Relationship struggle?

[Anonymous]

Let me briefly tell you my story. I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years with a boy and we get along very well with some minuses. Before we were together, a man on Facebook used to write to me and strangely I liked to talk to him, even though I haven’t seen him in my life. He was an overly stressful person and obsessed with me, so I blocked him, but while I was with my current boyfriend I started missing him, so I unlocked him. I want to mention that this man is older than me by 8 years and he always wrote to me to help him study, this being a foreign student who came to study medicine in my country.

He used to me text me and I answered him and talked a lot and I really enjoyed. I feel guilty, But in that period, my boyfriend didn’t make me feel as good… and taking to this guymade me feel very good, very appreciated. We talked a lot on the phone, especially at night. My boyfriend had no idea that I was talking to this man. (It’s strange that both of his (my boyfriend s) ex-girlfriends cheated on him).

After all, I blocked this guy again because he was very obsessed again and I started to realize the gravity of the situation, namely that I loved and talk to another man on the phone and especially because it makes me feel good).

The problem is that I feel guilty about my boyfriend, I feel like I cheated on him. My heart hurts, I don’t want to break up. On the one hand, I know he couldn’t find out about what I’ve done, but I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that make me think he could find out and I wouldn’t... I don’t want to tell my boyfriend that from summer to spring I talked to this man, I feel like I would admit that I cheated on him, What I don’t want to admit to myself… the problem is that my current boyfriend has moments when he behaves very childish and makes me feel strange, but despite these facts, I wouldn’t want to break up…

[MaKa_newbie]

This is debatable. But, in my opinion, cheating is anything where the intensions are. If you know what I mean. It doesn't need to be just physical. Even texting, flirting, chatting with someone with an intesion of getting to know them (in a sence to see if they are good fit for you) or to explore your options is cheating.
To me, cheating is anything you do with another person that makes you feel guilty enought to tell your SO. Because if you feel guilty about it, then you know it is not okay to do it. Maybe it's just me 🤷🏻‍♀️
So there are two options for you: either get over it and just don't do it anymore
Or tell your boyfriends to relieve the guilt and live with the consequeces.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer! I feel guilty because I liked taking to him…

[Asker]

And to get over what? The relationship?

[MaKa_newbie]

To get over what you did. Not to do it again. To see it is not something you do to the person you love and to forgive yourself for the mistake. BUT then just don't do it again. If you love him.
If you don't really love him, then just let him go and don't hurt the man who did nothing wrong to you.

[Asker]

I try to get over it, but I feel guilty, I feel like I killed someone type of thing… I would like to let my boyfriend know, but I know that he will suffer, as both of his exes cheated, but then told him that they cheated because he’s a child and stuff like that and I don’t want to make him suffer… I want to cherish him and make him happy… but what I did is constantly messing my head…

[MaKa_newbie]

Try to write on a paper everything just like you would tell him. Write a letter like you are talking to him. Write everything that is on your mind and just let it be there... on a paper.
I do it when I argue with my man and I just write everything and it eases me a little.
Show him everyday how much you love him. With little things. Be there for him even more then you were.
Try it. If you still feel guilty, sorry, but you gotta tell him.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your time and response! I really appreciate it! I hope that I will recover from this awful feeling... I don't understand why I feel like this. Maybe I am a terrible person who doesn't think about others..

[Jdjfjcjj]

"
To me, cheating is anything you do with another person that makes you feel guilty enought to tell your SO.
"

Lol!!!

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[DaySpring]

You are experiencing guilt and worry.
I could explain to you how you can eliminate that but I don't want to help you betray that man and get away with it not only physically but also mentally too.

You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him everything.

[Asker]

Thank you from the answer! It means the world to me! I know that this is puerile to ask you, But what I did is Actually cheating? I feel that i lose my mind

[Asker]

I told my boyfriend and I still feel guilty. what should I do? :(

[Anonymous]

Talking other guy on phone is cheating?
I dunno that.

[Asker]

I really dont know. Is it? I feel desperate

[Opinion Owner]

Aww relaxed love 😘
You have such a wonderful heart. Calm down. I have few questions.

[Asker]

Sure. Ask me

[Opinion Owner]

It's very private questions..
Love would you please pm me. ?

[Asker]

I can't send any pm, as my account is having a Very low level. I am so sorry, But can you ask me here?

[Opinion Owner]

Follow me so i can send you pm..

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it happens i talked to this woman for a whole year and even if she begged me to meet i never did to not cheat on my girlfriend, so no i dont think it is cheating until you go all the way

[CoolCatMar1]

It's bad flirting with other women while in a relationship sexually or flirty

[Asker]

Really? Cause I think that I cheated on him, as that man made me feel really good and my boyfriend didn’t know anything…

[Opinion Owner]

@asker maybe but it was partial cheat, ehat do you mean he made you feel really good? like horny? In any case... I think it is more what you think, it seems to me that you are more then anything afraid that your relationship will fail. I still wouldn't say it is cheating until you literally make love with the other guy, it is partial cheating if you dont act on it. Sure you and the guy spoke fooor a very very long time but otherwise if you smile or talk with a sexy man on a street is that cheating? not really

[Asker]

No, never horny, just appreciated and cherished…

[Asker]

I didn’t act on it… I never wanted to meet him in real life, I even told him that I consider him a friend, but I hidden the fact that I have a boyfriend, as that man is a bit psycho and I know that he would have created a fake account and text my boyfriend. I feel scared to death

[Opinion Owner]

Then stop worrying maybe you should eorry because he is psycho but besides that you haven't cheated, life can be difficult and full of gray areas at time, we are not perfect and it is hard to love a person when he she lacks

[Asker]

I think that I cheated… I used to talk to him at phone in night like 2 am, 3 am and we were talking for hours… and my boyfriend never knew anything 😭

[Opinion Owner]

@CoolCatMar1 well it is indeed bad... i totally agree, but also you are so young and probably seen a lot of movies, I always dreamed to love a woman all my life she would be my muse my sole purpose of existence then that woman turned to be stupid and superficial

[Opinion Owner]

@asker no you haven't stop worrying so much, get yourself togheter especially if you love your boyfriend, seems like he was more of a friend that someone you cheated with

[Asker]

Also, everytime he started to act flirty and stuff, I told him to stop because this behavior is inappropriate, but instead of stopping talking to him, I kept doing that and that’s why I feel that this is horrible

[Opinion Owner]

@asker if you really love your boyfriend and you two are and will be happy this will be just a distant memory of some guy you talked to years ago, don't forget the big picture time makes some things insignificant

[Opinion Owner]

Well if you haven't flirt even the more you did not cheated, you just worry too much and I see two things to this, either your subcounscious wants to end the relationship with your boyfriend because it sucks, either you are loving him too much and afraid of losing him. Nobody is perfect but it is important what you feel deep inside, if you really love him consider this a bad memory and go on with your life, in a few years you will forget this guy even existed.

[Asker]

Yes, but I talked to that dude for a long time—like three to four hours at night. He was acting like he was trying to make me like him, and that's why I feel miserable. I handled that situation as coolly as I could. Not because I was flirting, but rather because he was and I agreed out of fear that he would set up phony accounts and SMS my boyfriend... In all honesty, I am terrible.

[Opinion Owner]

@CoolCatMar1 you are both young, tell me how it goes in 15 years and as a thing I really wish for both of you to live happy forever, deep and long love stories always touch me especiallt if they go beyond time and space... I still think she is my dream girl but she lacks I can't create this amazing bound between our souls that i dream of. I don't know what to say maybe I am crazy for believing so much in her, there were several women that told me I am their soulmate throught these years some even propose me to run with them and I still sticked with her, because she has a really good heart. I literally was begger to have sex and I refused, I refused to even meet with lawyers, well known international artists and doctors. I cannot say I feel guilty even if there was flirt sometimes, I think when you know deep in your heart who you love you get over some things, I think OP doesn't really loves her boyfriend.

[Asker]

Opinion owner, I agree with you

[Opinion Owner]

Neah you are not terrible, things happen in life, nobody is perfect, if you really love your boyfriend and you are happy with him you consider this a bad memory and that is that. I k ow your mind feels more wuilty then anything else but sometimes we can feel lonely and we get to talk with others, not advisable to talk with psychos though. You just needed attention and you got it. You have done nothing wrong, life can be gray sometimes. Look inside you and if you really love your boyfriend get over it, if there is something else well... then you should try to find out what it is. This can be just a bad memory and that is that, if you can forget the guy.

[Opinion Owner]

@CoolCatMar1 well I hope it is so... people say a lot of things they even mean them at the time of saying from all their being but then after years some change. I can't emphatize the connection between you two since that is only a thing you can feel, i hope it is deep and eternal if you wish to be so. From. what I have seen in this life and what I see there are slim chances, sorry. There is always time test between any bound between two persons and life brings a lot. I can say I wish you the best, that's all, if in 15-20 years you will still be togheter you can say you have a bound, a strong one, until then is just young love.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh and by the way OP when you want to tell your boyfriend about your incursion you think about you again, if you really love him, you suffer and you deal with your pain since yeah this is on you. Especially if he was cheated in the past you will destroy him even if you did not really cheated he will be devastated since he is traumatized from before.

[Opinion Owner]

@CoolCatMar1 nobody said something about pretending and I dont want to dishearten you, I just think time tells more not words or impressions.

[Asker]

I don’t think that I will tell him, as I didn’t do something in real life… I never met this man, only talked with him on messenger. I hope I will recover, but I need to work a lot with me, since as you said, it’s just on me… I think that is better to forget and never do this again. It’s a bad thing that I did, but not the worst. Do you agree?

[Opinion Owner]

I totally agree and yes it is on you, even if sometimes you will find yourself in tears because of your pure heart and soul, it is your suffering and your punishment. You will recover and if you love your boyfriend it will only be a bad distant memory in time.

[Asker]

Unfortunately my heart is not pure at all if I talked with another man… I feel I am truly stupid, but sometimes life is shitty.. I am just afraid that my boyfriend will find out and he will be devastated, but in the same time, even if he will find out, I said nothing that can suggest that I was flirting, because I was not…

[Asker]

Oh my God, i remember that when the man i talked with sent the the screenshot of my boyfriend’s profile, i got so defensive and due to the scarecity i had that he will text my boyfriend, i told him that i am too young to commit and i am talking to a lot of boys, when in reaity i do no talk to anyone besides my man…

[Asker]

And i guess that simply removing him from Facebook, doesn t remove what o did. I am and i feel horrible

[Asker]

Maybe i just overthink, But i feel like a disaster… maybe my boyfriends need a loyal one, as I am not loyal 😭

[Asker]

Also, my boyfriend considers cheating:
-sleeping with another man
-kissing with another man/ physical sexual interactions

[Asker]

But what I did is bad also, as I lost nights talking on the phone with that weirdo… and I felt good, and my man doesn’t know a thing. I feel that I want to vanish effectively

[Asker]

A month passed since I blocked that man and I feel scared and guilty. Is it really that bad what I did? 😭

[Asker]

Furthermore, I remember now that I used to say to the man I was taking on messenger that “ you see, that’s why I like the other boys, because they do not control me” in the back of my mind, it was good to say that, as I didn’t confirm that I have a boyfriend (that he could text) and I thought that saying that could suggest that I am alone. Now I realize even more that I am a b***h for behaving like this.

I am desperate, cause if my man will ever find out, this will kill him, as my behaviors was not a normal one for someone who has a relationship… I think that what I did is cheating and karma will punish me… I feel that I deserve so many bad things… but… maybe it’s actually not cheating what I did and I’m too young and dumb.

[Opinion Owner]

No what you did is not that bad you overreact, give it a year, it will pass, a month is nothing. No, you ar not a bitch for behaving like that it is normal to tell him those things because he was showing you so much interest and admiration so yeah... Well he doesn't need to find out and if he does you can always say that the other man is delusional, it is not okay but better then hurting the boyfriend you love. Please stop feeling guilty about it, karma is already punishing you because you feel so bad. You seem a bit young and too sentimental, you did not cheat, you just indulge yourself in some attention and you do have a pure heart otherwise you would not feel so bad, there are women out there who make much more worse things without giving any second though. Your boyfriend deserves you more then anyone else simply because you are so amazing to feel so bad for practically a thing that some would call friendship.

[Asker]

Well, a man told me that everyone is trying to minimize what I did saying that I had no sex with that man and that I can never be trusted again, once I did this… and this is what I feel too

[Asker]

I really don’t know if what I did is that bad, but maybe I deserve the worst

[Asker]

Thank you for your time and response, you are amazing! 🥺

well, I hid the fact that I have a boyfriend, as I said and I said that “ i talk to a lot of man”, when it’s not like that… if that man would want, he can send screenshots to my boyfriend to show him that I said that and my boyfriend will never know that I said those things because that man is a psycho… maybe I’m paranoid and overreacting, but I’m dead inside

[Opinion Owner]

Well that man projects his own frustration on you probably., It is up to you if you can or not be trusted, don't let the past define who you are in the future, we change constantly as people. You did what you felt it is surely not that bad.

[Asker]

Your emotional intelligence is impressive! Thank you a lot! You made me calmer, even if I feel like shit. Thank you for saying that maybe keeping for myself what I did can actually be helpful, as I did noting palpable…I’m not trying to seem as someone with clean hands, but sometimes a lie is better than a truth that is not even “ real”, in this case I never wanted to meet that man. All the wrong that I did was to say “I talk with a lot of boys”… but I wanted to make him understand that he can’t say a word about me to any man, as I “ talk to many” in my mind it was protection, maybe actually was not…

[Opinion Owner]

I am glad you feel calmer, you really should, you stress yourself too much. Of course keeping this to yourself is helpful especially if you still want this relationship. A lie can be always usefull if it avoids hurting othersbwe are not perfect as humans, we make mistakes if we regret them it already means we realize that it was a mistake. The desire of you to protect yourself eas very natural considering the person you spoke with.

[Asker]

But do you think that i will ever feel the Same for my boyfriend? Cause i have moments when i feel that i can’t be the Same, as i feel that i cheated on him…

[Asker]

This man also asked me : “ how would you feel if your boyfriend was carrying an online relationship with a girl who wanted to have sex with” and now is more clear that what i did is moronic

[Opinion Owner]

That depends totally on you, if you really want things will ve the same. with effort and time, don't expect to be easy soul is hard to cleanse. but it surely can be the same. It is not moronic, you did what you felt in that moment, you felt appreciated, beautiful admired, nothing wrong or moronic in that I am sure you needed it.

[Asker]

But isn’t it moronic that I hide the fact that I said that I am alone?

[Opinion Owner]

You said what you had to, to a psychopatic tendencies person, no it is not moronic it is better to be precautious like that.

[Asker]

Yes! That man had so many fake accounts to stalk people… he even told me “if u block me, I’m already following you from another account”

[Opinion Owner]

Well yeah some people can be devious better be precautious

[Asker]

Does he seems to you also a bit psycho?

[Asker]

But if you would be my boyfriend and i will Tell you that i talked to a man i never saw on real, on Facebook late at night for hours? And i didn’t Tell him about you because at first you seem that you dont Like him and because all we talk is just basics and collegue? And he is making me compliments and stuff and i told him that i am single because he’s crazy? You will not believe me…

[Opinion Owner]

It would seem weird but I would probably believe you still since it would be a degree of trust

[Asker]

i received this and it made me want to die. what I did is that terrible? You definitely cheated. There's no question about that. I think you already know that you cheated. The simple way to know that you cheated, is that you are deceiving your boyfriend about this. You are keeping it from him. You did so at the time, and you're continuing to do so.
You are only not horrible, because of the conflict and guilt you feel. You should feel guilty. You are guilty.
This guy has been cheated on in two of his past relationships? You're especially guilty. But you're also probably fucked. He is not going to take this well.
Nevertheless, if you don't tell him. You are horrible. You are the very worst kind of partner, and your relationship is a lie. He only would be staying with you, because he was ignorant how how horrible you are. That, to me is inexcusable and unforgiveable.
There is only one right thing to do here. It does not matter what you want. You do not get to consider your wants right now. You already did that enough, and now it's actually time to think about the guy you look at and say "I love you" to. If you care about him at all, you won't continue to hide this from him.
You talked to him from the summer to the spring.
You mean you cheated on your boyfriend for a year. That's how you pronounce that. Cheated for a year.
You do not feel bad unless you confess and let him decide whether HE wants to continue in the relationship. Anything else, and you're literally a nightmare.
Tell him, or you are lying about feeling guilty. You need to confess. No excuses. No lies. Just confess.
Think about somebody else's feelings... like you should have while you were cheating for a year. Stop worrying about what YOU want to do about this relationship.
This is bad. I have nightmares about falling in love with a girl like you.
Do the goddamn right thing.

[Opinion Owner]

Seems like one who is really frustrated, the answer is in you anyway not to all the frustrated retards on this site, you experience each person energy by taking in their words, and this is not good energy, this person seems to have mental problems.

[Asker]

Thank you for every time taking your time and responding to me! Thank you for cheering me up! 🥺

[Opinion Owner]

Awww, you are welcome pitty we are not closer my words would really cheer you up and thoughen you up as well you still seem so undecided and so easy to influence by anybody, you need to take a decision and stick to it not be influenced by any direction 'the wind blows'.

[Asker]

Oh, I would be delighted to have a friend like you and to be cheered up, because you really helped me. I struggle a lot, to be honest, I try to manage my feelings... I took a decision, but I don't know... I feel everyone knows what's best, but me...

[Opinion Owner]

I would surely always encourage you and cheer you up and push you to keep your relationship alive. On contrary, nobody knows better what is best for your relationship then you, nobody can be in your place and have all the complexity of the situation

[Asker]

I told my boyfriend about this and I still feel like shit. I sometimes think that would be better to break jp with him, because I feel that what I did is terrible, but at the same time I'd do anything for this relationship. Will this feeling ever fade?

[Opinion Owner]

So you have told him in the end. Yes the feeling will fade in time, you shouldn't have told him you only hurt him

[Asker]

I told him that at first, I helped him in university, as I did, and after he started to act weird, I decided to withdrawal. I preferred to be honest, I simply couldn't keep that in me, I felt WAY TO GUILTY. 😭