My ex finished with me a month and a half ago.. I always felt that the breakup was largely due to my actions or lack thereof, letting the spark die between us and failing to recognize how special she was to me. We shared an intensely beautiful relationship of just over a year with so many incredible memories and unique times.
The breakup was a pain like I've never experienced before; sure I'd had relationships end in the past but this was totally different for me - when the reality set in I realized how much I needed this girl back in my life and how she enhanced me on a daily basis. I initially tried the whole begging/pleading thing which will never get you anywhere or change anything (this isn't Hollywood folks, it doesn't work like they portray on the big screen). After failing at that I decided to go no contact for 30 days.. I can't begin to portray the amount of sleepless nights, bouts of jealousy and endless conversations with friends over how I was feeling (probably driving them insane), every day was a struggle and nothing seemed to make it any easier.
After coming out of self-destruct mode during the initial few weeks with alcohol and drugs I began bettering myself: my focus changed into becoming a renewed, 2.0 version of me and all of my attention was diverted into the things I enjoy. I began working out like never before, posting photos on Instagram receiving waves of compliments, I got a new job with a 10k raise and took up new hobbies - boxing and climbing in addition to getting tattoos (the last one isn't compulsory). I began to love myself realize my own value, which is so incredibly critical - once you become contempt with who you are and have respect for yourself others will too, it oozes automatic subconscious confidence and self worth.
During no contact my ex messaged me twice; first I replied but on a very minimal level; the second time, which was a few days before the 30 days would end, we started up a conversation and she asked me out for a drink. I agreed but it was on my terms, I dictated the day we met up, I chose the venue. I arrived incredibly calm, collected and my usual self, generally inquiring about her life and acting as if nothing had happened between us. I had no intention of talking about the relationship but within half an hour she broke down and told me she missed me and would like us to start dating again, we ended up hooking up (I felt that really should have waited but hey what's done is done) and now we are due to meet again next week on a 'date' to take things slow.
I don't have any expectation as to what will come and I can't guarantee we'll be happy ever after surrounded by rainbows and flowers, but during my no contact phase I realized the importance of self worth, and I can live without her. Though she is a great addition to my life she is not paramount to my happiness. I feel a sense of renewed purpose and as willing as I am to give it a second chance and my full attention, I know if it doesn't work out I can be perfectly fine by myself.
I was skeptical about the whole no contact method to begin with, as it is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through but it leaves you with a renewed sense of purpose. You cannot underestimate the importance of space and the ability to think under clarity in a position whereby you can effectively evaluate your life and realize your own potential. Either way you win. Some things are meant to be and some aren't, but you will emerge a new and better person providing you channel your heart and soul into things you enjoy and begin loving yourself.
This is just my story - there is hope out there and no contact isn't just important...it's essential.
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