The Top Reasons Why You SHOULD Be Willing to Date Your Ex Again

[Apope16]

Here is a good quote for exes dating someone new after they breakup with you:

The grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it...We cultivate relationships. They aren't given to us. We build them. (Dating Coach Natalie)

You have heard it all the time. "They are an ex for a reason. Get over them. Move on. Never take them back." In some cases if the relationship was violent or abusive that is absolutely true.

But...it is FALSE. Your ex or the person that just dumped you might actually be the love of your life and it just hasn't happened yet.

Real life is not a romance novel. It isn't the movies where you meet some person and you live happily ever after. This complete bullshit. Love is messy sometimes. It isn't perfect because people are not perfect. Also, blending to completely different lives together is the most challenging thing you can do in life.

Love is not a fairy tale. It is a choice. It is compromise and sacrifice and negotiation. By doing that you grow old together and find a deeper since of accomplishment near the end of your life.

Here are reasons why you should not give up or date an ex again:

They still Love you

If the breakup still have anger or sadness or intense feelings. It probably means that there is still love there to salvage if you can learn to negotiate the issue.

Acting on Emotion

A lot of times breakups do not happen because the dumper wants to breakup. Sometimes it is a reaction to pain or an event or a fight. Over time feelings will change and they will want to make things work.

Bad Memories Fade With Time

It is a scientific fact that over time we forget bad memories and bad feelings. This is why the no contact method is so powerful. Scientists have actually proven that the brain reprocesses bad memories. After a breakup the good memories tend to stay and the most painful ones fade gradually over time.

[fashionguy17]

Looking at the comments, there are A LOT of hurt people. Just because someone is an ex, doesn't mean they are a bad person. There are different types of exes.

Example 1 -There are some exes and they are exes because they were abusive, cheaters, liars, etc..

Example 2 - There are also exes that are exes because it just wasn't time for you to be together yet... for example, you were at different places in life when you met... BUT you're still on good terms and are still friends.

With example 2, it's possible to reconcile with that ex and start over, especially if you find yourselves at similar points in life later on.

[_lost_soul_]

Agree. I only consider an ex a good person if the breakup was mutual and amicable like in example 2. Sadly, some exes are not good people especially if they cheated multiple times with multiple people. Claiming they're a good person while purposely doing wrong sounds silly as sh🤬 when you really think about it.

[Bandita]

Opinion from someone who actually did it. I met my current girlfriend (call her A) a year and a half ago while dating another girl (call her K) . She was amazing and loved me deeply, I betrayed her. This brought lots of guilt and problems to my new relationship and we split in September. We both headed to therapy and in January I reached out. Me and A are trying again. She missed me a lot and so did I. A was miserable without me. It broke my heart but I had to cut ties with K.
So far it's working alright. Love is not enough, but having interest in making it work is. We are still in therapy and have great communication.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Bandita
Why did you leave your ex (K) for your now girlfriend (A)?

[yucychan]

@Bandita
I feel sorry for K. Because of your shitty indecisiveness, you hurt two girls and yourself.
I sincerely hope both K And A meets a better guy than you.

[KrakenAttackin]

@yucychan Give me a break.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If it was real love, a relationship worth fighting for, they wouldn't be an ex in the first place! My second marriage wasn't perfect, far from it, over 20 years, you can bet there was some doozies, knock down drag out fights (you don't live with someone that long and not know how to push their buttons) but, here's the thing... No matter what, we never bailed out...
Someone that quit on us? Yeah, sorry what's that saying 🤔Oh yeah, QUITTERS never WIN...

[msbrightness]

Was it him that quit, or did you?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@msbrightness my SO of twenty years? Neither, he passed away in 2013

[msbrightness]

Oh. My condolences.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@msbrightness Ty

[Guy13]

Not all Ex (s) are equal even though their effects are traumatizing to the individual. As a general rule it is good to give others a second chance. The same applies to those who at one time were closest to you.

[lumos]

Except that this only works in super specific scenarios. Like if there aren't too many hurt feelings and if both parties are equally willing to try to make it work. But even then it might not be enough. Some people are just too different. It's not always about making compromises or not giving in to fights, sometimes it's like you're just from completely different planets. You want and expect different things, your communication styles don't match, you can't get along, and your world views are too different. These are not problems that you can solve simply by being determined. No matter what you try or how you say things, you might still end up on completely different pages. These types of relationships are not worth fighting for just because you've made "the choice" to stick around. There might still be love and mutual respect there, but that's not enough to make a relationship work. You HAVE to be compatible.

I gave the same guy a chance twice. We'd known each other for several years, and between chances there was quite a long cool-off period. I wanted to see if he'd changed. Or if I'd changed. If we could find a way to communicate with each other that didn't create explosive arguments. I tried to be a lot more understanding and communicative, but it wasn't enough. He was still the same guy making the same mistakes, saying and doing the same stupid shit without wanting to listen to my side of things. I can't keep making compromises where the other person gets everything they want and I get nothing. And I think this is how it feels for a lot of people and their exes.

There's nothing wrong with realizing that you were simply incompatible. Your ex doesn't have to be abusive, manipulative or controlling in order for you to shut them out of your life and not consider them an option anymore. Human relationships are complex, and sometimes it's not enough to just choose to be with someone. You can only bend so much until you snap. Some people will bend you until you snap, even if you love them and even if the both of you try your best to stick together.

Sure, some people might throw away their relationships a little bit too fast with too little consideration. But whether it's logical or not, it's likely something that's necessary for them to go through for their own personal growth. Maybe they can try again later on, but I wouldn't judge the person on the other end of the breakup for not wanting to take them back. Even if memories soften with time, I understand why people feel the need to keep moving forward, not backwards.

[Anonymous]

Interesting take. For most of my exes if I ever saw them again it would be too soon. But there was one decent one where it was MY responsibility the break up happened.

I was going through a phase in my life where I had to be single to figure some shit out. However I couldn’t bring myself to break up with her because she never did anything wrong. At the time she was one of the best women I had ever met. BUT here it was makes not trust her if she ever came around.

1. She said one of the nastiest insults I have ever taken from a woman a few weeks after we split.

When she broke up with me I accepted it. I wasn’t happy but I knew it was coming. She told me to “not be a stranger”. I told her that a part of me would always over her (almost 8 years now and it’s still true to this day).

We met up a few weeks later for business purposes and I told her I missed talking her (eyes watered up). She then gave me the nastiest shrieking insults I had ever taken in my life. I get it she was annoyed with me and mistook my “I miss talking to you” as me wanting to get back. I shouldn’t of said it. But still her disgusted response to that was something I still remember vividly to this day.

2. I’m almost 99% sure she cheated on me a week before we split.

We were on the rocks the last two weeks leading up to the split. Despite that I never cheated on her. I admit I was flirty with other girls at that point but I never crossed the line.

However I know she met a new guy through her job and I got a sinking pit in my stomach she fucked him a week before we split and then used that as a catalyst to break up. She even had the gall to ask if she could buy back a Comic-Con ticket from me (that originally given to me as a gift) so she could give it to a “friend”. I just gave her some cash for it because I didn’t want to feel like I owed her anything for it. But still she was a special POS to ask that.

Anyway with all that said I never got full closure from this girl. I also don’t see her ever having a true moment of clarity about she did because she became radically leftist after she split with me (used to be centralist Democrat). She is constantly being told by her new feminist friends that men are scum and she is justified to pull that shit. But what breaks my heart is she was never like that when I knew her.

But I still think about her often. Too often

[ChrisMaster69]

Well I was reading through it and kind of giving you benefit of the doubt, then I got to this little dozy and you became an utter fucking cockwomble.

Bad Memories Fade With TimeIt is a scientific fact that over time we forget bad memories and bad feelings. This is why the no contact method is so powerful. Scientists have actually proven that the brain reprocesses bad memories. After a breakup the good memories tend to stay and the most painful ones fade gradually over time. what an utter cock, do you want to sit down with abuse survivors, people with PTSD from watching friends blown up, other events such as picking up body parts from a vehicle crash, or plane crash, where bits fall out of boots or you cannot recognise the parts. You want to tell them it’s fact that they should not wake up screaming from something that happened 30 years ago, cos scientists said so?

the problem with you type is the copy n paste bollox with out proof.

you looked at the stats where a partner is murdered by their ex when they go back to them, and previous relationship was fine?

have you got back with someone after a divorce?

what a Cockwomble

[Kaneki05]

Bad memories fade over time = just forgive any bad thing they do?
I don't think your very good at relationship advice, otherwise that such a pointless thing to mention. Bad memories going away literally has nothing to do with just been able to get back with an ex. Oh let's just get rid of my bad memories of Hitler now he is a decent guy i will be friends with lol
The most painful memories fading away don't mean at all you should date your ex again at all. Also the level of degree of how that works is not 100% if it was then welp no one would remember bad times in there life or focus on the bad when.. if you talk to most people they tend focus on the bad firsts. If you talked to a person about something like covid for example in the future they 100% would start off with the bad things that impacted them first (if any did happen). Not focus on the good thing they did within that time first.
While it's true we reprocess stuff it's not just simple forget and fade away.7

And again this still has 0 logic to getting back with a person even if they did fade away. Anyway sure there is some Ex's that people can get back with after some hiccup but that's for the person who felt wronged to decide not some random guy saying stuff of why you should. I don't think anyone should tell someone the advice of get back with there Ex that's fundamentally for them for them to do on there own thoughts and choice.

So in reality this should be "Possible reasons to get back with a Ex" But honestly who cares. If someone wanted to get back with there Ex they would and if they didn't they wouldn't. I think all you have said wouldn't change the minds of anyone. And why? cause it's legit all pure subjective to that person and what happened, not just something you can say oh this reason is Factually why you should.

[SlightlyEccentric]

Ex-Girlfriend #1: A manipulative, religious nutjob who unironically thinks Lord of the Rings is devil worship (this was when I took the oath to never date an ex ever again).

Ex-Girlfriend #2: Left me for someone else then had the audacity to try and get back with me literally a week before I was due to ship off to boot camp.

Ex-Girlfriend #3: A lazy, good-for-nothing who only ever saw me as a sugar-daddy and not an actual boyfriend (to be fair, it took me years to come to this realization because I didn't really know what a sugar relationship was) and actually cut herself because I went out to a metal show one night, even after I asked her if she wanted to come with me.

Summary: In my experience, all my ex's have given me no reason to want to get back together with them. And then when I couple it with all the drama I've witnessed from other relationships of work associates and friends over the years... all I can conclude is that while the product is being advertised, the sales pitch is not reaching me.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@KathyPetti 💀 Looking to a slut with too much time on her hand? Click the link above. :D

[Kabluie]

There is only one I'd date again, because the breakup wasn't her fault, let alone mine. Severe depression hit her at a peak of the relationship. She saw a therapist for a long time, and I supported it completely along with her privacy.

She would write me nice feelings at random times when we were apart, and one of them towards the end kind of caught me off guard saying if I see any major changes, realize it's something wrong with her. She knew an episode was coming. It was like her emotions got stuffed in a chest under the sea a few days later, she couldn't study for an exam kind of stuff, she needed more help. I do take solace in knowing we dated during her best time, we have always gotten along well. Like you mention you remember the good memories more than anything else. There was, and still no ill-will.

[midnightmoon05]

I am back with my ex.
it’s not about the term an ex. Many want to throw up when they hear ex.
because they don’t want to take responsibilities...
relationships doesn’t work solo...

by staying apart to work on themselves, to mature... then back together makes it a lot easier than going to it’s a new person. without making any changes / growth.. mistake repeats
with new or old partner..:

yes I am back with my ex boyfriend. we are getting married and just bought a house together...

we leanr we were very diff. with lots of baggage’s..

we grew, move on from the past hurt... now moving together to build a better life..:
don’t get me wrong.. it’s never honey and roses... it’s work... and the willingness to work together... etc...
thank you and good luck to you.

[Smashingdoozy]

I love how you just keep posting stuff that barely anyone agrees with 😌 keep it up, maybe one day you'll get there.

[Apope16]

I dont care if people who agree with me. I just post my truth. Why should i care what others on GAG say?

[Smashingdoozy]

Why be on here then?

[Apope16]

To help people by telling the truth. The truth is not popular.

[Smashingdoozy]

Your truth isn't everyone's truth

[kespethdude]

@Apope16
https://imgflip.com/i/52593c

[kespethdude]

Now if there were an easy way to post pics in comments...

[Apope16]

Yeah. Pretty much. I just gave reasons to date an ex. The article doesn't say you have to or should. A lot of jaded and hurt people commented. The truth is do all 50 year marriages happen without a breakup? No. There are many happy marriages that were rough in early stages or early dating. Happily after is s myth. Its growth and compromise. Thats love.

[Smashingdoozy]

You imply it... I'm not saying an ex should always stay an ex but you shouldn't need convincing to get back together with someone.

[t-8900]

@Apope16 your "truth" in every post you make is consistently bad advice.

[loveslongnails]

While I too don't agree with her post, or its premises and conclusions, she's right about one thing - not caring if her opinion is popular or not. Then to ask "why be on here"? What does that even mean? Do you post on here so you can get likes and thumbs up, or because you have something you want to say whether it's popular or not? Considering the controversary your own background generates, you of all people should understand this - it's not a popularity contest, unless you want it to be! That's why Instagram was invented!!

[Smashingdoozy]

The fuck are you on about 😐

[loveslongnails]

She never said her truth was everyone's truth. She's posting an opinion. She's adamant about it even though many disagree with her. I'm one of them as well. But that's beside the point, which you still obviously don't get, so re-read my comments and maybe you will.

[Smashingdoozy]

Who is "she"

[loveslongnails]

"she" is the poster of this question

[BCA6010]

The only reason I (personally) would consider getting back together with an ex, is because physical distance was the only thing that got in the way of the relationship. For example, a woman I was with for a while went halfway across the country to pursue her career while I still had a couple years to go in college. The distance took a heavy toll and eventually killed the relationship over the course of several months. Had she not also taken her life in another direction that I didn't agree with, I would've taken her back in a heartbeat under better circumstances.

Beyond that... There's usually a good reason why people aren't together anymore, and just because they may have parted on good terms doesn't mean that door should be reopened.

[Qdbrown]

There is so little reason to go back. I would say unless broke up on an emotional outburst and just needed a break, and both feeling good how to handle explosions... I would be nervous about going back.

As for all the rest, they are you're ex for a reason. Codependency is real. There are so many other better people out there. Why settle for less than perfect?

But that said, some people are not meant for others. Some of us are meant to live solo, not together for every long. Some people ought not be too serious, and not turn into either cheaters later on, or fridgit don't need much for others.

[Browneye57]

Wow. Fake madeup bullshit.
Here's the honest truth about exes...

Taking an ex back is like rooting through the trash - you know, like dumpster-diving. While you may find something you like, it's still trash.

If you couldn't make it before, whatever those reasons were will either still be there or will come back. I guarantee it. No, once is an ex is an ex, leave them there in the past and move on to new horizons.

This has to be the most loser mentality we've seen yet here on GAG

[msbrightness]

It has taken me 23 years to clear up the mess created by my (foster) parents and their minions (and/or victims) to find the woman I've been in love with since early childhood, whom I had then known (and kind of dated) at around 19 without realising it was THAT SAME GIRL.
She's married - mentioned they drifted away after she gave birth to a daughter - but I simply cannot see any purpose to life, other than to be with her.
She feels the same, we both know it - she is just too freaked out about the prospect of it happening - or 'ending'/being delayed again.

I am male by the way, registered as female here (have to check how to change that now)

[Elsa143]

Abusive and violent reason is acceptable but why didn't you mentioned "lying, emotionally manipulative, deceptive, a two faced snake and cheater"?
People will think that only violent or abuse is the strong reason to break up forever and these toxic traits like LYING and gaslighting will be overlooked.

[RP_Blackburn]

"Your ex or the person that just dumped you might actually be the love of your life and it just hasn't happened yet.
Real life is not a romance novel."

If your ex still loves you and you broke up for some biscuit shit reason, then sure you could get back together with them and things will probably be fine. But if you choose to move on from your ex then that makes them not the love of your life. Because real life isn't a romance novel.

[Apope16]

Many reasons. People are imperfect. They aren't robots. Feelings change. Mistakes happen. Sometines you dont know true love until its gone.

[Apope16]

People are NOT perfect*

[RP_Blackburn]

Of course. I assumed breaking up with someone just because your feelings changed or they aren't perfect or a robot or someone made a mistake, was known to be kinda shit reasons. Obviously humans are humans. Duh. Those kinds of reasons won't and shouldn't stop you from getting back together if you want.

But if you don't want, a relationship that could be broken up by reasons like that is certainly not qualified as "true love" if, as you said yourself, love is a choice. Since the grass is greener where we water it, we can walk through the gate and water the grass on the other side of the fence just as easily. And with just as good an opportunity for true love.

I don't think I disagree with you on this.

[Apope16]

I guess we will agree to disagree. Real life is not like the movies. There are many routes to love because people are weird, quirky, and have their own life experiences. Some women for example may be in love with a man but may break up with them because of past abuse, trauma, daddy issues, divorce as a child. A lot of girls in college get assaulted or experience date rape. So they get scared of committment. Or a man may have been cheated on by an ex and breaks up by overreacting to a situation he doesn't understand. Time brings knowledge and understanding. The point I am trying to make is that all of the people on this thread view dumpers as being evil or having bad intentions. They don't know the dumper's perspective. They don't realize that some people actually break up with someone they love. I have done it before myself.

[RP_Blackburn]

Ah okay, well then maybe specify that you're talking about people who broke up because of personal issues like the ones you list below. But in that case, I think those issues ought to be resolved whether or not you decide to get back together with them, and if one of you has moved on already I still don't think deciding not to date them again is any worse. After all you could have worked on the issue together but they chose not to. You shouldn't feel obligated to go back to an ex even if they have improved on their own. You can still learn and grow from the experience, and not think of your ex as a monster, while also wanting to start a new relationship.

[Ally247]

Love isn't enough to make a relationship work and forgetting the bad memories just means you'll end up tolerating the same shit again. You broke up for a reason.

[Apope16]

You are 18 years old. The height of your beauty. Every guy wants to have sex with you. Its easy to move on. But someday if you are 35 and single you will have less options and will have to work through differences than just swiping right on a new guy.

[Ally247]

having someone isn't imperative, nobody should settle

[Anonymous]

I broke up with a man bc he wouldn’t propose. He came from a broken home and always had issues about marriage. He’s married now and every guy I date is a pos. If I could rewind time I’d stay with him even without the ring. Biggest mistake of my life. Not all exes are bad. Yet some are a nightmare.

[theshewolf]

You must have a ex you want to take you back... never take a ass back, why keep watering a dead flower? Nothing will bring something dead back to life. Its over for a reason let it remain over. You'll be happier not rekindling the past.

[Avicenna]

Well, there are a few cases where this might apply- one of my exes I would get back with in a heartbeat (she’s a friend now), but in general people’s desires and preferences go through some alteration and they undergo life changes and they aren’t in the same situation and perhaps aren’t the same person they were when you dated them. That’s why it’s uncommon to get back together with an ex.