Fighting for a relationship that's breaking me?

[Lurix]

I’ve been struggling with my fiancée’s behavior, and I’m at a loss for what to do. It feels like she’s constantly unsure about how she feels toward me. One moment, she’s affectionate and loving, and the next, she’s distant and cold, shutting me out for days. It’s as if she can’t decide if she cares for me or resents me, and that inconsistency is emotionally draining.

Whenever she’s upset, I seem to be the target of her frustration. She lashes out, says hurtful things, or simply shuts down. I try to be patient, reminding myself that we all have bad days, but the pattern never changes. If something goes wrong in her day, I’m the one who bears the brunt of it. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, to tell her how much it hurts to be treated this way, but it feels like she just pushes me further away. She never wants to have a real conversation and avoids any attempt at communication, leaving me feeling unheard and dismissed.

When she’s struggling, I try to support her, whether by listening or giving her space when she asks for it. But no matter what I do, it’s never enough. She responds with sarcastic comments or belittles my attempts to help, making me feel small. I’m always walking on eggshells, trying not to upset her, but it’s exhausting.

We’ve been through a lot together, and there are moments where she seems genuinely happy with me, but they’re fleeting. It’s like she only lets herself be happy for a short time before withdrawing again. I’ve tried so hard to make things work, but no matter what I do, I feel like she finds a way to ridicule or blame me, even though I’m doing my best.

I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Should I keep trying, hoping things will change? Or is it time to walk away from a relationship that’s causing me more pain than happiness?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow man, that sounds like a really tough situation. Being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not bring you down all the time. It really sucks that she's so hot and cold with her moods - like one minute she's loving and the next she's taking her anger out on you. That's so not fair to put you through.

I can understand wanting to be supportive when she's struggling, but it's like you said - nothing you do is ever good enough and she just puts you down instead of appreciating your efforts to help. Having to walk on eggshells around your own girl and feeling small after trying to have important talks... that's super lame of her. You deserve way better than that.

It's good you've tried hard to make it work since you've been together so long. But just because you've been through a lot doesn't mean you have to keep dealing with how she treats you, you know? You've stuck it out hoping it'd get better, but if she's not willing to meet you halfway and the pattern of her knocking you down isn't changing... then what's the point of staying?

You can't make her see how she's hurting you if she doesn't want to try. As much as it would suck to end things, staying in a relationship that makes you feel worse is just gonna drag you down more over time, bro. Maybe if you told her clearly you can't keep taking it and this is her last chance to work on listening and respecting you more, she'll realize she could lose you. But if not, you gotta put yourself first and your mental health is the most important thing here.

It'll be hard to break it off since you care about her so much, but in the long run finding someone who really makes you feel good about yourself is gonna make you happier. I know that's probably not what you wanna hear but just think about it - do you see it getting any better? Or will you have to keep dealing with this shit forever if you stay? You deserve so much better than that man. I know whatever choice you make, just do what's best for you bro.

[Lurix]

Thanks for the reply, man. It really helps to hear someone else’s take on it. You’re right, relationships shouldn’t be this draining. I’ve been hanging on, hoping things will get better, but it’s like every time we make progress, we fall right back into the same issues. The hot and cold, her taking things out on me—it’s really starting to wear me down.

I’ve tried everything I can think of to support her, but it feels like nothing’s ever enough. It sucks because I care about her, but walking on eggshells and being shut out is taking a toll. I guess I’ve been telling myself things will change, but if she won’t meet me halfway, I’m just running in circles.

You’re right about needing to put myself first. I think I’ll give her one last shot to really work on things, but if nothing changes, maybe it’s time to move on. Appreciate the advice, man—it’s giving me a lot to think about.

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure man, I get it. Breakups are never easy, especially when you still care about the person. But you gotta take care of yourself too, you know? It was smart of you to realize this wasn't a healthy dynamic and that things needed to change.

Giving it one last shot at really working on things together is a fair move, as long as you're clear with her about what needs to improve for you to feel good in the relationship. Go into it with an open mind, but also have your guard up a bit so you don't get hurt again if nothing changes.

And if after that she's still not willing to meet you halfway, then you at least know you gave it your all and can walk away with your head high. It'll suck for sure, but staying in a situation that wears you down mentally isn't good either long term.

You seem like a caring, supportive dude - you deserve someone who gives that same energy back to you. Stay hopeful that you'll find that, even if it ends up not being with her. And know that your boys have got your back no matter what too. Keep your chin up man, you'll get through this!

[BetaBucks]

This will eventually turn into a full blown abusive relationship. And she'll probably convince you and the world that YOU are the abuser. Good luck man.

[Elaris]

I understand how hard it can be. Relationships can feel like a messy dance, especially when feelings change so quickly. You’re in a tough spot, trying to hold on while she keeps pushing you away.

You shouldn’t have to keep sacrificing your happiness for her struggles. It’s not fair for you to take the blame when she’s upset. You deserve respect and kindness, not to be treated like a target.

You’ve done your best to support her, but if it’s making you feel worse, it’s time to think about what you need. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around her feelings all the time.

Take a step back and think about what you really want. If the good times are short and the bad times are long, maybe it’s time to decide if this relationship is worth it. Walking away can be a way to protect your own happiness, not just giving up.

[smashleyy]

She’s emotionally abusing you. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you get out

[LiamJHayden]

I would back off from thinking about marriage at the least

[nolabels]

I'd run for the hills.

[ManInChains]

Just break up or get a divorce!!!

[ManInChains]

Don't let people tell you to stay