I hurt my boyfriend-how can I make it better?

[suesnagglepuss]

Recently my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and it was a major shock to me and everyone else as he is only 54 and was really healthy-he eats right and he used to run 5 miles 3 times a week. He is now getting chemotherapy and is responding well but I still see signs of him getting sicker-like he is thinner and has a few more gray hairs. He will never get better and will be lucky to get 2 more years. I have accepted this. When he was first diagnosed I thought I was coping and didn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. Unfortunately it turns out I wasn't. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years (im 23 and he's 26)and I ended up withdrawing from him and pushing him away. I went to leave him several times but could never bring myself to do it. I picked fights with him and blamed him for the problems in our relationship-i said some really hurtful things and tried to force him to prove that he loved me. I now realize I was just hurt and angry about my dads situation and taking it out on him. I've been to see my gp and am now getting counseling every 2 weeks to help me deal with all my stress. Oh yeah I'm also in the process of doing my masters in chemistry on top of all of this. Anyway I've really hurt my boyfriend by the things I said to him and the way I treated him. I realize now that I love him more than ever but I have made him feel like such a failure when he is anything but. How do I prove to him that I love him and that he's not a failure? And how to I fix how much I hurt him and get him to trust that I will never do it again? I realize now he probably doesn't love me as much as he used to-but he is still here wanting to work things out. I just want to make him feel better and prove to him that im sorry for the way I acted. Do I give him space to sort out his feelings or do I pull out all all the stops to prove how much I love him? Or will this just scare him? I'm so confused!

[Banemorth]

Well oddly enough that's pretty much what happened with my girlfriend and I. I was under a ton of stress and wasn't my normal happy cheerful self. I was grumpy a lot and did essentially everything you did to him. She wasn't innocent either she had broken my trust but I digress. I'm a firm proponent that love can conquer all and if you both feel true to each-other that it can and will work.

If, however, he is too hurt by what has happened it might end up breaking down anyway. Things will be different and awkward between you because you'll be wondering what he's thinking and how he feels about you and just be insecure in general and he'll be attempting to figure out his emotions and just how much he still cares.

I, personally, went all out and made every attempt to talk to her as much as I could and show her how much I loved her. Apparently it didn't work since she wound up telling me that things are just different and she couldn't do this anymore. I'd give him space to figure his feelings out and give yourself some space to do the same thing.

As terrible as our breakup was I'm a lot less stressed out now that it's over. Then again, like I said, she wasn't exactly innocent either. Whatever happens though I just hope you both find happiness. Good luck!

[CHANEL9]

You should apologize to him and explain to him that you acted out because you were stressed about you father's health. If he really loves you he will understand and the two of you can work things out. You have to be sure that you aren't going to lash out at him every time a situation gets hard because other wise he will just walk away. I hope that your father makes a full recovery.