They Will Not Date Their Own Race Because Of Self Hate

They Will Not Date Their Own Race Because Of Self Hate

The blending of different racial backgrounds together is a beautiful thing. I love seeing people find happiness in a "person" rather than finding it in a phenotype, they deliberately chose to seek out.
I always say, " love is blind ".
When love is true it sees no color, age, or gender. It holds no limitations or boundaries.
When it comes to love, it is accepting and non-discriminatory.
Can the same be said about those who are a certain race but refuse to date their own?

How can you say you have love to give, when you choose to neglect someone because they share the same phenotype as yourself?
Usually, the people who refuse to date their own hide behind the words "I have a preference".
Society has become so desensitized to those words, that they almost have no reaction when they hear someone say that. Those words have been said so much, that they have lost their effect of what they could really mean.
Although preferences hold true in some cases, how many of those people are using those words as a way to mask the deep self hatred they have for themselves?
Preferences only get looked at in a negative light, when someone refuses to allow those with interest through the front door because of their skin!
When someone utters the words "I have a preference" from their lips, usually no questions are asked afterwards.
The only thought one has is, "Okay, that person is probably really accepting but they have a type."
This is far from the truth!
That particular person chooses to date only outside of their race because they have a hate for themselves that roots beyond any eyes vision. How can you find "self" undesirable?
When I ask the person to elaborate on why they have a preference,
they announce a list of negative stigmas that is associated with their race.
They believe all of the vile behaviors of their race, and leave no room for anyone to prove them that they can be different.
Don't these people see?
They are blinding themselves by their own ignorance?
Despite someones color, everyone has different stripes that can only be revealed if given a chance.
Upon first impression, those stripes are concealed.
The person who refuses to date their own is so blinded to what they believe that they feel in their hearts, there is no different. If different exists it must be in another race. Why? because everyone of their own race wears the same stripes!

How is this attraction real? When it is not only based off of an appearance one finds more attractive, but the ignorance they believe their entire race is ?
I would say this attraction is heavily flawed.
I believe in allowing people to live their lives the way they find it suiting for them.
If my opinion is asked on this subject, I will be very direct in expressing what I think.
The words "I have a preference" in many cases is similar to make up because it is used to mask the truth of what IS.

You can hide yourself, and show a more acceptable face to the world, but not everyone will be fooled.


An overall summary:

Coming together with those who are racially different than yourself, is something that is supposed to blend us, and further allow us to mesh well together. When someone is solely seeking out different races from themselves because they hate their own identity, they are setting themselves back as a human-being. If they choose to mix races to pro-create their child may grow up with the same mentality that they have. They are doing more harm, and ignorance spreading, than good. They are opening the doors to allowing their significant other to think that a majority of their race is no good.
This contributes to the hate that is all around us in society.
Be proud of who you are!
If you date interracially do so because you love the beauty of all.
Not because you're masking yourself with heavy make up, and want to get away from the unattractive reality you feel presents itself to you.


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Stacyzee is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think racial preference is ok, as long its the 'I am gonna stick with what I'm familiar with' kinda preference. But then I've seen some people pick the prejudice with 'I'm gonna date my own race because we're racially superior.' Very thin line between preference and prejudice. I don't like being segregated as a creep just cause I'm an Indian. People always seem to point that out when they have nothing to go on.
    Its just ridiculous, dismissing my opinion because of my color. I'm not asking anyone for respect, but I see no reason why so much disrespect especially when I, me, have done nothing to earn it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I love how it says "love has no boundaries, not colour, age, or gender" but you know damn well that if a fifty year old is dating an eighteen year old it's fucked up.
    People are typically attracted to people that look like them, and *shocker* white people look like white people and black people look like black people. It's nature, not racism. Get over it.

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    • I've been with older men my whole life so my view is completely different than yours. Would a younger woman be better off with a guy her age who cheats on her vs. a man much older who may give her the world? It really comes down to the individual themselves, not a number they have no control over.
      Your comment to me, is far too ignorant. Your only resolution to this problem is "Get over it." Thank god you are not a person of authority, because if you were we could say Goodbye to the world because it would go to the gutter with you in control.
      You are the problem in this world.
      You are the ignorance I am mentioning.
      This article is about people with your mentality.

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    • Firstly, the exclamation points don't need a space after the sentence, also you seem incredibly frustrated and upset, therefore my work is done :)

    • Someone who begins a sentence with "Because" has no room to correct any one. You're not upsetting me , don't ever feel you have that power , in fact I am laughing at you. I haven't blocked you yet because you are offering hilarious entertainment. Keep going so I can have my belly hurt with more laughter for tonight !

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What Guys Said 24

  • good take.
    it is sad when people essentially disqualify any race from their potential dating pool based on generalizations about those people. it's at its core racism.

    there's definitely those who have legitimate preferences; however a lot of people say "i have preferences" when i reality they should be saying "I have racial prejudices"

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  • Wise words. I think the whole "mixed race" obsession with some girls is completely off putting and bizarre. I think people need to analyze the reasons behind their attractions more. People may be surprised at what they find.

    I hope when I'm ready to date that she's someone I can trust and see myself spending my life with eventually. I don't care what color wrapper she comes in 👍🏼

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  • A lot of women get bashed for being in an interracial relationship. People assume when a woman choose to exclusively date outside of her race because she hates her own race. You are just one of those cynical people. I'm mixed and a product of an interracial couple. I only date white women because I find blonde hair and blue eyes more attractive than kinky black hair and dark skin!

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    • I'm clapping so hard!!! I also think the woman who wrote this mytake is very cynical, bitter and angry.

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    • -Sigh- You guys are just buried with a lot of ignorance, hate, and stereotypes. I can't save you. The crap that comes out of your mouth is enough to make anyone think something is mentally wrong.

    • @amazon-boy I like how you decided to point out black women and say how much you don't like our hair and our dark skin, like out of every race. did you know lots of Brazilians are darkish? Peruvian women have kinkier hair... etc... You're honestly a piece of shit.. good luck to you sir

  • I don't feel any self-hate for not wanting to date my own women. In fact, I guess you could say I love myself too much to want to accept attitudes and behaviors that in them are rooted in self-hate. I do prefer women of other races, and it's because I can't tolerate the ways of my own women. I want to be happy, not miserable with someone I can't stand.

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    • Hey friend!
      Send this message to @thewanderingme who decided to gain hot panties over this and block me like the 2 year old that she is. "I'm ignorant? That would be you, since you refuse to date your own race because apparently you feel White men are far better. Before you accuse me of being the very things that you are, take a good look in the mirror. Before you do, wipe the words "In-denial" off of it."

      Thanks!

      Also, thank you for participating in this discussion without having to resort to such childish tactics. I truly HEARD and respect your message.

  • It will always be Ok to date a person of another race and even feel more attracted to a certain race, what's sad is when It's not done whit an open mind. For example the fact that I feel more attracted to white women's doesn't mean I am not going to date a woman of another race. We are all humans, race shouldn't matter, It's true that there will always be preferences but it shouldn't be confused whit discrimination.

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    • "What's sad is when it's not done with an open mind ". How can ones mind be open to dating other races besides their own? You don't see something alarming about that?

    • I was referring to that. People who exclude the possibility of dating someone from their own race are just as racist as those who only prefer to have a mono racial relationship.

    • Good point !

  • Very great take as usual...
    PREACH PREACH... PREACH.
    I personally dont give a fuck about it.
    Everyone hates me, I hate everyone.
    Rescently a black girl posted a question with pics of one black and one white girl asking who is more pretty. She asked only to white guys.
    When I asked her why only white guy's opinion matter, she told me " No one cares what Indian guys think".
    I was so hurt.

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    • Bro give me the link to her question

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    • Oh okay , I inferred that because you were compared to blacks and then asked if they have green eyes.
      I thought that was to compare them to urself.

      Well scratch that I guess , you look your race to me. Do people usually think u aren't?

    • No, they think I am indian, but they often ask me if I am a outsider. I am confused myself as what race I am.
      My ethnicity shows Indo - Aryan... and some dude said aryan means nomadic germans... so I have indian and german genes... My family have grey and greenish eyes. My mom have a distant Persian link.
      But Is there any german features in me?
      Have you seen germans and do they look different than other caucasian family?

  • I agree with a lot of what you said in that love is blind etc and it is the person who you fall in love with rather than what they are. While I am like a lot of people open to falling for anyone, I don't deny anyone the right to have a preference. There are people who will only date outside their group and there are those who will only date within their group. Maybe at a very subconscious level there is some bias going on but I think for most it is just having a type.

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  • Attraction comes with conditions. You have to be x or y or have a and b in order to attract. Love or "true love" will never happen without attraction. So indirectly, true love comes with conditions. these conditions are born from a persons life and what has happened to them. If a person was rejected by all his social network, he obviously won't like his own people, and his condition will be to avoid those people. I'm South African and not the biggest fan of South Africans. Some of us are awesome, but a lot of us are arrogant with "we are better than you" syndrome, and we rightfully have a bad rep around the world. I also prefer Australian and British women to South African women (plenty reasons there).

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  • For me it's a case of I belong here. I want a woman I belong with and kids that belong in this race. I don't want to make kids that are halfway in between. I've seen that with my mates boys and the way they were treated. They hate the way they look. They want to look like their white dad. They identify as white and feel like they don't come up to the mark like they've got a taint. If your going to live in a certain culture then you have to identify with that culture or feel forever inferior. Being mixed gave those boys extra baggage in this life they could have been doing without

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    • So you're saying you'd rather date your own because you feel like your offspring would have a harder life if they were biracial?

    • Exactly. They wouldn't in some places but in most they would. Remember you only learn empathy as an adult. Up till then your an abrasive, insensitive arsehole. That's guys and girls. Girls are worse if anything. Learning your worth in life is a gradual path. The path becomes tricky when your being picked on and alienated and that always happens. They pick on anything, especially if you dnt look like them. It destroys a person's life. I watched those boys come out of their shells in their teens and go right back into them a couple of years later. Now they just smoke weed and doss around all day doing nothing. Confidence is shattered

  • Ah, Damocles' sword. It looks good until you realize the weight of it all; in and of itself it is filled with accusations and assumptions that ignore real elements such as traumatic experience and suggest, fundamentally, that taking a group off the table due to disdain or general feelings of discontent is equivalent to some form of internalized failure.

    If only the world was this simple.

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  • I haven't ever met or heard of someone refusing to date someone of there own race until i had read this post.

    anyone else?

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    • Oh wow, you're living under a rock. I've heard it plenty of times. I will not date -insert race here- because I am not attracted to that type of people.
      I've even seen people here that are Indian and Asian ask a question if White women would date them, most voted no.
      We can choose to be in-denial and act like racial discrimination does not exist.
      But being in-denial is contributing to an ongoing problem.

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    • You do make good points. It may be raciest to close yourself off from dating a race, but that means you should also consider all other forms of eliminations as descrimination as well.

      Same sex, as mentioned above is an example.
      Another could be "I won't date someone who is morbidity obese," is discriminating towards someone's size.
      or "i won't date someone with down syndrome," is discriminating towards the handicapped.

    • And i have for certain seen and heard people saying they won't date (insert race), just never about thier own.

  • My own opinion is that dating preferences go out the window when you find someone you love as you won't be dating anyone else and your partner can't change their race.

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  • It's not the phenotype for most people but the culture that comes with it. It's not the end of the world if you make generalizations as long as you treat everyone the same on an individual basis. Everyone is different but it's easier to find a Japanese girl who likes Japanese culture then a white girl who does.

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  • I would only marry someone of my own culture.

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    • Different races can have the same culture. Do u mean marry someone of the same race?

    • I've never met someone of a different race that was in my culture

  • as long as we have eyes.. appearance matters. as long as appearance matters, we're going to have preferences.

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  • It's too big a GAP to say that a person's preference for another race is self hatred based. Maybe they REALLY like that race and it makes them EXTREMELY horny.

    It could be loving others instead about hating self.

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    • Excluding ones own race is about disliking self and of course loving others.

      Why else would someone say I would not date u because u are black like me or whatever race

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    • You're not addressing the fact that this person refuses to date their own

    • Listen, most guys, like me, are NOT racially, ethnically, culturally specific when it comes to girls. We like whether they are hot or not, and if they will accept our invitations. Apart from that, I don't care.
      Maybe some guy does, but most don't.

      I noticed that women are more racially biased than men, though.

  • I actual prefer interracial because i like to be a part of other cultures and experience it from my partner.

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  • It's probably an aesthetic choice.

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  • I am an arab who wants to bang only 'em ehite bishes

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  • I dislike seeing white women with black males because the statistics show she will be a single mom and me, the tax payer, will be footing the bill.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I rather like this. As a biracial person, I've always been open to dating any ethnicity, no preferences really, definitely no exclusions. When I hear my black friends say they prefer white guys I get confused, you are black, how can you decide not to date anyone that looks like look you. And when people decide to have kids with a different ethnicity for the child's looks (I know someone who did this) it's ridiculous, and it is self hate. It's like their phenotype wasn't good enough.

    We should all be happy with our ethnicity by the time it comes time to breed. And I hope children get enough uplifting to understand they are enough, no matter what shade they come in.

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  • true, i know a chinese girl who refuses to date Asians. why? because she is adopted and deems chinese guys inferior to American guys probably because she doesn't know any.
    i much rather date within my own culture and ethnicity, personal preference because intercultural relationships are doomed in general. interracial ones within similar cultures work just fine in places like the US but where i'm from, marrying other cultures just causes misunderstanding and rifts between the families involved.

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  • I've heard of this before, but it feels strange to think cultural self-hatred would be a prominent view. In my country, dating someone of a different race and/or religion is quite the taboo. I find myself more often attracted to guys of other races though, because Malaysian Chinese men are largely clean-shaven, and many of those I've met expect me to do all the housework. Or disrespect me for my looks. Or expect me to be as racist, xenophobic and Islamophobic as they are. None of that changes my pride for my language, culture and "phoenix eyes" though.

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  • This is common with my ethnic group. Many will date outside their race not only with the purpose of escaping poverty but hopefully have a kid devoid of the ethnic features that typically distinguish my ethnic group. They think this will "improve the race." Pretty sad.

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  • you can call it whatever you want. I've never dated a guy my own race simply because I'm not attracted to them sexually. not to say I find them unattractive, just the ones I do like, have similar interests with, get along with and befriend I pretty much always see as a brother. I've heard several others say the same. I don't feel at all bad, weird, or in any other way wrong for that. I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel/the guys I date. self hate has nothing to do with it. I take great pride in being a black American woman. (:

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    • on top of that, while I've only ever dated white guys, I have a certain "type" as far as looks and ideals that I like, so does that mean I also hate Asian, hispanic, Arab, and every other type of guy because I don't give them a chance either?

      I usually like your takes but this is complete nonsensically bullshit.

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    • not pissed. just disgusted with your ignorance.

      not everyone thinks like you. you're a bigot pretending to be liberal.

    • @thewanderingme Lol @Stacyzee says this:"I'm ignorant? That would be you, since you refuse to date your own race because apparently you feel White men are far better. Before you accuse me of being the very things that you are, take a good look in the mirror. Before you do, wipe the words "In-denial" off of it."

  • To be honest in my area I tend to be more attracted to other guys, that doesn't meant that it will automatically be the same everywhere else or that every single black guy is unnatractive because of it. I could care less if a black guy were to say that he doesn't date black girls, I only care when sterotypes and insults get thrown in. I feel the same about any other race since this is more trivial to me than "I refuse to talk or befriend this race" or "this race should be genocided" etc. Yes there are people who do this over bad experiences and generalizations but there are other people who do this over apperance, there's a reason why we can generally tell who is what race which is because of facial features. That's the only situation in where I dont get as offended, its their buisness and not mine.

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  • I am bi-racial (afro-latina and white) and I mostly have been involved with an am currently married to a white man. I was raised being around both sides of my family so I am just as used to white people as black/latin people. I do not consider myself black or white or anything for that matter, I just am. In order for me to date someone my own race I would have to do quite a bit of searching. When I was single I dated who I got on with, had similar interests etc. I tried dating black men when I lived in America because everyone said you are black here. Very few approached me and when they did and we went out I frequently encountered these various scenario's.
    1. Black men would insist I consider myself all black and get mad because I acknowledged all the different parts of my heritage.
    2. Black men would wax poetic about how I had long straight/way hair, slanted eyes, or some other "exotic non black" feature while putting down other black women, what a turn off.
    3. They would get mad because I had "white people" hobbies, career or education or would initially seem cool with my hobbies/lieftsyle but refuse to participate.
    4. They would have similar interests/education/life experiences but want to date non black girls and would always say I was exempt because I was mixed. Again, what a turn off.

    So from post college onward I shifted to dating whomever I liked that like me back without any weird hangups... that mostly ended up being Scandinavian white men , 3+ generation Asian-Americans/Europeans and other mixed people. Sometimes you are simply forced out of dating people that are ethnically similar to you.

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  • I think there are subconscious fetishes that different people have of different races that have developed over time. This causes that person to see someone of that colour and automatically approve of them. This probably isn't always the case but I just believe racial preferences are so limiting..
    This guy says it better:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2PJ6N9-PsAk

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  • so are you referring to those men and women who have a fetish or really want biracial children because " they are superior in looks". because the people who fetishsize biracial children irk me.

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  • Yeah seems kind of weird that someone would have a problem with this

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  • I personally prefer people that aren't the same race as me. I just don't find them attractive.

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  • I'm a black girl... I only like white boys
    . Does it mean I hate black people? No, it means I don't find black males physically attractive. Sad but true. I can't help it.

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