Falling in Love With a Depression Victim: Our Story


I use the term victim loosely, because I know none of the sufferers are victims, but survivors, and that is 100% true. But as I have recently experienced, when two teenagers with the same issues fall in love, it is a recipe for cataclysmic disaster.

I'll start at the beginning of our story.

Falling in love with a depression victim: our story

Some girls spend their time dreaming about what their "perfect guy" would look like. Mine obviously changed the older I got, and at 17, I wanted the classic guy that every girl wants, but different. I wanted someone who would (obviously) love me unconditionally, who shared my passion for music and writing, who wasn't afraid of the opinions of others and would let nothing stand in the way of his dreams. Never did I expect to find him at my high school, let alone in this decade for that matter. But I did.

I was set up by a mutual friend, and little did I know that this boy was the very same one I had had a crush on in the fifth grade, and knew throughout middle school. He was a guru on the guitar and could immediately capture a room from the first chord. Immediately, we became the most unlikely of friends, and by about a month or so later, friendship has blossomed into love.

He fit the bill entirely, from sharing my passions to his opinionated nature, and you could tell he was in love just by looking at his face.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it? And it was. But at the same time, he was guarded. He would close off at times and isolate himself from me, before and during our relationship.

Falling in Love With a Depression Victim: Our Story
"What's wrong?" I would ask.

"I'll tell you about it later baby it's nothing," he would say. It was never nothing.

He never outright told me about his mental illness, but what with his mysterious weekly doctors appointments and the consumption of his sleeping pills and other drugs for mental health, it became obvious to me.

A lot of people my age would write him off as a weirdo, which they have, and walk away. But I wouldn't, and I didn't. I was privy to things like this myself, except I was much worse off than him. I've never went for help. It didn't scare me and he had never given up on me, so why should I give up on him?

A red flag should have appeared however, when one night, he'd texted me at 3 am feeling awful, and told me he was insecure about his "virgin status" and said if we didn't have sex by his birthday he would end it for himself. I thought he meant his life, and I got scared. I talked to him the rest of the night talking him out of it and at the end he said:

Falling in Love With a Depression Victim: Our Story
"OMG I never took my pills, this is why I'm so bad I'm sorry I meant none of that."

I made him promise me he'd take them and never do this again. He did. Things continued on.

Months passed and as his birthday drew nearer, I noticed his depression begin to surface, but he would hardly speak to me about it. The weekend before his birthday he had asked me over repeatedly, even I. The middle of the night on a day we had school off. My parents, being parents, wouldn't let me go see him. Sure enough, after those days and the day before his birthday, I was dumped. Never told why, but knew what the reason was.

He continued to act as though he cared about me, he got upset when we tried to talk about our issues, continuously has attempted to replace me and failed, even when he's had a new girlfriend, and every time he pushes me further away.

Just a month ago we had a fight in which, once again off of his medication, he screamed some things at me he didn't mean and told me that when his ex left him his depression worsened and he had to unfollow her and unfriend her.

Falling in Love With a Depression Victim: Our Story
He's now unfollowed and unfriended me.

We both have different forms of coping with our depression.

My way: I've been a recluse ever since he left me, and I'm always a recluse when depressed, but I still fight no matter how sad I am for what I love and believe in.

His way: he pushes away everyone he loves and those who could possibly love him. That's what he's doing to me and that's what he's done. He's pushed me so far that I don't know if we can ever fix what's happened, no matter how much we want to.

That's why I say victim, because in this case it is what we are. Love has been ripped from the both of us, and that is not something that can ever be fixed completely. We are both broken and bruised with no solution.

Just as everyone is.

Falling in Love With a Depression Victim: Our Story
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Most Helpful Guy

  • coolbreeze
    Great mytake. You was a great girlfriend to him and your also a very great friend. He put you through a lot. Even though even thing that has happened your still their for him. I hope one day he realises how special you are to him.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Cccgala
    I know this is late but I must say you're a great writer 😊

    I feel sorry for what had happened to you. I know there will be something better ahead of you.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you so much :) I just hope it's with him as silly as it is. I love him a lot, I want to fix it, but I don't know if we can

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • beebetree25
    Wow, I definitely commend you for hanging in there with him, I also struggle with depression coupled with anxiety... all I know is that depression can either make you a more empathetic person or a cold asshole..

    I've never had someone try to *save/help me* I've struggled alone... It wasn't till 2015 that I met some great friends who also have anxiety and depression, that can totally relate to everything in feeling and felt.. theyte the sweetest people ever and couldn't ask for better friends.. bad thing is.. theyre online.. I have their numbers and we text daily... But I still feel alone..

    I feel I may have done like your boyfriend and just push people away, not let them get too close... i have to know that they love me without a doubt.. and won't judge me for even half of a second... before I open up.. unfortunately... people are people.. i feel like a broken person amongst normal, functioning , happy people.. and its sucks to be the sore thumb standing out.

    So its easier to hide when you feel so different, you know?

    I also feel like id be a burden with all my issues... So.. yah, another reason I stay to myself..

    That coupled with the fact everyone else has their own lives and their own bullshit.

    So I understand your boyfriend and I feel for you.. i hope you both get the healing you deserve. <3
  • yucel_eden
    You're a keeper
  • Anonymous
    you caught me there, been through a similar story, only I was the girl who's depressed, not like your boyfriend, a little less with no drugs or anything, only smoking and alcohol destroyed my relationship with my ex, I was too too sad because so much bullshit in my life, he tried to help multiple times, but I just push anyone who loves me, and I dont even know why.. I just do it, and when it's done and dusted, I regret it and suffer even more, so I can see where your boyfriend is coming from.. I think, in my opinion, you should keep talking to him out of this, try to meet him, and talk him through, people who are depressed, trust me, they need to be understood, and loved no mater what they do, because they're depressed and see almost to nothing positive in this life, you can do that, that's of course if you truly love him, and being his good friend from a different prospective. I believe eventually, he'll open his eyes, and realise what he has.. He's very lucky, he just doesn't fully comprehend it yet. I hope everything turns out well xx