We live in a world where people say "just be yourself " but I don't think they believe that crap for one second. If people really wanted you to "be yourself " and were accepting of who yourself was, there would be more open minded people in the world and less narrowed minded ones. I believe people have a hard time accepting people who are different, because if it's not the standard norm they aren't sure how to handle it. And, the people who are unique don't know how to be themselves entirely because they already know people are judging them from first glance and they don't how handle that. I believe begining unique and different is better then being like everyone else but it can also be quite lonely, when you realize how different you really are. When you realize you can't connect to others easily or relate to others easily, being your own person isn't always easy. I say this because I'm one of those people that's different and I'm writing this because I know I'm not the only one that is different or who feels lonely because of it. So, I'm hoping this will help someone see they aren't as alone as they think they are.
Let's start with....... a little background on me.
I'm an only child and have lived in the same house with my parents since I was about 3 and I'm 28 now, when we first moved here we were the only house on the block. So, there were no kids to play with. When more houses started getting built, there were kids but they were younger then me (which is proably why I get along with young people).
I'm also so very shy and quiet, I keep to myself a lot of the time. People automatically veiw being shy as this bad thing, but honestly I've always been a functioning shy person. I don't make friends easy, but I did have friends growing up and we did hang out and stuff. I got along with boys and girls. I was in the 3rd grade talent show. I did karaoke twice. I went to Catholic school for 8 years and at least a hand full of times had to read a passage at church in front of everyone and I did it. Me and my younger cousin would sell pop at the end of her street corner, in the summer. I mean, I did a lot of things in my young life and I did all it while being shy.
I've never been popular and I never wanted to be. I won't pretend I didn't or (don't) have a sheltered life, because I did and (I do). My dad is very over protective, so I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things and it was disappointing but I got over it. I won't pretend I'm like most people my age now, because I'm not. I still don't have my drivers license. I just got my actual first job last month. I just got my first cell phone a couple weeks ago. All my friends I met online and they all live far from me, but it doesn't change anything for me and they've actually been better friends to me then ones who actual stood by my side .I don't drink and have no desire to. I've never had a relationship, and the list goes on.
What makes me unique?
It's not just that makes me unique, there's many things that make me that way but you'd have to know me to understand what those are. On a whole, I'm a very unique person through and through and I always have been. In general, I'm okay with being different and I actually defend it and am proud of it in a way. I see how people can be and I'm glad that I'm not like that but it's times that I'm confronted with my differences, that I start to feel bad about being unique and then the feeling of isolation soon follows that. I experienced this feeling last night and it's kind of what inspired me to write this.
I'm not big into social media, but I recently signed up for Facebook to find a guy I use to like and has recently been on my mind. That's the only reason I signed up, but I do know a few people that are on there and asked if they wanted to be Facebook friends. One is one of my best friends who lives in Neveda. The others my friend / romantic interest who lives in Virginia and the others my younger cousin. So, I went on there last night and saw all this postings from my cousin about her job and wishing her dad happy birthday and her boyfriend talking about taking a trip to Michigan with her. I just saw a lot of interaction between her and other people, same goes for my best friend. He has a lot of interaction with people on there. Seeing all that, made me feel lonely and like I'm defective or something.
It's hard for me to see people connect so easy, because I don't connect easily to others and I never have. What comes easy to most, is hard for me. So, when I witness all this (be it on Facebook, at work or even at family events), I feel isolated and start to question myself. I start to feel like I was made defective or I'm some weird freak of nature or something. I know it seems harsh but that's how I feel.
It's hard for me to see other people talk to people they don't even know so easily, because I can't do that. That's not something I do.
It's hard for me to see girls be into all these guys, all the time because it's not like that for me.
It's hard for me to see people my age have all the things I've always dreamed of having but due to my late start in life, I know is quite unlikely.
It's always hard for me to see all these things because then I feel bad because it's not like that for me, then I get lonely and usually cry. I don't want to be like everybody else but I sometimes wonder why I'm not and if I was, would things come easier for me? I know life is hard for everyone but it's sometimes seems like it's easier for those that are the norm but that's just how it seems to me.
In conclusion......
Being your own person and marching to the beat of your drum, will always be better then joining the pack. Being a leader will always be better, then being a follower. Being able to be on your own and being content with that, will always be better then need being people in order to function. Being unique, will always be better then being ordinary. But, for the times that you feel being unique is a bad thing, just remember this......
Also...
And...
Last but not least...
The most important thing you should take away from this is.... even when you're differences make you feel alone, the truth is you are not because someone else out there is feeling exactly how you are. So, we're not as alone as we think we are and hopefully this take proves that, not just to everyone that reads this but also to myself because I often feel I'm the only one who feels that way.
Thanks for reading :)
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