I messed up making my profile.. Im 25 not 16.
My wife and I just had our first child. She's 4 months old as of last Wednesday. We've been happily married for 6 years. We are both head over hills in love with our daughter. However our sex life since she got pregnant has went from 1-2 times a week to almost none. It stopped about 4 months before our daughter was born. She said it felt weird. I was okay with that. Then after she was born we couldnt do anything for the obvious 6-8 week healing time. We finally had sex 9 weeks after our daughter was born. (I initiated it) And it was a miserable let down to say the least. She almost wasn't involved in it. Just basically let me do my business and get it over with. So in the last 8 months we have had sex (if you want to call it that) 1 time. In all that time she has not offered to help me or accepted my offers to help me in other ways like oral or hj. Let me say that to me, sex is not just sex. To me its the most profound way of being close to my wife. And showing her and sharing with her the love that I have for her. To me its literally making love. So it's important to me to say the least. I also have that pesky male hormonal thing where sex and sexual release is an actual need. I'm human.
Here lately she always has an excuse. Headache, backache, stomachache.. You name it. When something happens that might constitute as an excuse later.. I can almost feel her think "hey thats going to be a good get out of sex card later"..
The other night our daughter was freshly fed and fast asleep in her crib. My wife was standing next to our bed. I came up behind her.. Hugged her, started kissing her shoulders and neck, rubbing her back and began to try to initiate sex.. At which point she stepped aside pushed me away and said and I quote "Eww, stop being gross!".. Something very immature and prude for a grown married 26 yr old woman to say. How do I fix it?
Long story shory our sex life is pretty much gone. It is making me very depressed. I feel like she isn't attracted to me anymore, repulsed by me, I wonder if she just used me for a child.. And a number of other negative and depressing thoughts and feelings. How can I subtly fix this this?
Most Helpful Girl
Doesn't seem like you're really trying to understand the situation. Why does she actually not want to have sex with you? Have you talked to her about it in a situation where you weren't just trying to pressure her for sex?
A lot of women go through post-partum depression and other hormonal mood changes that deeply affect their sex drive. I know for you it's like hell, 8 months is a long time. But there's probably a lot going on for her.
If you just keep trying at it to get your needs met without considering her interest you will most likely continue to be met with no just out of habit. She has to want you, and just like in any other situation if you're the one always pining after it then she has constant unimpeded access which can easily be completely taken for granted.
I don't mean to sound like this is all one sided, there is obviously some responsibility on her end, but I can't help you by criticising her behavior.1
Most Helpful Guy
Could be lots of reasons, but the two that jump out to me right away are that she is very tired from taking care of the kid as well as the house, so make sure you are stepping up and taking over the baby at times, as well as household chores that she normally does.
And second is that regardless of her looking great to you, she might be feeling a bit less than desirable. And from that, less romantic. Find a sitter and take your wife on dates. Show her how much you appreciate her, not just desire her. Surprise her with gifts and flowers for no reason.
If things do not improve, then I would strongly recommend couples counseling. Great at bringing out things that otherwise stay repressed.2