Your Best Friend or Your Fiance?

[Anonymous]

I was listening to the radio this morning and the hosts were talking about the following story: Apparently a woman and her fiance were doing some wedding planning when the future groom announced to his future bride that he did not want the brides fat best friend to be a bridesmaid in the wedding because he felt she would ruin it. The radio hosts and bride made it clear that he wasn't joking, he wasn't being funny, and that he genuinely felt this way. So now the future bride was thinking, should I marry a man who thinks that my best friend, and bridesmaid, should not be in my wedding, because he thinks she's fat.

In the course of the radio discussion, the audience was basically split down the middle with half saying don't throw away your entire relationship over this comment and the wedding is coming up, etc. vs. those who felt like, this is your best friend, and here is a man judging her for her weight and no other reason which doesn't sound like someone whom you should marry.

If this were me, my best friend is literally like my sister. She and I have been through so much in life over the last nearly 20 years I have known her, so for someone I'm dating, even at fiance level, to be like, I don't want her there, would be a major red flag and I would really be reconsidering who this person was to base his not wanting her to be there...on her weight. I could understand more if in the discussion, the groom had said, it's her personality, she did something to me, she hates me...something like that, okay, there might be something there that can be worked through, but to just say that because he thinks she's fat or is fat...that to me is scary.

It's scary because you think what if you gain weight...pregnancy or otherwise...is he going to want to ditch you over a few pounds? And isn't that a double standard...because what if someone had said the same of him and his weight or the bride didn't like his weight later on in their marriage It also makes me think that this is probably a guy who has said some awful things before about other people, but maybe they didn't bother the bride because they weren't about her or her friends, but now that the comments are, now it's a problem sort of deal (but that's just my speculation). I mean, what if the bride says absolutely not, she will be in my wedding, does that mean the wedding is off? All of that sounds crazy to me that this guy could be so focused on a bridesmaid or her weight enough to think it may ruin the wedding...and then in what way would it actually ruin it?

The ones in support of the groom, said, you know, its better he's honest and saying what he means and not backing down and that it's their day, not the bridesmaids, so it should be what they both want. Others in support were saying, they have brides/grooms in their lives that have done/said harsh things, but they worked through them and have been married for years.

I would have to really really think about this if it were me because that's asking me to ditch a family member in my best friend and to keep them away from an important day in my life over her weight which I just wouldn't do and I don't think he should even ask me to do. You don't mess with family!

What are your thoughts...would you go on with the wedding ditching your best friend or would you ditch the groom?

[Wonderer89]

I wouldn't marry him. Not only because he's trying to force my friend out because of her appearance but that I don't want a man who is cruel and judgmental of others. That he would think that little of my friendship that his delicate vision should override 10 years of friendship.
I'd hope those true colours would present themselves long before an engagement though

[myTake Owner]

I seriously just find it strange that someone could at basically the last minute turn into "that person." I feel like there is more to that radio story than this one incident because he would have probably previously had some interaction with the best friend or something and shown his colors.

[Wonderer89]

Me too, how could something - anything - not have come up before? A snide comment or "joke" about people's weight?

[Kachatterjee]

I feel one should stand by the friend (s) and his/her values.

[Anonymous]

Personally before I'd do anything I'd have to ask him more about that. I mean she's bound to have been in his life more than that one day. Had he said something before? Is it purely because that's 'his one day' and he is judgmental about weight?
If it is just because he's worried of appearance as it's his day aswell then yes I'd end it as I don't want someone so shallow. But if you've ignored it up until that point well that's your fault. You made your bed.

[myTake Owner]

That's my theory really... that he must have said some awful things prior to that moment but she ignored them because they weren't about her or her family/friends, but when it was, you know, NOW it's a problem. Honestly though, if it were me, I could see no justification for the guy making that comment. Like there is just no explanation that would make me say, hmm, your right. It would have to be something she did to him or said that perhaps he would reveal, but if it's just her weight, nope. Because you come for my friend first, but then what happens if you gain weight? And then what if he gains weight... is it okay for him, but never for you. That's BS!

[FýrdracaDócincel]

This Take assumes that he felt this was strictly because she's fat. I wanna hear the full story. Fat girls can be entitled snots sometimes and people just brush it off because they don't want to seem like they're unfairly bullying around a poor innocent overweight little darling.

[xxmamichulaxx]

Even if he's not a fan , this is the brides best friend and going to be her bridesmaid , he can get over it for one day.

[yotes-of-472]

I would suppose that it is alright.