Because 50% of marriages if not more should have never happened to begin with. They didn't get to know where the other stood in regards to certain values and didn't care because it was based mostly on emotions of the moment. Which is the same way the divorce came about. Based on the emotions of the moment.
Because they have high expectations and it's a movie love story and we all that's not realistic. And some just can't get it out of there heads so they move to the next let down and they keep doing it til they find that one that mets his/her high expectations.
When two people that don't really know themselves get together, all relationships they have with another is destined to fail. Most of society lives through the ego and have constant inner dialogue, as opposed to inner peace and stillness. People can say money problems, infidelity, boredom, incompatibility but at the root of about 99% of those problems lie the same factor, not knowing thy self.
They didn't know each other well enough to make a commitment that way and when they did, they weren't suitable for each other or one or both people didn't want to go into the marriage anyway
Because they are not suited for each other. As simple as that. So far three of my friends have gotten a divorce because all of them married a guy who was absolutely not someone they could get along with. And I don't think the divorce rate is this high because everything is fundamentally different now. It's because for various reasons most people decide to end their marriages instead of leading an unhappy life and suffering like they used to some 60-70 years ago.
Gottman's four horsemen. He can predict a newly weds chances of getting divorced within the first ten years with a 90% accuracy. My husband and I almost went our separate ways at the start of this year.
Times have changed and people aren't living with the old adage that you have to be married until death no matter what. Once they realize that they are no longer happy with the person they married and have tried to make it work, they call it quits. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. However those who have short marriages, I think just jumped the gun and got hitched to soon.
But over 50% of divorced people admit they regret it and believe they divorced their soul mate? I don't think thats the case, I think their is to great an empahsis on excitment and "happiness" that when people reach a stage where they are content they don't know how to deal with it because they have been looking for the thrill so long that without it they don't know how to have a relationship.
Many think it's because of people marrying too young, but people were marrying much younger in the 1950's and 1960's when the divorce rate was much lower. Better, it is marrying when not mature enough. Some aren't mature enough in their 50's! The option of bailing out is too much on the minds of married people. They don't believe in the "until death do us part" model of marriage. People are into marriage only if it benefits them.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Instead of way saying marriage feel ill tell you how I personally find how you can make a relationship work. 1. Never make a excuses for your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you make excuses for them they will walk all over you.. so stand up for yourself. 2. If you partner does something to upset you talk about it no matter how small. It's never good to hold something in or will come back too kick you in your ass.
3. Always make sure to keep doing the small things that made them fall in love with you. 4. Make sure too always go out and try new things together. 5. Never let a anyone take advantage if a girl or guy not willing to work on your problems move on. Don't make excuses no amount of love is worth dealing with bull shit. A friend of mine kept dating her ex making excuses for him saying she loves him even through he cheated on her 3 times she got back with him again and he then left her with 2 died baby's.
@Goodwifie thank you I wasn't sure how others would feel about it... its just my personal experience. I use to make excuses for my ex since men use too treat her badly and I would let any small thing she did to me go because of this... which was dumb of me. When her parents forced us to break up another story for another day. She blamed it all on me and her family made me feel like I was less then human. I treat this girl like a freaking princess and tried my best never to yell at her. I notice during our break up she didn't support me like I did with her and I notice all the excuses I made for her come back to haunt me and I was so stress out. Am now dating a girl who much much more mature and o follow my own rules to the letter we talk about every small things so we never have any big fights ever. All my friends are jealous and always ask how I have such a great relationship with my great gf? The list above is why.
In my opinion, most marriages end up as divorces because they start to lose communication and that results in not giving their partner attention. you can be best friends but if they don't talk and show each other attention, then they're going to go find somebody who does. That can result in growing an attachment to the person who's listening rather than the person you're married to & that can lead to a separation.
@hellionthesagereborn you wanna show me those actual statistics or nah? Also people who don't live before are usually religious and won't divorce on grounds of religion. So it's not a fair thing really is it
www.nytimes.com/.../...biting-before-marriage.html divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together Obviously its not set in stone, but yes it does seem to have a connection. Don't you think its unfair to just claim that religious people are secretly wanting to divorce but won't because its against there religion? Isn't it possible that the reason why these things are traditional is because they worked not because its just something some random religious figure decided to dictate to people just for shits and giggles? In all probability its a psychological mechanism i. e. the easing into marriage that living together is meant to be could very well just result in a one foot out the door kind of effect.
If you go all in your more likely to try and work things out, when you have no exit you have no other option but to work things out. I mean don't you think its unfair to just assume that religious people or people with traditional views are just unhappy like every one else but won't admit it? Maybe they really are as happy as they claim.
@hellionthesagereborn yeah so have my parents but they're old. That was different too. A lot of older people will just stick with it to the grave. And you're naive if you don't think most people are unhappy. Because they are. That's a fact of life.
We lived together for 4 1/2 years before we got married. I love the man to death but he's to much most times on the sex, and I should have done this thing.
I'm naïve if I think that most people are within average parameters of happiness? Do you know how statistics work? The fact is most people are not unhappy because we wouldn't be functioning otherwise. The problem is people don't understand the difference between content and bored, content with misery. Your not meant to be happy every waking moment of your existence, but most are content yes. I like how you completely ignored all the information I gave too, you where insistent upon the data only to reject it when it was presented. Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world? I don't mean that as an insult but if your convinced that by and large every one is miserable then that seems rather telling of your mental state not theirs.
@hellionthesagereborn making it personal now and insulting me? Dude it's a debate. Why you gotta go there? I said you were naive because it sounds like it but naive is not an insult. I didn't reject it. I added another point. This question was from days ago and I stopped giving it my attention. Calm down.
I wasn't insulting you, I even stated that it wasn't an insult but rather the fact that most people project their feeligns on to a situation. that's just human nature and since you alluded to most people being miserable that seemed to suggest you where miserable. It was more concern then anything else really. As for mentioning you ignoring the information, well yes I have been calling people out on this because every one does that, they demand to have the facts presented to them and when I do they go out of their way to ignore them, again as you did. So I just started calling people out on it. As I stated, that was not a personal attack and I don't know why you decided to take it that way, if you believe that every one else is miserable then clearly that's not a normal thing to believe, obviously you have a personal bias that is coloring your view of the world. I am not upset, if I was you would know it (Much more profanity, less formal writing).
@hellionthesagereborn you're the one projecting, not me. You're the one harping on about divorce rates and with the amount of divorce there's obviously a lot of unhappy people around. But you want to me it all about me and not about the topic at hand. Whatever.
Not really following. Yes their is a high divorce rate, yes it is most frequently initiated by women, but its also been shown that over 50% regret doing so and where convinced they divorced their soul mate. Its not about them being miserable, its about a society that is constantly nitpicking relationships which has resulted in women becoming convinced they can "do better"(they never say this about men) which inevitably convinces them to give up at the first sign of imperfection and as a result ends up having them regret that decision. I am not projecting, how could I be? I stated most people are not miserable, you claimed that most (if not all) are. Clearly you have some issues you need to work out (no that's not an attack, a lot of people have issues they need to work out. The problem is most don't like to admit it.). If you are as miserable as you seem to be, well that just seems exhausting and I would suggest seeking help so that you can start enjoying life (its to short as is).
@hellionthesagereborn once again you're obsessed with making the point about me and my issues? When it has zero to do with me in any way. Obsessed with drying to drag me down in some way. Sad really that you can't keep it to the topic at hand without throwing insults around.
No, your obsessed with trying to shift the point. I made my point, my point stands, the majority of humanity isn't hating their very existence. I pointed out that what you stated is factually wrong according to the data, then already proved that most divorces are regretted so its not that they where miserable in the marriage but rather its due to other factors, you then ignored all of that and tried to claim that most people are miserable. There is no other point to make, I just mentioned after making my point that if you feel that way that says more about you then the rest of the world. We have spoken before and every time you seem to be incredibly bitter and angry and depressed, hence me pointing this out and suggesting you find some way to deal with that. I apologize if that bothers you, you can pretend that I am just being an evil asshole if it makes you feel better (though I get the impression you have already done that).
@hellionthesagereborn nah son. I made my point. So far all you've done is talk about me and my 'issues'. So why shifted the point? Not me. Where did I say most people hate their very existence? 🤔 I didn't. And why you so obsessed with me then? Why you obsessed with what I say? And oh thanks for the wonderful advice (still looking for it though... can't find it) that I definitely didn't ask for. It's also completely irrelevant to this thread as I am not married nor divorced so it's irrelevant - I wasn't talking about me. Most people who get divorced clearly are in a miserable state. Again, stop putting words in my mouth. I never said you were an evil asshole, you're just obsessed with trying to drag me over one little comment instead of just continuing with the actual debate at hand. As proven once again by your last response.
No, you didn't and all you have to do is go back and read the comments to see where you didn't make your point and ignored mine. your exact quote: "A lot of older people will just stick with it to the grave. And you're naive if you don't think most people are unhappy. Because they are. That's a fact of life." and as I pointed out before, if over 50% regret their decision and would undo it if they could (according to surveys) then clearly they where not miserable in their relationships, they just didn't realize how to communicate and took the path of least resistence. No you didn't ask for my advice, I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it (at least that is the impression you have given in both this and every other one of your comments. You seem to have a hard time not being abrasive, feels like a defense mechanism).
I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it (at least that is the impression you have given in both this and every other one of your comments. You seem to have a hard time not being abrasive, feels like a defense mechanism). But again, if you don't like what I said fine, don't listen to it, believe I am secretly being an asshole if that makes you feel better, again, its not like I can stop you. So lest continue the debate if that's what you really want. So you said living together is better, I provided you links showing that is not true, you ignored them, why? You said they where unhappy I gave you the statistics that show that this is the least likely scenario as they immediately (according to the survey its almost 55% of those who initiate divorce regret it and over 40% of those said they regretted it within the first week) which suggest they where not miserable.
@hellionthesagereborn 🙄 There you go making it about me again. You've really got your back up over something here. Stop making it about me and maybe I'll actually discuss your points but so far you've done nothing but bash me so nah. As Margaret Thatcher said, "if they attack you personally they don't have a single argument left".
At which point did this happen? Can you actually point to a part where I attacked you? I made my points you didn't address them, that happened, unless I some how missed the part where you actually addressed them?
"I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it"
"Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world?"
"Clearly you have some issues you need to work out"
"If you are as miserable as you seem to be, well that just seems exhausting and I would suggest seeking help"
"seem to be incredibly bitter and angry and depressed,"
Want me to go on? Every comment on this thread has an attack about me from you on it. Yet I have said absolutely nothing negative about you as a person.
@Yupthatsme0514 think he needs to just chill and not take shit to a personal level. I just walked away from it but he feels the need to go over and over and round in circles 🙄 Think he'd throw a drink in my face TBH.
Again those where not attacks, those where remarks made based off your comments and as I stated, where in earnest. You also selectively edited my statement and took it out of context: "Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world? I don't mean that as an insult but if your convinced that by and large every one is miserable then that seems rather telling of your mental state not theirs." (should I consider you calling me naïve an attack? you did after all make it personal first). Any way my concern was earnest. I guess that's hard to believe in this world. Anyway I did make statements and arguments and you ignored them out right.(In fact you started talking about this being an attack against you the moment I mentioned how you ignored my statements). No I would not throw a drink in some ones face, seems like a waste of money not to mention a very emotional response (I'm not fond of those).
@hellionthesagereborn every single comment you've made has had something insulting on it. Because you can't just have a debate without making it personal and dragging another person. I didn't take them out of context, you asked me and I showed you what you said. It's there in black and white so you can't deny it. Yeah I called you naive. And that was it. I didn't spend the next dozen messages slating you.
Okay, clearly this is meant as a diversion, as stated you started the remark, I then stated that IF you thought that every one was miserable then that would seem to be more telling about your own life and feelings then that of the rest of the world. That's not an insult period. No amount of claiming it is will change that fact. So again you ignore everything I pointed out, you insulted me, took my statements out of context then ignored all my points and instead tried to make yourself out to be a victim over and over and over again. So either this is some ploy to avoid confronting my statements or you have issues. At this point I have stopped caring because you are a broken record and a person can only handle so much self pity. Get help then come back and respond to my points, I am sorry that I showed concern because of your comment hear and many others that I have seen heavily suggest you are depressed (and quite frankly filled with self pity).
@hellionthesagereborn over and over and over. You're still doing it. You're still making it about me, when it wasn't about me. Don't concern yourself with my life. Get lost. I'm done bothering with you.
@hellionthesagereborn even if I am depressed what has that got to do with you in any way shape or form? Nothing. None of your business. You've made this rant about that when it had nothing to do with that. You're a misogynistic, woman hating dirt bag but I didn't bring that up did I?
So I hate women now? How did you come to that conclusion? Is it because I disagreed with you? Or was it when I showed concern? It doesn't matter, your not going to address any of my points and your going in circles. So do you want this to get back on track or are you just going to continue to dodge the statements I made?
@hellionthesagereborn I've seen your comments all over the site too pal. Two can play at that game. You wanna bring old stuff up? Then I will too. Nah, I told you you carry on insulting me and we were done. That's what you chose to do.
There you go avoiding the topic again. I presented my statement then you started to deviate and take things out of context. But again, if you can't handle actually responding to my points that's fine, I understand.
@hellionthesagereborn you're the one who made every single comment an attack on my person. The debate lost all meaning the second you started doing that.
Never claimed you where stupid and never did any attack on you and your well aware of that. If anything, as I and yourself pointed out you initiated an attack on me and then I continued with the discussion at which point you took my words out of context and made it personal and whent off on a tangent I then showed concern (a big mistake on my part) and then you took that as another attack on you even though it clearly wasn't and now you continue to make claims that are not true. You are trying to ignore the initial discussion, that much is obvious but you are more then happy to continue this drama, why is that? You could very easily end it by staying on topic but you haven't and continue to do so, you want this to be a conversation about you, I didn't. So with that in mind you can feel free to either respond to my points or if you want talk about your problems but at least do one or the other instead of avoiding doing both. Its just not productive.
@hellionthesagereborn you're on my thread. Feel free to leave at any time. I never wanted it to be about me. You made it about me, over and over again. It's all there in black and white.
Yep, that's what happened, that's exactly how it happened, except for if you look back you where the one who made it about you, but what ever. Clearly your not going to actually address my points and your going to continue to make statements that are not true so there is no point in continuing this.
As I said before, you are incorrect and everything you said is visible, you just need to read your comments. But again if that helps you sleep at night so be it.
@hellionthesagereborn think you need to read it again. Like where I pulled all the comments you made about me into one. Oh but yeah you pretend that didn't happen.
Idiots getting married to prove a point or social status or financial benefits. If you get married for an reason asides from love then it's fucked. Being with somebody is hard work so if you don't love them as soon as it gets hard your gonna resent carrying their weight and your own. Most people don't know what love is these days though, theyre too shallow and facile. Hence marriage as an institution is doomed
Because people treat marriage as something to aspire to in itself. They wind up missing the point. Marriage is pointless. If your partner truly values you, there wouldn't be any need to legally bind yourself to them. If they dont value you, you shouldn't be married to them.
Hmm. Seeing that most divorces are initiated by women, I would say because the woman romanticizes the idea of marriage, but when things get tough and stressful she wants to bail.
People have unreasonable expectations. They expect the "honeymoon period" to last forever. That's not possible. After a few years you'll find that your romantic feelings didn't last and you can either choose to tolerate the other person enough to continue the relationship, or just leave. No surprise then that a lot of people choose to leave and try to get the romance back with someone new. Or just be bitter and single for the rest of their life, which is better than being bitter and married.
Maybe send every single divorced couple a survey and ask them why? 😂
Money is one of the top reasons for divorce and the economy has been crap. I mean that is only ONE reason but I think it's probably one of the major ones.
It's a "partial story". If you stratify the cases you'll find that the older the married persons when they marry and more educated the are the less likely they'd divorce. Among other factors.
So a lot of it is actually youth and impulse along with poor basis. With the end of social forces encouraging prolonged marriage divorce amount these couples sky rocketed.
With dating sites and things like facebook... people get to know more people... have more options. I can't speak for the male side... But I've been 'friends' with girls that have openly spoke about being on dating sites while dating men (some of the relationships were 6+ months). This one girl had been chatting to this guy online and decided to break up with her boyfriend 2 days after she had decided to arrange a date.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
87Opinion
Because 50% of marriages if not more should have never happened to begin with. They didn't get to know where the other stood in regards to certain values and didn't care because it was based mostly on emotions of the moment. Which is the same way the divorce came about. Based on the emotions of the moment.
Because they have high expectations and it's a movie love story and we all that's not realistic. And some just can't get it out of there heads so they move to the next let down and they keep doing it til they find that one that mets his/her high expectations.
When two people that don't really know themselves get together, all relationships they have with another is destined to fail. Most of society lives through the ego and have constant inner dialogue, as opposed to inner peace and stillness. People can say money problems, infidelity, boredom, incompatibility but at the root of about 99% of those problems lie the same factor, not knowing thy self.
^ words of wisdom. 100% true.
They didn't know each other well enough to make a commitment that way and when they did, they weren't suitable for each other or one or both people didn't want to go into the marriage anyway
Because they are not suited for each other. As simple as that.
So far three of my friends have gotten a divorce because all of them married a guy who was absolutely not someone they could get along with. And I don't think the divorce rate is this high because everything is fundamentally different now. It's because for various reasons most people decide to end their marriages instead of leading an unhappy life and suffering like they used to some 60-70 years ago.
Gottman's four horsemen.
He can predict a newly weds chances of getting divorced within the first ten years with a 90% accuracy.
My husband and I almost went our separate ways at the start of this year.
Times have changed and people aren't living with the old adage that you have to be married until death no matter what. Once they realize that they are no longer happy with the person they married and have tried to make it work, they call it quits. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing. However those who have short marriages, I think just jumped the gun and got hitched to soon.
But over 50% of divorced people admit they regret it and believe they divorced their soul mate? I don't think thats the case, I think their is to great an empahsis on excitment and "happiness" that when people reach a stage where they are content they don't know how to deal with it because they have been looking for the thrill so long that without it they don't know how to have a relationship.
Many think it's because of people marrying too young, but people were marrying much younger in the 1950's and 1960's when the divorce rate was much lower.
Better, it is marrying when not mature enough. Some aren't mature enough in their 50's! The option of bailing out is too much on the minds of married people. They don't believe in the "until death do us part" model of marriage. People are into marriage only if it benefits them.
Instead of way saying marriage feel ill tell you how I personally find how you can make a relationship work.
1. Never make a excuses for your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you make excuses for them they will walk all over you.. so stand up for yourself.
2. If you partner does something to upset you talk about it no matter how small. It's never good to hold something in or will come back too kick you in your ass.
3. Always make sure to keep doing the small things that made them fall in love with you.
4. Make sure too always go out and try new things together.
5. Never let a anyone take advantage if a girl or guy not willing to work on your problems move on. Don't make excuses no amount of love is worth dealing with bull shit. A friend of mine kept dating her ex making excuses for him saying she loves him even through he cheated on her 3 times she got back with him again and he then left her with 2 died baby's.
Yes this is spot on.
And stone walling after an argument is also bad.
@Goodwifie thank you I wasn't sure how others would feel about it... its just my personal experience. I use to make excuses for my ex since men use too treat her badly and I would let any small thing she did to me go because of this... which was dumb of me. When her parents forced us to break up another story for another day. She blamed it all on me and her family made me feel like I was less then human. I treat this girl like a freaking princess and tried my best never to yell at her. I notice during our break up she didn't support me like I did with her and I notice all the excuses I made for her come back to haunt me and I was so stress out. Am now dating a girl who much much more mature and o follow my own rules to the letter we talk about every small things so we never have any big fights ever. All my friends are jealous and always ask how I have such a great relationship with my great gf? The list above is why.
And that's what makes love last.
All the best mate.
@Goodwifie thank you enjoy your day
In my opinion, most marriages end up as divorces because they start to lose communication and that results in not giving their partner attention. you can be best friends but if they don't talk and show each other attention, then they're going to go find somebody who does. That can result in growing an attachment to the person who's
listening rather than the person you're married to & that can lead to a separation.
People get married too soon. They don't live together first. They don't know each other well enough. Etc.
Actually according to studies people who live together first are MORE likely to divorce, not less likely.
@hellionthesagereborn you wanna show me those actual statistics or nah? Also people who don't live before are usually religious and won't divorce on grounds of religion. So it's not a fair thing really is it
My parents never lived together before marriage, neither are religious, and celebrated their 40th anniversary this year :)
www.nytimes.com/.../...biting-before-marriage.html
divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together
Obviously its not set in stone, but yes it does seem to have a connection. Don't you think its unfair to just claim that religious people are secretly wanting to divorce but won't because its against there religion? Isn't it possible that the reason why these things are traditional is because they worked not because its just something some random religious figure decided to dictate to people just for shits and giggles? In all probability its a psychological mechanism i. e. the easing into marriage that living together is meant to be could very well just result in a one foot out the door kind of effect.
If you go all in your more likely to try and work things out, when you have no exit you have no other option but to work things out. I mean don't you think its unfair to just assume that religious people or people with traditional views are just unhappy like every one else but won't admit it? Maybe they really are as happy as they claim.
@hellionthesagereborn yeah so have my parents but they're old. That was different too. A lot of older people will just stick with it to the grave. And you're naive if you don't think most people are unhappy. Because they are. That's a fact of life.
I lived with my husband 4 1/2 years and we got married last August. I have had a headache everyday since I said I do.
@Yupthatsme0514 did you live with him prior to being married or did you get married before living together?
We lived together for 4 1/2 years before we got married. I love the man to death but he's to much most times on the sex, and I should have done this thing.
I'm naïve if I think that most people are within average parameters of happiness? Do you know how statistics work? The fact is most people are not unhappy because we wouldn't be functioning otherwise. The problem is people don't understand the difference between content and bored, content with misery. Your not meant to be happy every waking moment of your existence, but most are content yes. I like how you completely ignored all the information I gave too, you where insistent upon the data only to reject it when it was presented. Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world? I don't mean that as an insult but if your convinced that by and large every one is miserable then that seems rather telling of your mental state not theirs.
@hellionthesagereborn making it personal now and insulting me? Dude it's a debate. Why you gotta go there? I said you were naive because it sounds like it but naive is not an insult. I didn't reject it. I added another point. This question was from days ago and I stopped giving it my attention. Calm down.
There's no need for you to drag my mental state. If you get that upset over a few comments then maybe just leave it.
I wasn't insulting you, I even stated that it wasn't an insult but rather the fact that most people project their feeligns on to a situation. that's just human nature and since you alluded to most people being miserable that seemed to suggest you where miserable. It was more concern then anything else really. As for mentioning you ignoring the information, well yes I have been calling people out on this because every one does that, they demand to have the facts presented to them and when I do they go out of their way to ignore them, again as you did. So I just started calling people out on it. As I stated, that was not a personal attack and I don't know why you decided to take it that way, if you believe that every one else is miserable then clearly that's not a normal thing to believe, obviously you have a personal bias that is coloring your view of the world. I am not upset, if I was you would know it (Much more profanity, less formal writing).
@hellionthesagereborn you're the one projecting, not me. You're the one harping on about divorce rates and with the amount of divorce there's obviously a lot of unhappy people around. But you want to me it all about me and not about the topic at hand. Whatever.
Not really following. Yes their is a high divorce rate, yes it is most frequently initiated by women, but its also been shown that over 50% regret doing so and where convinced they divorced their soul mate. Its not about them being miserable, its about a society that is constantly nitpicking relationships which has resulted in women becoming convinced they can "do better"(they never say this about men) which inevitably convinces them to give up at the first sign of imperfection and as a result ends up having them regret that decision. I am not projecting, how could I be? I stated most people are not miserable, you claimed that most (if not all) are. Clearly you have some issues you need to work out (no that's not an attack, a lot of people have issues they need to work out. The problem is most don't like to admit it.). If you are as miserable as you seem to be, well that just seems exhausting and I would suggest seeking help so that you can start enjoying life (its to short as is).
@hellionthesagereborn once again you're obsessed with making the point about me and my issues? When it has zero to do with me in any way. Obsessed with drying to drag me down in some way. Sad really that you can't keep it to the topic at hand without throwing insults around.
No, your obsessed with trying to shift the point. I made my point, my point stands, the majority of humanity isn't hating their very existence. I pointed out that what you stated is factually wrong according to the data, then already proved that most divorces are regretted so its not that they where miserable in the marriage but rather its due to other factors, you then ignored all of that and tried to claim that most people are miserable. There is no other point to make, I just mentioned after making my point that if you feel that way that says more about you then the rest of the world. We have spoken before and every time you seem to be incredibly bitter and angry and depressed, hence me pointing this out and suggesting you find some way to deal with that. I apologize if that bothers you, you can pretend that I am just being an evil asshole if it makes you feel better (though I get the impression you have already done that).
@hellionthesagereborn nah son. I made my point. So far all you've done is talk about me and my 'issues'. So why shifted the point? Not me. Where did I say most people hate their very existence? 🤔 I didn't. And why you so obsessed with me then? Why you obsessed with what I say? And oh thanks for the wonderful advice (still looking for it though... can't find it) that I definitely didn't ask for. It's also completely irrelevant to this thread as I am not married nor divorced so it's irrelevant - I wasn't talking about me. Most people who get divorced clearly are in a miserable state. Again, stop putting words in my mouth. I never said you were an evil asshole, you're just obsessed with trying to drag me over one little comment instead of just continuing with the actual debate at hand. As proven once again by your last response.
No, you didn't and all you have to do is go back and read the comments to see where you didn't make your point and ignored mine. your exact quote: "A lot of older people will just stick with it to the grave. And you're naive if you don't think most people are unhappy. Because they are. That's a fact of life." and as I pointed out before, if over 50% regret their decision and would undo it if they could (according to surveys) then clearly they where not miserable in their relationships, they just didn't realize how to communicate and took the path of least resistence. No you didn't ask for my advice, I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it (at least that is the impression you have given in both this and every other one of your comments. You seem to have a hard time not being abrasive, feels like a defense mechanism).
I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it (at least that is the impression you have given in both this and every other one of your comments. You seem to have a hard time not being abrasive, feels like a defense mechanism). But again, if you don't like what I said fine, don't listen to it, believe I am secretly being an asshole if that makes you feel better, again, its not like I can stop you. So lest continue the debate if that's what you really want. So you said living together is better, I provided you links showing that is not true, you ignored them, why? You said they where unhappy I gave you the statistics that show that this is the least likely scenario as they immediately (according to the survey its almost 55% of those who initiate divorce regret it and over 40% of those said they regretted it within the first week) which suggest they where not miserable.
You then proceeded to ignore that point. Why? What points do you have beyond the ones that I proved to be false?
@hellionthesagereborn 🙄 There you go making it about me again. You've really got your back up over something here. Stop making it about me and maybe I'll actually discuss your points but so far you've done nothing but bash me so nah. As Margaret Thatcher said, "if they attack you personally they don't have a single argument left".
At which point did this happen? Can you actually point to a part where I attacked you? I made my points you didn't address them, that happened, unless I some how missed the part where you actually addressed them?
"I doubt you take any ones advice, you seem to be the kind of person who isolates themselves instead of actually facing the problem and trying to fix it"
"Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world?"
"Clearly you have some issues you need to work out"
"If you are as miserable as you seem to be, well that just seems exhausting and I would suggest seeking help"
"seem to be incredibly bitter and angry and depressed,"
Want me to go on? Every comment on this thread has an attack about me from you on it. Yet I have said absolutely nothing negative about you as a person.
I think you two need to meet up for drinks. Lol
@Yupthatsme0514 think he needs to just chill and not take shit to a personal level. I just walked away from it but he feels the need to go over and over and round in circles 🙄 Think he'd throw a drink in my face TBH.
I think you Spike his interest and that's why he's not dropping it. so I don't think he would throw a drink in your face!
Again those where not attacks, those where remarks made based off your comments and as I stated, where in earnest. You also selectively edited my statement and took it out of context: "Have you considered that maybe its you that has an issue not the rest of the world? I don't mean that as an insult but if your convinced that by and large every one is miserable then that seems rather telling of your mental state not theirs." (should I consider you calling me naïve an attack? you did after all make it personal first). Any way my concern was earnest. I guess that's hard to believe in this world. Anyway I did make statements and arguments and you ignored them out right.(In fact you started talking about this being an attack against you the moment I mentioned how you ignored my statements). No I would not throw a drink in some ones face, seems like a waste of money not to mention a very emotional response (I'm not fond of those).
@hellionthesagereborn every single comment you've made has had something insulting on it. Because you can't just have a debate without making it personal and dragging another person. I didn't take them out of context, you asked me and I showed you what you said. It's there in black and white so you can't deny it. Yeah I called you naive. And that was it. I didn't spend the next dozen messages slating you.
Okay, clearly this is meant as a diversion, as stated you started the remark, I then stated that IF you thought that every one was miserable then that would seem to be more telling about your own life and feelings then that of the rest of the world. That's not an insult period. No amount of claiming it is will change that fact. So again you ignore everything I pointed out, you insulted me, took my statements out of context then ignored all my points and instead tried to make yourself out to be a victim over and over and over again. So either this is some ploy to avoid confronting my statements or you have issues. At this point I have stopped caring because you are a broken record and a person can only handle so much self pity. Get help then come back and respond to my points, I am sorry that I showed concern because of your comment hear and many others that I have seen heavily suggest you are depressed (and quite frankly filled with self pity).
@hellionthesagereborn yawn. Bored. You're still going round in circles.
@hellionthesagereborn over and over and over. You're still doing it. You're still making it about me, when it wasn't about me. Don't concern yourself with my life. Get lost. I'm done bothering with you.
@hellionthesagereborn even if I am depressed what has that got to do with you in any way shape or form? Nothing. None of your business. You've made this rant about that when it had nothing to do with that. You're a misogynistic, woman hating dirt bag but I didn't bring that up did I?
So I hate women now? How did you come to that conclusion? Is it because I disagreed with you? Or was it when I showed concern? It doesn't matter, your not going to address any of my points and your going in circles. So do you want this to get back on track or are you just going to continue to dodge the statements I made?
@hellionthesagereborn I've seen your comments all over the site too pal. Two can play at that game. You wanna bring old stuff up? Then I will too. Nah, I told you you carry on insulting me and we were done. That's what you chose to do.
That didn't happen but if that's what you want to do to avoid the topic so be it.
@hellionthesagereborn I didn't avoid the topic. You did.
There you go avoiding the topic again. I presented my statement then you started to deviate and take things out of context. But again, if you can't handle actually responding to my points that's fine, I understand.
@hellionthesagereborn you're the one who made every single comment an attack on my person. The debate lost all meaning the second you started doing that.
@hellionthesagereborn because you have to get the upper hand on the stupid little woman somehow right?
Never claimed you where stupid and never did any attack on you and your well aware of that. If anything, as I and yourself pointed out you initiated an attack on me and then I continued with the discussion at which point you took my words out of context and made it personal and whent off on a tangent I then showed concern (a big mistake on my part) and then you took that as another attack on you even though it clearly wasn't and now you continue to make claims that are not true. You are trying to ignore the initial discussion, that much is obvious but you are more then happy to continue this drama, why is that? You could very easily end it by staying on topic but you haven't and continue to do so, you want this to be a conversation about you, I didn't. So with that in mind you can feel free to either respond to my points or if you want talk about your problems but at least do one or the other instead of avoiding doing both. Its just not productive.
@hellionthesagereborn you're on my thread. Feel free to leave at any time. I never wanted it to be about me. You made it about me, over and over again. It's all there in black and white.
Yep, that's what happened, that's exactly how it happened, except for if you look back you where the one who made it about you, but what ever. Clearly your not going to actually address my points and your going to continue to make statements that are not true so there is no point in continuing this.
@hellionthesagereborn 😂 I never made it about me. You did.
@hellionthesagereborn and like I said. Feel free to get off MY thread!
As I said before, you are incorrect and everything you said is visible, you just need to read your comments. But again if that helps you sleep at night so be it.
@hellionthesagereborn think you need to read it again. Like where I pulled all the comments you made about
me into one. Oh but yeah you pretend that didn't happen.
Can you two just let it go and stop trying to get the last word in?
@admles it's my comment thread. I didn't come onto his and talk trash about him. He's free to leave or block me at any point.
Idiots getting married to prove a point or social status or financial benefits. If you get married for an reason asides from love then it's fucked. Being with somebody is hard work so if you don't love them as soon as it gets hard your gonna resent carrying their weight and your own. Most people don't know what love is these days though, theyre too shallow and facile. Hence marriage as an institution is doomed
Because people treat marriage as something to aspire to in itself. They wind up missing the point. Marriage is pointless. If your partner truly values you, there wouldn't be any need to legally bind yourself to them. If they dont value you, you shouldn't be married to them.
From my understanding it's actually higher its actually 53% and Belgium being the highest at 70%.
en.wikipedia.org/.../Divorce_demography
because people marry for looks and at young age. nobody should be getting married before they are 30...
Hmm. Seeing that most divorces are initiated by women, I would say because the woman romanticizes the idea of marriage, but when things get tough and stressful she wants to bail.
People have unreasonable expectations. They expect the "honeymoon period" to last forever. That's not possible. After a few years you'll find that your romantic feelings didn't last and you can either choose to tolerate the other person enough to continue the relationship, or just leave. No surprise then that a lot of people choose to leave and try to get the romance back with someone new. Or just be bitter and single for the rest of their life, which is better than being bitter and married.
Maybe send every single divorced couple a survey and ask them why? 😂
Money is one of the top reasons for divorce and the economy has been crap. I mean that is only ONE reason but I think it's probably one of the major ones.
It's a "partial story". If you stratify the cases you'll find that the older the married persons when they marry and more educated the are the less likely they'd divorce. Among other factors.
So a lot of it is actually youth and impulse along with poor basis. With the end of social forces encouraging prolonged marriage divorce amount these couples sky rocketed.
With dating sites and things like facebook... people get to know more people... have more options. I can't speak for the male side... But I've been 'friends' with girls that have openly spoke about being on dating sites while dating men (some of the relationships were 6+ months). This one girl had been chatting to this guy online and decided to break up with her boyfriend 2 days after she had decided to arrange a date.