Social anxiety. It's the thing that keeps you from talking to that cool person you saw over there or the cute guy/girl from class. Even if you do work up the courage to go and introduce yourself, there's your new nightmare: how the f**k do you keep a decent conversation going?
Here are a few tips on how to make somewhat interesting conversation at any time, tried and tested by a fellow socially anxious person.
1. Find out the "key" things about that person.
Try to think about your conversational partner as someone you want to make a profile of. What's their name? How old are they? What's their work/major/favorite subject? Every person feels flattered if someone seems truly interested in them and they'll start talking.
However, take this one with a grain of salt: you shouldn't ask really personal questions too early or behave like you're in an interrogation. The other person is going to be uncomfortable and try to get away from the conversation.
2. Listen and remember small details.
Proper listening gives you two huge advantages: firstly, it's a sign of expressing genuine interest. Your conversational partner will feel appreciated and will remember you in a positive way, without you having said more than two or three sentences. Secondly, it can give you clues about follow up topics. Whether they mention a project they're working on or a band they're into, these are the things that make it easy for you. All you need to do is to get them on the right track and the conversation is rolling without you screaming in panic.
3. Come prepared.
Listen, I know I'm not cool or interesting enough to come up with topics in no time and if you feel the same way, I got a little tip for you: find out what kind of environment/crowd you're going to be in and prepare some interesting bits of information or gossip accordingly. That might be checking the charts, social media, a science journal or simply watching the news, depending on where you're going to be. Whenever the conversation seems to come to an unintended halt, all you have to do is add what you prepared (think something among the lines of "have you heard about that?"). There you go, being all professional, making good conversation.
4. Don't be afraid to share information about yourself.
That other person is looking for conversational clues as well. By sharing some things about yourself, you give them something to work with, so you don't have to do all the work alone, which is what you want when you're socially anxious.
And don't beat yourself up about over sharing: everybody has those moments they still cringe about, even people who seem to be making conversation effortlessly.
5. Watch your body language.
You don't have to make intense eye contact all the time, rest assured. You don't have to make any physical contact either, if that's not what you're comfortable with. However, do make an effort to turn your body to that person and try to smile from time to time. If you don't manage to work up a convincing smile, that's okay, you don't have to, but positioning yourself in your conversational partner's direction does miracles for you. Again, it's all about showing that you're interested.
6. Don't blame yourself when it's not working the way it should.
There may be times when all these topics you prepared, all these clues you used, all these questions you asked aren't going to work. Your first instinct may be thinking that you are a failure and you shouldn't have started that conversation but remember: making conversation takes two people after all. When you meet a person who isn't willing to have a conversation right now, or just someone who happens to be bad at conversation, that's not your fault. The most charismatic person in the universe could be standing right in front of them and they probably still wouldn't want to talk.
And lastly...
7. Practice makes perfect.
Do these things work for me? Yes, absolutely, which is why I'm sharing them. Still, I have to be honest and remind you that my social anxiety didn't just vanish into nirvana, making conversation is still incredibly stressful for me. But with every conversation I'm having, these things come more easily to me and they will be easier for you too, as long as you keep practicing! Baby steps is the way to go.
I hope you enjoyed that Take and found any of these things helpful to feel more confident and secure while making conversation. Happy conversing! :)
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
My problem is I can't discuss simplistic things... the weather, favorite music, favorite food, etc.
I try to instead use those things as stepping stones to allow that person to express something interesting. For example, instead of "what's your favorite music" I instead ask "what's the last concert you attended?" This is simply a throwaway setup question for the next one "anything crazy or interesting happen?" Ahhh NOW I have conversation I can sink my teeth into, assuming she has something to tell.
The key is to... Always listen first with interest towards that individual , then ask according to thier message
I agree