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Why does my husband of 53 look at pictures of girls 18-22 years old on the internet? (Page 2)
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A lot of guys including myself love that age - To me its just something that is hard to describe -
If you get pictures of girls of all ages and love at them side by side , girls in the age bracket that you are talking about just have this look, this glow, this look or feel of innocence in their eyes and their smile -
I'm not sure if it's something that woman can see themselves ya know, I am pretty sure a woman would not see the same thing a man sees -
Hard to describe like I said but I tired -
Well the short answer is: because women are complicated and we sometimes need sex-on-demand. Also there's always someone hotter than you.
I can already see the answer of women pretending to give all the sex their guy wants. My girlfriend said that once too. But if I masturbate to some porn online I don't have to listen to an argument about me not taking the time to turn her on, wanting too much "quickies" or crap like that.
What's the usual 2nd argument? Oh right, too much masturbation will make us less willing to go out and please you in the bed. That argument is valid, but is it actually an issue for you?
Also I'm with the other guys, all guys masturbate. The ones who don't are liar and haven't been caught - they probably are masturbating to something that could get them in jail too.
Also, sorry to be blunt. But you are 55, good looks doesn't last forever. His porn is what is saving your marriage, if you yell at him and start a big argument every time you catch him he's going to leave eventually because what he is getting from your marriage his love. What he used to get when you two were younger was an hot girlfriend and love. If you withdraw your love he's not getting anything anymore.
--------------------------- Haters comments start here ----------------------- ;)
You have no idea what this woman looks like.there is no way porn can possibly be saving a marriage.if they have been together this long he isn't going to leave her over one thing they argue about that honestly bothers her.there is way more to relationships than a hot girlfriend and love.she cannot withdraw love... its love. and that last 2 sentences make you sound like a total user and if you really believe that its a dam shame because you will never truly experience love.
I'm a girl and I watch porn as much as or more than any guy does, even more. But I understand being threatened by it. It can be addictive, and it can damage a relationship when used in excess. I've never understood why guys lie about it so much - what has hurt me was not the porn itself, but realizing I was honest about my porn habits no matter how crazy they were - and find finding out my guy didn't give me the same honesty about it and began using so much he eventually replaced me.
When you grow to be a certain age, men tend to forget what it was like to be young. You live your years of fresh skin, nice hair, in-styled clothes, and boyfriends. And you live your years of wrinkles, gray hair, sweat-pants, and marriage. You have to remember the times when you were younger - If you don't have children, it's even harder to. Your husband needs some sort of image to go back to his childhood, or early adulthood, just to comfort himself that he isn't becoming too old! Around your age, you tend to forget those things. He is still faithful to you, don't think he's not. He just needs remembrance of the early bloomers & if you want my advice - Invite your children or grandchildren (if any) over at your house for a weekend, or go out with the family more often. It will keep his mind off of what he's missing, and he'll focus more on what his age group should be doing.
It is entirely natural to be attracted to women in the late teens to mid twenties, no matter what age the man is. They are symbols of youth and fertility. It is simply adaptive.
That said, he may also be feeling his age. He may be longing for the days of his youth. It is impossible to tell without addressing him personally. This may be related to his own feelings of lost time and age, and he may appreciate talking about it. It may also be that he just likes to look at attractive young females, in which case he is just like pretty much every other guy out there.
I know of many older women who do this as well.
I would try not to take offense to it, but if it bothers you that much, just ask him about it.
That's what guys do. They don't realize the impact it has on us women though. I struggle with it myself. I don't feel pretty enough or sexy enough. I still don't know how to deal with it. I just know that my boyfriend is going to do it no matter what. It has brought my self esteem to extreme low. It eats at me like a cancer. When I asked him about it, he just says that all guys do it because they enjoy looking at all kinds of beautiful women and that it don't reflect any way on me. I am honestly sick of it. However, if you love him and all he is doing is looking and he isn't and hasn't cheated on you, hang in there. Try talking to him and express the way you feel. If he is open-minded he will be mature about it and reassure you.
If you need reassurence then somethings wrong with you not him, open up your mind and realise you do the same thing just don't tell anyone. Woops, that makes you my equal doesn't it?
Obviously he is visually stimulated. Have you ever thought of doing a Boudoir photo shoot for him? I am a photographer and I recently did one for a client in her late 50s. She was having the same issues as you. we did tons of photos, different lingerie, bedroom shots, some fun outdoors shots, bikini shots andything that might turn him on. I put together a calendar for him, one photo per month, and we also did a book, 28 pages of awesome sexy photos from completely covered cute shots to completely nude with a feather boa on shots.
Of course I photoshoped out some wrinkle and made her sexier. She said since she gave it to him he has stopped looking for pics on the internet, he even told me thanks for doing it! It was done tastefully and it gives him Visual stimulation of His WIFE! Consider it!
As an older guy I understand the fear of growing old and realizing your attractiveness to the opposite sex is becoming more and more limited. From a visual stand point men are more subject to stimulation by what we see than women so it is not something we could explain in a sense you might understand. It is like explaining what something looks like to a blind person.
Many of us "older" guys often imagine these women are looking at us as attractive and available men they would be interested in. I know it is not "rational" but these thoughts help us forget our advancing years and the distance it places between what we once were and where we are going.
As long as he loves you and is not actually cheating let him have his little fantasies...they may even help in your bedroom!
It is not cheating..it is more a form of looking back at a time that has passed us by.
What I am about to say is not indeded to sound mean, but I will be honest.
1. It doesn't matter how good of shape you are in. No 55 year old is going to have that hard body of a 20 year old. Period.
2. He has been having sex with the same girl, same routine for years. It gets boring. This is his way of making sexual experiences exciting.
3. He is fullfilling fantasy. He doesn't have to buy porn dinner or listen to it complain, etc. All he has to do is click, watch, get off and then that "girl" is gone. Also available whenever he wants.
4. Perfectly natural. Porn is fantasy. I never understood why girls are so threatened by this. He is not looking to replace you or is unhappy with you. He just wants something new and exciting that won't tell his penis "I have a headache"
5. If you are really worried, watch porn with him. Or do things to him while he watches porn. That way all his fantasies include you.
Well, first off...what do you THINK he thinks about when he looks at those pictures?
Obviously, the problem here isn't you at all.
He is probably looking at these younger women out of appreciation, or out of his longing towards his youth. Could be many reasons. It's not really that big of a deal, I don't think.
But the way you can gain SOME control over the situation is by dragging his attention AWAY from those girls and towards you. If he is craving younger women, he is probably craving youth and adventure. What you should do is surprise him! Show him a confident, sexy, and youthful side of you! Best way to do that is to try something you've never tried before! That doesn't necessarily refer to sex...but sex is good too! :D Suggest something unexpected. It's not only going to make HIM feel good, but it's going to make you feel very youthful again too!
If you are secure...you could talk about what it might be like if another girl were there. she doesn't actually have to be there....but it could excite him a lot and you might be surprised to find yourself excited yoo.
Maybe this will enlighten you. I'm 25, I dated a guy who was 57. You would think I'd do it for him? No way. Men are insatiable. Please check out my question on dating a sex addict.
Of course I'm not suggesting your husband is a sex addict. He's not. He's with you. He loves you so that's why he's staying with you. But he has needs and he's satisfying his needs via Internet porn, rather than soliciting real women.
Don't compare yourself to young pornstars, yet don't delude yourself and think a 55 yo body is the same as a 20 yo body. Even I feel different at 25 than 18!
Don't yell at your husband. Just suggest he do it out of your sight. Then try to spice up your bedroom life. Good luck and god bless.
Quite honestly let your feminine insecurities go. He is just looking. For some men it's a way of trying to recapture their youth. For others it's just admiring the beauty of an attractive young woman. Remember too, when WE were that age there was not the proliferation of porn that there is today and if you believe in nature then you HAVE to know that men are visual creatures.
It's all nature dearie and you cannot change nature. You just live within it and he's still married and dedicated to you right? I'd say he's living WITH nature as best as any man can!
Even more opinions here about a tough subject...Older men sometimes marry younger women and vice versa...for obvious reasons...They are simply younger, firmer, sexier etc etc. I think we as humans want to deny lost youth...being 20years old again and it is hard to let go of that...As we get older, we lose many things that we had as very young people. I certainly would not lose any sleep over it, and I don't thnk your marriage is in jeopardy because of it...I may be wrong here ...but then again I am only offering editorial opinion ...like everyone else.
Hang in there and ignore it if possible.
he is a guy... that's just what happens. Its not that he loves you any less, but men have a lot of trestosterone even when they are older, and that's a way of releasing it. when you stop having intercourse that when it becomes a problem. Some of my friends and I were talking about this the other day... and this also is in reply to all the other that have commented before myself... the difference between a beautiful woman and young girls is simply... older women are beautiful, elegant, classy, and more distiguished, whereas younger girls are "sexy, hot" almost slutty if you will... and it has nothing to do what he is attracted to or what he wants you to be, its just that they are young, crazy, indistinguished and that's what is advertised in magazines.
Men are visual and porn gives temporary visual stimulation to allow one to please themselves.When he looks,he is looking for temporary gratification.Regardless of his age,regardless of your age,regardless of the age of the girls,it has nothing to do with YOU,how he feels about you,your relationship or his love or respect for you.Whether male or female,it's natural to look at something attractive,and men as women,will continue to do so.And no matter how in love a guy is with his wife,how sexy/hot his wife is and how much he loves and respects her,there will always be attractive girls around.Does that mean he'll look?Most likely he will look.Does that mean he'll touch?No.Don't feel bad about it,those other women don't compare to wifey
try and not let it get to you so much. Guys are visual big time and even though we may be married or have a girlfriend we still enjoy looking at other women. It doesn't mean that we don't love you or care about you. It may be a fantasy that kick starts the viewing of younger women. Me personally I have always enjoyed looking at older women, but still look at younger ones as well. My preference is matur women however. Then I've always had a fantasy since I was 15 to have sex with my friends mom who's 20 years older than me. Even today I still have that fantasy. Men are creatures of "eye candy" and I'm sure even YOU get glaces from younger guys that you may not catch ;)
IMO He wants to f*** the young hot chicks. Whadayouthink? Now he may not act on that impulse even if presented with the opportunity (although I wouldn't bet on it) but its in his nature to be attracted to these babymakers (in a primative sense).
Now if some charismatic hunk of a man came by to do your plumbing while your husband was away would you even have the passing thought of getting boned by him?
Women are just as attracted to power and security as men are to beauty and sex. In todays era power and security can mean a guy with a beautiful physique but it also can mean a dominating presence, money, charisma, career success as well.
Don't be a hypocrit. Your husband is with you because he wants to be. He looks at porn because he wants to. If he would rather look at porn than look at you then well there is aproblem for your relationship but as long as he's giving you the attention you need and not lying to you then what's the problem?
"Women are just as attracted to power and security as men are to beauty and sex" exactly!
I know if I was your husband I would try everything to not look at porn in front of you.
Guys are genetically predisposed to have sexual stimulation. It's what keeps the population growing. But I would never look at porn right in front of the girl I love. I would do it in private. And I'll be damned if girls don't masturbate or look at porn on their own. We all do it. We and dolphins are the only species to have sex for pleasure and there is no shame in that.
There is shame when doing it right in front of someone who finds displeasure in it.
Pigs do too.
Wait till you're past that girl stage. You'll understand.
I'm 21 years old and older men are always looking at me. It makes me quite uncomfortable because their old enough to be my father. It upsets me also because I know one day my husband will be looking at girls who are much younger than I am. In no way do I think this means he actaully wants to be with a younger girl, its just the look the younger girl has. I watched a documentary one time and it discussed how men will tend to look at younger girls because they are the most fertile and appealing. Unlike women, men can produce children at any age, and because of that they continue to have that drive to look at girls who would be the best match to carry on their genes(and those girls are usually young since they can produce easier). I don't think men can really help themselves. As long as your pretty in shape, you have nothing to worry about, he loves you, not them. One day all these young girls he is looking at will have their husbands looking at young girls to, the cycle never stops!
So your telling me you don't look at other men? That sounds liek bullsh*t to me, odd how you can be so one sided :\
I'm 21 of course I look at guys, but I'm not looking at guys who are old enough to be my father, I don't find that attractive
we wives are enjoying younger men too::)
I'm thinking he missed his chance to mess around with young women when he was young and now he feels the yearning. Or it could just be that he's reminiscing about his youth.
As to your second question, he's probably thinking about sex when he looks.
I'm so sick and tired of hearing guys defending themselves with "all guys watch porn, that's just the way it is". Well f***ing do something about it then. I have the same problems with my husband and it's always the same story, it's just something men do. But if we have to learn to live with it, why can't men try to live without it? If it's "just porn", it's not a big deal, nothing to get upset about then it shouldn't be hard to just stay away from it.
But it's something they've been doin since they were young and you're husband will most likely not stop looking at younger girls.
Do what I did, I let my husband know that with his stupid "habbit" comes consequences and not to expect me to treat him respectfully when he's being so disrespectful to me. Don't be afraid of letting him know he's a f***ing d***head when he is from time to time.
I trust my husband with my life, but when it comes to this I have no trust in him what so ever and I make sure he knows it.
Good luck
It's ludicrous to suggest that if someone is doing something they should be equally willing to refrain from doing it. On your failure to see a difference between the two.. I'm not sure if I should laugh at you, or pity you. Men and women are different, surely you can understand that there are going to be things they disagree on. As long as it isn't coming between you -- for example, he prefers porn over you -- there shouldn't be a problem. Get over it.
Apply the same logic to any "habit" you may have, and I'm sure you'll be MORE than willing to defend your own actions. What happens when your SO grows tired of your shopping, despite the fact that you spend your own money? Surely, if talking to friends is no big deal, you shouldn't get too upset if you have to stop. xD By itself, porn is harmless. Just like makeup. If you use makeup to attract another guy, or he uses porn/internet to find dates, only then does it become a problem.
Warren's got it right.
We look at porn because it's just one click away literally and its awesome duh
No it is not, because in relationships you have to be able to compromise, give and take. If you don't treat people with respect u're not gonna get any back either, it's quite simple actually. Same goes at work, in school, with friends and family.
I 'm very well aware of the differences between men and women. How can you claim porn is harmless when it is obviously hurting ppl? That's what you don't get or maybe you simply don't care.
Maybe the problem is with our society who says it is wrong to do it, if EVERYONE uses the same excuse, it might be a valid one. Porn does not threaten you, if you are secure in your marriage and relationship. Open your mind to allowing your husband the visual stimuli that his mind needs and don't worry about it so much. Your needs are different than his, he should not expect you to change to adapt to his way of thinking.
Good Luck, James
Okey - find your young females and stop training them to shake their asses and look for sex and pose nude...you start defending because girls do it for money and some just like being looked at. IT takes 2 people to tangle my friend, you have a lot to learn still if you this one sided. Let him look, let him masterbate, I don't see you doing much more than saying "please me and then prepare to be shreded by my bullsh*t additude." You need to grow up, everything is a male and females fault together
I can actually see your point, but I simply can't agree. It's always a mistake to expect your partner to change, especially once you're married. If you didn't complain about it when you first started dating, then it's FAR too late to expect him to change now.
We can only change ourselves.
If you can't change to accept his silly "personal time" then you should marry someone else.
Hugs?