The three kinds of love - A guide to knowing your own relationships

[Jrud10]

"I love you"... It's not really a difficult thing to say, but it's really difficult to understand its meaning. Think about a significant other that you loved in the past, love now, or will love in the future (if you've not been in a relationship).

What do you love about that person? Do you love the way they treat you? Do you love their personality? Do you love the sound of their voice? Do you love the way they look? Or do you just love them, and can't explain why?

I've tried to disect it, study it, and learn what exactly makes one person's heart beat for another. I've studdied religeous text, I've interviewed people in happy relationships, and I've spent many, many hours searching my own mind and soul for the answer to the question: What is love?

Well, I finally decided on an answer that works for me, and now I'm here to share it. The components of love for one's significant other are a sum of three parts: Love of the body, Love of the mind, and Love of the soul.

Love of the body

When you first meet someone, all you know about that person is their physical state. What they smell like, the sound of their voice, the clothes they are wearing, their height, weight, social class, etc...

These physical things form an initial attraction to someone. These things last a while, but eventually fade with time. A love of the body is a good place to start a relationship, but not a good thing to dwell on. If the only thing you like about your partner is the way they have rippling abbs, and can have sex for hours on end, your relationship isn't going to last long.

On the other hand, loving a person's physical body is still important to a relationship, and not unhealthy by any streatch of the immagination. It helps to put your partner's insecurities to rest, and can strengthen the bond between you.

Love of the mind

Love of the mind is the most comonly used form of the words "I love you". Loving someone's mind means loving the way they treat you, loving the way they think, or loving how they walk. Your significant other could choose to act any way they wanted, but they chose to be that way, and you love that.

When you love someone for their mind, the two of you will be very in sync. You'll have similar tastes, and similar dislikes. You'll enjoy spending time together, and you can certainly base a long, happy relationship off of this kind of love.

However, don't be decieved. Not as easily or surely as appearance, but still, just as common, things like personality traits, tastes, and mental capacity will change with time as well. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but everyone goes through personality changes at some point in their lives.

Still, it's not a bad thing to base a relationship on. Many couples go their whole lives without making it past love of mind, and love of body. Neither of them change in a bad way, and they live happily ever after. But there is a third level, and this is where it really gets interesting.

Love of the soul

The final form of love that I discovered is the love of the soul. When you love someone's soul, you love them unconditionally. It's not based on something artificial that may fade over time. No matter how your partner changes, you will always love them.

This is no doubt the most fanatical kind of love. They could do anything to you, and you would forgive them. You would gladly do literally anything for them, and you will put your own needs and desires aside to make them happy in any way you can.

This kind of love is formed by a concious decision, and will cause you to love your significant other's mind, and body, no matter what the state.

For me (and all other Christians) this kind of love is achieved by first, accepting God's unconditional, and unending love for ourselves, and then giving that love to others.

I want to be able to give advice on how people without religion can still achieve this level, and how people from other faiths can achieve this level through their religeons, but I'm drawing a blank as to how to get there for them. I'm hoping for some oppinions from the GAG audience on this.

[YourFutureEx]

Is 'love of the mind' the love of the personality?

Plus, "For me (and all other Christians) this kind of love is achieved by first, accepting God's unconditional, and unending love for ourselves, and then giving that love to others."
What about atheists, agnostics and even the people who follow other religion?

[Jrud10]

Yes, love of the mind is largely love of the personality, basically how they choose to behave.

For atheists, agnostics, and other religions, I believe that the love of the soul still exists of course, but I am not sure how you go about achieving it outside of Christianity. I was hoping the GAG audience might have a few ideas. Do you have one?

[YourFutureEx]

I think the proper definition of love should not be dependent on religion. If two lovers didn't unite because of religion then it's their destiny, love was same in that context too, the difference was just circumstances.

"accepting God's unconditional" just mean loving the other being in sanguine or pragmatic way while an atheist would do the same just he/she won't use the word 'god'.
:-)

[Jrud10]

Very true. There are couples out there who are not christian that love each other's souls in this way, but I do not possess that perspective, so I have a hard time understanding how others achieve it. I tried to keep my personal religion out of the post as much as possible by only writing a small paragraph about it, and didn't try to make it part of my definition.

So you're saying that Atheists can achieve a love of the soul just simply by deciding to do it? and they don't require the example of a god who does it for them first?

[YourFutureEx]

Yes. The acceptance of god part is absent in their life.

I liked it that you kept the content only under your knowledge and understanding. I appreciate it :)

[RationalLioness]

Of course. I thought this was common knowledge. Though some people won't ever be able to achieve anything beyond the first and others the second.

[1GuyOpinion]

I think unconditional love is freaking stupid. You would do anything for them? They can do anything to you and you still love em? Even if they completely change? This is one of the reason abusive relationship still exist. It is completely irrational and borderline crazy. You are giving them so much undeserved power over you, and they will surely abuse it.

Not going to discuss religion.

[RationalLioness]

Use common sense. Clearly if the person changes, they are no longer the person that the individual fell in love with.

[1GuyOpinion]

"When you love someone's soul, you love them unconditionally. It's not based on something artificial that may fade over time. No matter how your partner changes, you will always love them."

Clearly the "third" stage is ridiculous then.

[Jrud10]

If you feel that the 3rd stage is outrageous, then you are more than welcome to be the kind of person that dwells in the mind and body for your whole life. It doesn't really hurt me either way. Just know, that some day those things you love about the person you choose might go away, and then you are going to have to make a tough decision about what to do.

I'm not trying to make an angry threat here or something. I'm just trying to say, think about it before it happens to you, because it happens to all of us eventually.

[1GuyOpinion]

"that some day those things you love about the person you choose might go away, and then you are going to have to make a tough decision about what to do."

Not really a tough decision mate, I will just leave them. If that person change so much that all the reason I fall in love with the in the first place is gone, then that person is no different than a stranger to me.

This is my opinion on it, I do love the fact that you remain calm and civilized with me :)

[Jrud10]

I figured that would be your response. I hope some day you change your mind, but to each his own I suppose.

And staying calm and rational on the internet is 100% key to not being an asshole :).

[Belleza2]

In my religion it's love of the soul and the rest comes later, first comes friendship and if you two get along and love each others flaws then you will most likely last plus in my religion you have to make women happy or your wife and if you don't satisfy her in any form or way then you can get a divorce, yea life is good

[Jrud10]

Do I dare ask... Which religion do you subscribe to? :)

[Belleza2]

I was born into it, so guess

[Jrud10]

lol you want me to guess your religion?

Well you're not satanist (because they are a little more self-serving I think), and you're not Atheist, because Atheists don't call their religion a religion. You're not Christian, and I don't think you're Jewish either.

So that leaves me with one of the others I don't know much about. My best guess would be one of these: Hinduism, Paganism, Islam, Chinese Religion, or Buddhism.

[Belleza2]

actually, you got it completely wrong I am Jewish, in the Jewish law just because we are conservative to the core (even though I am still modern and do not celebrate holidays as much) it teaches men to respect, honor and love women and seriously half the time, men are afraid to make their women angry so, even if he isn't satisfying me sexually I can divorce him so, I highly doubt they taught you the correct ways of my religion - that is if you learned it! And obviously the woman has to do the same and we mostly live happy lives. See, the teachings in my religion goes like this its not possible to fall in love because falling in love is like falling in poop (think about it) I fell in love, how? You just saw her/him and your in love, nah you have to get to know each other first and if this person pushes you to the limits and supports you in life than that is an act of love and if that person is there for you!

[Jrud10]

Lol well it sounds like you don't need my stages of love. You have it all figured out I suppose.

[astatine]

I loved reading your take... love is a wonderful thing indeed!

[Jrud10]

Thanks, I've put a lot of thought into it.

[Roostah]

What kind of love do you call when a woman settles for a man?

[BarbaraP]

It's not love.

[Jrud10]

I agree with barbaraP, settling doesn't have really anything to do with love. Someone who has settled could still decide to have love of the soul, and acquire the other two kinds that way, but just because they settled, doesn't necessarily mean that there is any love at all.

[BelleGirl21]

This is my favorite take that I've read. Simply lovely.

[Jrud10]

Thank you :) I'm glad you appreciate it. I hope it helps some people struggling with difficult relationship problems.

[kopperheadroad]

Wow i coulent agree les anyone i have loved initially it was chemistry period

[Jrud10]

Skipping love of the body and going straight to love of the mind isn't unheard of. There are plenty of circumstances in which that happens.

[Lalaxoxo_soso]

For Satanists we just know what we like and what we love. If we love it we keep it.

[kaiis_other_half]

That's why you've kept me

[Anonymous]

I feel like I can love someone unconditionally but not be certain I want them in my life.

[Jrud10]

Can you give me an example of that? You've intrigued me.

[Opinion Owner]

The feeling is not mutual and they are happier with someone else. My rational mind thus tells me that letting them go is the best way to show my love.

[PhiOmega]

At first i thought the title was referring to the 3 greek loves, the first being of my name, phileo...

[TheDevilInside]

Very interesting take!

[Jrud10]

Thank you :) I try!

[PeachSunset]

THIS IS SO CUTE OMFFFFFFFFF

[phanindra554]

Super it is truly super and so interesting.

[apple24]

I think I felt that before.