Older brothers and their friends.

Why don't older brothers want their best friend to date their sister? Is it the same with all the big brothers out there?

I love the insights I'm getting from you guys and girls. :).. I'm not in that particular situation. Well... not exactly.. I might have a teeny tiny itsy bitsy little crush on bro#3 friend.. Lol...
I realize it causes much less heart ache if both parties steer clear of this situation. The last thing I want I to cause any of brothers any grief or awkwardness, much less cost them their friendships.
That being said, If ever I was completely head over heels in love with any of their friends and said friend felt the same and we're really serious about our relationship, I guess we'd really try hard to convince my brother. But that's a big IF.. :).
I have 4 older brothers btw...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ugh I don't even want to think about. Most of my friends are cool guys but when it comes to girls they're usually not-so-cool. I would never want either of my sisters to date one of my friends, it would just be so... disturbing. And if they would break up it would be pretty awkward being the guy that knows both of them and sees them alot.


What Guys Said 16

  • I agree with the forwarded comment from archer86. I have 3 sisters. They are all very smart, caring, down to earth, amazing young women. I am lucky that they all have their heads on straight and aren't out at the bars everynight. They aren't looking for those kinds of guys which means I haven't had to deal with them. Sure I have had to bruise up a few guys that became stalkers or really broke their hearts by cheating on them. My point is this. I love my sisters and I know you older bro's. know what I am talking about. I won't over step my bounds; but if any guy disrespects, violates, or smears my sisters names...watch out. To me it's that simple.

    • I think we sisters like the fact that we have brothers who'll be there for us.. It's special bond we have isn't it?.. Though I'm technically the baby there have been times I wanted to strangle a girl or two for hurting my brother/s.. I guess the protective streak is equally strong in the reverse case as well..

    • I really do feel that it is a double edged sword. My girlfriend recently broke my heart about a week before our 1 yr. anniversary. My sisters always made her feel special and part of the family. One of my sisters just left for FLA all summer. My girlfriend found out through the grape vine and wanted to say goodbye to my sis. My baby sister told me that she better not come around. I have always been there for my sisters. I never realized that they were just as protective of me.

  • You know, I'm that way with some of my closer guy pals sisters. It's almost as if they're MY sisters, and if I hear anyone knocking them down or insulting them, or on the other hand, being crass, I get protective.

    My situation is a tad bit different in that my sister is 10 years older than me, so I never really got that "big brother's gotta protect" kind of feeling. The first guy was a jerk and a bit of an ass, I was too young to know or understand. Except for her past boyfriends being huge dorks and sort of losers, they've been good enough guys, for the most part, so no real worries there.

    I did, however, warn my sister's husband once, just a blanket warning, as they began dating, that if her ever tried to physically or emotionally abuse her, he'd answer to me.

    Most of my friends are solid, good guys, so It wouldn't be a concern over potential abuse, because they don't do that. My friends aren't cheaters. They have jobs or are at least hard working. They're great guys.

    1) Guys will have a few friends that are good guys, but some guys will be horndogs.

    2) If there's a breakup, then you might have to take sides. You believe the friend, and your sister feels her brother always takes other people's sides. If you believe the sister your friend may feel like you don't trust them. You do choose a side, the other can feel rejected. It's not a win win situation.

    3) As in #2, now if there's accusation of abuse or worse, then you lost a person you thought was a friend.

    4) Sometimes people like "clean" breakups. The best thing is that I don't deal with my first girlfriend. I don't have any of that. "Out of sight, out of mind."

    5) We're protective in general of our families.

    6) Sometimes we guys like separation. It's like working with our wives. A lot of times, life is more tricky, because we now run the risk of our personal stresses inhibiting our work space, and vice versa.

    7) We don't like hearing about friend's sexual conquests, and if we know the past sexual conquests and stories of our friends, we don't want sister's being talked about like that.

    8) If there's a temporary argument, you have to watch how much you/they come over. They come over, and you want to hang out, but they want relationship time with the sister; or, they're trying to see you, but your sister wants to spend time with her boyfriend. That's just great. Either way, now you've got a potentially awkward situation.

  • Someone posted a similar question about a month ago, I will submit the same answer.

    There is an unwritten rule in life that best friends do not screw their best friends sister/brother. The reasons are several. The first is that very very very few men in the world are mentally and emotionally secure with the knowledge that their lifelong buddy is banging their sister. Us men think everyone's sister/mom/auntie/cousin/niece is fair game except for our own; particularly with our friends. The second reason is that if somehow they get married, your buddy is your in-law! Ouch. The third reason is when the breakup occurs(which is sure to happen), who's side are you on? Your family or your friend? Not an easy position to be in.

    It takes a lifetime to build a true friendship and most people only have a few trusted friends. But only takes a little bit to ruin it for good such as stealing, disrepecting the parents or banging their bro/sis.

    Just don't do it for your own sake and for everyone elses.

    • Hilarious and true!

    • Is it really that bad if your best friend was your brother in law?.. Just wondering.

  • We know our friends just well enough to know that they're total assholes in that aspect.

    We'd dare not subject our sisters to that.

  • I don't have a specific best friend, but of my close friends I would actually like that my younger sister would be dating one of them. The reason is that I know my close friends have honorable intentions and godly morals, and they would take care of my sister in a pure, moral relationship.

    The reason I think other guys don't feel that way is because they know how dishonorable their friends intentions would be. They know their friends and how they act with girls, and my guess is that a lot of the time guys are just using them for sex, and nothing honorable or pure in their intentions.

    Another reason is that I know my friends are planning to wait until marriage to have sex, and so is my sister. Other friends/sisters don't have that same goal, and I can completely understand that in the absence of abstinence it would be really weird/awkward/uncomfortable for me as a brother and as a friend.

    Hope that helps explain!

    Bottom line - I think it'd be great to see my sister dating one of my close friends when it comes time.

    • You and your friends need to come to my town! haha

    • You seem like a different breed of brother to me.. Lol.. jk :).. It's really sweet what you said..

    • Thanks. These are my Christian morals in more than just words, but in actions as well. Timberlake, I'd bet there are guys like me not too far from you - look for sincere Christian guys.

      Do you mind answering a reversal of the question? How would you feel about dating your best friends brother? Or how would you feel about your brother dating your best friend? (I have this posted in my profile, btw).

  • most guys like to think their sisters are virgins.. so when your friend goes out with them, you know there are definitely having sex...

  • Its because brother knows +ve and -ve factors of there best friend and they don't want there sweet sister will get hurted by a boy whom they know very well.And if so happens they will be full of feelings that they couldnot save his sister from eveil and mean time they might lose friendship with his best friend.

  • I don't have a sister, but if I did, it would be so awkward. Not too mention you'd feel guilty for having let it happen in the first place if it didn't work out. I'd be very protective and rather she dated none of my friends. There's a world of people out there, and she has to choose a friend? Come on now.

  • I think it's an akward bounds for a guy's friends to cross. Plus many guys don't like the idea or one of their friends making out or having sex with their sister.

  • I often laugh at the fact my sisters have dated my friends. All my life they've known me. From crawling to walking and from walking to revenge. And yet they don't seem to think I would befriend someone just like myself.

  • It's awkward and what guy wants to think that one of his friends is bangin' his sister? Not to mention that if it doesn't work out, not only do you have to hear s**t from your sister about how your friend is a jerk, a**hole, pr**k, etc but you may in fact have problems with your friend afterward.

  • Older brother are protective for there sisters. no one like to see his sister get hurt by his friend. because that's mean he lost his friend and his sister will keep talking about the guy for a while and he'll end up beating his ass.

  • Its just a bit akward being in the middle

  • These are the same guys we talk to about how many girls we f***ed. or when we she gave us head. Do you really want a friend being like yeah, your sister gave me head last night.?

  • Not only is it awckward for the brother, but imagine if he hurt you! Or Imagine if you and his best friend were in a couple fight. Your brother is gonna feel divided, and YOU... well your gonna want him to take your side... Its a sticky situation.. But I f***ed my best friends mom sooo, who am I to talk LOL


What Girls Said 15

  • Not many relationships start off with a guy clearly knowing he wants a relationship with the girl. Mostly they start off with a guy thinking you are sexually appealing. It isn't like any of these guys are going to think of you as their one true love that they cannot let get away. That only happens in movies. That is not how guys think, that is how girls think.

    So, if a guy has to weigh the difficulties of what will happen if the two of you go sour against the benefit of dating you, the difficulties are going to win out. Initially, the biggest benefit a guy can somewhat consider in dating is sex, not long lasting love, and sex alone is not worth the hassle of p*ssing a friend off.

  • older brothers are suppose to care and protect their sisters from boys, and they know what there friends are like about girls, so usually they don't like their friends to date their sisters because they don't want their sister being treated like just some other girl


  • It's not just older brothers. It's older sisters too. I hated it when my brother would date my friends. Just the same he wanted to keep his friends as his friends instead of them ending up my exes.

  • umm.. awkward, much? lol I wouldn't want any member of my family dating any of my friends, to be honest with you. I have a good chunk of super honest friends who don't spare details, if you know what I mean, and I don't want to hear it. besides, if I think my friend isn't good boyfriend/girlfriend material based off their past or their current attitude, I don't want my family to get hurt. and if they break up, I don't want to be caught in that either.

  • This made me think of a great story on fiction press... link check it out...it'll clear things up.

    Also, then you never know if your best friend is coming over to see you or your sister/brother...that's awkward...also the breakup...uh which side do you go on? who's the "idiot who doesn't know how great you are"...? lol and um, just knowing that someone who is like your brother/sister is kissing etc, your sister/brother...eww it sounds soo wrong! lol

    • Hey... I liked the story.. Thanks for sharing. :)..

    • Np :)

  • I've always wanted to date my brother's friends but they're really older than me so I didn't get the opportunity but if I did I'm sure my brother would either knock it down or promise death if anything happened beyond hand holding hehe

    • Lol... Promise death huh?... :)

    • Yeah my brother's really protective and if he knew anything was going on he'd kill the guy, no matter how close they are hehe

    • My brother once threatened his friend he would run him over with his motorcycle if the guy tried to get with me. I am the same situation!

  • Because they are protective of their younger sisters so and plus they know what douchebags their friends are with girls so they don't want their sister to be expolited by them . Since you know when guys get together they talk about girls like we are some type of object so the older bro is aware of them and knows what his friends say and they don't want the same thing to be said about his little sis

  • I've known one of my older brother's bestfriends and for a while I was so crushed about us being six years apart. I liked him so much, but I mistook him caring about me for him liking me too. There are the times that I think he really did like me, but it's brotherly love and that's something a lot of little sisters don't understand with their brothers' friends.

    Emotions are so complicated when it comes to your siblings friends.

  • yes my big brother is the same way. I guess its the fact that they know how their friends are and usually big brothers look at the fact that noone will ever be good enough in their eyes for their sister.

    • Sounds like my brothers to me.. Only I have it multiplied by 4.. :p

  • idk. older brothers are first protective of their little sisters, plus for their sister to date someone that they are very close with and or know much about such as past relationships or how they treat females might be a reason for them not to want their sister to date their friend... ?!...

  • My older brother (a grade above me) isn't protective of me at all. He really doesn't give a damn who I date or not.. However, I've never really like any of his friends till now.. That's probably cause he's in the "popular" crowd while I'm not. But this guy, I THINK he's different. He's into the same things as me; drama, debate, writer's club, all that, and I have no idea why he's even friends with my brother (who can be a pretty big asshole sometimes). Anyway, even if my brother doesn't care, I don't really want to cause him any awkwardness if I ever went out with the guy... But who's to say he would care at all? Besides, I'm usually super lax about stuff, so if we broke up, I don't expect anyone to take sides. Gah, it's all very confusing, but I don't think the guy likes me anyhoo, so none of this matters!

  • that definently sounds like my big brother, but not only with his friends he has it in his head that no guy is good enough for his little sister. But he married my best friend. If they ever divorce I don't know what I would do..

    • I hope to god they don't get divorced.. I wish that they stay happy and in love as long as they live :).. How long did they date?

    • Actually they didn't date very long before they got married,maybe a year, and some of that was a long distance relationship. but they have been married 4 years already. I hope they never divorce either.

  • oh my god! I know this is really old. but I have four older brothers two! and I really like one of is friends!

  • Yes all brothers are,its ok though they just want to protect there little sisters

  • Yes... older brothers can be extremely protective. My brother doesn't want anyone to date me and once threatened a guy to stay away from me lol. He probably would (and probably has) threatened his friends as well, especially if he knows they are players or whatever.