My boyfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years but have only had sex twice?

Question

Before anybody says "he's just not attracted to you", he definitely is. We do other stuff and he tells me how much he loves me/is attracted to me all the time.

The problem is that we have a medium distance relationship. We live 1 hour away by car and 2 hours away with public transport. We're both young, have school, sports and work, so we only see each other on the weekends (from friday-sunday). I feel like because of this, we want to do as many things when we are together. We watch shows/movies, go out and just do fun things every weekend. Then at night, I get tired really quick, because of our busy days or just because I am so comfortable with him, that I get sleepy (even if we didn't do anything all day and just watched shows). For some reason we often only get into it when we go to bed, but if I'm already tired, I just want to sleep lol. Especially because we only go to bed once we get really tired.

And if we do get into it, we never continue past kissing/oral/other stuff. Sex has only happened twice in our 2,5 year relationship. and it wasn't even really sex, because one of those times literally only lasted 2 seconds and then we got nervous lol (we were both virgins).

I am a little sexually frustrated. On one side I expect him to put in more work, but on the other side I can be a little lazy myself aswell, because I am often tired when we get into it. Beside that, I tried to put in more effort for a while, and it did boost our sex life a little (without the sex still lol), but that eventually also faded away. Right now I am just so used to not doing anything, or not going too far, that it feels as if I can't even push myself to go further. My body is used to just not doing it, even though it does frustrate me, because I am a sexual person. He once did tell me that he's really scared I get pregnant, but we have condoms, birth control, etc.. There is no need to actually hold back.

What should I do? Advice/tips are welcome!!

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well, you both are stronger than me. That's for sure ok so if you are in bed , watching t v or whatever , start doing something a little earlier  Talk to him about it and say, look it, I'm on the pill you're putting on a condom, I make love to me.
And then smile Or have that little speech an hour before you go to bed, whatever while you're in bed, I don't know what you wear, but you can do it with just panties on and wearing a T-shirt, but roll over on top of him, sit on his hips and you start sliding forward and then back in slow, slow motion. To get him aroused, tell him what you want. As you're doing it , tell him about a fantasy that you have when you're at home alone in bed alone It's better with your panties off just keep doing it in slow motion forward and back. You fill it and just slide right on top of it slowly, all the way forward. All the way back, tell him to pull your hair to lean. You forward to kiss your lips , breathe hard moan  You said that you're more sexual than him. Then get started, you will wake up, he will wake up, believe me, put your hands-on his shoulders grind, but in slow motion, all the way forward, all the way back. I mean , basically , you're gonna seduce each other in your own ways , but it will be a beautiful way If you have your panties off and he has his underwear off. Use your weight as your advantage you're gonna get super wet. Use that as your advantage. Stop when you feel the head of his C*** by your wet spot and then slide forward more. It's all about seduction and feeling it's energy is what it is feel. Each other's energy pull each other's energy into each other. Believe me You will wake up. There's so many things you can do just in this situation. Press down hard grinds. So he used straddle each side of his tool.
And keep sliding forward and back in slow motion. Tell him what you want. Tell him what  I mean, like I said, 2 times in that period of time you guys are good. You guys are doing good. There's nothing wrong with that. Either for me , I would have , I would've been doing a long time ago That's the number one thing that you guys both have to know and do is protect each other always.
Keep that in mind and then relax and enjoy it. And you have to have him relax and believe in the condom or birth control  But the reason why I say do it this way is so maybe he will last way longer, because that's just way too fast. I mean he needs l to go at least45 minutes at least  And
 If he starts going faster, slow him down and then you do what you want to do, but
 He needs to learn how to control himself if he's ever going to please you. When you have penetration sex, he needs to learn how to control himself. And he needs to make it all about you. And when he does that and can control himself , you guys will have the most beautiful sex ever  But when he starts making it all about you, then he can take you any place he wants and either slow down, speed it up and
 Get in that rhythm so he can last longer. It's super easy to get excited. But at the same time , he has to understand what he's doing , and once he understands that he can take you to those peak moments that are just beautiful to make you just scream and then do it again

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Well for sex to happen it takes the both of you to make the effort z, not just one , so if your boyfriend isn’t putting on the effort , then that’s where to problem is , and that’s why you are feeling the way that you do, So you have to ask yourself do you really want to stay with a guy that doesn’t initiate sex with you? Or find yourself a guy that will rock your world? The choose is yours. I have dumped girls’ because they didn’t match or come close to my sexual wants and needs , a relationship isn’t good if one of you is constantly frustrated , , so unfortunately this sort of thing happens in a lot of relationships and that’s why a lot of them eventually fail. So again the choice is yours , I can’t tell you what to do but my advice to you is to end it with him and realize he isn’t the guy for you , you don’t have to hate him or break up with him in a harsh way , just be honest with him that he isn’t the guy for you. When I dumped those girls’ I somewhat felt bad but then I didn’t when I realized there are better girls’ out there that want the same as I want , never settle with someone that isn’t fulfilling you , you are just wasting your time and hurting yourself by not doing what’s best for you.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

You need to fix this, or this relationship is doomed.  By the sounds of things, it is already going down the tubes.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I think he's just not sexually compatible with you. You should consider exploring sex with someone else.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If it is to be a priority, you need to schedule time for sex.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

So there's a lot of moving parts here. But in my opinion you said something very important: you're both virgins. As a guy, especially one who's been on this site for a long time, I imagine he's feeling incredibly insecure about lasting only "2 seconds"

If I were you, I would get him into the bed earlier and I'd make sure he gets "the easy one out"

To be honest, I don't know if every guy is like this but for me, I... Bust and the more I do, the longer I last.

From the perspective of the guy (me) I usually try to get the girl to get the quick one out of the way first, have some conversation and then I initiate the continuation of intimacy and personally I can usually keep going after that as long as I need.

What I also remember from being younger is the tension of not knowing if the women could tolerate that. I think this is a situation where you'll be doing yourself a favor to know that guys have absolutely no idea how women work sexually. I speak for myself when I say, we don't know if the mere sight of seeing us cum is going to turn you off alone... At least I thought that when I was 21.

So get him in the bed, get that quick one out of the way, his muscles down there are going to be weak the same way if you went to the gym and blew out your arms, you get what I'm saying?

So give him 5-10 minutes and invite him to go again. Take it slow. Show him you want foreplay.

Looking back, I've 9/10 times fucked only after the girl put her hand down there and began the process for me. Even if it was just cupping the crown jewels.

Lol I'm almost 30, I never thought about how when I get to a certain age I probably shouldn't be having this convo with young people. Feels kinda weird... Anyway my point is he's just as scared and confused as you, maybe more.

I believe in you lol

bowenw · Answer

I suggest you try to allow for some intimate time and save some energy for it, or be intimate before you start doing things on the weekend, for example Saturday and Sunday mornings when you are both well rested. I suspect once you have some good sexual experiences together that you will want to do it regularly. Explain to him that with you being on birth control and using condoms, the risk of pregnancy is extremely small. Also consider doing things to get both of you in the mood, like watching porn, if you are into that kind of thing, or buying some toys at an adult shop.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

Lauren, I can only relate my own experience. My wife of 54 years and I both came from families with Post Victorian ideas about sex. We had sex once before we got married a year later. There was a significant amount of sexual activity but we did not want to embarrass our families with a pregnancy. Hang tight. He may be the one for you.

Bricealan · Answer

@laureenvo Tough to answer. I am in the same situation. She lives in Oceanside, I in Orange County. Only had sex once on New Years Eve, Oral on her, and I was not hard so no screwing. We still go out, and care for each other. Wish I had the right advice.

Anonymous · Answer

Something that might be worth a try is spending a Friday night together at your place or his. Make sure there's nothing planned for Saturday and spend Friday night watching TV together or anything you prefer, then sleep over. Then in the morning, when you're well rested and still in bed together, have sex.

David318578 · Answer

So you have only had penis in vagina sex a few times? How offen are you having oral sex?

slatyb · Answer

What? Why? What do you want? Are you sure he's straight? Are you willing to have sex once in fifteen months for the rest of your life?

exitseven · Answer

Do it the first thing in the morning. Problem solved/

Levin · Answer

At 21 you guys should want to fuck, yeah? Like, if I like a girl. I want to fuck her senseless. Maybe it's just more of a platonic relationship? Do you sexually desire him?

Sal_Monella · Answer

If you have a good regimen of sexual intimacy, like 69 or shared cunnilingus/fellatio, PIV is not as important. It becomes icing on the cake.

guesswhereivebeen · Answer

Find a guy in your town who will knock the dust off it during the week and go have fun in the friend zone with gay boy in the weekends

Iron_Man · Answer

You’re now, bro, Buddies

moviedude714 · Answer

Incompatibility

MasterKS · Answer

Boring dude.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years but have only had sex twice?

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Guy has feelings after seeing me twice and we only had sex?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years but have only had sex twice?

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Guy has feelings after seeing me twice and we only had sex?

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