On the Eighth Day, God Created the Bro Code

Article I. The Golden Rules

a. On death or injury, clear a bro's search history.

b. If you're lifting with your bro and he has a heart attack, call 911 and add more weights to the bar.

c. If a bro locks eyes with another bro in public and knows the bro, then a head nod upwards is required from both. If two bros lock eyes but do not know each other, it's a downwards nod.

Article II. In Regards to Actions Around Potential Mates

a. You can give a bro as much shit as you want unless a bro is with a girl.

b. Don't date a bro's ex.

c. A bro will never ever get with a bro’s biological mother or sister. Stepsisters and stepmothers are fair game. This article is subject to the All's Fair Clause.

d. Don't throw another bro under a bus to get a girl unless he says you can.

e. Following Article II Subsection D, if a bro asks you if he can throw you under the bus, you bet your ass you're jumping under that goddamn bus.

Article III. Proper Etiquette

a. If a bro’s girlfriend calls you and asks about a bros actions the previous night, (I.e. the bro claimed to be sleeping at a friend’s house) you will always claim that yes he was there and you may even claim he is still there. Studies show that 8 out of 10 bros will do this without thinking. The other 2 bros claimed he was still with them but unavailable to talk.

b. No nut shots, ever.

c. When in a bathroom, use every other urinal

d.If he's bullshitting to impress a woman you back up his that bullshit to the letter.

e. A bro will never give detail when describing a sexual encounter. Doing so will force your bro to imagine you naked and this is unforgivable. (The most that can be said is "I banged" in which said bro will a receive a "Niceeeee" followed by a fist bump.)

Article IV. Miscellaneous Bro Codes

a. Bro-mance is allowed but only among your tightest bros. Should a girl comment negatively upon the bro-mance, kindly explain to her that she will never know love from a man such as you and your bros share. And let her know what a privilege it is to be a mere witness to your glory.

b. The only time that cockblocking is condoned by the bro code is when the designated cockblocker has viable reasons to stop a bro from hooking up with a girl.

c. The bro who owns the console is ALWAYS player 1.

d. Dibs will be honored fiercely. In terms of who gets the girl(in the case of both bros meeting her at the same time), last slice of pizza or last bottle of beer.


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What Girls Said 10

  • 3mo

    "A bro will never ever get with a bro’sbiological mother or sister" why not?

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    • 3mo

      Respect, thats why.

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    • 3mo

      @Major_Vybz you can't just date your bros sister. you have to marry her.

    • 3mo

      @dudeman hahaha 100% True

  • 3mo

    esoteric

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  • 3mo

    ಠ_ಠ At long last, SOME CLARITY! TEACH ME YOUR BRO WAYS OH WISE ONE. How can I an Outsider to the bro's code, be considered a cool girlfriend to my boyfriend's friends? What steps can be taken to do this? So far I considered buying pizza for everyone for guy's night while properly going out on a girl's night. And two: can a girl be considered a bro for this bro code or is it forbidden/exclusive? (I am totally saving this by the way, this is so interesting. Why is there not more content like this? So refreshing! ^-^)

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    • 3mo

      Lol thanks!
      Hmm I'd say under certain circumstances it's possible for the girl to be a bro but it's typically more gender exclusive lol because most of those rules wouldn't apply to you :P For example you couldn't be a wingman because if you're near your friend you're already making him seem taken since you're a girl xD

      You don't have to do too much to be considered a cool girlfriend lol the pizza is a great idea and if they're playing video games, hang out with them and play too (Unless you're really really bad haha)

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    • 3mo

      Haha that would be funny but I don't know if anyone would believe it :P
      I guess the best way for you to help is if the girl he wants to talk to is there with another friend... you could distract the friend while he makes his move :D

      Haha someone's got to lose in the games anyway lol so go for it! Besides if he's friends are chill they'll just teach you (and of course make fun of you every time you mess up) xD

    • 3mo

      Awesome! I know some great party tricks *hahadeadlie*

      Oh oh that's wonderful? Who needs self esteeem~? fuqit! Well ya know wat? I tried! Also what's that? *throws their controller out the window* omg what happened?

      As you can see I don't take losing well. when challenge is accepted? Challenge. Is. Accepted in this bitch

  • 3mo

    Most of this is intimately familiar to me -- I have 4 brothers who are all very much good-ol'-boys.

    But...
    "A bro should not speak more than two languages"?
    The fuck?

    Also, "bros" tan all the time, when there's sunshine. Just about everyone looks better with a tan. So that one's bullshit too, unless it's specifically referring to tanning beds (which fitness bros still use, before shows and such).

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    • 3mo

      Someone mentioned this in the guy's section, I didn't add the picture.
      One of the admins who edited my Take put it there. The only thing that matters are my written words.

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    • 3mo

      It's not that often but there's always that one guy lol
      Other day I'm at work, get to urinal.. start my process and this guy comes in shouts my name, gets the stall next to me and asks me about my day haha

  • 3mo

    I always admired guys loyalty to one another its something I rarely see in women friends most of whom will gossip about your inner most secrets if you if confide them.

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  • 3mo

    Ahhh this is golden! Article IV, Subsection A is awesome xD

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    • 3mo

      Haha we take bromances very seriously! :P

  • 3mo

    Awesome Take. For some reason I just love and admire bromances and straight guy's friendships much more than girls'. I guess because they are more open and honest!

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  • 3mo

    Lol these are funny😄

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  • 3mo

    My sis before this
    Lol jk #brosbeforehoes. epic take

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  • 3mo

    Well the bro code sucks

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What Guys Said 22

  • 3mo

    The last point though is not what I've always followed.
    Dibs go to whomever had the longest dry spell first.

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    • 3mo

      Lol really? I haven't heard of that one

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    • 3mo

      Yay They eat Food! :^D

      er... well I wish we didn't have those either, less of people like me getting killed eheh heh... woo (pleaseletmeimmigratetoyourcountryplease?)

    • 3mo

      @TokyoGhoulLover I feel like I should write a myTake on why some people are obsessed with Canada.

  • 1mo

    I love this XD Barney Stinson would be proud ;)
    www.unbelievable-facts.com/.../...tvelxmo1_500.gif

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  • 3mo

    This Post Is AIDS worthy...

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  • 3mo

    Hoes before bros unless u like deek

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  • 3mo

    Never heard of most of this stuff. It's interesting to see.

    The last image seems a little ridiculous, though.

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  • 3mo

    Glad to know i always honoured the bro code. But nit entirely barneys eztreme rulez. I kniw more than 2 languages 😢

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  • 3mo

    If more guys lived by the bro code the world would be a better place.

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  • 3mo

    I don't think there is a true " bro code " , it's everyone for themselves nowadays. Girls / women have far stronger & closer friendships with each other , than ( straight ) men ever will.

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    • 3mo

      False. Women act like they do, they talk behind each other's backs, are competitive, seek drama constantly. So no, guys have better relationships with each other, sorry if you never managed to find one.

    • 3mo

      not true the only true love that exist is between two straight men.

  • 3mo

    Hahah, 3e is priceless looool.

    This is a very good book, it has much more rules than that though. Did you read all the rules?

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    • 3mo

      I didn't even know there was a book haha

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    • 3mo

      Oh man now I know haha can't do updates since it's a myTake lol
      maybe I'll make include new articles in another take xD

    • 3mo

      I can send you the whole PDF, if you can't find it online.. it provides a good hour of entertainment xD

  • 3mo

    Nice... I liked it.

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  • 3mo

    I needed a good laugh. thanks!

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    • 3mo

      Lol some people are taking it too serious xD

    • 3mo

      right? lol I mean don't get me wrong, some of them are kinda legit BUT most are satirical lol

  • 3mo

    i suggest naming it
    the god damn man code for life , sex and stuff
    ps we put monica belluci nude pic on the cover

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  • 3mo

    dude that was perfect. harvard should grant you and honorary phd for this shit. i called dibs on a chick once but i danced with her friend so she didn't feel left out. then when i turn around my buddy is getting her number. so i fucked his sister. were no longer bros.

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  • 3mo

    Failure to follow Article III, Section C, should be punishable by law. I had a man stare at my genitals the entire time I was using a urinal once and I had never been so disgusted.

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  • 3mo

    What.

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  • 3mo

    The bro code sucks.

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  • 3mo

    www.gifbin.com/.../...006444_beating-up-a-pole.gif

    This is the most retarded and funniest bro code I've ever seen lol

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    • 3mo

      if one bro gets a beating, all bros must get a beating :D

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    • 3mo

      @MrShinyPants Really? They actually said it in person that it wasn't staged?

    • 3mo

      @JudgmentDay dont know them in person, you know how the internet is, can't believe everything on it, but he does claim it wasn't staged so i dont know

  • 3mo

    This bro code is nonsense. Most men think with their penis and that means loyalty, respect, decency and "the bro code" go out of the window when it comes to scoring some women. Men preach about the bro code when it's convenient to them and when it's not they'll toss it aside as they bang their best friend's ex or current woman.

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    • 3mo

      Yup, the bro code is only as honorable as the one who upholds it, if they have no honor nor respect for their friend its a shame code

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    • 3mo

      There are soke devout followers, im one of them.

    • 3mo

      Unfortunately true... Had a friend keep calling me "bro" because he was too stupid to figure out I knew what he was doing...

  • 3mo

    Great take. Bros before hoes. Unless the bro is more of a hoe than a bro.

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