Knowing you're the one that got away

Anonymous

This year, I was cheated on in a very miserable way because he acted like it was nothing, although he started fucking her soon after I told him I'd leave if he didn't end it. He's the first guy I ever kissed.

The guy crawled back into my life three months later. For some reason I let him convince me to try again, I introduced him to my parents and my friends (it was a long distance relationship). But it was never the same again and feeling that broke me a little more each day until I told him I wanted a break when we met face to face.

He was sad and angry about that and didn't take it well. I explained to him what annoyed me about his behaviour but he didn't want to change anything, so that was it, I left and didn't look back. I didn't miss him either interestingly, which I usually always do when people/I leave. I wasn't sad, I realised I had been done with him after he had started cheating.

Today, he sent me an Email, where he explains things I already know. Things like "my feelings for you were real", "I shouldn't have cheated" and so on. I still don't feel anything when I think about him other than remorse over investing so much time an energy in the relationship.

He said he never met someone like me, someone who upset and influenced him so much. I'm 18 now, he's 23, yet acts like a 15-year-old in many aspects.

Nobody should have to chase their partner
Nobody should have to chase their partner

Maybe I'm the one that got away to him, it seems like I am, but he's not mine.

Maybe "the one that got away" doesn't exist. Maybe it does.

I'm proud to say I'm over him. 2019 is the year I got stronger, the year I realised that what I'm looking for in men is extremely hard to come by but that I shouldn't settle for less than I need.

I hate dating and it'll cost me a lot of willpower to start looking for someone again. But I'm looking forward to meet someone who loves me with all of his heart, and whose feelings I reciprocate with my fullest intensity.

Knowing you're the one that got away
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I feel this on a lot of levels. This topic is something that’s crossed my mind pretty often. Whenever I here or read about people losing a good partner I’m reminded that it’s never happened to me.

    By that I mean it’s always been me who was “that” partner. The one that they tell you to never let go of you find. But when I look back at my past relationships, there isn’t a girl that I feel that I “lost” or wish I was still with.

    I did dump all most of my exes, but it was because they were mistreating me or being shady. But I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl who treated me the way I treated my exes.

    I would be with a girl and her friends would say things like “I wish a guy would do that for me,” etc. Envy/admiration. Like. People on the outside clearly seeing how amazing I was being to these girls but for some reason I attracted girls who couldn’t appreciate it/to me for granted.

    Looking back there isn’t a girl I wish I took back or would take back. I do regret letting myself be taken for granted and wasting time. But what gives me hope is the fact that I’ve never had that “one” girl and my experiences have taught me to appreciate her more.

    I also learned that no one made me date those girls. I dated them and I saw how they treated me. I allowed it. You’re a bit younger than me. My advice is to keep the heart you have but protect it. There are more men who will take it for granted than those who will cherish it. So be selective, be patient and don’t change.

    He’s out there.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    I hate dating too, always have really, girls just don't view it the same way I do, and i havnt tried in years. I've been treated very poorly by women to the point of hurting myself physically, I told this to one of my friends (who is a girl) who upset me and even she doesn't care, we are no longer friends unfortunately because of this, but she still refuses to even speak to me. (shortened version)

    We are all miserable, just try to understand that. Don't blame all men for the actions of one man, but I understand why you would do that, because I'm sort of in the same boat with women.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I already responded to some people in the comments, and I'll tell you personally, I'm not one to hold a grudge, especially not against men in general. I love men, and I always will. I'll find a man whose feelings I can reciprocate one day :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • R_Cakes91
    This is a very important lesson for you and I am proud that an 18 year old woman can learn how valuable she is. Many people stay in crappy relationships when it’s obvious they should leave. You made the right decision 100%. He will spend his whole life acting 15, but you will grow and grow. You will find a man who truly adores you because no matter what a guy like your ex says, words are just words to him. A real man will demonstrate the words he says to you.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Thank you so much for this, it means a lot to me :)!

  • CubsterShura
    May I ask you what was his behavior that concerned you? Similar thing happened with me as well, he was unfaithful.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      He straight up told me that he met a girl in that bar, it was the first night in 1.5 years that we didn’t text so it was clear something was off. But what concerned me were his friends, his swearing, how he didn’t have enough drive (personality), how he made poor decisions and stopped going to the gym when losing weight got hard.

    • This is the shit that scares me. You see, he's good in every way on the outside but he might still be cheating on me underground being even more careful so that I can't catch him anymore this time. I can't even sleep well when I think of it.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t worry. Like I said, with this guy it was straightforward. We were both really insecure and when he met this girlfriend I woke up. I constantly asked myself how ANYONE ELSE could find him REMOTELY attractive. And that’s when I realised that he’s not the right guy for me. I deserve more. Don’t be insecure, that’s all I can tell you. It’ll ruin the relationship, regardless of whether or not he’s cheating.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

58
  • laurieluvsit
    Great myTake!

    And thank you for replying to my post where I saw this link.

    I hope you find your true love, someone that will love you for who you are and not who they want you to be, with one or more of these attributes...

    30 Ways to Know if Your Boy Really Loves You
    • Anonymous

      Oh wow, this is a great take you wrote there! Thanks for inserting a link :)

    • You're welcome. It is important for us to support each other :)

  • livingthelife19
    You deserve nothing less than the best. My girlfriend is about to leave me because she thinks I'm cheating and I'm really not
    • Anonymous

      Im sorry to hear that.

    • kim45456

      Last time you said all your male friends cheat on their gfs. No wonder why your girlfriend is suspicious. I am not saying thst is ok but you have to considere this.

    • Imcmullan

      Then put your pride aside n prove to her you aren't.

  • Rrood03
    I went through this in a wya as well. I was with someone for three years and I found out that they had been cheating on me with multiple of his coworkers (all of which I knew). I left him and he armed heartbroken but he did it to himself.
    It’s been over a year since I left him and he has tried contacting me many times. He wrote a five page email telling me that he was dumb and loves me. He made multiple accounts on social media asking me to come back. He even texted me happy birthday recently from a random number.
    After we broke up he dated one of the girls that he cheated with me on and he emailed me again saying, “she means nothing to me. I miss you”. I blocked his email so he made a new one and sent me another email a few weeks later saying, “I broke up with her so we can be together again” even though I never once replied to any of his messages.
    So yeah, I know I was the one that got away for him but he did it to himself and I’m glad I left.
    • Rrood03

      There’s a lot of typos I’m so sorry. I just got a new phone and typing on it is like a chicken pecking at popcorn.

    • Anonymous

      He’s the same with me and it’s ridiculous. I’m the last one to say that guys are always clingy and I like reviving attention, but he needs to STAHP. And chill. For his own sake.

    • Rrood03

      I’m glad you knew you were worth more and left. There are so many caring, loving guys out there that are willing to treat you as you deserve. I wouldn’t worry about your ex, he’ll eventually move on. All that you can do is take this time to focus on yourself.

  • Manuel2
    That is so common that is the fear of someone better and when they get it wrong (again) hope you take him back
  • MahmoudKhalil
    Some people here are good with overcoming 👏that is a strong thing from you... but i want to say something 🙂 i hope that this man doesn't affect your opinion and impression about men generally because sadly, the good men pays for the bad men faults
    • Anonymous

      No, he doesn't, as I’ve mentioned in other responses to opinions before 👍🏻

  • I_Am_Sazerac
    I almost know exactly how you feel, it didn't happen the same way for me but I've been cheated on many times as you may have seen in lots of my replies where people ask aboutbsuch things lol.

    I have a hard time trusting dating. I really want to again but I can't bring myself to. Take my advice, don't ever forgive cheating. Even if they are truly remorseful the 5 percent left in their brains is not, and that 5 percent will do it again no matter how much they promise.

    Threaten a restraining order if you have to if he keeps forcing contact, or just keep playing social media whack-a-mole with him in terms of blockingm
  • MackToday
    This is what happens to cheaters. They pay for what they did in so many ways.
  • Mickey9999
    Back when i was your age, same thing happened to me but it was a long distance thing, we saw each other practically every day. I love yous had been exchanged and it seemed as though it was a special connection. The big difference was we were both 17 he was sexually active and I wasn’t. He obviously got tired of pressuring me so he cheated and even when he was begging me back, he cheated with another. I’d say fair enough he was my first love and it was hard to let him go. We tried but eventually I figured out the same as you... i was worth more. He contacted me several times over the next decade and even now on Facebook. You probably are the one that got away but don’t have empathy towards him for that. He doesn’t deserve anything from you so don’t give it
  • Exorcist_Rampage
    Sorry to hear about your husband misusing you. Hope you can move forward.
    • Anonymous

      We were never married, you probably never read the whole thing.

    • Then it ain't cheating. So you were dishonest. Cheating can only occur in marriages, otherwise it is fornication. Simply calling it that because you want it to be is asinine.

    • Anonymous

      That's not true. Everyone defines cheating differently. Show some more reflection please.

    • Show All
  • Anna0125
    Good for you he don’t deserve you. He Misses you cause he didn’t know what had until it’s gone.
  • farhaan7
    Well I had same experience but it was a lady but she never mailed me.
    • farhaan7

      I was far away and that lady cheated on someone other than me.

    • farhaan7

      And don't say ur name is sanjana

    • Anonymous

      It isn’t.

  • Thotkiana
    And thats on what, luv?
  • Anonymous
    Just get rid of him, even from your memory.

    He is not sorry for what he done, he is only sorry, because he been cought.

    Imagine how may times he would cheat on your, if you would let him back in...

    Not every man is like him...

    You deserve better
    • Anonymous

      I know that not all men are like this, that’s why I’ll start dating again someday when I feel ready for a relationship :

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