Search Results: how far he can push me away

To me, the idea of eating with others is far more foreign than eating alone could ever be to most people, or at least that's the vibe I'm getting.

As a kid, my father got home 2-3 hours before my mother did, leaving my brother and I to eat with my dad. My father provided for me, but that's all he did, he never helped raise me, teach me, all he did was insult, threaten and scold me and my mother at every opportunity.

My brother was the son he wanted and I'm the one he wishes he didn't have, that's how he's made me feel every day since I was born.

For this reason, I started taking food to my room to stay away from him. In school, the noise and frequent rejection from others pushed me to find a teacher willing to let me and a few others eat in a room away from the cafeteria. Even then, I never went to talk, I went because I didn't like my classmates and didn't like being around them.

I never felt welcome or belonging, only 2 people ever made me feel anything but unwanted. For all these reasons, eating alone was pretty much the only way to eat.

It has been 16 years since I sat at a table with just my parents and brother, and I will never eat with my father alone, and I'm sorry to say that I really do mean that.

In high school, I ate at the table closest to the door, I ate fast, usually just a couple minutes. I didn't talk to anyone, I just ate, took my enzymes and went to the courtyard to throw the football. I'd accepted that aside from throwing a football outside, me and others just weren't ever going to have any kind of relationship, discussion, we were never going to spend time together, so I kept to myself, and frankly, I was as annoyed with their presence as they were with mine. So the hatred was very mutual

As you've noticed, I've been more open but still, I have no shortage of hesitation to change eating from a necessary refueling of the body to a social environment.

But I'll get there. Is eating a social event for you?

There's a very vocal minority of the Democratic party (usually the far left wing of the party), that is intolerant and hateful towards anyone who doesn't pass their "purity test", and it's my observation, Dem leaders/politicians failure/refusal to call out/distance them selves from this minority group within the party pushed voters away which contributed to Harris's loss.

Before any comments defending this intolerance and hate with right wing views, It's not just right wing views, it's minor difference within the party this minority group is intolerant against, could be something simple as agreeing on the same outcome but a different view on how to reach said outcome.

As many of you know, for the past year, I've been drinking like a fish, a whole bottle of rum every day for much of the year and sometimes more. I did this because I felt depressed and stuck, unable to move, and wanted an escape. Many of you tried to help me, to which I didn't listen. However, I hit rock bottom when my liver function test was done on May 19, 2025. My ALT levels were 373, and AST was 319. Both of these are more than 6 times the acceptable levels of 50 or less. Indicating very severe liver damage. This explained why I managed to drink so much, yet not feel drunk, my liver was doing a death rattle, and I would be, soon, if I didn't stop. For the first time in a while, i felt scared to lose my life, I looked back and saw what a coward I'd been. I felt a deep sense of regret, all the people I pushed away, all the problems I avoided, and now it might be too late. I bought a bottle of rum, 1 liter. I poured out 700ml of it and drank the rest. That was 80 days ago, and I haven't had one single drop since. My doctors had given up, not even bothering to schedule an appointment as they knew my cowardly behavior would simply cancel, so I didn't have to face them. After 38 days of absolute sobriety, I messaged my doctor informing her that i took her advice to heart and have removed alcohol from my life, I wanted to come in and get bloodwork done. On July 14th, it came back. ALT levels are 64, AST is 42. My liver healed faster than I ever thought possible, crushing my foolish excuse from before that I was too far gone to heal. With this, I was able to go back on Trikafta, improving my lung function greatly. I got another liver function test done on August 13th, ALT levels are 49, AST is 25. My liver is now healthier than it was a year before I started drinking. I wasn't sure I believed in God, but I prayed for my life to be spared, and I do believe he listened. I'm not sure how I want to celebrate, but you can bet it will involve a lot of family and no alcohol