Honestly? Because they don't know how to work things out and their is outside encouragement to do so. The fact is that over 53% of people who initiated divorce stated they regretted it (it is primarily women who initiate at some where between 70-80% and its usually irreconcilable differences claims of falling "out of love" and not feeling the "spark" are frequently reported) over 40% reported regretting it within the first week. I think its because women are constantly being told "not to settle" an that they can do better so when things don't work out they think they can just trade in the guy for a new one and things are just going to be fine (not all women of course but it seems since women are the ones doing most of the filing (about 60% of all male filed divorces are due to infidelity on the womans part) and I think being bombarded with that message from other women, from society as a whole has convinced many, but especially women since they are usually the target of these messages, that if things are not perfect, if they are not feeling the fairy tale romance and constant thrill of the relationship then they are not truly in love with the person and they need to find some one else. That of course is not how relationships work, they confuse contentment with boring and in our society that is frowned upon. They have also removed most negative consequences for divorce for women (women almost always get custody of children and they get alimony/child support 80% of the time) so their is less outside pressure to stay and work things out. Of course I am not saying this is womens fault and they are to be blamed, I am saying when any one is constantly bombarded by this it is going to have an effect and when a guy hears divorce he will lose out so he has an incentive to try and find the solutions to problems while women really don't have as much incentive to do so. So its not that women are the problem so much as women are for what ever reason the target of the message. I think women overly romanticize relationships while men are pretty conditioned to know how much hard work goes into it. As Stephen Burns (comedian) pointed out we teach children about relationships through stories and fairly tales so a girl is told that all she has to do is sit in the castle and wait for her prince, its that easy, the boy is told that he has to travel the world, slay ogres and monsters, kill a dragon climb a tower kill a witch then wake the sleeping princess.
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Because couples get together for the wrong reasons with unrealistic expectations. Because they aren't in the mode of giving, they want only to 'get'. And the terms 'honor' and 'loyalty' are a bygone concept - no one is willing to stick it out and be willing to meet the other halfway - they stick to their guns and refuse to budge.
Too many are stuck in this disneyland-dream world of unrealistic expectations of what a real relationship is. When those expectations are not met then they are deemed 'unhappy'. And bail.
And many couples fail to hold up their obligation to the other. Both get fat and lazy and fail to honor the other sexually. Women in particular become bored if their husband doesn't uphold his burden of performance - it truly is on the man to lead, but we have a whole crop of weak beta whiny guys and the women get to where they simply loathe them. So they either shut down sexually, or bail, or cheat. The guys will do this too, she's shut down so he goes elsewhere for sex, or becomes addicted to porn.
It's a vicious cycle - but these are the primary reasons why the divorce rate is so high.
Because they aren't ordained of the Lord. I know people hate hearing it but when a man and woman has a weak foundation, it will always crumple. That's why marriage of people of different faiths always fall apart. People need a strong foundation, willing to let self get out of the way and put God first. God ordained marriage, not man. Atheists can blah blah all they want. They know the truth. That is also why there is no much thing as homosexual marriage because it is not true love. You can never have the deep bond on a sexual and marital level that a 1-man, 1-woman relationship joined together as a 1-flesh relationship can have. Sure, the government may call it homosexual marriage but we all know there's no such thing. Yeah, all the haters! Hate but deep down you know there is not a such thing as homosexual marriage. Marriage was meant to produce fruit. Sure, there are infertile people but God didn't cause your infertility. But with 2 men or 2 women, there's never a chance to yield fruits of your sex. So yeah, the "marriage" can never in any case, regardless how healthy they are ever produce a baby. Yep, you heard me right. A man and a man can never have a baby. A woman and a woman can never have a baby. Yep, An infertile man or woman can have a baby in a heterosexual marriage because there is always a chance the infertility can be reversed, even if doctors say it can't.
All you have to do is look at GAG and see that people focus on the wrong things when looking for someone to date, let alone marry.
It seems like the average woman nowadays cares more about what a man has than about how he treats her, and then she's surprised when this guy who makes good money, had his own house before he met her, his own car before he met her, a college degree, has a great career and looks amazing cheats on her, is an alkie, is abusive, is a liar or whatever.
And the average man seems to look for how stereotypically feminine the woman is, i. e. gender roles, attitude/demeanor, looks. And then he's surprised when she turns out to be crazy/emotionally unstable, a liar, a huge b1tch once she's comfortable with him, dumb, doesn't know how to do schitt, is either a huge wh0re or a huge prude, is fake as hell (i. e. fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake lips, fake @ss, fake boobs, looks totally different without makeup), etc. And both men and women take pointless crap such as liking the same music and pasttimes as signs of compatibility.
Nobody gets to know anybody; it's all about meeting someone's dumb, shallow list that has nothing to do with *what kind of person you are.* People basically marry body parts and material things, not people, and then they're surprised that doesn't work.
I think people jump into marriage too soon in a lot of cases. In some instances, people also marry someone they are incompatible with. They would have known this perhaps if they paid attention or didn't just stay with the person for superficial reasons or simply out of comfort. Too many people see red flags early on but just ignore it or think it will "change" or "Get better". I see this with a friend of mine who has been with her partner for 8 years. It's CLEAR as fcking daylight they are not compatible but she just says she stays with him cause he's all she knows and that she is used to him and doesn't want to leave.
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Because feminism taught women that taking on any traditional responsibility is oppressive, while still very much holding men to traditional standards.
So any expectations to fulfill duties that traditionally have been female, will now cause resentment, no matter how those duties are divided.
Working a full-time, or even a part-time job, has placed additional stress on women, on top of whatever domestic duties they still might do.
And since women break easier from stress (scientificly proven), and any sort of traditional domestic duties are considered oppressive, this will more often than not result her in concluding that her male partner 'isn't pulling his weight', even though he's still bound by his traditional responsibility + a share of her traditional responsibilities.
This causes domestic disputes and dissatisfaction, and may even lead to adultery on either part.
The statistics back it up, with approximately 70% of divorces instigated by women, with no-fault general dissatisfaction as the major cause.
The materialistic driven nature, and constant craving for more, bigger, and better, adds another element, which is the neccesary cash-flow that comes from women pulling in an income.
And since most of the useless shit that money is spent on, is debt based, married couples are usually locked, without room to adjust to something that actually works, and with no acceptance of cutting lifestyle luxuries and standard of living.
And should a male for some reason become unemployed for a lenghty period of time, and hence, not be able to fulfill his traditional responsibility, that is a risk factor as well.
Because of hypergamy, this scenario is highly undesireable, especially if the woman is pulling an income.
You can be damn sure she'll be looking to monkeybranch first chance she gets.
Yeah sure NAWALT, but it's the exceptions than confirm the general trend.
So, as by placing any sort of responsibility on an woman is considered oppressive, and by making a marital contract a worthless document that can be annulled on a whim, marriage has lost it's cohesion.
And all because the Neo-Marxist feminist movement managed to succeed in tricking women into believing that fulfilling her duties as a wife and mother, was degrading, and a tool of oppression.
Now, women are taking facials from different guys 5 days a week, by guys who treat the like shit, in celebration of their sexual liberation and throwing down the shackles of marital obligations.A marriage destined to succeed and for all the right reasons involves God, Man, Woman. It also involves 100% His plan, 100% commitment from the woman, and 100% commitment from the man. Any less than that, and there will be danger.
If it was never meant to be, all the scheming on this planet will fail, or have disastrous consequences. The greater the determined hubris, the more tragic the outcome.
If the man or woman is selfish, has serious character flaws and won't get them treated, etc., then it's only a matter of time before things are on the rocks.
Although more and more science and history every day are confirming that Men Are Without Excuse, a massive portion of the population still identifies as "non-religious" (meaning, self or the State is their god.)
So trying to work toward His plan and serving it can be thrown out the window to begin with.
That being said, without that, selfish reasons become the biggest reasons to get married. Which, are automatically inferior reasons.
From there, the danger always exists that the selfish want will one day decide that the marriage no longer suits said want. And then, self-destruct is all but inevitable.
70% of first-timers stay married. But of the remaining 30%, repeated multiple marriages and divorces throughout life have become the norm. This has skewered the statistics to the point that nearly half of the total number end in divorce.
Which means, that 30% consists of those who never learn from their mistakes.
Many think simply avoiding marriage means never having to be part of those shameful statistics.
Except, to pursue selfish sexual goals and refuse to get married is an even more shameful de facto position. And many of that crowd not only never learn from their mistakes, but think losing is winning! Like Wimp-Lo from Kung Pow! And yet, flaunt their narcissism today like never before.I will give few reasons that i think are related based on real life experience with such people :
1- Usually divorces are intiated by women for a simple reason, they had way too many expectations and failed to realize their husband is only a human, he can't be super rich, he can't be ripped most of the time and he has other responsibilities than being lovey dovey all day long.
2- She is simply unfit for being a wife and want to stay young and party, some women can't cook, can't clean, dont want children, and if they do dont even wanna take care of them, they want the easy way out of it, and when the husband says he can't take it anymore she files for divorce.
3- Age plays a role as well, those who are the same age usually get into arguments and fights more often, an ideal situation would be a husband who is at least 3-4 years older than his wife, that way they're on the same level mentally, she likes him more, he is attracted to her more and arguments are less likely to happen since they're more comfortable in that position and there is no competition or anything similiar (plus the guy is more established) .
4- cheating, both of them can do it, men do it for an extra booty and women do it for "emotional" reasons or just for another dick , either way its bad and it can lead to divorces.
5- Not enough money : basically we need money and when both dont make enough fights begin to arise and at some point the woman (usually) decides she's had enough and asks for divorce to find a better partner or a better job, i think its wrong but what can we do really.
6- or that partner is simply a shitty one and doesn't care at all"I'm going to be the worst person to be married to."
Do you know anyone who declare this before getting married? I think we know what to emulate to be marriage material but emulation is a mere mask. I won't go into too much detail for one to really think about that.
But where does this expectations come from? I can give you the mundane answer of movies, tv shows, and social media. Great! Thanks for displaying your love for each other publicly. There's nothing wrong with it but what is the motivation for that? Insecurity.
If we are truly content in our relationships, and I'm talking of that "old kind of love," you would not look for others for approval or envy. You'd be content. Yet there's always some type of indirect input from someone. Agree or disagree but human nature has tendency for temptation to comparison.
Lastly there are those who believe not talking about discontentment is the answer. Are you not lying if you try to hide you have a desire to hide but later use that reason for divorce, what foolish good riddance these type of people are. These people always think that they are better of the two. Communication error doesn't have to go this way but errors such as these happen.
So difficult to know how to have a lasting marriage looking at the above yea? But key to marriage is not fixing the above but being able to handle the above. We love someone who will hurt us but we forgive because we don't keep track. We love someone who doesn't deserve us because of their failures but we forget and lead them. We love to learn to love someone who destroys our expectations. Discipline and attitude is key not only to life but also marriage.Could be even more than 42%. I am not quite sure how the divorce rate is calculated. Like does it mean 58% of marriages never end in divorce and they stay together until death, or does it only mean that 58% of marriages last until 10 years ( or whatever period they track them over) and then may or may not get divorced after that point?
Because personally, I think it is hard to believe that only 42% of all marriages end in divorce. I don't believe most people actually stay with the person they married until death like the vows say.
Regardless, I don't believe lifelong monogamy to one person is natural. Not saying it isn't possible or worthwhile to pursue, I just think it is instinctual for us to only be monogamous for the time it would take for an infant to be raised to the point of being able to fend for itself.
www.scientificamerican.com/.../
In addition to that, I think a lot of people have their most passionate sexual and emotional relationships when in their late teens and early 20's and then the person they marry is usually chosen based on stability. Plus when kids come into the picture it is pretty common for the passion in the relationship to die.
Divorce is also less scrutinized and easier to do than in the past. Women usually know they will be walking away with the kids, alimony, and child support payments from their partner so there is also good incentive for them to do it except for in the rare cases where the woman married a man who earns less than she does.Being incompatible with the other person exterior (looks) are just a coverage we all like but the interior (personality) taste will make a deal with future.
Lies, compromises and fights. First lies creates untrust to one self and the person you are with also some people are pretty jealous and posesive.
Compromises are worse because can lead to insatisfaction in one self, that's why is better to feel what you desire and actual see the outcome/consequence then to feel fustrated the whole life with "Wonder how it would be if i did that instead of.."
Fights comes from financial instability, chores, schedule (lack of time spend togheter) and also lack of understanding and this comes from having different perspective over life and future some people want something and other wants different thing. That why compatibility is the first and most common issue.
Last but not least is comunication , others can't really figure out what's happening to you especially if you're a girl, guys pick body language harder then girls do.
I hope I say it all. is there something else?1. Money troubles.
2. Stress.
3. Differing values.
4. Unreconciliable disagreements.
5. Misunderstandings.
6. Inability to look over another person's weaknesses.
7. Inability to look over trivial disputes.
8. Inability to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the other.
9. Too much emphasis on personal goals and desires at the expense of the other.
Bottom line: marriage is supposed to be about cooperation. It is the ultimate type of cooperation, one that involves the unity of two individuals with the possibility of heirs to inherit the cooperated effort. No cooperation? No successful marriage then.Ha! Where do I begin? Because monogamy is a farce. Because too many people jump the gun and marry the wrong person. Because too many people marry for the wrong reasons. Because too many people think they will not be happy unless they are married. Because too many people are trying to keep up with the Joneses (And their Facebook friends.) Because too many people have been suckered into the fantasy of "being married with a house and a white picket fence." Because too many people are conformists and just do what everybody else is doing and don't think for themselves until it's too late. Because marriage is hard work and takes true commitment and people are generally lazy and selfish. No, I'm not jaded. Lol.
I think the main reason is unrealistic expectations. How many people sit down before they tie the knot and hash out all the important details? This leads to confusion and frustration down the road that drives wedges between people.
That and I think many women have this naive concept of romantic love and weddings from romantic comedies, fairy tales, etc. Then 5 years 2 kids and 30 extra lbs later they realize it wasn't what they envisioned so hey why not take half his stuff and get alimony and the house and date my new boyfriend?There are a million different reasons, can't pin it down to just one or a few. But I would say it can be summed up in the fact that it's simply very difficult for two different people to get along for 40+ years. Everyone has unique values, goals, needs, desires, and expectations to begin with, and even if those can be reconciled at the start, people change many times throughout the course of their lives. I believe it is possible for some people to stay happily married, but it takes a good match to start with, along with great compassion and empathy from both people. But that's rare. I think we really should change our expectations for marriage and relationships to acknowledge that lifetime monogamy is not natural for most people, and even for those who are monogamous, plenty of space and separate activities are necessary.
Way too many factors. Too much unrealistic expectations, believing in that happily ever after fantasy bullshit. Sometimes people just change how they feel about each other, as the spark eventually wears off, the spark and feelings that they had for each other in the beginning of their relationship and marriage. There's also the physical attraction, because people age, they start to get wrinkles or perhaps gain weight or anything that might change their appearance, again not in every single case, but it does happen. Reminds me of a flowers, they appear really good and attractive at first when it blossom or bloom, but then eventually and inevitably all wither up and die. So if anyone focused so much on physical appearance when they married, they might learn things the hard way eventually.
Plenty of other marrying for the wrong reasons in the first place, don't have time to look them all up.People can be selfish and proud. Their egos can get in the way of doing what's best for their marriage, even by choosing to do nothing at all. That's how people grow apart - they stop trying to connect. Sometimes it's not about being right, or winning but knowing when to just accept and move on.
People get married before they truly know each other, including knowing how their partner will react in adversity and how to handle that together.
Marriage for me is being able to put my husbands wants and needs absolutely even with my own. Sometimes I need more than he does and vice versa, but we're always putting in more than we're taking out
https://i.imgur.com/8ESF4F4.jpgThere are a gazillion responses to this post already with so many different answers, and you know... most of them are correct. The fact that a question has so many different correct answers sort of implies that the real issue is that relationships are just complex and as our society becomes more and more wealthy, we're more willing to forge forward as individuals because it's simply more possible now.
I'm not against marriage, however I don't think that it's something you should do if you're someone who makes a decent amount of money and has assets. Once you get married, you lose at least 50% of the decision making and put your entire future at risk. However, if you're broke... eh, get married all you want.Because:
1) people decide too quick to get married out of either
i) societal/peer pressure
ii) scared of dying alone
iii) myth of not being able to find anyone right after college
2) Money/financial problems
3) Sexual incompatibility resulting in extramarital affairs
4) Abuse
5) Lack of communication because
i) most people get married with the ones they find "physically attractive"
ii) Couples don't really build things or work on a healthy relationship
6) Addiction
7) Unhappiness (self unhappiness, not satisfied with what you do etc. resulting in negative effect on marriage)
8) Age difference
9) fundamental differences in political ideology, religion, educational background, parental styles etc.
Can't find any more reason lol :DI think there's many reasons, you could talk about those reasons for days, if not weeks -- there's too many to name. But I think one of the main reasons is that some people get hitched too quickly; they don't take the time to really understand and know everything there is to know about the other person. I'm speaking from experience as my mother, when I was quite young, got married fairly quickly to my now ex step-father who turned out to be emotionally abusive. So I really think that being prudent is key, especially when dating someone and choosing whether or not you should spend the rest of your life with that person, or not.
It's a combination of difficulty and low value. It's most often difficult to make a marriage work, and many people don't see it as worth the effort.
In addition, people rush into it far too easily because they view it as lesser value. I've heard more times than I can remember from young people rashly getting married that 'If it doesn't work, we'll just get a divorce.' So they go into it as sort of a trial or experiment rather than intending for it to be permanent and lasting. And when a person goes into something already expecting it to be temporary, it will most often end up temporary. Just my thoughtsBecause people expect the excitement and feeling of being in love / having a crush to last forever, and they aren't meant to last forever. Once you get used to a person and settle into a routine with them, things get way more boring. That's why it's important to figure out if you have similar values and life goals if you're planning on a long term relationship... because after you get used to the relationship and the initial "spark" crap dissipates, that is what will keep you together.
Selfishness and refusal to compromise with your partner. That, or they are simply not in love and once their hormones calm down they no longer like the person in front of them.
Because they marry too fast. I'd want to go through some of the rough paths with them first before getting married, make sure we both know all our good and bad sides. Sometimes though one part or both don't make the same effort and the marriage fails.
lack of communication
passive aggressiveness
assumptions
not intentionally setting aside time to be together. (no distractons, other people, just these two)
not taking the time to really get to know someone before tying the knot
the ideals of marriage as portrayed by society
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