud and I'm gong to show everybody. Now it's sleazy with all the price labels hanging from it like a Christmas tree with too many baubles. There's nothing sacred and holy anymore. Nothing taboo. People are going backwards in evolution instead of forwards. Capatalism has got to go before it darkens and cheapens everything. People don't like tacky and try from it. No wonder tell world's changing. Everybodies trying to get away from the business influence that's invading everything they do like a cancer

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    • Go to North Korea, they don't have capitalism there ;)

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    • @youarestupid neither does this. People get ahead through debt. They never own anything that can't be taken back. Their saving and possessions are at the mercy of fluctuating currency value and inflation. The whole system was for the benefit of the top earners to take everything and guys like you and me to scrape for everything. You don't get rewarded for your effort or importance just fr your position you were usually born into. It's rotten from the top to bottom.

    • I see what you're saying, but I think that there are more good things about capitalism than there are bad things. I found a video that explains everything pretty well. Apparently I haven't been on gag long enough to have links in my posts, so I cannot put it here, but if you search "Why Capitalism is Great" in YouTube, the first video that comes up is the one I'm talking about. It's eight minutes long, but worth watching. ;)

  • Spoken like a person who gets it. Marriage in itself is at best useless and at worst a massive liability. It's just culturally ingrained and encouraged by the government.

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  • I'm going to respond to this later. Remind me, please.

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  • Yeah fuck marriage!!!

    Fuck dating and FUCK relationships!

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  • You dont have to go to school and get a job, but you probably should if you don't want to be waiting tables your entire life. Which, if you've never had the pleasure of doing, really sucks.

    People's marriages end because they live their lives devoid of morals or religion, so when you are unhappy that is the only reason you need to jump the ship.

    You'll find as you get older that people who run away from responsibility live very sad lives.

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    • People who let school and conformity take over them live very sad lives. You don't have to go to school to be an athlete or an artist or a musician.

    • If you want to be an athlete or musician, you have to be the best of the best to even be considered, that's no guarantee you won't wash out. To be an artist you just have to be trendy, pretentious, and ironic - no technical skill required.

      I used to want to be a musician, but then I realized that I wasn't good enough to be successful. I decided going to college was probably a better choice than playing in sleezy bars and sleeping on couches

  • that's total bullshit, but i will not do the work of arguing against that because fortunately some people in their right mind have already debunked each one of those claims as @OlderAndWiser have done below

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  • Couldn't agree more. All in all, I think the real reason to really marry is if you absolutely want your own traditional family and have children of your own, raising your family that sort of thing. It won't work out and is not absolutely guaranteed for Every single person on this planet. Both spouses and partner has to have equal share of the responsibilities in order to make the marriage successful and successfully provide a healthy environment for their children to grow up and develop in, otherwise it's going to be shit tons of drama and baggage for all parties.

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  • So your number 1 is saying half of marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't mean half of the people getting married end up divorced, because number 2 shows more of the people getting divorced are on a second or nth marriage.

    If you don't rush into a marriage and really take the time to actively figure out if the two of you can and will want to spend your lives together, then you aren't going to end up feeling trapped.

    You can control how much your wedding costs. If you aren't religious a simple civil ceremony at a court house isn't that expensive. I'm getting married in April and we are religious so we're having it at a church. We're only spending about 2 grand, and that's accounting for everything from the service to reception to flowers and clothes. Not a horrible bank breaker there.

    I get marriage may not be for you and you don't think it's a good idea. But stop trying to make it seem like the rest of us are idiots for considering it.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 18

  • I can see the benefits of marriage when it comes to medical concerns, taxes, step children etc.

    I think instead of saying "stop getting married" you should say stop getting married so soon and devaluing the committment.

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  • Yeah majority of the time. People make marriage look worse than death. Along with there isn't to much point to it. Though I don't know what kind of benefits both people get while being married legally.

    I think most people are just wearing rose color glasses when they think about marriage. They don't see the reality that you need to put into it.

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  • 1-3) Yes, divorce is common. This is exactly why I would never rush into a marriage and why I would want to be very sure that I am marrying the right person. It's not as easy to get a divorce as it is to just break-up. I'm not the type who would want to get divorced over anything petty though. Marriage requires commitment, sacrifices, compromises, etc. It's not easy and both people have to be completely invested equally to make it work. And yes, I'm aware that divorce impacts men differently than women.

    4) I've never heard of that. If someone is a cheater, they will cheat whether they are married or not.

    5) If that's what works for their marriage then cool. Some people are more traditional than others and if their husbands are okay with them quitting their jobs when they have kids, that's no one else's concern. Regardless of popular belief, some women actually WANT a more traditional lifestyle and don't mind being a stay-at-home mom. Of course it's not for everyone but thinking that all women who quit their jobs to have kids and take care of the home feel "trapped" or "pressured" to do it is simply not true.

    6) No one is forced to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding. It's not something that has to cost a lot, it just depends on what the individual couple wants.

    7) I would never require a guy to marry me just to "prove" he loves me. I know my boyfriend loves me but I'm also more of a traditional girl who desires to get married. That's my choice, just like the decision to not get married is yours.

    Ultimately, some of your points here are valid while the others don't make much sense to me. It's still your personal decision though to not get married and I respect that. Your take was well-written :)

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  • Wedding is very expensive now. I am bride-to-be. And I don't want luxury ceremony, we simply don't have so much money. So, we decided to take a small loan online and make little celebration with tea and cakes. I hope my family and friends will not think that we are greedy.

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  • Kids is the reason for marriage. I mean if you don't get married who's last name should they get? When I wasn't married with my first I gave him my last name but a lot of guys would take issue with that... which I don't get why having a penis gives you automatic name rights. When we got married both me and our son switched our last names to his but if I could go back in time we would have combined our last names right off the bat instead of just canceling mine out.

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  • I also laugh when people defend marriage by saying, "Marriage isn't supposed to be enjoyable!" Or "People deserve misery if they crave a partner they find sexually attractive."

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  • Weddings only cost what you choose to spend on them. I'm planning on an extremely simple affair, maybe even eloping, and then having a party a week or so later. People focus way too much on weddings. That's one day in your life as a couple. People really need to think about what happens after the wedding.

    Women might quit their jobs after having kids, but that doesn't mean that they stay out of the workforce for long. I don't know many people that can afford for only one spouse to work. People really should wait a bit to have kids, and I don't think every person even should have kids.

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  • I will only respond to #5 because OlderAndWiser made great response.
    "Why not achieve what you want to achieve, and then have children"?

    Because you have a biological clock and men don't. Biology is not as kind to women as it is to men. If you wait until your ovaries start drying up to start a family you'll be in trouble. The health risks are higher when you get pregnant in your 30's and there is no guarantee that you'll find a man who will want to have your children before your fertility plummets.

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  • Well, marriage is a sign of commitment to start a family and raise children. I'm sure many women just want to feel secure. An unmarried relationship just can't provide the same level of security that marriage can bring. Also, if the marriage is fully legal, you get legal benefits, because the government will recognize your marriage and your relationship to the other person has a household. This has lots of social consequences.

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  • I'm not against marriage, I just don't want it.

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  • İ am Lesbian. life is so difficult

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  • It's crazy that so many women stop working then the family struggles as it grows and only one person's income in contributing to maintaining life.

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  • I know for a fact that some of these people criticizing this take have been divorced some more than once but I'm not saying names.

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  • I think people should talk about every single topic they can before they get married. I think divorce happens because people assume too much about each other.

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  • I'm against the European tradition of marriage ans it's everything you mentioned people marry to divorce and have a huge ridiculous wedding.

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  • nice mytake

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  • AMEN!!! AMEN.
    :)

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  • Your first 3 readons are basically the same, divorce. Ok fine, don't get married, just "break up" with your SO. Same difference.
    I've never heard that married people cheat at a higher rate than non married. Do you have anything to back that up with?
    Maybe close to 43% of married couples are happy with the wife staying home?
    Don't want to waste a ton on a wedding? Don't. I didn't. Keep it simple.

    This take was written from some serious commitment issues.

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